So I've decided that posting on here every day is the best way for me to try and stay on track. I've always kept a diary, which in all fairness generally consists of 'Oh my god I'm so fat and hideous' so why not start the new year trying to be positive?
I'd love to blame work, health, life etc for my weight but the truth is I eat too much and don't exercise enough. I'm tall (5ft 9) and weigh about 18 stone, compared to 13 just 6 years ago. I always swore I wouldn't be fat at 30, but I'm now 30 and guess what> I'm still fat!
I can't do this anymore. I'm due to be fitted with a 24 hr heart monitor in a couple of weeks as I ended up in A&E with chest pain and heart palpitations in November, it can't be a coincidence that this comes as I hit the biggest I've ever been. I'm hoping that losing weight will ease the pressure on my heart and I can start feeling normal again. I'm single as I can't bear the thought of anyone touching me, and I can't believe that anyone would find me attractive. I make excuses not to see friends as I don't want them to see me looking like this and yet I try to eat all the pain away.
Seeing this in black and white has really hit home to me how much I've been in denial for so many years. I don't want to be this way anymore. I can't be this way anymore. I look in the mirror and I don't even recognise myself and I hate it.
I'm going to rejoin Monday morning (NYE) and then take it one day at a time, and one week at a time. In the meantime I'll be posting on here and any suggestions/comments/advice will be greatfully received.
I can do this!!!!!!!