First of all, I don't want to call this a rant because I feel bad for doing so (you'll see in a minute why) but I don't know what else to call it. I also didn't know who/what else to turn to except here because I can't talk to my family about this, I have no friends who I'd mention this kind of thing to and although my boyfriend is very supportive, I don't think he fully understands since he's always been so skinny.
So, as a little back story I've been gradually gaining weight for years (I'm nearly 20) but in the past couple of years, I've gained much quicker. My Granddad has been really ill recently and has actually lost movement in his legs. He's also started to ramble and he's never too sure what's going on.
Anyway, I don't see him very often because I'm away at university, but I'm home for Summer now so I went to visit him with my family. As we were saying goodbye, he said to us to enjoy our holiday, don't get too drunk etc etc. Then he said to not let me eat too much. Everyone kind of ignored it, but he said again 'she eat too much already, make sure she doesn't eat more. she needs to lose weight'. I laughed it off and mam turned to me and gave me a 'ignore him, you've been doing well' and a nice wink and my grandma just said 'oh let her be, it's her holiday, the girl deserves a break'. And then we got on with goodbyes and left - no one mentioned it afterwards.
Okay, so I know my granddad is ill and I know his head's not in the right place, but it means he's just saying things without realising. Of course, that means he's telling the truth, that I need to eat less, great. I felt awful in the car on the way home. I felt like starving myself, I felt like pigging out. I felt like I have no idea what to do next. I also felt so so bad for being angry at him in my head. I know he'd have never said anything like this when he wasn't ill, but I can't help but just feel crap. I love him to bits, but when he says things like that, I can't help but think angry things. Arghh I'm trying to lose weight for god sake!! sjgjsgsoarhgeur9e mdfg
Sorry, I just needed to let all that out somewhere...