Thread: Flirty's diary ...............

Hi Bev...I've just read thru your diary (ok, been in and out of it for a few hours between other things!!)

Wow, you have been through soooooo much in the last few months....I think you are doing so well to be constantly trying again, and not just giving up completely. As I am kind of struggling now, its really good to see that you keep on and on trying, despite the various different things life has thrown at you-a true inspiration!

I'm sure you will have a fab time in prague!! My sis went there for valentines day a couple of years ago....she loved it...but shes an idiot...brought open toe shoes with her....well, you can imagine the rest cant ye!!

Well diary ... I've started how I mean to go on ......... and now down to 13st 7lbs this morning from 13.13 - so 6lb off!!!!!!!!!!

We went to cinema last night to see "Miss Potter" - which was lovely ... I sat there crying my eyes out!!! But I took along my bottle of water plus a bar (ok - so I know i shouldn't really be having a bar yet - but better than a bag of maltesers that my OH and kids stuffed themselves with!)

Still feeling very achey/'fluey without the cold - so decided against the swimming again this morning. But that will come in time too.

Amazed how strong I feel - and note my posts have gone up ... so you lot are helping me in keeping me away from temptation!

Would like to lose another 8lb before I go to Prague - but that's not until 28/01/07 - so 2 weeks away ... plenty of time!!!

Just added myself and Phils name to Dublin thread - so another reason to look good by June!!!

Trying to reward myself with things other than food and drink - and love travelling - so looks like we're going to be going away a lot this year!!!

More than enough time to lose that 8 lbs honey - you are flying along!!

Something on another thread has just got me thinking, so I'm posting my response on here - so I can have a little muse over it when I'm feeling weak (er)!!

Oh how I can relate to the feeling of being drowned by the demands of work, home, children and an unsupportive (now ex!) husband.

Five years ago, I was a HOY in an inner-city London school which was extremely demanding. I earned a good salary but never had any spare cash - with hefty mortage, credit cards, the needs of my 3 kids and the alcoholic man who came home to sleep in the same flat when the pubs closed.

I didn't have the luxury option of having a nervous breakdown - I had to keep the ship afloat or the kids would have been taken into care.

How I survived it, I'll never know - apart from breaking free from him, and having to leave my job as a consequence of moving back to my old home.

I honestly don't think I could have such a demanding career again - I constantly felt torn between the needs of my co-workers and the students and my kids -who always seemed to lose out.

I look at how my mother managed with one child - and she just concentrated on her career - to the detriment of me!

For me, when something had to give, it was the ex and the job. The last few years, I've concentrated on my kids which has brought it's own stresses and demands - as I still feel very young myself.

I remember going to see a counsellor in my 20s - issues about my childhood that I just couldn't seem to get over - and telling her that I only felt about 14 and was so proud of myself when I managed to get myself dressed and go to work!

I still feel the same now - taking my littlest girl to the hospital had me wanting to treat myself with junk food as a reward for being a good mummy! It's like I didn't get praised for good behaviour as a child -it was expected! So I've always 'praised' myself with food.

I think of some mothers who've I've come across in my professional life, who abandon their children for the pub or drugs, who abuse their children mentally and physically and tell myself that I'm not doing too badly! Yet everytime I have a stressful moment, I want to fill myself with junk instead of allowing anyone else to make me feel good about myself.

I too, have tried the superfoods way of eating - I just ended up eating far too much! I can binge on fruit and veg, nuts and seeds just as easily as I can with takeaways!

I don't have an 'enough' switch!

So right now, I'm praising myself with abstinence - although it's terribly hard, I'm almost playing the martyr.....am filling my soul with the smell of my own burning flesh!!

So, please don't think you're the only one who's feeling stressed, confused about food, trying hard not to listen to the chatterboxes and generally miserable because life is just SO DAMN HARD!

I am still feeling like this, despite being happier than ever before in my entire life!

Nuts, huh?

Copied (with her kind permission!!!) from Isobels diary.

I'm upset today - I stood on scales and have put on 2lb!!!!!!!! WTF ... I've been good - really I have! Was going to avoid coming on to you diary - as felt I'd failed - but it must be water retention ... as I haven't eaten anything I shouldn't have! Maybe a lesson not to go on the scales every day though!

