How to deal with unsupportive family?

Rosie134

Rosie134

Full Member
I have a very large family, in both quantity and weight. No one in my family is thin, apart from the two people who have eating disorders. Yet they call me fat and make fat jokes constantly, like when I sit down on the couch and they jump into the air, or saying "did it just get fatter in here" when I walk in, and saying that fat people should be taken to a different planet and they should take me first. Most of the time the insults are worse than this but those are the recent ones. These are said by all of my family, even the large ones, and even when there are other people bigger than me in the room they are directed at me. Even my mom calls me fat constantly and laughs at the jokes. When I joined Slimming World the first thing my mom said was "How long are you going to keep this up for before you start looking as big as your niece again" (my niece being around 30 stone). Well, I have done great in the last four weeks and I thought this might stop the taunts, but it hasn't. They still constantly take the piss out of me and make me feel useless even though I have lost 1st7lb. I just don't know how to deal with this; I already have low-self esteem and agoraphobia because I feel disgusting like no one would want to see me in the street. These fat jokes are constant; probably about six jokes every hour and I can't escape them because I live with my parents. They have been going since I was seventeen and around 12 stone. Sorry for the rant, I just don't know what to do; I want to feel proud with my weight loss and I can't do that when being constantly mocked.
 
First of all well done for losing all that weight :)
my family are mostly slim, and it's only me and my sister who are larger, so I know how you feel cause I get taunted all the time. The best thing you can do is write a lost of all the reasons why you want to lose weight and stick to slimming world, consult it every time you want to go off track because of there taunts, eventually it will start to really show and then they will know how much you've lost and they will regret all the teasing :)
hope you keep it up :)
leigh
 
You call your family "unsupportive" but that doesn't even begin to describe it. They are cruel and wicked. No-one should ever speak to anyone like that, especially not family. I can hardly believe it.

And how you manage to put up with it without resorting to violence I really don't know!!

What do you do about it? Well, the best thing would be to move out, but of course that might not be possible. But you should try to think if there is a way of doing this (without, of course, telling them what you are thinking!)

If you have to stay, you have to make yourself understand that they are the ones with the problem, not you. You haven't done anything wrong, you are not disgusting (there are loads of people out there much heavier than you!) and you have already done extremely well.

Listen - they may not tell you, but I will, and so will other people here - YOU ARE DOING OK!!!!!

And I will say what I often say to people who are being victimised by other people - don't talk to them. Don't discuss things with them. Don't even listen to what they say, unless they say something nice. Get out of the house when you can - do you have a job? If not, then join something, do something that interests you and gets you away from these people!!

And good luck - you need to be strong, but you have proved that you are strong!
 
You have done incredibly well so far, and as Anna said above, you are proving just how strong you are. Just don't let them stop your amazing weight loss. Show them just how much losing weight means to you by carrying on as you are.
 
Something else just occurred to me - you say this has been going on since you were seventeen. I don't know how long that is (no, I am not asking you to say how old you are!!) but I was wondering what happened to change things?

Were they nice to you before? If so, did something happen? I am not asking you to tell us, necessarily, just saying that you might find it useful to think about whether there was some kind of trigger which made them start to behave like this? This is not a roundabout way of saying you are at fault in any way, because I don't believe that for a moment.

You mention agoraphobia, but you are getting out of the house to go to group, so try to build on that. And maybe make some friends at the group who you could see socially?
 
Funnily enough it only started because my brother, who was 18 stone at the time began to lose weight. It was him they used to do it with and he became thin when I was seventeen, which started it for me. But then he gained it all back and people didn't seem to notice that, they just stayed on me. I'm 21 now. I don't know whether they mean to be cruel or not AnnaFaraday, I'm sure if asked about it they would say they meant no harm, but I don't know how you can do it 24/7 and not realise it would be hurting someone. And yes, you are right I need to prove to them I am not pathetic like they believe and I can do this. I do go to group on my own which has really helped me get out of the house, and the weight loss has started to build my confidence. I still don't go out apart from group but I have wanted to more, which is an improvement :)
 
Hi well done on your weight loss so far :)

You say all in your family are not thin seems like they use insults towards yourself to cover up there own insecurities I know all family have jibes but this comes across as pure bullying and spitefulness

Personally I would use there insults and bullying tactics as one hell of a motivation to want to do the best for yourself and be happy with who you are and where you want to get too Trust me when you get to where you want to be weight wise you will be proud of yourself and more confident

Unfortunately some people have to target others to feel better about themselves go prove them wrong you will be the one smiling at the end of it

Wish you all the best
 
Losing 21lbs is not the easiest thing in the world to do, and to do it while your family are saying things like this to you is making it that much more of an achievement.

