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Thread: I need some help feeling so low

  1. #1
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    SoldieronNatasha's Avatar
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    I need some help feeling so low

    I have been finding it incredibly difficult lately. I set out with the best intentions and then by the end of the day my fiancée has managed to make me fail. For example a few days ago we were going to go to Nandos and on our way there he decided it would be better for us to go and have a steak. We ended up having a cheeseburger. Then today we went to get ingredients to make a 5 syn highlights hot chocolate and when we were in the supermarket he decided to buy chocolate as he really fancied it. Then later on tonight we were going to watch a film and he brought out the Doritos. He asked me if I minded which I said no to initially. He realised I did mind so he took them back to the kitchen but in a strop so I then said to him to I'm going to go and get them for you. I ended up eating some Doritos then some chocolate and then I felt so bad about it I actually had squirty cream straight from the can :/ how shameful. What can I do? I'm upstairs crying now because I can't resist the temptation of him throwing food in my face when I'm trying to be good but then I feel guilty as he should be allowed to eat these things help
    START WEIGHT: 232 POUNDS
    WEEK 1: -5
    WEEK 2: +0.5
    WEEK 3: - 2.5
    WEEK 4: - 1.5
    WEEK 5: - 0.5





  2. #2
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    Height: 5ft2in
    Start Date: 8th January 2014
    Start Weight: 11st12lb
    Current Weight: 11st4.5lb
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    BMI Information:
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    Goal BMI: 23


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    Sorry to hear you're feeling down it is a really difficult situation. My other half is your typical slim male who can eat anything and never gain a pound! I don't feel he should change his ways to help me but he has been very supportive and will eat SW meals with me. Is your other half usually supportive and this just a one off? Have you tried reading any books to help with positive thinking? You are allowed to treat yourself once in a while we're all human! Don't feel too down xxx

  3. #3
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    i understand how hard it must be to have a partner that isnt 100% supportive but you cant lay all the blame at his feet.

    nobody can MAKE you feel a certain way, and im sure he isnt force feeding you things, so you must take responsibility for what YOU choose to put in your mouth.

    sorry to sound harsh, but you are a grown ass woman who can make her own choices.

    we are all here for any kind of support you need, but please dont say that your partner has 'made you fail' thats not fair on either him or you.

    you CAN do this. You have choices, and its those choices that frame your success.

    xxx


    Back on the wagon.............

    ''Gains don't do the damage, it is our reaction to them that determines how we get on. And I fall over plenty!''
    (franalamadingdong 2013)

  4. #4
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    How long have you been doing SW? Your signature seems to indicate 5 weeks? You are very early into the plan and this is always one of the most difficult times, getting to grips with the plan, missing all the treats you normally wolf down and don't give a second thought to. Yes you feel upset you can't eat what he is eating and resentful he is sitting there stuffing it in his face in front of you, but as you said, he is not on the diet you are. He has not chained you to the sofa and force fed you Doritos and chocolate.

    This is all going to come down to the way you think about food from now on if you want to succeed and part of this is planning. The more you learn about the programme the more you will discover you can have drinks and treats too, these just need to be planned into your day. I have Chinese takeaway, I eat chocolate and you can too.

    So, you need to get your books out again, have a good old read, plan some menus, do some cooking, work out some treats for the week. You could try flexisynning and go out at the weekend but make sensible choices. Don't go for burgers, research good options to eat while you're out and about. If something's not on a menu ask if they will change it. For example, if it comes with chips, ask if they will do salad, or veg or a baked potato and 9 times out of 10 if you ask, you will get.

    My nemesis is wine, if I drink, I eat, pure and simple. So I'm avoiding wine. Has my husband stopped drinking it, no. Does it drive me to drink, no. I distract myself rather than looking at him and focus on how well I am doing by not drinking as I know it only leads to temptation. I have a cup of tea and some Cadbury's chocolate fingers!!

    So, I guess what I'm trying to say is don't get this upset by it all. Draw a line under everything that's happened. Start again, but with a more positive attitude. Remind yourself of all the reasons why you wanted to do this in the first place. Discuss in advance with your fella that you would prefer not to eat burgers,etc at the moment and agree places you could go to and both enjoy together. I hope you're feeling much better today and I really do wish you the best of luck on your SW journey
    AnnaFaraday likes this.
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  5. #5
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    Oh god why is this so hard? I know what you are saying that he is not making me eat bad things but as he promised he would do this with me, when he then eats all these bad things something just triggers the fail button in me! I have to start fresh today and think that I am doing this for ME not anyone else. No more sabotaging myself otherwise I will never get to goal. Have a lovely Sunday everyone and thanks for the kick up the bum I needed it! Xxxx
    green eyed monster likes this.
    START WEIGHT: 232 POUNDS
    WEEK 1: -5
    WEEK 2: +0.5
    WEEK 3: - 2.5
    WEEK 4: - 1.5
    WEEK 5: - 0.5





  6. #6
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    I think you need a different approach.

