Thread: ups and downs and catching up - FatFairNForty(ish) - my diary

Well, it's almost 7pm and I am seriously fed up. I'm sorry, but this is gonna be a real moaning-Minnie-fest! So, for those of a delicate constituition - LOOK AWAY NOW!

Firstly I need to say that my CDC rang me back and was lovely - she said that the sickness and headaches were a very positive sign of getting toward ketosis! Must admit, its hard to get enthused when you feel like you're going to puke all the time!

I know she's right, and the conversation DEFINITELY helped and I followed her advice.. when I got home I sat and had a bar... well, I have to say,the Cranberry Crunch is absolutely scrummy!! I felt a bit better but each mouthful was very hard as I still feel intensly nauseaus. I haven't had anything else yet, I can't face it... but.. I did read some recipes (my CDC told me where to find them) and have decided to have a go at making a "muffin" in the hope that it will be more palatable. I'm also finding myself wishing I had opted to have some savoury shakes as I am absolutely freezing and think some hot soup would be a good idea!

I'm also in a pissy mood because I got a call from the car dealer to say that the "build date" for my car has somehow been moved to Mid-later November at the earliest! I AM SO HACKED OFF!!! I was promised delivery on October 25th, and now, ONLY because I had the gumption to ring and chase it up, I discover that I might not even get it until the new year - well... I told him my feelings on the subject and cancelled the car. Hit 'em where it hurts! Direct hit, bullseye to the wallet!! He's asked me to give him until end of play tomorrow to find me a suitable alternative, and I agreed but I'm so cheesed off at the total lack of professionalism and poor customer service, that I am not going to have a Ford. I've always driven Fords, and this would have been my very first ever brand new car!! Well... I am SO cross... my old battered rusty fiesta won't get me safely through the winter.. I know it! It's due to be taxed in a couple of weeks too! GRRRRR!!! I AM SO WOUND UP!

Being tired, cold, and feeling like I'm going to upchuck every five seconds doesn't help much I s'pose... oh, and of course... there's the good ole PMT too! What a blissful day - thank goodness it will be over in a few short hours!

WHAT a moaning cow I am tonight. Sorry.

One thing though.. it HAS NOT quelled my determination! I AM GOING TO DO THIS! I am trying to imagine what I will look like next spring.. and in June I am planning to go to the Caribbean with my sister for 3 weeks to Tobago (really good deal - cheap flights and she has loads of mates out there!), and I SO want to feel lovely and swim and sunbathe and maybe even wear a sarong over my cozzy instead of covering up with baggy t-shirts and shorts or long skirts. THAT isn't the reason for doing this though... not a bit!

I'm doing this for ME!

Hmm, might dream about Tobago for a bit...

I went shopping this afternoon (forgot to get loo roll so have to go out again soon!!) and as a treat, instead of the usual cream cakes, crisps and diet coke.. I bought... Peter Kays new Autobiography! I was tempted to go into the clothes shop "Yours" but I thought... why bother! I'm going to lose so much weight and I have heaps of clothes from sizes 18 to 32 already!! So, money saved on cakes and crap and clothes = £20+ money spent = £12.99 SAVING £7.01! BARGAIN!

So... think I will take some of my own advice.. hot water bottle, bedsocks, soft music, new funny book, perhaps even a nice aromatherapy candle (think I have a chocolate pudding scented one somewhere!).. or perhaps vanilla... and get to bed!

Must have the remaining 2 "meals" first though... might come back on later, but if not, I haven't given up, I've just gone to bed!

Oh, good thing too... I was telling my boss I wasn't feeling great and I told him about the diet and he was an absolute doll... his exact words were... "If you want to just sit back in your chair and close your eyes for a while do it"! He is a lovely man but I was still surprised... later on I spoke to him again (this is all on the phone) and he asked how I was and told me to be sure to drink lots of water.. I asked how come he knew about it and it turns out he did CD and lost over 2 stones on a few years ago! How fantastic is that!!!

Must admit, it's good to know that he really does understand!

Well... might see you all later.. doubt it though.. was on FAR too late last night, and I cancelled my date tonight because I feel so crap and don't fancy driving too far... still ... am SERIOUSLY looking forward to tomorrow nights date!! We've decided, as I'm not eating, and he doesn't drink alcohol, that we're going to hire in a dvd and have a cosy evening in!!!!