Definitely keep going to your group and build up a support network with them. (From personal experience friends can sometimes be more of a family than your own family!)
Work on getting out of the house more - I like going to gigs, concerts and the cinema to treat myself every so often, maybe you could start doing that?

Be safe in the knowledge that you're actually doing something positive, rather than wallowing and getting jealous like some of your family members seem to be.
 
Rosie134 said:
Funnily enough it only started because my brother, who was 18 stone at the time began to lose weight. It was him they used to do it with and he became thin when I was seventeen, which started it for me. But then he gained it all back and people didn't seem to notice that, they just stayed on me. I'm 21 now. I don't know whether they mean to be cruel or not AnnaFaraday, I'm sure if asked about it they would say they meant no harm, but I don't know how you can do it 24/7 and not realise it would be hurting someone. And yes, you are right I need to prove to them I am not pathetic like they believe and I can do this. I do go to group on my own which has really helped me get out of the house, and the weight loss has started to build my confidence. I still don't go out apart from group but I have wanted to more, which is an improvement :)
Click to expand...

You say you don't go out apart from group. So what do you do with your time? If you have an interest/hobby or whatever, perhaps there are classes, interest groups, etc., which you could go to - check out your local paper or your council's website. You are clearly bright - you express yourself very well, your spelling and punctuation are excellent - you even know what to do with a semicolon!! Some voluntary work might be worth considering - there are always people out there a lot worse off than ourselves who need some help.

So your family has a history of picking on someone and when they couldn't target your brother any more they started on you? Oh, nice!!

And, you know, I don't think you do have to prove anything to them. You need to prove it to yourself.
 
Hi Rosie,
It has made me very sad to read how you are being treated by your family. It is however quite likely to be them reflecting on to you their own insecurities! You are doing fantastically so far keep it up. Xx
 
Rosie134 said:
I have a very large family, in both quantity and weight. No one in my family is thin, apart from the two people who have eating disorders. Yet they call me fat and make fat jokes constantly, like when I sit down on the couch and they jump into the air, or saying "did it just get fatter in here" when I walk in, and saying that fat people should be taken to a different planet and they should take me first. Most of the time the insults are worse than this but those are the recent ones. These are said by all of my family, even the large ones, and even when there are other people bigger than me in the room they are directed at me. Even my mom calls me fat constantly and laughs at the jokes. When I joined Slimming World the first thing my mom said was "How long are you going to keep this up for before you start looking as big as your niece again" (my niece being around 30 stone). Well, I have done great in the last four weeks and I thought this might stop the taunts, but it hasn't. They still constantly take the piss out of me and make me feel useless even though I have lost 1st7lb. I just don't know how to deal with this; I already have low-self esteem and agoraphobia because I feel disgusting like no one would want to see me in the street. These fat jokes are constant; probably about six jokes every hour and I can't escape them because I live with my parents. They have been going since I was seventeen and around 12 stone. Sorry for the rant, I just don't know what to do; I want to feel proud with my weight loss and I can't do that when being constantly mocked.
Click to expand...

Guess what, in one month you have become no longer 'morbidly obese'. An horrific term to describe people over 40 bmi. From what it sounds like your family dont want you to succeed. It seems strange that they are so cruel.

Since all the other issues you have, the low self esteem and agoraphobia are linked to your weight. Why not make the concious decision to tackle them simultaneously with the weight loss?

From what you say, i dont think your family reactions are going to get better the more successful you are, if anything they'll get worse and it will be through jealousy.

Do it for yourself, have the last laugh, you are close to your club ten..
 
