Really struggling, feel like a failure
I'm really struggling at the minute and just feel like I need a bit of support.
I have been overweight since I was about 12-13 (I'm 21 now) and I have been on diets since I can remember. I have tried calorie counting, Slimming World, Weight Watchers, 5:2, starvation.. and I have never really been able to loose anything substantial. With 5:2 I lost about 8lbs and that's the most I have ever lost, but once my exam revision started last year I threw it out of the window. It gave me a really unhealthy relationship with food, not eating for one day and binging the next. My binging problem has always been there. Me and my mum used to eat together to spend time together. We would eat healthy all day, then ruin it in the evening with a take away, numbers packets of crisps, chocolate, ice creams. We would do that daily or weekly. And it's something I struggle with a lot. It got worst when I started University as I was drinking 3-4 times a week, and hiding away in my room and binge eating. I got a hold of it for a while, but now have moved away for the year and feel lonelier than ever. I am very bored with my life, missing my family, friends, and long distance boyfriend, lonely, and have no motivation at all. It's not like I even have that much weight to loose - about 2 stone - so feel so bad complaining so much as I know other people have bigger weight problems and are coping with it great.
I have been trying to be healthy and good, and just feel like I can't at the minute. I have been trying Slimming World since Saturday and had two 'blow outs' with chocolate and crisps already. I am supposed to be going to see my boyfriend next week (after not seeing him since new year) and really really don't want to - I'm going to feel so uncomfortable with him and not want to be intimate. I'm 21 for god's sake! I have a really nice, loving family, some great friends and an amazing boyfriend (albeit they all live 200+ miles away from me at the minute), I have a really good placement and a new job so earning money. On paper my life should be great, but I just feel like I'm a million miles away from my goal and can't handle it. I feel depressed constantly. I just want one week of weight loss to spur me on, but can't seem to get that right at the minute.
I'm sorry to be complaining and rambling on here - I know you guys don't want to hear it, but I feel too embarrassed to talk to anyone else about it. Any advice would be so much appreciated.