Tee heee.... just thinking of a comment on Loopy's diary.... making me grin..

Hey FFF - I've just read through your first few pages and have been smiling all the way through it! Sounds to me like you're going to do just fahn, sweet thang!

I love the way you write - I used to write my diary in a similar style - and it helped me enormously! It's great to vent everything out, hey?

You rock, lady!!!!!!!!!

Hey FFFish

Sounds like you're still feeling rubbish, just hang on in there and you'll be in the pink and feeling so much better

Bad luck with the car, what a pain especially with the other being due for its tax. If you decide not to cancel I'd definitely be looking for discount to cover your additional costs or maybe they should lend you a demo car for a few months?

Hope you feel better tomorrow.

Hang on in there. You will feel much better soon
Irene xx

Hi FFNF,

I have to say I have really enjoyed reading your diary, it is a tonic!!!

When you talked about the bath I can certainly relate to it!

" Oh, and, I think I discovered the origins of the term "bums rush"... I think it's that mini tsunami you get when you have already pulled the plug out whilst jammed into the bath, and then, suddenly lift your ar*e up! "

Nearly pmsl on this next quote!

"THEN the phone goes and it's my date for Friday evening... now HE is a dish (well, I think so!) and I am SOOOO excited about the date! lol, it's only our second one but I can already feel me toes tingling (and I'm sure it's NOT varicose veins or cramps!)... "

Now this is fantastic...I felt that losing this weight is like giving birth to yourself And so what if it dose take longer than nine months the wait will be worth it all.

"But (and I keep reminding myself) that is only the physical side of how I feel, mentally (oh, and I have been called mental SO many times! ) I am still as determined as ever.. I mean... let's face it... a few days of feeling like I did in the early stages of both my pregnancies.. well, it didn't stop me continuing my pregancies and at the end of those 9 months (well, 31 weeks in Sarah's case ) having my babies - and they have grwon to be wlovely people and are stunners (will have to put some pics on of them) so, a few days of feeling ropey isn't going to stop me having a stunning outcome! But this time I'M GOING TO BE THE BABE (and it may take me a tad longer than 9 months..) "

I hope your feeling better tonight and please keep on writing it is brill.

Love Mini xxx

Just a quick post as I MUST do some work this morning. I'm feeling loads better this morning. Was a real "poor me" last night but thanks to my wonderful CDC responding to my pathetic "I'm sitting here feeling so sick and crying" text,I went to bed feeling a lot better. Will do my diary later - GOT to get these minutes done, printed, posted! Only at work 'til 12, then going food shopping with my daughter. (Not looking forward to it very much, but as I have the debit card and Asda just opened, it's going to mean deep breaths and swift feet... might send her into the food aisles while I browse the music and household ones.. or.. send her in and get her to text me when ready for my money (mind you, heaven knows what she would put in there if I did that! still... oh no.. I'm started to waffle.!) Right. anyway. THANK YOU! for all your support and kind words. Will be back on later sometime between Asda, the Bank and my date!! (OHHH, HE called me this morning.. geez, wonder if that rumbling is butterflies or hunger pangs? ) Will get back to you on that! Lots of love and hope all of you are having a great day!

Hi

Glad your day started well, sounds like you'll be too busy to eat anyhow! Hope you still feel well.

Loving your work!

Hope things are going well still. You sound so determined and full of the vision of a new you- I know you're going to do it.

Enjoy the date, I'll be looking forward to the up-date!

Hi FFNF

Sorry I havent posted on your journal in the last day or so. Its cause Im at my mums and Dads for the weekend and I really need to spend time with them and not be stuck on the computer. Sorry to hear you were feeling ill!! Im actually not relishing the fact that that will be my around Tuesday when (Hopefully) Ketosis is kicking in.

Im Glad you are feelin better today. Or should I say Yesterday because its actually 1.23am. I am so addicted to this forum that its unbelieveable!!

Right... sorry it's so late and 2 days out of date already but I HAVE been a busy girl! lol

So Day 2 continued...... after logging off here I just sat and cried like a pillock .. I watched telly, and you know what, I can't even remember what the programme was... oh no... wait... yes I can!! Flipping... "what not to wear"... I HATE those programmes.

