Another -Last -Time-Ever Diary

Hello. Back here again. Shockingly 5th time on a VLCD. Even more shockingly, I reached goal weight each time which took great determination. Admittedly 2 of those times I have got pregnant in the early days and I am one of those people that pretty much can't moderate eating in pregnancy, feeling crap and tired means I graze and tbh stop caring as my focus is elsewhere. I had a double whammy this time. I put my back out very early on and ended up bedridden for months on strong painkillers and then with extremely low mobility for the rest. I have just stopped breast feeding my 6 month old and feeling guilty as hell about it because I was desperate to do this (if things had been going swimmingly I would have carried on until 1 like I did the others but we have had alot of other problems to contend with). I did try SW when he was 6 weeks old, did ok for 6 weeks and lost a stone. And then lost it, big time. Too full of self loathing to keep at it. I *know* VLCDs are not the answer. However I don't see that finding the answer when you are a healthy weight , can exercise etc really makes much difference. I don't think I am any less likely to sort myself out than by losing miserably slowly when my self esteem is so shockingly bad, my health is suffering (my back is terrible and I desperately need to take some pressure off it) and I really think it needs to be done for the greater good. I am a farmer's wife- have an active life. I'm really struggling right now.
Soooo - this time I have started trying Boossh. I can't believe the amount of vlcds out there now and the range of products! First time I did CD I existed for 5 months on vanilla shakes only (I was limited to lactose free). The lactose thing came about because for the first 2 weeks I had the most upset stomach, the shakes literally went straight though me and I ended up drained. It improved so we thought it was the lactose. However it wasn't, the last few times I have done it CD, Exante, S&S I have had no issue. But this time. Oh dear.... horrible. Feeling really weak. I am putting it down to the heat. I think it is the salts that cause the issue until your body gets used to them and I guess that would be exaggerated in this weather. I hope it resolves soon, or I'll have to change plan. ATM I am doing 3 shakes and a meal - not exactly their plan but more similar to CD 710 (Boossh do snacks). It is working, day 4 and down 8 lbs :-0 Write more later!
 
Welcome greenwellies!!

8lbs is awesome!! Well done. On my iPhone so can't see your start weight / amount to lose but any weight losing 8lbs in 4 days is amazing!! Well done

I've often been curious about these VLCDs where you use meal replacements / shakes etc. I would think it would be really hard to adjust back to normal food without putting on weight? But maybe it's easier than I think!

Seems like you are in the zone so very best of luck xx
 
Hi Blondecat! With a VLCD you lose alot the first week as your body burns the glycogen stored in your liver before it can start on the fat. Glycogen binds to water so you lose about 3lbs just from that. I find VLCDs great, ketosis is tough to get into, but then you feel good. Coming off to start with is ok - if you haven't been having food you find everything so tasty and like new. But then at some point it becomes normal again and that is the danger zone.I've got 4.5 stone to lose :/ I could do it by Xmas but I can't see OH being happy about it tbh. We are on holiday in 3 weeks and I did say I was just doing this as a boost before as I was so unhappy. Hmmm.
 
Interesting, thanks!

Why won't OH be happy? Do you think he likes you on the curvier side? Xx
 
My OH loves to cook. That is one of the reasons I am doing a plan with food this time (just a protein meal in the evening) as he hates not being able to cook for me, bless him. Honestly I don't think he cares if I am big or small so that is good.
I am finding it tough atm, I think cutting out food altogether is a bit easier.But then maybe it is because I have a baby to look after and 2 other kids as well and I'm just more drained... anyway, it isn't a huge deal, but I'm having to have the odd bit of protein through the day to keep me going. A slice of ham here and there. I bought a chicken skewer when I was out earlier. Feel a bit bad about it - it won't ruin the diet no, but it is more just the fact it is calories and it feels like maybe I am making excuses.
 
lucky girl ! I would love an OH to cook for me. In fact I'd love another half!! lol

when are you going to weigh in ? what day you picking ? just remember that 8lbs you lost and how great you felt :)
 
Hey Blondcat! Lol, I see my now OH as the antidote to being with a complete A*hole for so many yrs previously! I am very lucky though I know.
Well according to the diet website my WI day was yesterday so I had to stick to 8lbs loss (although it was actually 8.5) but I think it should have been today and that would have been 9.5lb. But I don't care really, it was a great loss for week one and I feel heaps better already! Starting to adapt now and feeling like I have some energy again. My clothes are loosening which helps my mental well being hugely. The last few weeks before I started I seemed to be on self-destruct weight wise, stuffing myself all the time with crap. Buying biscuits and stuff under the guise of for the kids and eating them all through the day. And crisps. And beer/wine. Sigh. Vicious cycle of course. Unfortunately I suffer from depression and I suspect it plays a large part in things.But I'm in control at the moment and I feel positive. I can look at photos of myself from when I got to goal before and look forward to finding her again, not feel resentful and disgusted with myself. A few weeks back I bagged up alot of my clothes for charity, smaller clothes that I had kept for ages. In a low moment I thought I would get rid and free myself of the reminder of what I used to be. Good job I am too lazy to have taken them anywhere :)
I'm kind of obsessing over my holiday. We go on the 16th for a week and I just don't know what to do. My sis is also on a VLCD and she can't decide either although I think she is erring towards normal eating. I want to have the week, but I so don't want the first week again when we get back!
 
