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Thread: Anyone else's husband (or partner) not supportive :-(

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    haileyhaiz's Avatar
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    Anyone else's husband (or partner) not supportive :-(

    Was very excited this morning when I got into my size smaller new jeans I bought a few weeks ago! Then when told my husband he was really un-supportive and not really fussed? This really pissed me off and upset me which then lead to us having an argument about it? Pathetic I know!! I would of been happy if he had just replied well done or thats good? Now I feel miserable :-( Anyone else in my boat? Or any ideas on how I can ignore his negative attitude?

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    Maybe he's feeling insecure about your weight loss? I would talk to him and try to understand why he's being a bit of an arse! He might just need some reassurance that a new you won't want new things, including a new husband. Good luck and keep going with the losses

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    I can understand how this can affect you, I really can but who exactly are you doing this for, you or him?
    Yes, of course its great to have support, especially from family but try turning it around...no support can mean more determination from you!! It would if it were me! A bit like, I'll show you!!
    As Pippa says, it could be his own insecurities, but that's his problem and it shouldn't overshadow your enthusiasm.
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    SarahButterfly's Avatar
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    When you talked about it what did he say? It might be that he finds you very attractive regardless of how much you weigh, and when he looks at you he thinks you look fantastic, so to him he's might not be that fussed if you lose weight or not.

    I do think a lot of men don't understand weight loss and why women are so passionate about it! Maybe he doesn't understand how important it is to you right now.
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    Id say try not to take it personally,weightloss is not high on the list for conversation for most men! When I told my husband I could fit into my old jeans he said "good cos you aint buying any new clothes" lol.Just keep plugging away at it he might surprise you at some point.When I lost weight before it took until id lost neary 3 stone until I get a compliment from him but I did use to overhear him praising me to friends & family.Keep going x
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    I also have this issue with my partner! I've put it down to the fact he doesn't have to worry about his weight, so he doesn't understand how important it is to us when milestones like that happen.
    Well done on getting into the jeans xx
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    My other half is very honest. Quite brutally so at times- but I rely on.his opinion when I need it on clothing/appearance matters!
    He doesn't go out of his way to support my weight loss, even sabotages me sometimes, but its because he says he can't see that I have put on weight, and he's not the only one!. 2st over two years has crept on but no one can tell!
    im inclined to agree with the others re insecurity, and blokes dont tend to realise what a difference it makes to lose weight if they havent/dont struggle with theirs.
    My other half struggled with his weight as a youngster right up to teens and even now tends to yoyo, so has a good idea how it can affect you.
    Hope he's being nicer now
    Rosie x
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    Quote Originally Posted by haileyhaiz View Post
    Was very excited this morning when I got into my size smaller new jeans I bought a few weeks ago! Then when told my husband he was really un-supportive and not really fussed? This really pissed me off and upset me which then lead to us having an argument about it? Pathetic I know!! I would of been happy if he had just replied well done or thats good? Now I feel miserable :-( Anyone else in my boat? Or any ideas on how I can ignore his negative attitude?
    Hi Haileyhaiz, Well done you!! You are doing really well!! Sadly sometimes the people around us don't understand how important things are to us, and can be hurtful in their lack of appreciation/support. If I was you I would sit him down and explain how upsetting his lack of support was, explain to him why you are doing this, and how important it is to you. As Pippa1987 says he may be feeling insecure or even threatened that you are changing the way your body looks, men can be funny like this! Good luck xx
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    Well done on the smaller jeans! Love the feeling of being able to do that button up for the 1st time. My husband is the same and keeps trying to order me pizza! I just done tell him anymore. X
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    First of all, congrats on the smaller jeans! What a great achievement and a wonderful feeling for you

    Yea, I have this issue too. My partner just simply doesn't have to watch his weight. He used to work out a lot and ate huge amounts, now due to his work schedule he's stopped going to the gym, still eats loads and has not put on anything (well he says he has but you can't see it!). He doesn't 'get' the thing about weight loss and being unhappy, his attitude is eat what you like and exercise more. He finds the SW EE plan easy to understand but he really doesn't get syns. It doesn't help that over the past 2 week's I've fallen off the wagon and am struggling to get back on - remarks like 'should you eat that' and 'have you enough syns for that' actually make me want to push back and eat for the hell of it. It actually helps me understand the psyche of the teenagers I teach...haha!
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    My h2b is the same.
    Sometimes it feels like he's waiting for me to fail but I guess its his way of being supportive.
    I can't blame him (although sometimes I do tell him to shut up!) because I've done diets before and given up within a week or so but that first week I could've killed him if he asked me one more time if I was still on plan or picking at my syn choices.
    Now I make a point of telling him my loss for that week so he can tell I'm doing well.
    Problem with men is that they dont understand clothing sizes as they dont have the same scale as us!!

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    I think I've come to accept that generally people irl don't care that much about the whole weight loss thing, so when I have a non scale victory (like yours-well done!) I tend to talk about it on here because I know people just get how exciting it is. Similarly when I want to vent I come on here because while it seems insignificant to others, I know people on here will relate.

    I'm pretty lucky as my oh is very supportive ( although he does sabotage without meaning to) but he doesn't, and will never, understand why I let my weight etc get to me so much- I just have to accept that we are wired differently!

    On a similar note, I don't know if you read a blog called weightloss***** but she did a post the other day about doing this for yourself and not depending on others for support etc( as nice as it is to have) and it really resonated with me.

    Don't be disheartened-talk to him, he probably didn't realise he had hurt your feelings
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    husband ordering pizza. thank goodness i dont have cheese on mine
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    I had this convo with my hubby not so long ago. He used to follow SW with me, but stopped due to boredom & the fact he didn't need to (initially did it to support me....). Now, he doesn't bat an eyelid when I tell him my losses, or my gains. He brings me cakes as treats & looks disappointed when I don't jump up & hug him. He often suggests take always etc, when he knows my willpower is low.

    It accumulated into a big row. His unsupportive ness boiled down to one thing....

    He didn't think I needed to lose weight and 'loved me the way I was'. He also thought I was becoming obsessed lol.

    I think sometimes other halves don't see our weight the way we do & don't realise their actions are unsupportive or upsetting.

    Have a little chat with him, he literally may not even realise how you feel.
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    Thanks for all your kind words and support! The past week or so he's been alot better and I think he can see that I'm happier now, so here's to reaching a few more milestones and my goal

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