Biggirlsam

I have been on here for a few weeks and to be honest I didn't know how to start my own diary. It took a lot of courage to ask Pierce for help- l'll be honest even little children know more about computers than me.

Anyway Me-

I'm 39 just had a birthday last month, I'm married to a wonderful guy (but don't tell him), and I have a beautiful daughter who is even now the apple of my eye- she's 20 and I cannot believe where the time has gone!! I have 2 dogs one of each both gsd's. And now to the sad bit.

Sam- me was morbidly obese- I can remember being taken to the doctor when I was 5 and vividly remember him saying to my mum "she is the size of an ape"- to be honest I don't think I even knew what an ape was so it did not even register with me what he was saying- my mum and myself had one of those heart to hearts a few years ago and i just asked her if I had imagined it- she just stared at me and started crying - she remembered it alright!!! poor lady anyway I will not begin to go into detail of my weight problems when I was young its past!! I was 12 years old and 12 Stone -thats all I need to remember.

I guess as i've always be very fat it was just the norm to get the comment and each year I have got bigger and bigger. Before I left Wales I was 17 and a half stone and I practically starved myself to get to 13 stone- not my best idea because I learnt nothing and the minute I ate again it went back on.... I have a wonderful friend who 2 years ago said she was going to a fatty class so along I went..Slimming world, 16 stone 12 lbs omg- no weighing scales in the house so cry I wanted to.... anyway after months and months of half a pound, a pound, half a pound she gave in, so I happily did....
Each birthday I said next year I will be slim... I never really imagined myself thin just 12 stone- I guess it was all I ever remember so that was goal..

Well each year I said next year. I have 6 diaries that only log my new diet!!! they start off with stats and for a few weeks I was great - I would tell people this is the one and after a few weeks i'd fail...

In June of 06 I was talking to a lady i'd seen on and off in work and she seemed to of lost a lot of weight- well one day I plucked up the courage to ask what was it. She spent ages talking me through Lipotrim- I came home and found out as much as a one finger typist can on her hardly used computer.. I checked a web site each day and listened to the trials and joy of the people on lipotrim- I do not every remember thinking "You idiots its dangerous you will put it all back on!!!". I had like millions of people before poo pooed the vlcd's as a quick fix and not to be tried because it was dangerous..

Anyway on July 4th 2006 I woke up to go to work and I had to prise myself up off my pillow. I hadn't noticed the weight going on and on .Yes I was in size 24 jeans with the zip totally open because the fat just spilled out of the zip opening but after throwing on a huge size 26 top I thought no-one would notice.. I split my favorite jeans when i was climing a truss and I just laughed it off- I was too ashamed even to cry... That was two weeks before I couldn't get out of bed but it still didn't kick me to do anything!!!

The 4 th was my turning point in my life!! I went to work and used the steering wheel of my car to get out-its amazing how you ignore the signs for soooo long... Went into my little room and couldn't wait for 9am to come.. I rang the pharmacist and was told I couldn't get an appointment until the following week gutted but to be honest determined....

I cut down on takeaways in the night and tried to eat in the mornings (still can't take my shake until 1pm but never mind), The whole week I was afraid to tell my husband I knew he would give me sooo much grief about vlcd's because I was sooo against them... Well on the weekend before I told him in no uncertain terms this is what i'm doing and thats the end.. To my honest surprise he said ok but if I see you getting ill you must stop.....

The morning of the Tuesday 11th July 2006 I changed my life. I went to that pharmacist with utmost conviction no doubts no questions and went in there totally prepared to do whatever it took to loose the weight... She was I think a little surprised by how much I knew- each time she started a sentence I finished it- I have apologised to her about my pushy attitude it was I was so scared she'd say no I didn't give her a chance.. I left with my bag of liotrim and yes I was embarrassed the first time I had to walk through the customers but I just held on tight to my food and left. I sat in the car and thought what a massive test I was going to put myself through.. I went home and for the first time in my life I decided to tell no-one about this- my hubbie already knew. Each day I would go into work with 4 litres of water and a shaker. I made sure I was in early so the only people who saw me were the security guards and to be honest I could have carried a pig on my head and they wouldn't have noticed...I work in a tiny box with the dop for the episode so I just drank water in from of them and at lunch when they went out I shook my first shake of the day and because everyone was on lunch no-one took any notice of me washing my shaker in the sink. Then about 5.30 when everyone had sandwiches I shook another one and when they all went in to hod's I washed that shake- I would get home about 8 and my husband would eat his food on the table so I didn't have to watch him eat
I have to be honest I didn't experience the withdrawl symptoms most people did I didn't drink coffee or tea so no caffine problems. I did get quite light headed and had to get up slowly.
The first week was over horay I went to the chemist and sat on a chair waiting for my weigh in like a little girl. Big smile and happy which was silly really because I had no idea what I weighed..
11lbs later I left with 2 weeks supply I work freelance so I can't go each week it has to be when I hav'nt got any work which is really hard when its 3 weeks...
Anyway I won't bore you with the weeks and weeks before I started on her but needless to say I will write my losses down to show others that you can loose and feel good.