It does annoy me on this site that I can log in, write something and by the time I post I have been automatically logged out and I lose my ramblings. This didn't used to happen!
 
Hey
I hope you don't mind me dropping in. I feel much the same way as you do. I wonder how I got to this stage in my weight and then beat myself up about it until I feel so awful I just binge on rubbish. I'm hoping that CD will be different for me, though is the first VLCD I've used. I'm hoping it'll teach me to understand when I'm hungry and when I'm emotional.

My hubby isn't 100% ok with me doing CD, he thinks there are better ways to lose weight. He doesn't care if I lose weight or not but he is trying to be supportive as he knows I'm a miserable being obese and he doesn't want me to be unwell because of my size. Do you think you can get your dh onboard by telling him it's about your health as much as weight?

Best
F0X

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Day 11 . 12lbs down.
Haven't written for a few days after losing my last entry. Things are going ok, feel good this morning. Such a relief to feel free of some of this fat that has been weighing me down. My back isn't improving yet but I suspect that is as much the bed I'm currently sleeping in. I'm trying to night wean the baby so am in the spare room on a soggy horrible mattress. What I'd do for a full night of sleep! lol.
Been reasonably active the last few days, been in the workshop doing some welding jobs (feminine aren't I? ;) ) and building a new big chicken run. Hopefully finish that today.Not being particularly strict with my meal. I mean it is all ketogenic but I don't weigh anything. But tbh, I am losing as fast as when I have done shakes only so I'm not too worried. As much as I like going zero food, this plan with a meal is def better for me both physically and mentally. Can't wait to reach the first stone milestone. Would love to do it by 2nd WI but what will be, will be.
 
Wow you are doing so well! You'll be at your first target in no time at all! You should have your own cheerleaders :eek::eek::eek:

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How are you doing Fox?
I've been negligent about my diary...just don't seem to get 5 minutes peace these days! I have kept to it. On holiday I ate, but kept in ketosis and it worked well as I felt good and not resentful. I had to in the end as I could bear the thought of the first week again and seeing the damage on the scales. I have actually lost 2lbs which is brilliant as I must have eaten about a kilo of nuts and had a few half glasses of white wine!! Some of my family found it hard to accept but I was a stubborn moo. Usually if I were being told I'm ruining my own holiday for myself I would understand because I would be obviously moping about not joining in with things, but that really wasn't the case. My BIL was insistent I have a Cornish pasty and kept on about how I'm on holiday! Fact is I have come back feeling great and that is a new feeling! Holidays always usually mean coming back feeling like I have over indulged, tight jeans and I need to diet which is a shitty feeling. None of them meant badly- I think my sister deciding to come off a vlcd for the holiday made it worse for me in a way as they wanted her to feel she was doing the right thing. It just has to be the right thing for the individual person and I know what motivates me and keeps me on the straight and narrow. I just can't jump on and off.
Anyway, onwards and downwards! Feeling it a bit now I am being strict again and the weather has turned. I find it hard when it is cold and wet but then that's the old desire to comfort eat I guess!
Write more soon x
 
1 stone 9.5lbs lost so far. That is not to be sniffed at! I'm feeling pretty good too. I actually almost feel like I want to exercise....it is a weird old feeling! This is not to say I don't, I mean I am probably more active than many people as I live on a farm. But I have recently been trying to take on more jobs as routine so am rushing around in between looking after the baby, lugging buckets and climbing ladders etc. But more I almost want to feel some proper exhaustion, make my muscles burn. Problem is two-fold. I can't do it in ketosis- some can but I can't. I start out and very quickly feel the lactic acid build up and everything gets heavy and uncoordinated. And also, I haven't really fixed my back issues which are no doubt due to poor core muscles which may need a bit more gentle care to start with. Still, it is a good feeling. And mentally being busy is important, I never realised maybe how much. Inside with the kids I see how easy it was to stuff my face. Outside with a routine of jobs my mind is more settled. Sad but true.
 