    Its your weight, therefore its your weight loss. Its great to have support around you, and this does make things easier, but you have to work out what your strategy is when the support is not there and you have to rely on yourself.

    So you said about you had planned to go to Nandos but ended up somewhere else with a burger. What about saying to your other half that if you have made plans to go to a particular place to eat, that you really want to stick to that so you know how to syn the meals etc.

    Also, have a treat bin for yourself so that when your fella decides to bring out crisps and chocolate you have a stash of low syn snacks to have. Then even if you go mad and have a few more than you really need, at least the damage is limited because the things in are low syn. Things like alpen light, a frozen curly wurly is a creak long lasting treat low in syns. Also you can easily whip up a low syn feast to make anyone jealous. A cold skinless chicken drum stick, some salsa (this is low syn) lean cooked ham, vegetable sticks, grapes, some cottage cheese if you like it or other cheese from allowance. You could have a plate full while he has his crisps if you have just planned ahead a little.

    Just a few suggestions
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  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by SoldieronNatasha View Post
    Oh god why is this so hard?.....
    Because, if it was *that* easy/simple everyone would be walking around with no excess weight, no weight related health issues and all "diet" clubs/foods/books/franchises would be either bankrupt or obsolete

    Because, if it was *easy*, there would be no challenge to it which, in turn, means no sense of achievement and the risk of stunted personal growth!


    We learn a lot about ourselves when we strive for something which is a bit of a challenge: our strengths, our weaknesses, our potential, our limitations ... even who are true friends in life are and if, just if, we may actually be our own worst enemy!

    I can understand that you are feeling let down by your fiancée, someone who offered to support you and do this with you - but, to be really fair, unless your fiancée is motivated to lose weight for himself, then, even with the best intentions, he will not be as committed as you feel he should be and therefore cannot give you the full support you feel you need from him.

    Equally, unless he is in need of losing weight (and a desire for it!), why would you need him to "promise" to do this with you? This is about *you*: your intentions to lose weight; your challenge to do it following a SW plan and your journey along the way.

    The honest, eye opening, no punches pulled truth is:-

    • you are going to have good days
    • great days,
    • in between days,
    • 'meh' days and
    • some very difficult days of temptations, cravings, mood related eating and outright Arggh! days.


    They will happen regardless of whether you are:-
    • married,
    • engaged,
    • single,
    • female,
    • male,
    • young,
    • old,
    • blond,
    • brunette,
    • working,
    • unemployed,
    • parent,
    • non-parent,
    • 1lb or many lbs over weight,
    • active,
    • inactive,
    • hairy,
    • bald,
    • spotty,
    • freckly,
    • tall,
    • short,
    • pink,
    • blue,
    • brown,
    • yellow
    • or tartan!!


    So, now we are clear: this is *your* decision/journey + you are going to have bad times/days
    I'll repeat, just so you don't lose track: this is *your* decision/journey + you are going to have bad times/days
    Once you accept that, then you will be half way there

    Now you also need to have in place a strategy for coping with those bad times/days.
    • he decided it would be better for us to go and have a steak - I think you could benefit from learning some "assertiveness" techniques for those occasions where fiancée changes *his* mind (and you follow along regardless) because where you go "together" should be a "joint" decision, not a game of follow the leader
    • he decided to buy chocolate as he really fancied it - And why shouldn't he? What SW treat did you really fancy that you could have bought? A special fruit, maybe (something you wouldn't normally "treat" yourself to?) A particular brand of FF yogurt you wouldn't usually eat? Something from within the Syn list, perhaps?
    • he brought out the Doritos. - And why shouldn't' he? You should also have been able to whip out a SW style snack of your own (with a little forward planning - after all, he had 'planned' Doritos for eating at some point in time because they were available )
    Well done on waking up and rewiring your thinking so that today, you are starting afresh. That is great news!!!! But, please begin afresh with some strategies in place for those bad times/days or, you will simply end up back in your room crying in frustration (and guilt!) and wondering how it all went wrong again

    Remember those two truths:

    1. This is *your* journey
    2. You *will* have bad times/days


    And the 3rd one is:


    3. You will be as successful in your journey as you make up your mind to be

    Good luck
    ************************************************** ***

    "Failing to plan, is planning to fail" ... and failing the SW plan

    ************************************************** ***

  8. #8
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    Mrs SOS and Beautyxx thanks so much for taking the time to support me. You are so right I am making this harder on myself! I do normally plan syns for the evening but they were not planned at all as we had already had our hot chocolate evening dessert option. It was like 10:30 in the evening so I had no syns left but you are right I could have had fruit or some lean meat or something. And yes I need to have a plan at these times of weakness maybe I can come on here as soon as it happens and write about it this makes me feel better and remotivates me! Honestly I can't thank you enough for your advice and help xxxx
    MrsSOS likes this.
    START WEIGHT: 232 POUNDS
    WEEK 1: -5
    WEEK 2: +0.5
    WEEK 3: - 2.5
    WEEK 4: - 1.5
    WEEK 5: - 0.5





  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by SoldieronNatasha View Post
    Oh god why is this so hard? I know what you are saying that he is not making me eat bad things but as he promised he would do this with me, when he then eats all these bad things something just triggers the fail button in me! I have to start fresh today and think that I am doing this for ME not anyone else. No more sabotaging myself otherwise I will never get to goal. Have a lovely Sunday everyone and thanks for the kick up the bum I needed it! Xxxx


    Back on the wagon.............

