Nikkinoodles tries again (and again....and again....and again....)
I have only recently joined this forum so I don't really know anyone here yet but I am hoping that just by having somewhere to write my thoughts will help me.
I am currently 29 and weighing in at 16st although last Sept I was 17st 2lb. Despite being an active and skinny child when I hit my teenage years I still felt like I was fat (I was a size 10) and was always self conscious, I was bullied in primary school (not for any real reason and never had comments about my looks) and again when I was in my 2nd year of secondary school, again I never had any comments about my looks but it did affect my self esteem, I moved to a new school and all was fine.
I started to gain weight when I moved from a job in retail to an office job and from the moment I sat down I started to spread out, I joined my first slimming club age 18 at 11 stone (oh how I wished was 11 stone now :sigh: ) Since then I have gone through fazes of wanting to lose weight and joining slimming clubs to being happy as I am, I have repeated this constantly for the last 11 years each time getting bigger and bigger, I have lost count of the amount of times I have joined weight watchers and slimming world, even tried the Atkins but always end up back at square one. I have also been diagnosed with IBS which is getting me down and also affects what I eat, I never had this before and have only suffered with it for around the last 2 years so part me feels this may also be weight related and that by slimming it may go away (I can at least hope)
I have always joined in meetings before but I do find them hard to stick with, this probably isn't going to be a popular thing to say but I am going to say it as I am sure I am not the only one. I have never found them supportive, I have tried various ones from both clubs and despite each club saying how friendly they are and how you will meet new friends I have just found them to be very cliché and if you aren't one of the 'in crowd' then you just get left on the side lines, I tried to speak to people but got nowhere, also the times do not suit me so this time round I have joined online as despite this I do think the SW way is the better way, much more realistic and the easier one to stick to, that does fit in with real people in real life.
I really want to succeed this time but despite signing up 2 weeks ago and each week planning my meals I just cannot seem to get started, this is what has prompted me to start this diary, even if I am the only one that reads it.
I want to lose weight for me, I enjoy camping and being outdoors but instead I am just hiding away indoors as I lack the energy and fitness to do what I want. I don't want to be the fat, breathless, red-faced, sweaty, waddling weeble walking along the beach, through town or in the woods wearing thick jeans. I want to be the pretty, slim, fit girl walking along in shorts and a vest top. (it's not comfy or stylish when your legs are rubbing in the heat :o )
So why can I just not get started? My partner is also overweight and is a very fussy eater who can't (doesn't?) cook so that makes it harder as I am quite weak willed and will give into last minute suggestions of takeaways, although he has always said he will support my weight loss and eat the same foods as me. I know that to combat this I need to plan ahead and as bad as this sounds he has just had new hours which are pretty much the opposite to mine as they are til 9pm and every Saturday so from Oct to Apr we will only see each other for 2 mornings, 1 evening and Sundays, while this means we won't see a lot of each other I am looking at this positively as it means I will be better able to manage the food side as I will not order a takeaway for one! It also means less evenings sitting in front of the TV for both of us.
Well that post ended up much more depressing and longer than expected but I am glad I managed to get it all out, if you have read all of that than thank you and you have much more stamina than me :D I am not going to make this diary a continual depressing tale of woe and self pity so don't worry, from this point onwards I want this diary to become more positive as I hopefully start to turn into the girl I want to be.