Thanks everyone for the answers. I have to accept that it may never stop; they will probably just find something else to make fun about when I have lost the weight. I should be proud of myself and I guess I am. I am losing weight for myself, It's all I have wanted to do for a long time and it will improve my life. I guess as the weight comes off I will try to go out more and this will help with escaping the taunts. They will not stop me from becoming happy and healthy :)
 
I am so sorry you have to have thoa from your family. My family can make silly comments sometime, they r never intended to be hurtful tho. You really should ask for some respect. Keep ur head held high. You have support here anytime u need it xx
 
Sorry but no wonder you have low self Esteem and agoraphobic! That's disgusting how they talk to you and make you feel like crap every day. You need to start point blank ignoring these people who are your 'family' and concentrate on succeeding.nyou have done absolutely brilliant so far.

I agree with ann that you would do well to join a club or do some voluntary work. It would build your confidence so much
 
My god... Poor you. I would not call your family unsupportive.... I would say that they are mentally abusing you... Congratualtions on your weight loss so far... Im so angry reading your story that some people could be so cruel to another person and to top it off a family member.... I'm in no position to dictate to you of what to do with your life but one thing is for sure... If you can, i would distant myself away from the family that abuse you. No one, no matter what size they are deserves to be spoken to they way you have... Perhaps its because your doing something that they dont have the balls to do.... I say well done you and keep up ur good work.
 
Hi Rosie.
Sorry to hear about your family & their treatment of you, Sod them! When you have reached your target, look thinner, feel fit and know that you will have a longer life with no problems with your health due to being obese.
I learnt the hard way, I had 2 strokes, high blood pressure, arthritis, T2 diabetic before I started to loose weight, had years of discomfort & medical problems, it was only when the Doctor told me that if I wanted to live longer than 6 months more, that I listened!
SW is the best plan that I have tried, you can have foods that you like & a great choice.
We will support you on this forum, so if ever you feel down just come on & chat!
You will be the winner so go for it, stick with it, plan your life away from them with your own new family!
Good luck.
Pete
 
you've done fab on your weight loss hun, be proud of yourself for that as its a great achievement.

as for your family- ignore them!
Make it give you more motivation and get skinny and say f**k you at the end.
Get your confidance back , become a social butterfly and show them that they cant bring you down :)
 
HI Rosie

It's so sad to hear how your family are treating you. I know a lot have people have told you to ignore them but its not always easy when your with them all time. Have you tried speaking to one of them to tell them how they make you feel? Do you think this would help to cut down on the comments?

Does your brother still live with you? Could you ask him for some support from him or i he joining in now he's gained the weight back? Maybe you could ask him to do SW with you, he obviously is not happy at the weight he is as he has lost it once, safety in numbers maybe?

Above all you have done amazingly well. Don't let these jelous comments stop you from getting what your want. Your 21 you have a whole load of experiences that you don't want to miss out on. Get out their and live YOUR life. If small minded people out thear comment on your weight, just smile and think to yourself your moving forward and doing something good for yourself.

Do you have a buddy system at group? Maybe you could buddy up with someone you could meet outside group to support each other. Keep coming on here we are all here to support you! xx
 
I read this thread yesterday and wasn't sure what to say to you, but now I feel compelled to comment. What you are experiencing is psychological abuse. I am very sorry to hear that your family live in total ignorance. They are ignorant to how damaging this type of behaviour is and also to their own lifestyle. Otherwise they would support you in losing weight, want to encourage you and in fact, want to learn how you are doing it so they could all improve their own health and lose weight too.

I would suggest you contact your GP to discuss if there is a practice counsellor you to talk to for some emotional support and advice on how to deal with this. It is all confidential and your family don't need to know.

With regards to your diet, you are doing so well. You must hold on the positive feelings this success is giving you and focus on these only to drive you forward. I truly do wish you the best of luck and wish you well in finding a way through the 'toxic environment' you are dealing with at home. Don't let the ******* grind you down! :)
 
My family are all bigger people and some of my friends are. The reason they point at you is it stops them pointing at themselves they probably don't realise how big they are and because you are trying to change the cycle they point because your going against the norm.

Why not look at getting some body magic in by going for a walk when it gets too much or meet someone from group to go for a walk. My group we go for an hour walk afterwards as we're quite close to some trails
 
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