FatFairNForty(ish)

31 minutes before I start! That will be midnight tonight 10th October 2006.

Earlier this evening I drove to the whiles of Northamptons borders and met my Cambridge Diet Counsellor (AKB). What was supposed to be an hours intro etc turned rapidly into almost 3 hours! I know it's because I could talk for Britain, but also because she has been where I'm at, and it was SO good to speak to someone who REALLY understands!

She was lovely, and so clued up on it all, I was very impressed (also incredibly impressed with how tidy her house is!)

Having been diagnosed a few months ago with Obstructuve Sleep Apnea, and being told that the ONLY treatment was a revolting Darth Vadar/Aliens Cpap machine , I decided it was time to take drastic action! I've thrown so much money at my OSA problem trying out some real dodgy gizmos and gadgets to solve the issues.. but, alas, no good. So, whilst scouring the net I found a site FULL with information and discovered that losing weight is the best way to irradicate the problem!

Now, don't get me wrong, I have ALWAYS known my weight was unhealthy - let's face it, I've had my entire family and the world, his wife, his kids and his divorce lawyers telling me for the last 30 odd years! If I didn't know now I'd have to be pretty dense (no pun intended!. SO - armed with all the info, and having argued vociferously (good word that! better keep that for another time...) with the ENT registrars secretary at a certain hospital, I decided to show them that they were wrong! I AM NOT PREPARED TO WEAR A MASK IN BED! (well, unless I meet someone who... well, anyway....) So, being the stubborn bolshy mare my friends know and love, I made the decision to lose weight.

I heard about CD years ago and made a half-hearted attempt last year.. I was doing really well (for 3 weeks) when I met a man who later became a very special person in my life. A very large man, I soon gave in to his persuasive offers of meals out (yeah, like I took any persuading!!), seaside trips with the obligatory donuts and weekends away - all involving copious amounts of my glorious passion - food!). So, I gave up on the diet and promptly regained it all and then some. Sadly, 8 months later (and not realising it was apnea) he called it a day saying that he couldn't cope with my snoring..

One day, I'm going to stride up to his front door and pretend to be someone else and see if he realises it's me! In fact, I think I will return the diamond ring he gave me... that will be the clue, and when I do I'm going to flash the biggest smile at him and look him in the eye and say... "look who you could have been with all this time...oh, and by the way, I don't snore now!".. then I'll smile and leave!

It isn't his fault I am fat, just as it isn't my mums for giving me junk food, or my mates for bringing bucket loads of chocs to me when I was off my feet for 2 years in my late teens, nor is it the fault of my ex-husband for leaving me for his trim, petite, attractive floosy... I mean, um... now wife!... nor is it the fault of my nan for her home baking, or the chippy for piling extras in for me coz I used to flirt with him (lol)... nope... as I was trying to explain to one of my endless slimming club leaders once... it's not my thyroid, it's not my metabolism, it's not my build, it's not in my genes (hell, I haven't even worn jeans for at least 3 years!)... it is simply me! I have put every single morsel into this bottomless (well, no, that's not true, it has a very large bottom at the moment!!! ) pit and enjoyed almost all of it!

So now, it's time to change.

I want to be me, the real me, the me who is desperate to make a break, the me who wants to wear jeans again, who wants to go up the stairs without sounding like she's run a marathon. I want to be the me I've never been.. I want to be the me who can actually go and buy clothes that fit from Primark, Matalan (see, I know the designer names... lol)... I want to be the me who can sit in a restaurant and know that people aren't checking every forkful and looking away tut-tutting in that oh-so-pi*sing-me-off way they do! I want to walk into a school playground and NOT have the children point and tell their mummies I am a fat lady ! I want to be the me I can be but have never been!

Gosh... this isn't how I meant to be in this diary , but it's clearly how I feel right now.

I also,... I know revenge is a BAD thing.. but anyway... I also want to send my ex a photo of the new me (when I arrive!) stuck on a postcard from the caribbean - with a note attached saying..."glad you're not here!