You know the format - 2 so-called celebs get the job of humiliating 50 women slightly, then 6 more deeply, then 2 utterly and completely - and all under the guise of "helping them" to know what to wear (have THEY ever looked in a mirror!!??).. now, I don't doubt they have good results but can't help wondering what the long-term psychological damage is to the poor 2 that "get through" .. I mean... did you see it? They make the poor women strip off to their undies and just humiliate them even more (as if standing almost nekkid in front of the freakin' world on tv isn't bad enough!!!) by grabbing droopy or overflowing bosoms and bellies! You wouldn't catch me NEAR one of those horrid shows! So anyway... I digress... (not like me at all eh!)... and I watched the programme and cried buckets... hell it WAS a wedding one!!!

ALSO - because I felt so poo (NO pun intended!), I didn't take my wages cheque to be signed so that's going to be VERY late this month (never a good idea!) AND I was down to my last loo roll and no energy to get some more so I'd begged daughter to get some... then I ran out... rang daughter in tears (9.30) and she (rather harshly I feel ) told me she'd be home at 11 and this time (unlike last night when she also promised...) she would be bringing loo rolls with her!

So, suitably depressed I texted my CDC (she's a peach!), and, in rather a melodramatic Bette Davis way , told her I was sitting in tears! Well, bless her heart, she rang me and talked for over an hour, she made me feel loads better and only hung up when my neighbour came round with a loo roll for me! (and no.. my neighbours DON'T make a habit of coming over at 10pm with bog roll, but I'd texted my mate Lisa and, bless her, she sent her daughter over with a roll! The relief was wonderful!

Then my daughter came home with another 9 of them! lol Still, should last a week hopefully!

I then went to bed and just crashed out... having had another pint of water of course! End of Day 2

I'll have to call it a night ... BUT... it is the end of day 4 now (I WILL do my diary tomorrow, just tooo sleepy now!) and I feel bloomin' marvellous!

Hi FFF

Im getting closer to the day I start. The clock is ticking away. Im glad your still going strong. Whenever you feel down just think of what you have achieved!! Imagine an Alcoholic being dry for 4 days from Alcohol and having the willpower to stay away. We are Food addicts. Well you were an addict and your not anymore!!!! Good on you girl!!!

Wow, what a difference a night makes!

Woke up feeling SO much better and ready to take on the world! (Just as well really as that is how it felt by the end of the day! )

Made a "muffin" from one of the shakes and although I felt a bit nauseaus when I opened the pack, it was palitable enough and I washed it down with 2 pints of water... so ... it was ok. Strange, I've always been a breakfast person, but the bigger I got the less often I would have it... and now.. I feel like I shall always start the day properly with one! (Albeit a teeny muffin thing or a shake). So, feeling pleased that the start was ok I set off to work ... must tune in to something other than Radio 2 in the car I think... that Wogan blokey is always stuffing some food or another down his neck!

Ahem... so.. first things first... got to work and spent a little time on here just to let you know I'm still alive here and kicking! well to be honest, last night I did think that all those dodgy blokes with the sandwich boards declaring "the end of the world is nigh" might have been onto something! I NEVER want to feel that crap again! So - KETOSIS here I come!!!

Work was ok, a bit frustrating at times, but that's ok. First "challenge" of the day... getting my wages! I get paid by cheque and need 2 signatories... only 1 was available! So... several calls later and it was arranged for someone to come in to sign - MUCH relief then I can tell you! Daughter rang and asked if we were still going to the bank to get her money! (I'm not sure if I said or not, but her (and her sister's) father died in November of '95, and some money was put in trust for their 18th birthdays. So... as she is 18 next Friday, and the bank said it was ok, we were going in to sign everything and get the cheque for her. ) Anyway.. I said yes, and that I would take her food shopping to Asda too... Must be mad!

Finished in the office (having downed over the morning another litre of water), quick dash to the loo (ahh the relief! thought it was never going to stop - sorry to be indelicate , but flippin' heck ... I did wonder at one point if I was still going of if someone was just running a tap!!