Pretty much exactly 2 months in and today I hit 2 stone. Not bad at all since I am eating. I ended up doing an approximated version - usually only have 2 products a day, proper ketogenic dinner and I will eat snacks in the day of nuts, eggs or lean meat, babybel cheese or cottage cheese. This is really helping and yet I am still averaging a stone a month. Mind you, I am working very hard on the farm, I guess that helps. This enables me do it, when I was on shakes only my muscles fatigued so quickly, I certainly feel healthier this time around. Here's hoping I don't have quite so much hair fall out at the end as I have done in the past!
 
Pretty much exactly 2 months in and today I hit 2 stone. Not bad at all since I am eating. I ended up doing an approximated version - usually only have 2 products a day, proper ketogenic dinner and I will eat snacks in the day of nuts, eggs or lean meat, babybel cheese or cottage cheese. This is really helping and yet I am still averaging a stone a month. Mind you, I am working very hard on the farm, I guess that helps. This enables me do it, when I was on shakes only my muscles fatigued so quickly, I certainly feel healthier this time around. Here's hoping I don't have quite so much hair fall out at the end as I have done in the past!

That's bloody amazing - well done you!!
 
Thanks Blondcat, you are very kind!

Well totm hit me day before yesterday and I've watched my weight climb. I'm so trashed too, burning the candle at both ends. Not having fun, just teething baby and work. I go to bed at midnight as this is when baby wakes anyway, then he wakes again about 3am and than he gets up for the day at 5am. I get up and look after him for a few hrs and then put him back to bed and then go outside to feed my calves and do my other jobs on the farm. When he wakes up I continue doing bits and bobs with him in the pushchair. Have to do it all over again once he is in bed at 7ish...crawl back in about 8.20 and have to get the older kids to bed. It is quite frankly killing me at the moment. But I want to keep it up, I love my calfies and they are thriving. Just wish I could afford to put the baby in nursery a few hrs a week to give me some time, but I can't as I am not paid. In the evenings I just fall asleep on the sofa. OH and I get no quality time, I can't read or do any of the crafts I enjoy, just have nothing left. Part of me is amazed that I can do all this on a VLCD, and I love the fact I am getting muscly. But as the dark draws in it feels insurmountable. Still, I am extremely lucky, all I ever wanted was an outdoor life and I never expected it to be easy.
I feel quite negative at the mo. I guess that is tiredness for you. But yesterday I got on my horse for the first time. Now I have wanted a horse since I was a wee dot, desperately. Per chance a lovely boy fell into my lap for free as he needed a home, he's not young and he hasn't been ridden for over 4 yrs. I'm rusty too so it was something I was quite nervous about. But anyway, it all went well. OH took some photos for me. Now I have been pretty happy outside lately (an issue to me working with blokes and women who are fit), no longer really self conscious as I know I have lost alot. Some of my clothes are pretty baggy. Yesterday I had the unfortunate combination of a way too big baggy style long sleeve top with horizontal stripes that hangs off the boobs like a tent and a pair of low rise skinny jeans (******* Lidl size '18'...more like a small 16)that when sat give me a bulge :/ The result was the photos are shocking. My poor horse looks like he is being ridden by someone morbidly obese. I was so proud to have overcome my fear and then despite in my heart of hearts knowing that the photos weren't exactly showing the reality, it still looks like that so that is what others see. It is a real head**** because I know I am only a stone away from what a deem in the acceptable range (ie the 12 stones) I mean my goal is 11.7, but usually I feel pretty good in the 12's and no longer look fat. So how can one stone make me look not just overweight, but positively obese? Got to get this done by Xmas. Got to.
 
So, I'm 1.5lb off 3 stone- knowing me it will take ages because it is a milestone! Last night we went to fireworks - I rushed in from working outside drenched in milk (occupational hazard) and panicked that I didn't have any clothes clean. I have one pair of size 18 smart jeans I have been wearing for ages. I mean I knew they were too big, but the last few days they seem to be falling off me. In my vast stocks of different sized clothes, I don't really have any 16's and I refuse to buy any! So anyway, I found a nice pair of 14 skinnies...thought no way. Was astounded when they fitted like a glove! Which prompted me to try on my lovely Fatface jumper dress I bought last time and again, fitted. I was bloody thrilled! I have also just finally got my BMI under 30. Doesn't sound a big deal, but I weigh heavy (ie. My proper skinny too-thin boney zone is actually about BMI 24) and it really bothers me when medical professionals comment on my weight. Goes back to being a kid and where it all started I guess. Anyway, all good atm. Hoping I will be happy in my own skin by xmas, but who knows x
 
Yes it`s great when you can get back into clothes that you used to wear ages ago and had practically given up on ever wearing again. Great also that you have got your BMI into the 20s. Well done :happy096:
 
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