Thread: Yo-yo's attempt to snap the string!

Originally Posted by penny35

Hi, glad to read your doing so well.
Don't worry about the new scales,depending where I put mine in my bathroom i get different result's.

I think my weight gain is because I have carbs,even just one slice of bread can make a huge difference.

My OH is in a strange place at the moment,for the first time I weigh less than him,and on the one hand he is pleased and on the other you can see it worries him.But, he's being silly now, and won't eat all day,and then might so nut's for food in the evening.
He also offers me food I shouldnt have,then after I've eaten it, tells me I have to get back on CD as soon as possible,its so confusing.He tell's me the way Iam now is all hes ever wanted for me, then offers me bad foods,or eats them infront of me.
Anyway, don't get the wrong idea,hes a fab man, just we are both finding the change difficult.
Have a fab evening and tommorrow.

It took my OH a while to get his head round it too, but then I don't I have yet either so it's not surprising really!

I am very fortunate to have a fab group of really close girlfriends but when I gained my weight I lost the will to go out so only saw them at each others houses or shopping etc. As I lost weight I started to say yes to nights out and he really did struggle with it - although he didn't say that till a couple of years later, just used to sabotage diet at every opportunity and was mega grumpy! He's lots better now but does always say 'behave yourself' when I go out. Although I act slightly offended and tell him not be so stupid I do quite like it. There was a time when it would never have crossed his mind to be concerned so it's like a bit of a pat on the back - albeit backhanded!

They often need reassurance more than they let on, not considered manly to be insecure is it. Perhaps try lavishing him with attention?

And tell him man cannot live on nuts alone!

I hope you are feeling a bit better thisevening? xxx

Originally Posted by JasmineCDC

Hi Yo Yo,

Your post about balancing on the scales made me laugh - I know exactly what you mean, I used to even try standing on tip toe?!!

Good luck with your weight loss journey - I'll look forward to checking into your diary.

Jas.xx

Thanks Jasmine!

Glad I'm not the only one who's weigh ins are like a yoga class!

Hello!

Had a perfect day yesterday - well diet wise anyway!

choc porridge
cranberry bar
choc muffin
berry jelly
4.5 litres water
4 black coffees

And I did half an hour on the rowing machine!

My old scales have obviously took offence to the arrival of new digital model! I had stayed the same on those thismorning but my new best friends showed a pound loss. Funny thing was when I got up for a wee at half 4 I got on them and was still the same - 2 hours later I'd lost a pound? Strange!?

I am getting my hair done after work and am VERY scared! Have had the same hairstyle for about 10 years (and before that had had the same one since primary school!) and I really want a change. It's long and straight (around bra strap length) and I feel....boring. Would love to have something trendy. I think Kim Marsh's hair is fab but am too chicken to get it that short in one go, so am going to ask to get it cut up to my shoulders and have a bit of a fringe in.

My hairdresser seemed a little reluctant when I mentioned it though - so I'm scared that he will either talk me out of it and I'll come out with a trim (again!) or he'll do it and I'll hate it and wish he'd talked me out of it!

I'm struggling to get my water down me today. Have usually drank 1.5 litres by now but have barely managed half that so far. I think it's because it's absolutely freezing in my office. The heating in the building has been switched off now, as the offices at the front get the sunshine all day and it's sweltering in there, sadly I am at the back of the building surrounded by very tall buildings so the sun never shines on us. It's like being in a dungeon! Am f-f-freezing!!!!

Might go and sit outside in the sunshine for half an hour at lunchtime to defrost and see if I can catch up on my water!

Quickie update!

Very tired this evening - my late evenings on minimins are catching up on me!

Todays intake has been....

choc porridge
peanut bar
2 slices of wafer thin turkey ham
choc muffin
berry jelly

3.5 litres water
5 black coffees

Didn't chicken out of haircut! Not sure about it yet. I think I'd think it looked nice on someone else but not so sure about on me. I guess it will take time to get used to. No tears though so that's a good sign! Biggest fear was hating it straight away and not being able to hide my disappointment at the hairdressers.