Hands washed (I was brought up properly! ) and off to the car where my daughter was already waiting! Funny that - can't seem to get that kind of motivation from her to get up and get over to the office by lunchtime usually ... must be those £ signs I can see flashing in her eyes!

We decided, well, I decided, we should go to the bank(s) first then Asda. What followed was something out of Fawlty Towers or.. Monty Python... I went to the same bank that the day before had told me to ring the branch that hold the account and arrange it... which I did... they told me to take my daughter and all the paperwork in to a local branch and they could do it all there ... which I was doing .... and that only my signature was needed. At the time I did ask them to check and double check, because I was certain we both had to sign. They supposedly checked and said yes, definitely just me to sign... so.. here we were in Lloyds TSB the very next day, one very excited teenager and a tired mother.. with ALL the paperwork needed, passports, forms, legal documents etc etc... to then be told.. I HAD to go to the branch where the account was (an hour and a half drive away) and that my ex-brother-in-law HAD to sign too! I was sooooo cross! I argued with her (oh, dear,.. I'm guessing you are shaking your heads and seeing a pattern emerging here... )and she checked... and I could see her checking and heard her too! No, it was definite, he would have to be there and we would both have to sign it all. I expressed my dissatisfaction at the ability of the account-holding branch to get their facts straight and left... I think I left a bough-wave behind me!!!

Now we were one very disappointed daughter and one very cross mother ! (lol, and no... that isn't a euphamism) We went home so I could call the other branch of the bank!

We got home and she, my daughter was very subdued... but I rang the bank and ranted a bit at them until I felt a modicom of calmness and rationality! (took a bit tooo long maybe for their liking... ) They apologised and offered to ring him (the ex-brother-in-law) and ask if he could come in and sign the paperwork so I could drive down and sort it all out. I told her I didn't think he would as we have never really got on... LONG story... but we don't and as we have only ever had to have dealings with each other once last year and once this year and nothing else since 1997 then its ok! She was most insistent that she was confident she could persuade him to come in and post-date things if necessary so that my daughter could have the money ON her birthday (just as her sister had).

Well, he refused point blank (I SO wanted to say "ner ne ner ner ner" to her the lady in the bank) and "I told you so" ) and I uttered the odd expletive adjective and nouns questioning his knowledge of his parents and his anatomy being a tad mixed up! She, fundamentally, agreed with my turn of phrase and said he was going in on the 27th to sign so I said we would be there, but half an hour after him as my daughter and I had no compunction to see him!

She agreed this might be a good idea (think in her minds eye she was picturing a scene out of a bad movie... I could have reassured her that despite my ability to use an increase in volume and a rich vocabulary, I am, in fact, neither confrontational nor violent and the movie would be more likely to be a carry on film than an arnie one! ) and we set a time for daughter and I to go in.

Well, you can imagine - my daughter was less than impressed by her uncle's attitude but she just said, oh well, at least I don't have to see or speak to him so its ok. (None of my family are keen on their father's family, which made it very difficult when their father died and my girls were little and I made them visit their grandmother (where's the emoticon for a witch when you need one!)... up to when they reached their mid-teens and despite my best efforts they refused point blank to go anywhere near her... I relented.

I'd done 10 years of sending school photos, standing over them while they rang her, driving them there (it's an hour and a half away now), making sure they remembered her birthday and Christmas presents... etc.. It was time to stop.

So, I could hazard a guess that the ex-bro-in-law was peeved at the lack of contact there has been from them to his mother in the last few years. I do occassionly suggest that a call to her would be nice... but no... they have their reasons, and I respect that. I could do no more. Shame though that it has meant that he has to be so mean - but I guess it's sort of understandable... yet still mean ...
So - that's all on hold now until the 27th... we'll see if he keeps his part of the deal or not then! I think he will, he is, despite our differences, an honest and decent man with good family values - well, to his own family anyway and I respect him for that.

It was now that I realised I hadn't banked my wages cheque either!!! So I had to go back again to the bleepin' bank!

Quickly had my CD Banana shake lunch and pint of water. (another trip to the loo!)

Gosh - sorry - droned on way too much on that! So, bank dealt with - time to face Asda.

By now my daughter's boyfriend (nice lad) has arrived and she tells me he will walk around with her to get the food so I don't have to! Bless her.. I was VERY glad!