So here I am drinking my hot banana shake ... not letting it get me too down. Will try and stay away from scales over the weekend and come back fresh on Monday - but then I want a good loss!!!

Well may have found reason for weight gain .... whilst reading Caz's thread she was saying how yukky she felt - on anti boitics, lozenges ect and light bulb went on!

Have been feeling unwell - sore throat, fluey without the cold, achey etc ... and have been eating lozenges by the packet to soothe throat. Didn't even think about it. DOH!!!

Hoping that is what it is .... as really have been good otherwise!

Try drinking hot water with flavourings and some soluble paracetomel, very soothing. Hope you feel better soon and thta the scales are kind to you on Monday.

Thanks Cheb.

I always advise new people on here and my clients to write a diary ... whether its online or on paper. I say it will remind you of how far you've come and give you something to look back on.

Well for the first time since writing this ... I've gone back to the start - read all 11 pages ... and cried my eyes out again, sometimes at the kind thoughts people have sent me, but also at what I have been doing to myself. I started this diary at 13 st .... I'm now 13.9 - how and why have I done this??? If I needed a wake up call - this is it!

I'm really sad, shook up at my silliness etc but maybe it's what I needed. Ok as before no promises of silly weight losses etc I don't achieve. No promises of being good. Just honesty. Every day - at least once a day I'll come on here - post whatever it is I have to say and every week or so I'm going to do what i did this afternoon and read at least from this page onwards. I hope to see the weight moving from 13.7 DOWNWARDS.

My life is good at the moment, I have a wonderful, loving, fantastic partner and we've been living together 10months today. I have 3 healthy, well behaved (but don't tell them i said that!!!) children. My CDC business is keeping me busy and allowing me to be working from home which suits me. My parents are not brilliant - but compared to last August-November my mum is slowly mending ... ad I am able to go down and visit them and keep an eye on them. So many pluses .......... the icing on my cake (why are so many analogies to do with food??!!) would be to be a size 14 ... to do that I need to lose about 2.7stone - the cherry on top (more food references!!!) would be to be a 12 again ... that's probably another stone. So in 3 and half months time I could have it ALL ............

Do i want it enough??? ......... well you are going to have to wait and see on that one too folks!

You can do it hun! Just hang in there.. No point in looking at the past, it'll only make you feel bad again but on the other hand it does help to strengthen your resolve to stay on the straight and narrow. You can do it!!!

Bev, maybe you NEEDED to look back thru your diary to get your head in the right place to achieve your goals again!

Best of luck regardless of how you do it...will be watching with interest!

Originally Posted by zareena

You can do it hun! Just hang in there.. No point in looking at the past, it'll only make you feel bad again but on the other hand it does help to strengthen your resolve to stay on the straight and narrow. You can do it!!!

Thanks Zareena - very resolved at the moment!! Straight and narrow??? Mmmmmmmm ......... hope so - but always seem to be distracted by the scenery around the corner!!!!

Originally Posted by kazz

Bev, maybe you NEEDED to look back thru your diary to get your head in the right place to achieve your goals again!

Best of luck regardless of how you do it...will be watching with interest!

Thanks hun. Yes i think I did ... I'm in a very strange reflective mood ... god help Phil when he comes in!!! ......... but think I needed to look back to the start to see where I hadn't come!! Hopefully the next look back will be a lot more positive! Thanks for encouragement.

Originally Posted by flirty40greeneyes

Straight and narrow??? Mmmmmmmm ......... hope so - but always seem to be distracted by the scenery around the corner!!!!

Same for me luv! If not I'm sure I'd have been at goal by now. I've just decided to keep picking myself up each time I fall.. Although I hope there are no more falls on the horizon

Originally Posted by zareena

Same for me luv! If not I'm sure I'd have been at goal by now. I've just decided to keep picking myself up each time I fall.. Although I hope there are no more falls on the horizon

Well I'll try to keep the blinkers on this time!!!

Will pop in and check on you (although I notice you have not got much further to go!!!), if you do the same to me???