Have spent lots of time today pondering what meal I'm going to eat before going out on Friday. I can't go out without eating or I'll be home within an hour and since I'll be drinking naughty alcohol theres not much point having cottage cheese and salad - so i'll be treating myself to something nice. Not lots of it as I don't want to go out feeling stuffed but will need some carb to soak up the brandy!

At mo Im torn between an M & S steak burger with this lovely cheesey herb crust on the top (they are GORGEOUS!) or a baked potato with chilli and cheese. These are the 2 things I have been desperately craving for a while so I figured I should get one of them out of the way!

Off to bed now - perhaps the answer to my dilemma will come to me in my dreams!

Night night x

Another good day on the food (or rather, lack of it) front. Well, so far anyway!

choc porridge
choc bar
choc muffin
orange jelly
3.5 litres water
6 black coffees

I have found it a bit of a struggle today. Lots of temptation came my way - no more than usual though - but the smell of people eating chips and baked spud with chicken curry in the office just seemed to tug at me much more. Luckily I didn't have to make dinner this evening - i went to have a spray tan and dinner was done an dusted by the time i got home.

I've just kept thinking of my 'night off' tomorrow and that's got me through. CB has been telling me ALL day that I might as well have something now as will be cheating tomorrow, but I explained to her that the outfit I'm going to wear would feel snug if I stuff my face. She's trying to talk me into having breakfast tomorrow now - but I really want this to be a night off, not a day, not a weekend - and not a bank holiday weekend!

To say I am sceptical about my ability to get back to SSing with a hangover on Saturday would be an understatement. If I manage it, it will be nothing short of a bloody miracle to be honest!! My willpower always seem too busy swimming around in brandy to come to my aid the morning after. Usually I just take it as a given and even stock up on full english ingredients and goodies in preparation! I sometimes look forward to the day after more than the night out!

But.... this time I am going to TRY not to. I have the added temptation of being here all alone as OH and DD are out all day and evening. This petrifies me as when there is noone here to be disgusted with me, my binges know no bounds!

I might take a sedative or ask OH to lock me in the bedroom before he leaves with 3 tetras, 4 litres of water and several buckets!

Why can't I be one of those people who feels really ill and off their food for 2 days when they are hungover??

Bye for now xxx

Originally Posted by yo-yo

Another good day on the food (or rather, lack of it) front. Well, so far anyway!

choc porridge
choc bar
choc muffin
orange jelly
3.5 litres water
6 black coffees

I have found it a bit of a struggle today. Lots of temptation came my way - no more than usual though - but the smell of people eating chips and baked spud with chicken curry in the office just seemed to tug at me much more. Luckily I didn't have to make dinner this evening - i went to have a spray tan and dinner was done an dusted by the time i got home.

I've just kept thinking of my 'night off' tomorrow and that's got me through. CB has been telling me ALL day that I might as well have something now as will be cheating tomorrow, but I explained to her that the outfit I'm going to wear would feel snug if I stuff my face. She's trying to talk me into having breakfast tomorrow now - but I really want this to be a night off, not a day, not a weekend - and not a bank holiday weekend!

To say I am sceptical about my ability to get back to SSing with a hangover on Saturday would be an understatement. If I manage it, it will be nothing short of a bloody miracle to be honest!! My willpower always seem too busy swimming around in brandy to come to my aid the morning after. Usually I just take it as a given and even stock up on full english ingredients and goodies in preparation! I sometimes look forward to the day after more than the night out!

But.... this time I am going to TRY not to. I have the added temptation of being here all alone as OH and DD are out all day and evening. This petrifies me as when there is noone here to be disgusted with me, my binges know no bounds!

I might take a sedative or ask OH to lock me in the bedroom before he leaves with 3 tetras, 4 litres of water and several buckets!