Week 1 ... -11lbs
Week 2+3.. -7lbs
Week 4+5.. -9lbs
Week 6+7.. . -6lbs
Week 8+9.. -7lbs
Week 10, 11 and 12..-9lbs

I have lost 49 lbs in 3 months -12 weeks and it has changed my life...

I had a tough time in week 2 and 3 with pins and kneedles very scared all the usual i'm having a heart attack -i'm killing myself etc,etc. Then in week 11 a silly thing on my part happened- a guy I though was my friend came in to see me and asked if I was loosing weight I boasted yes 3 stone so far, I asked him not to say anything and within half an hour the whole set knew.. The snide comments ilke you'll put it all back on and are you really not eating!!! And the worst was flashing food in my face and going- go one just one wont hurt!!!! The week before I'd been up a ladder and to cut a very long story short a woman came and asked if the ladder was safe with my weight on it- I wanted to cry because I was doing something about it!!!!!!! anyway I was professional and advised her to move from under it in case it broke and she got hurt.... I was so close to eating everything I could see because I was so upset... I came home and went on the other site and just poured my heart out- I did not eat!!! But after the people in work found out each day was a challenge... I would go into work all hyped up to defend myself I would come home a total wreck and just craved everything.. It went through my mind so many times just one, just this, just that, Mini Came onto out site and told us that she had lost and kept it off and I was curious about this site- I came and looked and loved the feeling of friendship you all give out- lets be honest to total strangers!!! You are all amazing. I kept getting lost and didn't know how to post or do anything so sometime i'd just log on and sit for ages reading something I had no idea how i'd got there. And the ticker thing don't go there - at one time had 2!!! without Pierce and his brain I would still be carring 2 around with me.. Minni has been wonderful I don't need to tell you guys that But I ask the sillies questions and I never get the "you don't know!" its always this is the way etc, and I can't thank you enough.

I have had a really tough time this week with my head not the diet my mum had been ill and I live a long way away- but I jumped onto a thread someone else started and just poured my heart out to you guys and you were brilliant. I wasn't thinging straight and the commonsense and kind thought kept me on track. Its funny I post on another site and I wouldn't dream of being so open there, its so odd because they are really nice people its just here I feel you deal with the life of people not just the diet of people. I guess that is odd but hey its me.. I can't begin to let you know how tired my poor fingers are after trying to catch up on 12 weeks of diets and 39 years of Sam in one go . I hope to get to know you guys better and its so good to be able to use this place like my personal diary. If I had something to say important about today I guess it would be ...... thinking........ Just kidding..... no honest still thinking... Well I will be slim for the first Christmas of my life and that is something I look forward too... Roll on tomorrow and 3 chocolate shakes.. oh and ps my spelling is really bad but thats me!!

Ajax

WHat a lovely post, and very honest, congrats.

You are doing so well, keep it up!! xxxx

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Angela
No Longer looking into the Past - today is my future.

Its Clicked. Im Back. You'll be seeing a lot less of me mind...

IreneH

Biggirlsam
So pleased to meet you. And you'll not be able to call yourself that for much longer. You're over half way.
Irene xx

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If you bite it write it

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canireallydothis!!

Absolutely Fantastic Post, Reminded me as to why we are all here.

You ask any questions you want to, someone can always hep and nothing is silly.

Well done to you, I look forward to reading your updates x x x x

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Diet: Trying to get my head round one!!

kazz

hey sam....well done so far hun...i'm only on day 6 of CD, but you;ve done so well to get so far into LT....good luck with the rest hun....dont worry about the muppets in work....they;re just jealous that ur doing somethin about the things that make u unhappy!

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Roch

I really enjoyed reading your post,well done 2 u for your sheer determination which has paid off as u have lost 49 lbs in 12 weeks and by Jan u would of reached your goal and u will be so chuffed when u hold up those size 26 jeans and remember how big u were and now u r fitting into normal size jeans and when u jump in your car u will have to move the seat forward as u will have so much space.

Looking forward to reading more of your posts,take care and have a nice weekend xxx

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KateF

Lovely to read all that Sam.
What a hard time you've had, and good on you for fighting through and losing all this weight.
So glad you've got to grips with the technology and look forward to reading more about your journey.

Kate x

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Weight at Jan 2011; Too heavy
Goal by March 2011; Be less heavy

Isobel1965

Bless ya, Sam. I'm so glad you've found us!!!

Your post really touched me, babes. I think we've all been there and I think you're fantastic for showing such strength of character and determination - especially during this difficult time.

