Apologies in advance as this first entry may be a little babblesome!
Let me begin by telling you that I have spent 15 years dieting.. and all I have lost is 15 years. I am 30 years old and on April 17th this year I weighed in at a massive 22st 3lbs. I have been living a half-life; not having photographs taken with my (now teenage) children as they were growing up, being the bag lady at theme parks, pretending I'm chilly when everyone else is stripping off in the sun just so I can keep my cardigan on (and sweat like a b*tch in the process). Enough was really enough.
2012 started with the news that I was pregnant. My OH and I had been trying for over a year as we had an ectopic pregnancy in October 2010 which devastated us. We were thrilled to be pregnant again and anxiously awaited the 6-week scan (standard protocol when there has been a previous ectopic.) Without wishing to dwell on things too heavily, we had repeat scans for several weeks before finally a missed miscarriage was diagnosed at 9.5 weeks and I had surgery in February. I hit an all-time low. I was devastated over the loss of another baby, feeling insecure in my relationship, and hating my body for a multitude of reasons. Between February and April we made the painful decision to stop trying for a baby because, frankly, neither of us is mentally strong enough to deal with another loss. I then realised that I had to shape a life that was different from the one we had planned. And my first step had to be getting healthy.
On April 17th I joined Slimming World, and now, 37 days on, I am 1st 12lbs lighter. I have to be honest and tell you that, for the first time ever, it has been easy. I have challenged myself to give it everything I have, 100%, for 100 days. And I am so excited to see what my loss will be at the end of my challenge. Of course, then I'll challenge myself to another 100 days
I have never found dieting easy. I have (had?) an incredibly destructive relationship with food that has been a factor all my life. I was officially diagnosed as having Binge Eating Disorder some years ago which just gave me the green light to perpetuate the very act that was making me miserable. I don't know what's changed, really, other than to say that I am tired. I'm tired of hating my body, of feeling not good enough, of existing instead of living. So, here I am, and although I can barely see any difference in my body right now, I know it's coming. And, I'm a million miles away from the incredibly depressed woman of 37 days ago. That's it. In 5 weeks I have changed my life.. now I just have to keep going whilst my body catches up with my head.