Why can't I be one of those people who feels really ill and off their food for 2 days when they are hungover??

Bye for now xxx

Hi Yo-yo

Well done, you're doing really well this week!

I've been struggling this evening but haven't given in either. Been reminiscing about my journey the first time around and that's helped a bit.

PMSL about looking forward to the day after a big night more than the night itself. I thought it was only me!

Me and ex-flatmate used to have wonderful post drinking treat sessions planned! OMG how sad is that? Oh dear! Any recent binges that have happened post alcohol have been totally justified in my head and usually accompanied by copius amounts of lucozade.

Hope the brandy head isn't too bad on Saturday. If the weather is as nice as it promises get outside and sit in the sun with lots of black coffee and a magazine. I tend to find it more difficult to binge in the garden - not so easy to access the food and also conscious of the neighbours "monitoring" me! If it's not so nice get on here and get chatting! Do you have MSN? Perhaps arrange to chat with someone, that always helps too.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I sit here - thoroughly ashamed of myself (with very very tight trousers on!) wishing I could turn back the clock.

Reading my pre Friday posts it seems obvious to me that my intentions to get back to my diet after my 'Friday night off' were half hearted.

The word TRY appears far too much, it should have been I WILL ss from saturday onwards.

Anyway the BIG TIME! In fact it was actually one of the worst binges I've ever had. I feel so embarrassed to list what I ate but somehow feel like I should.

It started when I got home from the party at 5 (saturday morning). I ate a burger (with cheese and bacon), and a flapjack then went to bed. Woke up an hour later and had a bowl of special k. Went back to bed for 2 hours then got up and ate half a loaf soda bread with lots of butter.

Once OH and DD left for the day things got even worse. 6 packets of crisps (one of them was on a cheese topped roll), a 250g bar of dairymilk, 3 blueberry muffins, other half of the loaf of soda bread, a chocolate muffin and ANOTHER burger. Just when I thought there was nothing else left to eat in the house the ice cream van pulled up....I had a large 99 (with 2 flakes) and bought 2 magnums for later (not that they lasted till much later).

Feeling really really sick and looking as though I had swallowed a space hopper I went up to bed crying my eyes out.

DD was staying the night at her Grandads (I was glad cuz I didn't want her to see me like this) but OH turned up very tipsy at 10pm with a large pizza and another 250g bar of dairymilk! He only ate 1 slice of pizza and then feel asleep - but yes - you've guessed it - even though I felt sick and was in agony with my tummy I managed to shove some of that in too! And what I couldn't manage I got up at 7 oclock on Sunday morning to finish off. I couldn't sleep for the fear that my OH might get up first and beat me to it.

I was so ashamed - I told him that I'd given the pizza to the dog and convinced him that we'd eaten the chocolate together before he'd gone to bed the night before.

This meant that I had given myself permission to eat on Sunday too - and as OH had a hangover he arrived home from getting the papers with 2 bags full of goodies. I didn't complain......until about 5 on the evening when I had to eat 6 rennies and take to my bed. I had the worst acid reflux ever and (apologise it TMI...) couldn't lie down without my mouth filling up with it. It was disgusting - and as a result I had to sit up in bed ALL night and didn't get any sleep.

So - you'd think I'd learnt my lesson wouldn't you?? Sadly - no. Yesterday we went out to Longleat for the day. A day which started with a full english at a motorway services, cream scone midday, an large ice cream, then chicken burger and chips on the way home. Even though I felt sick when I got in I had this desperation to get rid of the last of the goodies OH had bought the day before. I tried to eat some ice cream and pringles but I just pysically couldn't fit anything else inside me.

Went to bed feeling disgusted with myself, very miserable and very scared.