HUGS to you and your mum.
love

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KD

You've done so well!

I guess people are noticing now?

Flopster

Sam, that is a lovely post, you sound as if you are doing brilliantly well.

Welcome to minimins, you are right there is an amazing bunch of people on here who are able to help at any time of the day or night.

Good luck with your continuing journey. One thing though, take plenty of pictures as you go down - it will help keep you on track.

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skinnymongoose

Just caught up with your thread, Sam. Having read your story I have a feeling you are going to become one of the 'inspirational stars' around here! You have already done so well, and I am quite sure you won't let anything stop you till you get to your goal. You've already shown us (and yourself) how strong you are. Looking forward to reading more of your diary.
SM

Biggirlsam

Good evening everyone!!! I'm so surprised to see all your replies and thank you everyone..
I found my way back and i'm rather chuffed!!!
Today has been weird- Started with a trip to my optician who was 20 mins late-isn't it funny they can be late and you just wait- if we were late we'd have to make another appointment. Anyway it went downhill fast as I sat in the chair. My husband sent a text to say he'd banged the generator and hit a location van- the sound mans they were working in Bath and the streets are very narrow. I tried to ask the obvious how did it happen etc oh dear not a good idea- it ended with me turnig my phone off to stop a screaming match... The optician waited patciently after I told her the call was important and she wouldn't mind hanging on 5 mins for me.. (I don't think I would have had the cheek to say anything if I hadn't waited so long for her.
Came home and just packed the dogs up into the car and drove to Wales. The whole idea was to just drive but I ended up at my mums house- I havn't been there for oh since Christmas- sat in the car outside and was about to leave when my dad came out- We have a difficuly relationship but I just wanted to be there!!!. He called me in and my mum was in a dressing gown and sitting up it was so good to see her and to be honest my dad too. He offered me tea and I said no thanks it was really hard he offered the proverbial peace offering and I couldn't take it because i'm on a flipping diet!!! I had a wonderful 3 hours talking to my parents and when I had to leave my mum hugged me and I was so scared and surprised- she's not a hugger. I stood and just said whats up- she said I might not see her again and oh did it hurt.. I just poo pooed her and said i'd see here soon. I left their home and was sort of on cloud 9 for most of the m4 to be honest.. I explained I was on a diet and I didn't eat anything you should have seen me make my lipotrim with a whisk and a measuring jug I have never had so many lumps ever-I have had a wonderful day in all and I just wanted to let people know life is so short and for whatever reason thing happen- we have the power to change things in our live - yes its tough but ohhhh so worth while.... I'm really enjoying today lets hope the happy feeling continues for the mext 3 months..Ps I saw Welsh cakes in my mums house and for the first time in 39 years I did not eat a welsh cake well lets be real- I did not eat the pack of 6 welsh cakes. Me and those cakes have never fought and there still be and remains left- today they won and I happily lost!!!!

Mini

Hi Sam,

I have cried my way through your diary and all the wonderful support you have received on this thread and I am so happy for you and so glad that your trip home to see your mum and dad went so well and yes life is very short...but there is so much we can do sometimes in a short space of time.

We do have the power to change our lives, it takes courage and hard work along with determination.

These are qualities you have.

I look forward to reading your diary thread.

Thank you .

Love Mini xxx

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Love Mini xxx

Biggirlsam

I lost all my natterings for the night and now i'm sulking me and this flipping computer I typed and typed and it told me I wasn't logged on and now i'm too tired to type any more I wish my brain worked sometimes- not all the time just sometimes!!!!!! I didn't realise there was a time out thingy... Going to bed lets hope I remember the way!!!!!!!!!!!

flirty40greeneyes

Oh Sam what a lovely post. There has been so many bits of it I can identify with.
As some who have read my post re my future step-daughter will know the problems she's having and reading about you when you were younger struck such a chord there.
I lost 4stone last Oct-Jan ... put a stone back on - but now determined to restart and get to my goal for Xmas, so THANK YOU.
My mum is also really ill - she has shingles and has been bedridden for the last 6weeks. My parents live 250miles away and I was shocked when I went down to see them last week. My mum looks sooooo bad and as she's in her mid 70's i'm worried that if she gets over this her immune systwm will be so shot she stands a bigger chance of getting pneumonia, bronchitus, or flu. I have this awful premonition that she is in the last stages of her life ... and I'm so scared. She has other health worries such as colitus, asthma, etc and I just feel she can't go on like this anymore. Even writing this I'm sitting here with the tears pouring down my face. It's the first time I've realsied that it is as serious and like you with your dad I've had a rocky relationship with her - my low self esteem etc .... but I don't want to lose her.
So finally WELL DONE to you ... keep it up and I so hope that your mum gets better. I look forward to reading more in your diary.
Take care Beverley xx