    ''Gains don't do the damage, it is our reaction to them that determines how we get on. And I fall over plenty!''
    (franalamadingdong 2013)

  10. #10
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    How about taking your syns over the week instead of daily?

    I appreciate this doesn't work for everyone and some people are vehemently against it (!) but it works for me and a lot of other people

    For example, last night OH and I went to Nando's for dinner, then when we came home we watched a movie and I had crisps and chocolate AND a bottle of wine. I had about 40 syns yesterday, but as I take my syn allowance as 105 syns a week instead of 15 per day, I was still well within allowance and I got to have a nice night out and in with my OH and still feel like a normal member of society

    I average 1.5 - 2lbs off per week so this approach definitely works for me. I don't go without during the week by any stretch of the imagination, I eat fantastic meals using free and superfree and then use my syns at the weekend in a controlled manner.

    Good luck

  11. #11
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    Hey- sorry to hear your partner isn't being 100% supportive! Instead of going upstairs and shedding a few tears- let him see!! Let him see that you're upset and that you feel you've let yourself down.
    My partner is supportive 99% of the time but that's because I've spoken to him, he knows how important this is to me. He knows that 'treat night' is after weigh in and we have a takeaway and more than likely Doritoes and dips!! I let him pick what we have because I've been specific about what day we have it!!
    If we go for a meal then I stick to plan- he asks no questions because he has what he likes!!
    If we have a drink (or several) then it's my treat and I cut back on syns the rest of the week!
    I guess what I'm saying is ..... You can do it!!!! Good luck!! X

  12. #12
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    I hear you and in the past I have totally messed up my day by caving in to whatever badness my husband has brought home. Just to make it worse, I'm the type of person who let's a bad day become a bad week.

    I am totally in the zone at the moment so it's not been bothering me if he sits there and has a little treat but just this morning I saw some hot cross buns in the kitchen that he had bought "for the children" (and him). Purely because I was hungry at the time I had a little strop. By the time I'd eaten my roast I was over it.

    Then this afternoon we popped to Sainsburys for a few bits. He bought a massive Dairy Milk with Daim bar (my favourite, the swine!). I bought a couple of curly wurlies for the freezer and when we got home I had a cuppa and the carrot cake from my final Graze box in the kitchen while he ate most of it. As I had plenty of syns to spare I had the last two squares as well. And his has now all gone and my curly wurlies are still waiting for me.

    So yes, I totally get the ballache of having a partner who chows down on unhealthy favourites in front of you but as I'm only just back on SW - I rejoined last weekend - I've just been removing myself from it. As it's so cold I've been having baths most evenings and I suspect he shovels his chocolatey loveliness down his throat while I'm in there.

    And yesterday when the children were keeping on for Burger King, I announced that it could be their quality time and stayed at home with my syn free mixed grill and Doctors on catch up. It's all still too raw for me to watch them eating cheeseburger and fries while I push a salad round

  13. #13
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    My husband doesn't follow slimming world, he doesn't need to. So he makes his food choices, cooks his own meals and I do mine. If he wants to eat chips, doritos etc. That is up to him and it has no impact on the decisions that I make for myself. We have always cooked our own meals apart, except from the times when I've been making something he fancies or if he is making something like a roast where I can have the veg and potatoes so he will cook extra for me. I know this won't work for everyone and hubby and I have always organised food like this because I am a vegetarian and he is a meat eater, and we have such varied work patterns, so changing to SW meals for me was relatively easy as I didn't have to worry about him.

    I'm not religious or an alcoholic but one of my favourite quotes is the serenity prayer from AA:

    "God give me the grace to accept with serenity, the things that cannot be changed, courage to change the things which should be changed, and the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other."

    Basically you can not control your fiancee's decisions, you can however control yours. When you accept this you will feel more empowered to make good choices.

    Keep your chin up. You can do this!
    RM07 and AnnaFaraday like this.


  14. #14
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    My husband isn't dieting either. He is supportive, doesn't mind me going swimming most nights leaving him with the kids. I did say to him I don't mind you eating whatever, but don't offer me it. It's hard to say no when you want to say yes, but if he just eats it, it doesn't bother me.

    Another thing I do if he's eating something, for example creme egg biscuits last night, I check the syn value(4 for them) and I grudge using them for something so small.

    Before I started the diet we decided we were having no takeaways at all this year(after eating at least 2 a week, and sickening ourselves) we have had none and we're both actually cooking everyday, enjoying it and saving money.

    i have my own little basket of treats that no one is allowed, perhaps you could do this, also ask your fiancée not to offer you anything he eats, then you won't have to say no










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