Scared, because it just isn't right for me to eat the amount I have, particularly on saturday. I've always had a bit of a binge mentality, can remember way back, me and brother often used to spend our pocket money on piles of sweets and crisps and eat them in one go. And when most kids prayed for snow so that they could stay off school to build a snowman - we were happy that we could spend our dinner money and busfare on goodies then sit in front of the tv and fire stuffing our faces till Mom and Dad got home from work! It's always been a part of me but never on this scale before.

I just can't seem to stop myself once I start. Seems that now I have a food on/off switch - i.e. SSing or eating - the volume contol button has stopped working completely. I am frightened that it never will again! I really don't know what to do about it, but I need to do something as it's spoiling everything I wanted to lose weight for in the first place.

I had a great time on Friday night, really enjoyed myself and would have had a lovely day out yesterday if I hadn't felt ill from eating too much - but now I'm sitting at work 13lbs heavier than I was on Friday and when colleagues have asked if I've had a nice weekend I can't say yes and mean it. I have ruined what would have been a lovely weekend with food.

And ahead of me I have the embarrassment of my weigh in tonight, ANOTHER couple of weeks of panic SSing to get back to goal. ANOTHER 2 weeks of my clothes feeling skin tight (and that's if I'm lucky!) and ANOTHER week or 2 feeling really glum. And just by the time I've started to feel better I'll be going on a hen night (18th May) after which I will probably do exactly the same as I have done this weekend and the whole pattern will start over again!

I know this sounds defeatest - but I can't help it today - I am so tired of gaining and loosing this same stone over and over and over again - and after how determined I felt not to let it happen again last weekend - then blowing it big time - I do wonder if I am EVER going to manage to maintain my goal weight for longer than a week!

And what will happen if one day I can't get back to SSing after a naughty weekend - then it'll be 2 or 3 stone I need to get off - or who knows, maybe I'll wake up one day to find that I've put all 9 back on again?!

Apologies for all the self pitying nonsense. I know it's all my own stupid fault and that only I can find the answers WHY I keep doing it, and only I can make myself stop. I just needed to write it all down.

I could never tell anyone in 'real life' what I ate over the weekend - and when I try to think about it after the event I 'forget' things (totally on purpose of course!). I'm writing it down on here in the hope that seeing it in black
and white, will make me face up to what I am really doing to myself. I push it to the back of my mind you see in order to 'think positive' and focus being good again. Which = brushing it under the carpet I guess.

Oh well - that's confession time over with. Will try to end on a positive note - have SS'd well today so far!

Will update official weight in results later, that's if I can face my CDC. I am contemplating ringing her to say I can't make it as the last time I couldn't (for genuine reasons) she dropped my packs round to me the next day. Very tempting.....

well done for confessing
at least you know what you did and can admit it
try from now on to pick yourself up and start afresh

i am ew to ss this is my 3rd week
i`ve been struggling today and so tempted to have some toast, you have actually helped me today because now if i do have that toast i wont stop there i will carry on and on until i feel sick

so sorry you messed up but thanks because i am even more determined

and hugs for feeling so sad about it all
kaz xxxx

I so understand where you are coming from. How many times have I done the same thing, including just about half an hour ago .

Once started, never stopped!

I have struggled the whole weekend and have binged on foodpacks because somehow that is better than food. I ate a whole weeks CD packs in 3 days. I then topped it off with rather a lot of Atkins bars. Including 4 today! Even though I ate loads yesterday and they made me feel sick.

My packs are still lost in the post and that has been my excuse to buy and eat food tonight. It has all been all protein but I now feel sick and ashamed. I actually feel tonight that I will never be "fixed". I imagine that you probably feel the same. I imagine I will always struggle with food and that frightens me and more than anything else depresses me.