I thought this was a sign that the day was improving... WRONG!!!

Had to get petrol before driving back to the bank and Asda... filled up the car, bought a top-up as a surprise extra birthday pressie for her and presented my credit card for payment. So far so good.

Now.. I have a substantial limit, and I have barely used my card at all... so... I've NEVER worried about handing it over...so this I did.. with a smile and a good afternoon to the cashier. He looked at me and his returning smile faded... he said, sorry, card was declined .. I could feel the colour rising in my cheeks, but I was calm ... asked him to try it again, which he did with, embarassingly, the same response! I was mortified and handed over my debit card whilst muttering under my breath about bloody banks... bad communication.. one cock up after another... I could feel the eyes of those behind me in the queue burning like red lazer beams into the back of my head!!

I thanked him and left rather red-faced and got back in the car and told them about it and headed off to the bank, I was NOT a happy bunny! I was supposed to be doing the Asda shop with my credit card! Now I was wondering if my daughter was going to have to join me on the CD! lol

So, I went to the bank...paid in my wages and then I asked them why my card had been declined? She took it from me and made a phone call... she then told me I had missed a payment! I haven't!!! I was beside myself! She told me there was nothing she could do. I would have to call the card company - when I pointed out that it was a Lloyds card, and I was in the branch through which I had obtained the card, she remained firm.. I would have to call them myself, the number is on the card! I have no idea what I must have looked like, but I got the distinct impression that she was very grateful for that barrier of security glass and a counter I was clearly not going to be able to leap over! (i've often been told that I could never play poker,... dunno what they mean! )

So... I very pointedly handed over my debit card and asked her to check the balance on it .,..this she did... then I asked, if I spend less than the amount you have given me, my card will not be declined right? Right. Good! I told her if it was declined in Asda I would be back! (very MUCH like Arnie... but only 5ft 4 and about the same roundways! ) Think I'll go in on Monday and apologise for being so obnoxious...

Back in the car, I recounted it to my daughter and her boyfriend and they both sort of looked at each other, shook their heads and, at last, we went to Asda...

They with one trolley and I with another ...whilst there though, I used my mobile to ring the car dealer... well... he had no better news for me and had, (can't imagine why ) been putting off calling me. I made a few polite suggestions, honest! , one of which appeared to work! I was told to go there when I had finished shopping and take a car out on a test drive as there was one "on the system" which I could have on the 25th...

I strolled around the clothing section and looked enviously at just about everything.. I did see that they sell size 24 jeans and wondered if I should buy a pair "in preparation" but thought no... wait... I have oodles of clothes of all sizes already at home and that's a long way off yet adn in thepast I've bought clothes to slim into and they are still in the wardrobe with their tags on! I caught a glimpse of myself in a full length mirror.. not a pretty sight ... I did a double take - was that really me! I looked awful ... well, not to dwell on that...

So, I did the honourable thing, and bought some storage boxes (which I don't need), and some jewellry (for chrimbo), and socks... which I may double up if my feet shrink sufficiently and I can still wear my hiking-style boots with 2 pairs on! (I'm finding I am a bit colder than usual)and a magazine. Met up with my daughter and went to the tills... was pretty horrified at her trolley-load but thought - hey, I'm not eating it and won't be the one packing it away when we get back either! It was hard to smell those wonderful aromas you get in a supermarket though... at one point I was sure someone was standing right beside me whispering into my ear... "go on... have a loaf of soda bread... you know you want to... you know they sell it here... just sniff the air..." ... stupid voice of sabotage... it wasn't going to get the better of me! No-siree! I had battled with bigger and fiercer enemies and all today! lol I ignored it, paid and left hastily!

Went straight to the car dealer, now got a headache , wanted that bread SO much, (NO I DON'T ) and my girl bought a tub of Ben & Jerry's !!!! But I'm going to forget that's there...

I made myself known at the dealership (nicely!) and waited for the salesman to come to the office.
I waited. And waited. And waited.

