- 5 Post By Kay003
- 1 Post By KMD
- 1 Post By Kay003
A Womans Week At The Gym :D
Hi Everyone ,
Being on plan can be hard at times, and so there is nothing like a good laugh to cheer us all up . The following short story had me in splits today . I just wanted to share it with you all. I came across it on the net. IT REALLY MADE MY DAY !!!
For all of you who have tried getting into a routine at the gym.....
A WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM
If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.
For my birthday this year, my Husband (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.
Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try..
I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.
My husband seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!
Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillfull way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!
Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me.
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the tooth brush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.
My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Christo told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other sh*t too.
Asshole was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late - it took me that long to tie my shoes.
He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny ***** to find me..
Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.
I hate that ******* Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anaemic, anorexic little aerobic instructor. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.
Christo wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.
The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even to use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with chocolate!!!
Last edited by Kay003 : 15th August, 2013 at 08:19 AM
Re: A Womans Week At The Gym :D
I love this! xx
Glad you found it funny .
Originally Posted by dudette2001uk
- Rep Power
Diet: Slimming world
Start Date: 19th July 2013
Start Weight: 14st8.5lb
Current Weight: 13st13.0lb
Goal Weight: 10st0lb
Goal Date: Whenever
Start BMI: 34
Current BMI: 32.4
Goal BMI: 23.3
Total Weight Loss: 0st9.5lb
Weight to Lose: 3st13lb
% Lost 4.65%
Glad you liked it ! I think this sums personal trainers up ! lol
Originally Posted by Fatladyslim
Really Really likes to post!
- Rep Power
Diet: Calorie Counting
Start Date: 20th January 2014
Start Weight: 12st5.0lb
Current Weight: 11st11.8lb
Goal Weight: 9st7lb
Goal Date: 2015
Start BMI: 26.3
Current BMI: 25.2
Goal BMI: 20.2
Total Weight Loss: 0st7.2lb
Weight to Lose: 2st4.8lb
% Lost 4.16%
Hahaha! Kay! You'll get me into trouble! I'm sat at work reading this and couldn't help laughing out loud! Everyone was like what are you laughing at haha. Love this! xx
Glad it cheered u up hun !
Originally Posted by KMD
Really Really likes to post!
- Rep Power
Diet: Slimming World
Start Date: 18/09/2012
Start Weight: 18st7.5lb
Current Weight: 10st7lb
Goal Weight: 10st7lb
Goal Date: Here and loving it! :)
Start BMI: 41.9
Current BMI: 23.7
Goal BMI: 23.7
Total Weight Loss: 8st0.5lb
% Lost 43.35%
Hahaha! Had me in stiches, so funny!
Thanks for posting Kay xx
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