I started writing a diary even before I joined here so I've decided to 'go public' with it all...As I said, it's an open and honest account of my long journey ahead....
October 8th 2010
So here I sit, sad and in hate with myself...itís hardly a new feeling is it Paul.
I donít want to look in the mirror and I certainly donít want to step onto the scales. Iím now at a point where I must be at my heaviest, if not then Iím very close to it. Still, I either want to do this or I donít.
So there I have it, my scales have told me I am Ďofficiallyí twenty stone and eight pounds. Itís no surprise really Iíve been abusing myself with food for too many years but things have to change and they will...Thatís the first step taken anyway, making the decision to do something about it, not just for a few months or a few years but for life.
I searched the internet and itís going to be Slimming World for me, I like the sound of this ĎExtra Easyí plan. Iíve spoken to Cheryl and she seems a lovely lady but I am unable to start immediately as Iím going away for three weeks to help a mate out with his business. Iím staying in a bed and breakfast and Iíll be eating out every night whilst Iím away- great. If Iím honest Iím not happy about it, I really do want to get started straight away but it just wonít be feasible so Iíll have to wait.
Itís gone on too long, as Iíve said, and as my forty-sixth birthday looms large on the horizon itís becoming more of a health issue too. Having said that, thereís a long list of reasons why I want to kiss the fat goodbye. ******, where do I start?
I hate that I donít play sport/games with my boys, what sort of example am I setting them? I hate that when I do find the energy I want to quit after five minutes. I hate that I sweat like a pig when I do anything physical. I hate having to wear clothes that cling to me because XXL is too small. I hate the [severe] acid indigestion I suffer from, I hate the sleep apnea I have sometimes and the fear of it, I hate the fact that itís a struggle to tie my shoe laces from a standing position, I hate my reflection, I hate feeling unattractive to my beautiful wife, I hate that Iíve stopped caring about myself, I hate dreading days when the temperature rises above seventy degrees and I hate not being able to be the real me.
Quite a long list I suppose but I bet there are many more things I hate associated with being six stone overweight. Itís about four weeks until I start at Slimming World, I canít wait for it to get here.