Daughter and boyfriend were wandering around drooling over the sporty and boy-racer type cars (she's learning at the moment and desperate to drive!)... and I waited. I decided, after 20 minutes, to leave and that it was defintely it, "The Last Chance Saloon" was shut and the chairs were on the table and I was locking up! His colleague (who, when I'd arrived, told me he knew I was there), asked me had I spoken to "T" - I said no.. and then.. in words of many syllables (there were other customers present) expressed my dissatisfaction and disgust at the abysmal standard of customer service blah de blah de blah & ranted just a tad (I knew it was time to back off when I could see daughter and boyfriend walking away, heads lowered, collars raised, shoulders moving up and down with stifled embarassed laughter)... and told him that I was off to Vauxhalls!

We got in my poor old car, nearly took the hinges off as I slammed the door shut... and sped out.. JUST as I drove out, he, my salesman, drove in!!! Well, that was it.. I was in nose-dive, tail-spin mode by now. Aperplectic (not sure of spelling but you know what I mean, spitting feathers!) with anger I spun the car round and daughter asked me what I was doing and asked me not to cause a scene.. I mean.. ME? A scene? As if!

Anyway, he saw me and went grey.. not kidding! He got out of his car and apologised, but not before I was there, all guns blazing.. but you know... he's only a lad... and I felt a bit bad for him.. he had clearly had a day not dissimilar to mine... so.. my anger balloon popped I agreed to test drive the car he proposed... the kids came with me... and we drove quite a way. When we got back I told him that I would have the car he had in mind.. because... despite it having bucket seats which were uncomfortable due to my size, I was on the CD and would only suffer short term! We went to the office, signed the paperwork and he told me that he expects a kiss on the cheek when I get the car! I know its all saleman flannel but ok, I admit it, I blushed and laughed.

Once more, a more happy person than even an hour earlier, we all set off home. I agreed, that as I had insisted on sorting the car thing out after we'd been shopping, that I would put the frozen stuff away (as it was probably defrosted now, and she wouldn't eat it if she knew it had defrosted and refrozen) ,...didn't have the heart to tell her of all the pre-school-pick-up shopping trips to Iceland where stuff sat in the boot just as long and she had never been poisened in all of her almost 18 years! Still, I felt it was something I could do without temptation as you can't eat frozen stuff. (I had already forgotten about the Ben & Jerry's) As we got back I went through the drive-through McDonalds and bought them something for tea. I didn't want to smell cooking all evening. I wasn't in the least bit hungry... just tempted. The smell of maccy-d was nice but I only complained when she started eating her chips in the car! Give 'em an inch.....

Home at last, unloaded car, drank a pint of water, and set to putting the food away. Now, the next thing WAS an accident - honestly - I swear it was! She was right about the frozen stuff and somehow - I don't know how - I dropped the Ben & Jerry's!! It went everywhere. I was covered in , it the dog (who is never more than a muzzle away when a bag is rustled) was covered in it and the floor.. the drawer fronts.. well.. I rescued the tub and its remnants, shoved it in the freezer and survery the situation... then.. I did what could have been expected... I cried! Almost hysterically!! Daughter came running in to find out what was wrong... took one look at it all and very sniffily said "I TOLD you it would melt!!!" and walked off in a huff! LOL (ah... she must get that attitude from her father's side of the family! ...!) So, the dog licked up as fast as he could, I stripped off in the kitchen (forgetting her boyfriend is in the living room!)... and... muttering and sort of giggling inanely ... cleaned the whole mess up!

Fortunately I had some clean jimmy's in the utility so I threw them on (just for decency really!) and finished, very carefully , putting the rest of the shopping away.

Then it was time to get ready for my date! I scoffed down my CD Malt Toffee Bar (with pint of water). He rang to see if I was still going... keen I thought! Good! At last, something fab is going to happen today! Oh yes.. I was definitely going! I showered, dolled myself up, and I felt good! He rang again to give me directions and I just felt even better!

Well, let's just say that the date was everything and more than I had expected and we parted at about 6am with huge grins and tired giggles!!! It has been about 18months since I ever trusted anyone so much and felt so damn good!! Got home around 7am and crawled into bed feeling fantastic, and confident that we (him & I) were onto something VERY special indeed!

wow what a day I'm exhausted just reading it! Glad your date went so well, I hope theres many more just as good

So pleased your day went well(!). It is hilarious. Looking forward to the next instalment
Irene xx