Not a lot I can say to you to make you feel better I know but please take heart in the fact that you are not alone. I'm here too feeling the same way but sending you all my love and hugs xxx

Originally Posted by kazbro

well done for confessing
at least you know what you did and can admit it
try from now on to pick yourself up and start afresh

i am ew to ss this is my 3rd week
i`ve been struggling today and so tempted to have some toast, you have actually helped me today because now if i do have that toast i wont stop there i will carry on and on until i feel sick

so sorry you messed up but thanks because i am even more determined

and hugs for feeling so sad about it all
kaz xxxx

Ah thanks Kazbro.

I'm glad that my post may have made you think twice about the toast. Toast is one of my usual pitfalls - but I couldn't manage to fit any in at the weekend!

There will be so many temptations along the way but I'm sure you'll overcome them. You've had great results so far and that success is really addictive.

Please don't be discouraged by my poor attempt at maintenance though will you? There are lots of fab diaries to inspire you in the maintenance sub forum - AmandaJane's is brilliant....I'm just RUBBISH at it!

Best of luck xxx

Originally Posted by westiegirl

I so understand where you are coming from. How many times have I done the same thing, including just about half an hour ago .

Once started, never stopped!

I have struggled the whole weekend and have binged on foodpacks because somehow that is better than food. I ate a whole weeks CD packs in 3 days. I then topped it off with rather a lot of Atkins bars. Including 4 today! Even though I ate loads yesterday and they made me feel sick.

My packs are still lost in the post and that has been my excuse to buy and eat food tonight. It has all been all protein but I now feel sick and ashamed.

Oh dear at least you've stuck to protein and low carb bars, take comfort in the fact that you are maintaining an element of control. You'll pull back from it.

What a bummer that you're packs have got lost - you'll have to keep a close eye on the postie - if he looses weight you'll have found your culprit!

I actually feel tonight that I will never be "fixed". I imagine that you probably feel the same. I imagine I will always struggle with food and that frightens me and more than anything else depresses me.

Although I have said before that I try not to 'analyse' myself too much I've been forced to over the weekend and today because I've been at rock bottom. You have hit the nail on the head with this comment. I do feel 'broken' - irrepairably so. I think thats why I never bother to try to work out the 'whys' anymore - it feels pointless to - llike crying over spilt milk. Feels like all I can do is try to limit the damage but you're right, it's one hell of a depressing way to live!

I went to a clarevoyant a few weeks ago - not something I'm into but a few of my friends are and said this lady was amazing so I thought I'd give it a go (even if just to be able to say it IS a load of old rubbish with confidence!) Anyway, to cut a long story short, out of the blue she said that I needed to get counselling for my eating and self esteem issues! Well, I was gobsmacked (as I do look quite normal to the untrained eye!) but it has kept popping into my head since (and moreso over this weekend!). Friends and family have often said they think I would benefit from it, but as I've always thought 'I KNOW I'm broken and have got a tube of superglue and patch myself up when I need to' I haven't felt I could gain anything from it.

(Blimey, have just re-read this and think I have stopped making any sense at all now haven't I? ) Anyway, do you think your counselling helped you at all? Did you find any answers? (or stronger superglue!)

Not a lot I can say to you to make you feel better I know but please take heart in the fact that you are not alone. I'm here too feeling the same way but sending you all my love and hugs xxx

I do feel better for 'typing' about it all with someone, thank you for your kind words as always xxx

Hope you can get hold of some packs from somewhere? what will you do?

Hi yo-yo

Just got out of the shower and I was thinking about my post whilst I was in there. What a miserable one and I apologise! Gosh what a mardy b*tch I was yesterday! Probably didn't help much did I?

I have always been too scared to go to a clairvoyant - because I do sort of believe. How very spooky. My counselling is going ok but as it is on the Nhs I am only "allowed" 6 sessions and they are spaced a month apart so I feel little benefit. I have had counselling privately (although it wasn't specifically for weight issues - it was at the time of splitting from my ex) and did gain enormous benefit from that because I went weekly and I was forced to face things - I tend to be an ostrich and bury my head if not forced to. I left each session feeling so positive - getting that every week was certainly a boost. The trouble was the expense when I became single meant that I could no longer afford to keep it up. Once my sessions on the Nhs are finished I think I might try and find a "specialist" locally and see what happens.

