tashy100

Oh my god - I'm so fed up. I don't know what is wrong with me. I just can't seem to keep my hands off food at the moment. I go to bed every evening promising myself that I will be good tomorrow, wake up feeling just a bit less resolved and then finish the day with a god-almighty binge

What on earth is going on. I have ordered myself 2 weeks worth of CD from ebay and it should come over the next couple of days but Im thinking now that it is going to be a waste of time as I just can't seem to stop myself.

I am 11.11 and my ideal would be 9.7 but would be really happy with 10 stone. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!!!!! I'm sooo stupid - have been gaining and losing the same 3lbs for months now when I know that a month of SS'ing would make such a difference - but bugger ss'ing I cant even stick to 1500cals per day.

I just feel so large and bloated - I hate it when my other half touches me cos I feel so vile - just have to push him away. My mind keeps going around and around - liposuction / tummy tuck / weight loss spa / gastric band - why cant I just knuckle down and get on with it????

Sorry - rant over - hopefully will feel a bit better now!

Tasha

kazz

Tasha, of course you can stop eating! Any time you want to you can...maybe you've just gone into panic mode stufing yourself with all the food you love because you know your CD stuff isnt arriving for a few days?? Just out of interest, how come you bought from ebay and not from a CDC?

Best of luck...

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Ajax

Awwww honey, sorry to hear you are feeling so pants, You know CD works and sometimes it is just a battle of minds when you give in to food. Just draw line under it, wait for your stuff to arrive and then make a promise to yourself that you will do it. Take each day at a time. Don't think long term.

You'll be in the 9stones before you know it.

Now my time to moan - why are you buying off ebay!? ? have you got a counsellor near by? At least you won't pay over the odds that way!!!

You can do it, keep drinking water and coming on here every time you want to eat. Dont worry about whats happened in the last few months just crack on now. Good luck hun!

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Angela
No Longer looking into the Past - today is my future.

Its Clicked. Im Back. You'll be seeing a lot less of me mind...

tashy100

Thanks guys - this has been going on for ages and its got to stop. I do have a near-by counsellor who I have been to before - but I just cant face going back - it gets embarrassing you know - going back and not having lost any weight - showng in public my lack of self control when it comes to food - it doesnt matter that I know she has been there - I still feel crap about myself.

I am just going to have to be strong - you are right it is a battle of wills - hopefully after the first 3-4 days it should get easier. My kids are with their Dad this weekend so maybe I should start on Thursday and hopefully be over the worst by Monday when I pick them up.

Just like to say that there are some brave and strong people on here - so many of you have done so well

dizzy-n-mizzy

Hi Tashy100

Really sorry you are feeling so terrible at the moment and sad that you don't feel you can go back to your CDC. It seems to me you need the support of your CDC more than ever and I'm sure that he/she would understand and has seen it before. It obviously wasn't the time for you before. If you really can't face him/her how about finding another. You really don't want to be paying ebay prices, postage and not getting any additional services. Keep posting on minimims for extra support. Really hoping you start feeling better about yourself soon. I know I had a lot of your feelings before I started CD and I immediately felt so good once I started CD as I felt I was taking charge of my eating and doing something really good for myself.

Best wishes

Dizzy x

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I can now run non-stop at 10 kph for 30 minutes (5 km)!

tashy100

Hi Dizzy

Thankyou so much for your kind words. I am hoping that I feel the same as you did once you started. I just want this useless and ashamed feeling to go away.

By-the way - well done on your loss thats really great!!! You must be very chuffed with yourself and rightly so!

Tasha

dizzy-n-mizzy

Tasha you are so welcome. I really hope you can feel better like I did, it really was instant as soon as I made the decision.

My eating had escalated while my mum was ill at the beginning of the year and becoming more and more compulsive that's when I thought I would look into CD as I new wouldn't be able to manage on other diets. it was such a relief to take food totally out of the equation.

You have so little to lose. If you can start to feel better about yourself (think of yourself as extra special during this time) you will soon be seeing the results and reaching your goal.

Taking food out of the equation is a real + for those of us who compulsively eat when stressed. My mum is much better now and so this isn't such an issue for me but I do know that I turn to food when stressed and I know this is something I will always have to control and have strategies to deal with. You too will be able to work on this while losing the weight.

Thankyou I am really proud of my weightloss and feel so good physically, emotionally, my brain is sharper again (a little anyway) more confident, better skin the list is endless. You will be proud of yourself too soon just have confidence in your ability to do this.

Keep in touch

Dizzy x

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I can now run non-stop at 10 kph for 30 minutes (5 km)!

tashy100

Thanks Dizzy - I will - we are at about the same point (except you've already done so well!) with similar goals - fancy buddying up??

Glad your Mum is better.

