Day 1 - A new start
It's time to saddle up and get back on the horse. I'm facing up to the truth. I kind of think I have a reverse form of body dysmorphia - instead of thinking I look worse than I do I'm the opposite in that I can go out feeling amazing but when my mates facebook the pictures the next day I'm shocked at how much of a blimp I've become over the years.
I have a gym membership that's been unused since January. In the time that I've been pretending to be dieting my Mum has hit target. Okay she only had just over a stone to lose and I have 3 and a half, but still, she's completely shown me up.
I completely lack confidence and have spent most of my life telling myself I'll do things "when I'm thin". That's almost 20 years I've wasted waiting for it to all magically fall off me overnight and telling myself that one Tunnock's teacake won't hurt or be that much of a set back. I've really only ever been thin once whenI was about 23. I wasn't even that thin then unless you compare the then pictures to now. I was definitely more confident with it though.
So this is my fresh start. I might be making it hard for myself as I intend to try and cut down on smoking at the same time. Complete lifestyle change. I want my bum to look fantastic in a pair of jeans, I don't want to be able to rest a cup of tea on my stomach bulge when I'm sat down at work and, on the rare occassion a man is nice to me, I don't want to think he's doing it to amuse himself at my expense.
I struggled today. My boss brought me back a milky way from her dinner break and I took it. I had a bread roll with my dinner and a bag of salted popcorn with my cup of tea. BUT, last night, the old me had 2 bread rolls, a tunnocks wafer, two bits of cake and an aero easter bunny thing - so I guess it's some kind of progress anyway.
So here goes. Day one of a new weigh of life......