Hope you are feeling better today and I am very hopeful that I will get back on track. Hopefully packs turn up today. I have 1 soup left and some chicken in the fridge. Might just have to suck it and see!

Originally Posted by westiegirl

Hi yo-yo

Just got out of the shower and I was thinking about my post whilst I was in there. What a miserable one and I apologise! Gosh what a mardy b*tch I was yesterday! Probably didn't help much did I?

I have always been too scared to go to a clairvoyant - because I do sort of believe. How very spooky. My counselling is going ok but as it is on the Nhs I am only "allowed" 6 sessions and they are spaced a month apart so I feel little benefit. I have had counselling privately (although it wasn't specifically for weight issues - it was at the time of splitting from my ex) and did gain enormous benefit from that because I went weekly and I was forced to face things - I tend to be an ostrich and bury my head if not forced to. I left each session feeling so positive - getting that every week was certainly a boost. The trouble was the expense when I became single meant that I could no longer afford to keep it up. Once my sessions on the Nhs are finished I think I might try and find a "specialist" locally and see what happens.

Hope you are feeling better today and I am very hopeful that I will get back on track. Hopefully packs turn up today. I have 1 soup left and some chicken in the fridge. Might just have to suck it and see!

Nonsense Sarah, it was a great post! Very comforting. Not that I want you to struggle too of course, but it does help sometimes to realise you're not the only one feeling like sh*te! I have lots of lovely friends but it is only on minimins that I've found people who have the same level of phsycosis (sp?) as me about weight related matters! And that makes me feel...less crazy!

I am a lot better today thanks. SSing is like a pair of comfy old slippers. Thankfully I don't suffer any side effects getting into ketosis, which is just as well as I would have been ill for a few days every fortnight lately!

I'm going to have a long think about the counselling thing.

I hope your packs arrive today. I have lots of extra packs this week as I didn't use any at the weekend. I still got a full weeks supply last night though as I feel bad incase she is relying on the money. Can post some to you guaranteed next day delivery from work tom if yours still haven't turned up? they'd be with you by Friday?

Hope work is better for you today. I've got the day off cuz am going to Dad's hospital appointment with him. He doesn't have much of a head for information (especially if it contains any long words) so can never repeat what's been said - best to go with me thinks!

Chat later xxx

Hiya Yo yo and Sarah

I'm a fellow binger and you have no idea how much you two helped me when you posted on my thread after my massive binge at the weekend.

I was reading about your weekend binge nodding my head, just the sort of things I eat and the same mentality. I've been bloody lucky because I didnt put any on (i have NO idea how that happened) but I can tell you that its pulled me up short and I feel really determined. However its only day 2 on SS and i'm already thinking about what I can eat and when. It has got SO much worse the slimmer i've got and I dont think i'll ever beat it.

I think you're ruddy great for being so honest and posting it all on here.

Ah, thank you Sash. I'm finding writing it all down very therapeutic actually - just hope noone I know ever joins minimins!

I'm so pleased you got away with naughty weekend! Same happened to my friend lastnight. I thought she was gonna do a naked streak round our CDC's house when she got on the scales and lost a quarter of a pound after 2 nights on the booze and lots of food.

I wasn't so lucky - put 6 on - but hey, you read my menus from the weekend! Bit of a no brainer really! It was actually 11lb though as had lost 5 between my last weigh in and the start of my binge from hell!

It is so much harder when you are there or thereabouts. You feel better about yourself and others endorse it. It's the worst kind of ammunition the evil chatterbox can have against us. Much more powerful than just 'eat it, eat it'.

It's 'eat it, you deserve it - you've done so well -you're wearing size x clothes - everyone says you don't need to lose anymore'

Ignore her and have a great week Sash!

xxx