Anyone remember me?
Hi ladies! I was last here in march (I think) and had just hit my 5 stone! I was so happy - not to mention that my life was finally in control. I had energy, I felt good - it was the best i'd felt in my whole life.
On mothers day, I found out I was pregnant - one of the side effects of losing so much weight I think ;)
In may, we went for our 12 week scan and our baby was very poorly. We faced an agonising 2 week wait and testing that, as a needlephobic, was very traumatic to go through. By this point i'd regained a stone.
We found out our daughter had a rare chromosomal disorder called Edwards Syndrome/T18 (the odds were quoted at 1 in 26,000) and was 'incompatible with life'. I'll never forget those words. When we were next scanned, our daughter had lost her fight - my waters broke at home and I gave birth on 23.05 to a tiny but perfect little girl.
Since then, I have eaten without any care. I don't know why I do it, there's no trigger point I can think of from my past - but I emotionally eat and put up a wall. When I am eating, I do not care. When I try to fit in to my trousers or have to be naked, I care very much. I do not look in the mirror.
I have regained all of the 5 stone - maybe even more.
The worst thing, is achieving 5 stone weight loss - and remembering looking back at pictures of me at my fattest and feeling disgusted with the state I was in. Now I AM that person again, but I realise that I am disgusting.
I don't feel sorry for myself or want sympathy - I know that the only person who did this and can do this is me. I made a promise to my daughter as I held her in my arms, that I would not waste the life she never got to live. I don't intend to break that promise.
So.. that's my life story!
How is everyone getting on?
Originally Posted by LegoLass
Firstly can I just say how sorry I am for your loss. It must be heartbreaking and I can't begin to image what you have been through these past few months.
On the weight loss front just remember you have done it before and can do it again. It might seem like a long journey ahead but every pound adds up and you'll soon be back at target. You have taken those first steps hun. I'm sure your daughter would be proud of you.
I'm so sorry to hear about everything that's happened and no one can truly comprehend how you must be feeling unless they've been in a similar situation, but nevertheless I can only imagine how heartbreaking this has been for you.
When you wanted to find some form of comfort you turned to food and you didn't do anything wrong, you just found solace by eating, it was your coping mechanism. Please don't feel bad about this, you are certainly not disgusting so don't say that you are, you are a good person that has suffered the most traumatic experience through no fault of your own. Yes you gained your weight back, but do you know what, you can lose that weight again. It may take a little time but you can do it. We will be here to help you along the way.
I wish all the very best of luck for the future x
Awwwwwwww how upsetting, no wonder you've 'eaten without care' I'm sure in the same position we all would have done. When I was pregnant with our daughter I had to have an amnio & the wait to find out the results is awful.
I'm sure you'll get back to target, it'll take time, you'll have your ups & downs, but we'll all be here for you xx
Oh my god. I welled up reading your post. I am so so sorry for your lost.
You will get back to target, just take it slowly to begin with. You already have succeeded before so you know exactly what to do. Good luck xxx
So sorry for your loss.
Massive well done for recommitting though. You did it once so you know it works and that you're strong enough to do it again. Hope you're getting lots of support from family/friends/a support group for people who've been through similar things, so that now a little bit of time has gone by you can continue to deal with the emotions through ways other than food and put all your energy into staying healthy. xx
So so sad LegoLass. Your little girl was with you for such a short time but you will always remember her. Understandably reaching for an old coping mechanism must have taken over but wishing you all the best on the journey back to feeling good, for you and for the memory of your little girl. Big hugs :-)
OMG, my heart goes out to you and your husband/partner - even if you can't see why you've reverted to comfort eating I'm sure everyone else reading your post will know why. No trigger point my arse!!!!!!
Originally Posted by LegoLass
This is an absolutely dreadful thing to happen and you shouldn't condemn your actions whilst you were trying to come to terms with the devastating prognosis and then the loss of your beautiful daughter.
As others have said, you've done it before and you can do it again when you are truly ready. Keep your promise to your daughter and believe that many of us are with you on your journey. :gen126:
Anyone remember me?
Really, really sorry for your loss.
Couldn't read this without a response. In my opinion, you have every reason to comfort eat!
Good luck on your journey, and remember you've done it before successfully :-)
So sorry for your loss.
You are not disgusting; you are human, and you are strong. You will keep your promise to your little girl and we are here to help in any way we can.
Lots of love xxxx
Hey - well done for coming back here after so much has happened - have you posted in http://www.minimins.com/pregnancy-loss-support/?
I couldn't read and not reply - my heart goes out to you. You can keep that promise and your little girl will always be with you to give you the strength you need to succeed.
You are not disgusting, you are grieving and you need time and space to do so in whatever way is right for you. If that means comfort eating then do that! Because it will only be temporary and one day the time will be right to pick things up and start keeping that promise to your daughter. Until that day comes, be kind to yourself. xxx
Hiya LegoLass - i'm pretty sure I recognise your name. I to left here around that time.
So sorry to hear you've been through so much - I really am (((massive hugs))) !! You can and you will do this. We all let ourselves go sometimes and that's why we are all here! Fact!
First things first though, you MUST stop calling yourself Disgusting and any other horrendous names you throw into the mix.
You are beautiful inside and out, we can see that from what you are typing. You are not, and will not ever let your daughter down! The future can and will be good for you.
I this year left my partner of 13 years. I left, walked out with a small suitcase, with 2 young children and stayed in a refuge over summer.He was (is) an alcoholic, suicidal, in and out of Mental Health Units, the police involvement was immense, i spent each day of my life in tears, trying to shield the children from his rage and outbursts. I never though life would get better, never thought I could become happy in myself. I have since relocated into a beautiful village and my children are happy. I weighed in 18 months ago at my heaviest ever. Whilst my ex was 'ill' I was horrendous, eating takeaways, not bothering to cook decent meals, drinking wine, snacking on stuff i knew I shouldn't eat.
I left 12 weeks ago and have come so far. I've rejoined here today as my mind is now in the right place and with the right support I feel I can and will achieve my goal - as will you! :D
Don't give up - just keep going, even bit by bit.
It's taken alot of courage to share your story and rejoin here!
Good Luck and Much Love! :D xxxxx
Welcome back and good luck :) xxx
Originally Posted by EatenMess
SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.