Tasha

dizzy-n-mizzy

Sure Tasha, I'll add you to my buddy list and send you the odd email if you wish? You are doing the right thing getting all the support you can. Have a think about getting a CDC for when your supply is low, but check them out first as you need someone that will be a positive support and you feel comfortable. You don't want to feel embarassed, it's not going to help!

Dizzy x

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I can now run non-stop at 10 kph for 30 minutes (5 km)!

s_786

Tashy, hun you are going through exactly whats been happening with me, I was 11,11lbs and now i have gone up to 12, 5lbs sometimes 12,8lbs cant stop eating and countless re-starts, its soo annoying I just wish i can get into that kick again. I want to be 10st, 5lbs ( 10 stones ideally) but the way i am going, scaled are moving in wrong direction. Its so frustating,

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Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools







Week 1 ( 6 days in) -8lb
Week 2 (TOTM) -2lbs
Week 3 -3lbs
Week 4 -1lbs ( One stone )

Week 5 - Off to New York
will resume SS from 4th Jan 2012.

Karen1972

Hi Tash

I know how you feel cos i've been going through the same thing lately. I got to my target in May and now i'm a stone heavier than where i want to be grrrr

I think it's about mindset and how desperate we want it. I start each day very well with all intention of sticking to it but come evening time i'm like a junkie looking for my next fix. We just gotta be stronger than we have been as Grange Hill said a few years ago

...JUST SAY NO...

PMSL - that's my motto from now on when my ***** of a chatterbox tells me that i deserve a massive pizza, a million choc bars and a zillion packets of crisps!!

You can do it and so can i cos we hate being fat and believe me being on target is the most delicious feeling in the world - even better than that new pizza from pizza hut with the cheese bites instead of crust!! lol

Just be strong!

luv,

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Karen xxx

s_786

^ ah Karen, story of my life, contstant struggle, I have had countless re-starts aswell

__________________





Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools







Week 1 ( 6 days in) -8lb
Week 2 (TOTM) -2lbs
Week 3 -3lbs
Week 4 -1lbs ( One stone )

Week 5 - Off to New York
will resume SS from 4th Jan 2012.

lavender

tash, are you my twin?? i am just the same at the moment, i did 4 days on SS last week and lost about 9 lbs!! but then yesterday as we people for dinner i had plannned to eat so did and had 2 glasses of wine (never drink as it doesnt really agree with me!!) and today i am STARVING and keep popping out to the kitchen for something to eat, nothing is fillimg me up and i cant wait till bed time and when i dont have to deal with food anymore today, hope it will pass, i havent gone too mad and althought there is a box of chocs in the kitchen I have only had one and colud so easily eat the whole box, but I know that it wont do me any good and I will feel worse afterwards , but why do I want them anyway, the one i had I thought about while I ate it and came to the conclusion that it wasnt really very nice, so why is my chatterbox saying have some more?? well i am not going to , so F**k off!!! feel better now, chatterbox deosnt have any taste buds obviously!!!

Anyway tash I hope you are having some success today, we have got to beat this thing.





karen,
you sound as peed off as me, food wise, i kid myself that if i didnt have a family and a husband it would be so easy as I just wouldnt have "bad" food in, but I can see dfrom your experience , no lifestyle protects you from the demon B***H chatterbox!!
we just have to keep plugging away at it i guess!!

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tashy100

Hi Folks

Thankyou for all of your kind posts - it nice to know Im not the only one!!!

Things have been better these last few days. I was feeling so low with myself at the beginning of the week I felt that I had no control over what I was stuffing into my mouth - I wasnt even tasting or enjoying it - how bluddy stupid .

Karen - I can totally relate to feeling like a junkie - that is how I get.

I have had much more control the past couple of days - I think I need to get very far down in the pit before I decide that I have to do something.

Having said that - I am absolutely STARVING today - had my 4 packs by 2pm!!!!! Think will have to have another tonight to stop me eating - am doing OH saugages and jacket potato for dinner - how cruel!!

Hope you guys manage to overcome your own demons and get back on track - for me it is one day at a time - Im not promising anything(to myself) - just hoping that one day at a time I can chip away at it!!!!

Loads of love

Tasha

flirty40greeneyes

Tasha
I'm a CDC and have had many clients who've come to me ... then disappeared for awhile and then come back. I NEVER judge them ... just start again. Buying off ebay has to be a big NO NO as you don't know where the packs have come from, if they're in date or if they've been tampered with (not wanting to upset you here - just state the obvious).

The other side of the coin - as those who've been reading my diary know - is that I'm where you are .......... desperately wanting to lose weight, but sabotaging it and eating. The fact I'm a CDC doesn't help me with myself ... but it does mean I'm very empathetic (if that's a word!!!) with my clients who fall off the wagon.

So I hope you do well at your SS ... and you'll go back to, or find another, CDC ............ and that we'll all see how well you're doing in yr battle against weight. The help and inspiration you get from people on here is phenominal and I hope to continue in my weight loss quest too!

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Beverley xxx

-3lb