Thread: Accused of "bullying" at work...

Hellooo...

I haven't been around in an age... But... I was after some advice, or just someone to listen to me ramble! I have (sort of) been accused of bullying at work, and I'm feeling a little upset by it all...

I work for a small independent company. I've been here for 8 and half years, and have never been in any trouble before.

A few weeks ago I was working in a different branch from my usual one. Due to being short of staff, it was a very stressful day. Things were done incorrectly and I was struggling. I made a comment that they (the branch I was working in) were "bloody crap ". This comment had been saved on the MSN history (I was not aware of this) and duly printed off by the staff that found it, passed on to their manager and in turn to the proprietor (who is this particular manager's sister).

This print off was then presented to me and I was kind of told off... As far as I remember I was not asked to apologise to any members of staff the "bloody crap " referred to. My boss/proprietor did make a comment along the lines of due to her schedule she may not be able to speak to the members of staff involved... At this point she hadn't named any staff but I can stab a guess at who she meant. She also made a point of informing me that due to an incident a few months ago (whereby two members of staff called another employee fat and goss-eyed in an email) all forms of bullying now had to be treated very seriously, as they could be taken further/ and they would be taken further... That bit is a bit blurry!

I was absolutely gutted, shocked and sobbed my way home, because I'm daft and a bit sensitive like that! I hadn't spoken to anyone involved but the atmosphere in work has been really unpleasant, curtness on the phone, no conversation on MSN, I could also go as far to say I've been plain ignored by some members of staff.

This whole scenario reared it's head again today when my boss called and asked if I'd apologised to those involved... I spluttered a bit... I don't make sense when I'm caught on the hop, before she got a bit peeved and has summoned me to the branch she's working in tomorrow so she can "talk" to me...

I'm so upset and dreading this "meeting", I actually just wanna go off sick, but can't for financials I just don't know what to do for the best... Stick to my guns - Apologise for the "language" I used (which I think I did to my boss) but not the content, as the incompetentcies are unreal, plus the message should never have been saved, or bite my tongue, apologise to those I upset and work in silence, afraid I'll get in trouble the next time something I say is recorded!

Ultimately I guess I wanna know if this *can* go any any further... I just read the whole thing back and it sounds so pathetic!! I'd expect this sort of thing from teenagers, but we're talking 60, 50 and 30 year olds...

Any feedback would be appreciated

x x

Are you in a union?

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Nope

x x

Eeesh. It sounds like a horrible situation. Personally I would apologise to my boss for acting in appropriately BUT give the reasons why. It's known

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Sorry... Press send accidentally.


I would talk to her about the stress you were under and the reasons that lead to it but let her know you we're wrong and you realise this now.

I'm afraid you might have to just do the whole apology piece and get on with it but let them all know why you were so frustrated/stressed.

I do hope this helps. (And look into joining a union)

Kellmo

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I don't see the comment as bullying at all. Maybe apologise for being unprofessional but deny that it was bullying. You want to cover yourself

Doesn't seem to be bullying to me. Sounds like it was one off the cuff comment that's been taken way out of context.

The comment can be recorded, as I imagine it was made via property that belongs to the company you work for. Not sure however how somebody else can get hold of it? Is it not logged in your personal area and password protected by your logon?

As the comment doesn't seem to have been aimed at anyone, then there's noone to apologise to surely? I would just agree that yes the language used wasn't a particularly good choice, and that you should have dealt with your thoughts in a more appropriate way (or escalating issues through management), however the intention was not to bully, but was merely a statement.

Have a look around acas' website tonight, that should give you some ideas around how things should work if they want to escalate the matter and issue disciplinary proceedings etc - and I'm really sorry if that last comment scares you, not my intention at all but you need to know how procedures work legally to cover your own back and to ensure that they're adhering to employment laws

I'd imagine this will all be forgotten and will have blown over in a few weeks so don't stress too
Much xx

Just apologise and put it all behind you. I think the term bullying is banded around far too much these days and I don't think this is bullying, if its happened once how can it be?

I go as far to say the comment was a little unprofessional but nothing more than that.

It's not unusual for companies to keep MSN messages either.

Apologise for your inappropriate language, but that is all. You should have expressed your frustrations more professionally but you were acting out of character because of unacceptable levels of stress. Say this to the managers and I sense they will close the matter as soon as possible before THEY come under fire for poor management. Bloody crap may be offensive but it is not sexist/racist nor aimed at any one person in a victimising manner. Nor has it been a sustained situation so i struggle to see how it could be classed as workplace bullying. Chin up, you'll be fine- and fronting it out is definitely the best option. Wishing you all the best x

I think it has all been said and the advice has been excellent.

It is so easy to say do not worry about tomorrow because I know in your shoes I would.

Big, big hugs and good luck tomorrow xxxxxxxx

Yes, just to add, I don't think it's bullying at all. It seems as if they're clamping down in you because if what's happened previously. Ask them to define bullying if necessary.

Don't worry. The thought of this meeting will be much worse than the actual meeting.

:-)

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I agree that it wasn't bullying. We talk a lot about bullying in my job (teacher), and as it's anti-bullying week we've done even more. For it to be bullying you'd have been saying it more than once over a period of time for starters.
Who did you say it to?? I'm a bit confused by the MSN thing - sorry. If it was to someone other than who it was directed at then the person who decided to print it off and pass it on was as much to blame as you anyway as you said it out of frustration and they passed it on to cause a fuss and upset.

I do agree that REAL bullying should be taken seriously either at school, the home or the workplace, whatever age the bullies or targets of bullying are. I just don't think this was what I'd call bullying.

Hope it all sorts itself out. I'm sure it will. You're a long-term member of staff, and obviously know your stuff enough that they felt you could help out in a crisis. No-one's perfect all the time,and you didn't do much wrong at all x

Just been looking at this ... may be useful...

Acas - Advice leaflet - Bullying and harassment at work: Guidance for employees

Thank you for all the advice... I didn't think what I'd said could be classed as bullying, I do take on board the inappropriate though...

We use MSN between branches as you can't always guarantee people are free to answer the internal phone, so it was sent to a colleague in the branch I normally work. I know the MSN messages are not recorded there (unless in a sneaky way we can't check up on)! But I guess that is no defence, emails are accessable so I shouldn't have put it in print.

I shall have a look at the sites offered and update you tomorrow!

x x

On that link the 2nd example of bullying given is...

.copying memos that are critical about someone to others who do not need to know

!!
x