Umm, I've never really said this before but I feel like the biggest loser in the world and not in the TV kinda way. Im in my late 20's 5"9 and 260lbs/18.4 stones, no friends, no family that really cares, no partner, living at home and a general misfit.
I have had a few successes in my life, a few degrees and a small business but even those haven't been without problems and huge failures.
My eating is for comfort. I have been through a range of issues from the day I was born including homelessness, various kinds of abuse and so on.
Now, the only thing I have is food. The only thing that doesn't let me down is food and the only thing i can bank on is food. I don't know where to turn? How can anyone be so unsuccessful in life that they don't even have someone they can call on if in need? I have a very strong personality and am seen as intelligent which make ppl be really unkind to me, as if they have to hurt me for making them feel threatened.
I read all these stories on here today and ppl are worried about their partner seeing them.... I've not had a partner in more years than I care to type! Everything on paper says I should have it all but the reality of my life says different.
I can't get rid of this demon on my back. I can't go out becuase I'm way to unsightly or my clothes aren't right or ppl laugh as aI have big feet and people are unkind. My neighbours comment on me wearing similar clothes all the time but because of my weight, once I find something I like i tend to buy all colours as its the only thing that looks good.
What hurts the most is i have so much to give but feel absolutely useless and worthless. Ive not had a real hug or have anyone say they love me in 10 years and I just feel like an ugly blob.
Food is my only friend so what do I do without that???????????????? The one good thing is I have found a weight loss plan i love which is the Vi shakes. I tried Slim fast and so one but they tasted horrible but the Vi shakes are like milk shakes so very yummy. My problem is sticking to it. All these gremlins come into my head, i have arguments with ppl in my head in situations that have net even happened yet but I fear they will.
Now I'm not totally coo coo but lawd after reading this it would seem I'm not far off! I have everything and nothing in the same sad breath and am not sure whats next? Where do I go from here?
Thanks for reading and allowing me to express my thoughts