Thread: Today I Begin Forever

I'm not new...either to losing weight or to this forum. I've been here before. I've started and re-started several times. I feel almost embarrassed to be back here saying that 'this is it, this is the last time' because, well, let's face it, I've said it before! And don't get me wrong, when I said it, I meant it, really and truly meant it! That's the most embarrassing part. That I failed, when I was so sure I would succeed. That I let food become more important to to me than my self-esteem, my self-worth, my relationship with myself and others and even my hopes and dreams for the future, not to mention my health!

My original weight loss journey began in February 2008, at a Weight Watchers meeting in my home village, when I stood on scales that told me that I was 17 stone 12lb, just over 7 stone too much for my 5ft 4in frame. I felt ashamed but determined and while it wasn't smooth sailing, by July 2009 I'd reached 14 stone 8ln, a 3 stone 3lb weight loss. Slow, but steady. Then, I stopped going to Weight Watchers. I don't know why and by August 2012, one year later, I weighed in at 17 stone 2lb, a mere 10lb less than when I originally started. Then I met the man I want (hope) to spend the rest of my life with. He was amazing, gorgeous, wonderful...and an athlete! It was my best dream and worst nightmare combined - a wonderful man, but one who was fit and healthy. I wondered what on earth he could see in me, a fat, frumpy girl with no fashion sense and a whole stack of issues! But he saw something and we're still together now. Partly because of my new relationship and partly because finding 'the one' meant I could finally imagine things like maybe being a bride and a mother as more a reality than a hopeless dream, I started trying to lose weight again. I didn't join a club or anything - I just decided to try going to the gym and eating a bit better. By July this year I had managed to lose 4 stone 6lb to reach 12 stone 10lb, just 2 stone from the goal weight of 10 stone 9lb I set myself. And to boot, I even finished my first Triathlon! Me! The Fat, Frumpy Girl

However (you knew this was coming otherwise why would I be here?!!!) since July, I’ve managed to completely lose the plot and gain back 1 stone 1lb, taking me up to 13 stone 11lb. This yo-yo weight loss and gain has to stop. I need to get my head sorted out, work through my ‘issues’ and lose the last 3 stone and 2lb I’m carrying around which puts my health and happiness at risk.

The diary is just my way of trying to get through it, hopefully picking up (and giving out) support and encouragement along the way as well as maybe making some buddies who know what it’s like to be where I am and who are positive ‘can do’ people who have been there and come through to the skinny side

Good luck! I hope it all works out.

I decided to take down some measurements as well as to track my weight.

Waist = 39 inches
Hips = 46.5 inches
Leg 4in above knee = 23 inches
Leg 8in above knee = 26 inches
Calf = 18 inches
Upper arm = 14.5 inches
Under bust = 37.5 inches

I look at some of those figures and feel really sad at how I have allowed myself to get to this size. And I'm under no illusions here; there is no one but myself to blame. No one forces me to eat foods which I know are not going to help my cause. I eat for emotional reasons, because of boredom, for fulfillment and sometimes for greed or even laziness, when cooking something seems like too much hard work. I make a choice each and every day about what I put into my body. A choice. And that's what makes it ll the more difficult. I almost wish I could point at someone and say 'well, it's his fault', or 'her fault' or 'not my fault' but it IS. I CHOSE THIS. I made a choice to take the easy road. I chose to work hard for almost 2 years to lose weight and then give up. No one made me. Life is stressful Life does't always make me happy. Life can be hard. My job is pressured and I'm not married with kids like I hoped. But that's not the point. I chose to gain weight. I chose to lose it. I chose to gain it back. So I'm in control...and I have to remember that fact!

Good luck, we are near enough the same weight and not that much difference in height. You can do it

Hi Jaide - I completely understand where you are coming from - I am also a recurring dieter. But I have found this forum and am determined to stick to it. You have already achieved so much. Letting yourself Be loved is one of the hardest things I have found to do. I hope for you all the success for the future Follow your dreams babe xxx