I know I sound bitter and twisted, and maybe I am, but you know what... maybe when there is less of me physically there will be more of me emotionally and the bitterness will leave and the need for revenge will fade away into oblivion.. maybe..

Well, off to bed now and so to awake on my first day of my big adventure!

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Former successful CD'er (and CDC) - now regained most of it despite having kept it off for 18 months!

Skydive:http://www.photobox.co.uk/album/6833983

happygal

Hi Ya

Wow!! Your determined and I have a feeling your gonna get there!!

Im starting the same journey after struggling at weight watchers I saw my CDC tonight too.

FatFairNForty(ish)

Hello!

You'll do it too! I can tell! We can beat this thing together ! (So much easier I think than trying all alone...) I promise to be there every single painful and glorious step of the way with you! Ultimately we will get to our goals... I'm sure of it.. (I must make a note to diarise this comment for those times when I am tempted in a different direction - hee hee!)...

My weigh-ins will be weekly on Tuesdays... I know you aren't seeing yours for 2 weeks but just think... the loss will be even MORE impressive!

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Former successful CD'er (and CDC) - now regained most of it despite having kept it off for 18 months!

Skydive:http://www.photobox.co.uk/album/6833983

MandyB2

Good luck FF&F.... and Happygal... you both sound so focused

Have a great day one today ff&f and you on Monday happygal...

love xxxxx

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MANDY xxxxxx

MandyB2- Day 271...Need my drive back!!!!!! - Topic Powered by eve community

Lil' Lola

Just wanted to wish you all the best. You're determined, know what you want and I know that you'll succeed. Can relate so much to what you have said, and being a fellow sufferer of OSA can understand you not wanting to sleep with a mask. Believe me, I know, I have one! Darth Vader resides here.

Good luck for tomorrow I'll be joining you.

FatFairNForty(ish)

Well, howdly doodly Lola! Fantastic, we can BOTH kill of the vadar man together! DO let me know how you are doing won't you? I don't have the mask and, given how stroppy I was on the phone to yer woman from the hospital I think I just went straight to the bottom of their list! hee hee..

Didn't mean to make you feel bad about your mask - I have heard they make a fantastic difference to your energy levels and hopefully that will help you get to goal with CD too!

Yay to us first-dayers!

ooh and thank you Mandy too

__________________




Former successful CD'er (and CDC) - now regained most of it despite having kept it off for 18 months!

Skydive:http://www.photobox.co.uk/album/6833983

Lil' Lola

Thank you I will. You didn't make me feel bad at all. I felt that when I had to go in for the sleep study and shared a room with an anorexic .

It does make a difference but I can't wait until I've lost enough to go without it. It's a real passion killer.

happygal

Hi Ya

My CDC has told me to go according to my own weigh ins because hopefully she will only be seeing me once a month. She says that she simply cant see people every week or she would be seeing someone every day. She says she likes to have at least 4 days per week free but that I am fine to call her On a Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. Really she can do what she wants because there is no one else for miles around. I took ages to actually get in touch with her and (3 messages on her answering machine later) I finally bull dozed my way into seeing her tonight by just being totally insistant that I would get in the car and drive to see her straight away!

I look forward to have someone on my journey with me. Who is treading the journey having started at the same time. I have 77.5lbs to go (which is 5 stone and 12 lbs).

Thanks Mandy for your warm wishes. Your doing brilliant and you look gorgeous. I cant believe from that photo that your not at target yet!!!

Oh and welcome Lil'lola. We can have a wee club that says we started first half of october. See how many join us!!

FatFairNForty(ish)

Well, even more power to your elbow for being SO determined! Blimey - am so surprised at your CDC, but you know what... it sounds like her life is a bit mad at the moment .. not an excuse... but I guess we all have periods like that..

