The secret diary of Michelle..age 37 & 3/4
Well I have come to realise in the last few days that I have serious issues with my body and food. Iv always know it but this week iv really acknowledged it. Im 5 foot 3 and weight 12 stone and alot.. (first weigh in will follow in the morning).
Lets begin by discussing my issues. .I consider myself to be a big fat blob. And embarrassment to my OH and children. Im a typical pear...no im not green with a little stalk and possibly a leaf, I have a larger bottom and thighs than the 'normal' person. This is what I always focus on and I cant help it. I always forget my positive attributes and I need to train my brain into thinking differently.
I have been on many many diets. And as far back as I can remember my mum has spent most of her life worrying about her weight and on some sort of diet. She is a binge eater and hides wrappers from my dad. I too do this and I want to break the cycle before it affects my three girls aswell. I want to eat normal foods, not just live on milk shakes or spend my life counting points...I just want to eat without worry. Hence slimming world.
I have done this before and got bored. So this time im going to just concentrate on the food content and not what the scales say..well try. I really want to be able to get out of diet mode and just live. I really think that I have an eating disorder. Its not like anorexia or bulimia....its binging. I joke around saying im part time bulimic, got the binging down to a T, just dont throw up. But swriously, I really do think it must be similar. People are quick to say 'well dont eat crap then' but that only works for so long. I also suffer with depression and anxiety and food is my comfort in times of stress....this I need to change...Before my girls get drawn into this crazy food relationship.
......heres to trying to change my mentality and relationship with food.
Wish me luck....