Right then, 5stone 12lbs... not bad at all my friend.. you can do that no worries! I've got... umm.. well about 175 lbs which equates to... ummm. . (I wish I had worked harder at maths..) well, it's well... 12stone 7lbs.!!! Oh goodness, it sounds so much more when it is in stones... I'm just going to leave it as 175lbs!

__________________




Former successful CD'er (and CDC) - now regained most of it despite having kept it off for 18 months!

Skydive:http://www.photobox.co.uk/album/6833983

FatFairNForty(ish)

See, now I KEEP telling people that this is the case but NO-ONE takes me seriously - ... I take it you have someone to be passionate with??

I don't, and to be honest... until I beat this damn OSA I am absolutely petrified of getting deeply involved with anyone... it would mean having to explain why I won't / can't spend a whole night with them! AND,, I have a couple of dates lined up this week and one of them has DEFINITE passion-potential! LOL


I'm not making light of it though - I truly CAN imagine how dreadful it is and hope it is of some comfort to know that you are not alone and that once you shift some of the 7stone you are going to lose, well... you'll surprise your GP and will be able to chuck Mr Vadar back into space!!! Hang on in there and it will happen for you hun.

__________________




Former successful CD'er (and CDC) - now regained most of it despite having kept it off for 18 months!

Skydive:http://www.photobox.co.uk/album/6833983

Lil' Lola

Happygal, really admire your determination in pinning down your CDC. You'll get there in no time. Good luck.

Diva

Hiya FFF....welcome to MiniMins and I'm already intrigued by your journey!! Looking forward to getting to know you better....love your determination by the way!!

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Lil' Lola

I can understand that totally. I do have someone although they only stay over at weekends. Believe me, he says he'd rather put up with Darth Vader than my snoring. Have heard myself and I can't say I blame him.

Couldn't imagine having to explain it to someone new. I mean, where do you start ??? Hopefully yours will get better soon as well. I only got the mask as I was so damn tired all the time and never felt like I was sleeping, which I wasn't.

happygal

Thanks Lil'Lola

To be honest I am at that now or never stage. Im getting married this time next year and me and my fiance our saving ourselves (which means he hasnt seen my body) and I would die if my body was in the shape its in now, the first time he sees it. I wouldnt mind if it was in proportion but its just not. My weight went on in proportion but I lost nearly 2 stone there and it hasnt came off in proportion, so it means its actually made my figure look worse (apart from a slightly smaller midriff). BUT Im not complaining because Im a smaller size than I was. The WW thing just isnt working for me anymore though. I really need to try something different cause 2lbs in 3 months is unacceptable progress. Im a struggler and I need some jet fuel. Im hoping CD is gonna be my jet fuel!!

FatFairNForty(ish)

Hiya Diva

Thank you for the lovely welcome !

I've never ever been so determined before in all my life, about anything! I know I might be setting myself up for a fall, but you know what? I don't think so!

Not sure where it came from , but I have already got enough chutzpah up to tell my mother (I'll refer to her as "she of little faith") that I absolutely refuse to drive the 200 miles with her to visit my nan in Scarborough again this year as I won't be eating in December and you know what... I REALLY didn't care that she got a cob on because I just thought ... well.. sod you! This is MY life and, at 42, if I haven't the bottle to finally stand firm on something vitally important then I may as well register with Pizza Hut and get a plaque put on one of their bench seats with my name on it right now!.. One that says.. "in memory of....." because that is the way things would be for me.

Ooh er ... I think I'd better knock back a pint of the clear stuff (and yes, I mean water, not voddie!) and get to bed.... let the gasping commence! (oh, wouldn't it be nice if that were passion-induced heavy breathing... lol).. ah well... let's see... an average weight loss of .... LOL ... nah... not setting myself targets. Too much pressure!

Thanks again Diva... sorry... drifted off into the land of waffle again! Night night all, sweet dreams! Catch up tomorrow! xx

__________________




Former successful CD'er (and CDC) - now regained most of it despite having kept it off for 18 months!

Skydive:http://www.photobox.co.uk/album/6833983