flirty40greeneyes

Hi everyone - been reading through everyone's diaries this afternoon and decided to start one of my own. I'm also going to see if I can get one of these great ticker thingys you all have.

So some background. My name's Beverley, I'm 44 yrs old, I was born in Essex (and heard all the Essex girl jokes ... and the blonde girl jokes - and now my partner changes them to blonde Essex girl ...!!!) lived in Kent from aged 5 and then moved up North 20 yrs ago. I have 3 fantastic children - daughter aged 20 who is at Chester uni, daughter aged 17 who is at Thomas Cook training to become something to do with travel (cheap hols!!!! yay!!!) and a son aged 15 who has his name down for a great borstal (opps only joking!!) he's lovely but no clue as to where/what he wants to do with his life. He plays the guitar and rugby - not together and aspires to be like Shane McGowan of The Pogues!!! Mmmmmm!!!! I also have 3 cats, 3 fish and a hamster and a partner ............. shouldn't really put him at the end of the list as I love him madly - but did aquire him after the pets and kids!!!!

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Beverley xxx

-3lb

flirty40greeneyes

Opps hadn't finished .... computer got carried away there!!!

I'm 5' 4" tall (or small as my 6' son says when he pats me on the head and asks what I want to be when i grow up??!!) and here's the bad bit - 13st. I was 15st but went on LL and then CD and lost nearly 4st. Due to holidays, life in general etc etc etc I have stupidly put 2st back on and I'm very diisappointed and ashamed - so hence this diary so I can write it all down - good and bad and keep a track of what I'm doing and maybe why. As if I'm successful this time I don't want to blow it again.

Will add more later.

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Beverley xxx

-3lb

flirty40greeneyes

Hi again diary.
Well like I said I lost the weight and went down to size 12 and was so pleased and basked in all the compliments etc ... but I hadn't really learnt my lesson properly and as soon as things go wrong in my life I reward myself with food - which is what I did this time AGAIN.

I was always very slim size 10/12 and could eat what I wanted. I wasn't particularly active, but obviously I was eating too much c***. I met and married my ex husband in a fairy-tale love story ... we met on an 18/30's holiday (not as risque as they are now!!!) and he was from Belfast and I was living in Tunbridge Wells. We fell in love, got engaged after 6weeks and he moved across to Kent. We went on to get married and have 3children. When we had our first baby we moved up to Cheshire with his work. I started to realise that he had a serious drinking problem after we got married and it steadily got worse. The more out of control he got with his drinking and I turned to food as a comfort. We tried AA, doctors, detox, counselling etc etc Eventually we split up 7yrs ago and have stayed relatively amicable although he has serious health issues and is on his way to ruining his health through alcohol abuse.
I have brought up the children on my own and continued to "treat" myself with food. Then last yr I saw holiday photos of me in shorts and t-shirt and that was IT!!!! I saw an advert for LL and went along and started it. 15.3 was my first weigh in and i was size 20/22. I kept to it and soon the weight was coming off .... 1 stone, 1 and half stone .... down to size 18 now then another stone and last half stone before Xmas last year took me down to 12.3 and size 16. I was so pleased and looked and felt much better. I cam off SS for Xmas and on New Yrs day went straight back on it and lost my last stone taking me down to 11.3 and size 12/14.

I was so impressed and went and did my training to become a CDC, determined that this was now it! .............. and I genuinely thought it was - during that time I'd had various problems, not lease my boyfriend at the time and i splitting up .. but hey life went on and I didn't put any weight on.

I went on to meet my partner I am with now, fall in love and he moved in with me. We went off on that holiday to Sharm el Sheikh Egypt and I put on quite a bit of weight, so my size 12 clothes definately didn't fit anymore!

Then my brother was sent to prison ... it's still too raw and personal to go into all the details here but it was enough to send me back to my comfort zone. Then as a result of what happened to my brother my mum went down with shingles and has been getting worse and worse as the weeks go by. She has been bed ridden for 9weeks now and is so painfully slipping away that I don't know what to do.

Lastly and no more or less a reason, we've had problems and confrontation with my partners 9 yr old daughter. We were having her every weekend from Fri to Sun and as the weekends were fraught and unhappy times i tended to reward myself as soon as she'd gone home - not her fault, MINE!

So that all takes me to now - I've re-evaluated my life, what i want from it and hence my diary - to try and keep myself on track. I'm now back up to 13.2 as of this mornings weigh in - a very tight size 14 probably should be in size 16 and want to lose at least 2stone and get back into my size 12's for Xmas - but more importantly learn from it this time and not have to do this journey again.

On the emotional front: my future step daughter is now only coming to us every other weekend and I'm determined those visits will be good for both of us..... so hopefully the pressure is off there. My brother has a release date at the end of November, although he is going to need lots of help as his marriage has collapsed whilst he's been in prison. And my mum - well I'll keep on hoping, praying etc that she gets better - although at the moment she is declining at an alarming rate. I'm going back down to visit her and my dad (they live 250 miles away) in 2 weeks time and as well as being in daily contact with my dad, I'm now also in contact with my mums doctor (who was my doctor when I was having my first baby!)

So will come on here to post ... and hopefully I'll soon start to see a change in my weight, behaviour, my relationship with my step-daughter, and most of all my mum.

Thanks if you have read to the end of this long ramble - it's so useful to have this blank screen to unburden to - and i feel more positive and better.

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Beverley xxx

-3lb

Roch

Hi Beverley.I am so sorry that your mum is ill am sending you ((((big hugs)))) i know how hard it is to see someone you care and love about so much so ill and u feel helpless.

You seem to have alot on your plate but no matter what u have taken back control and decided enough is enough and now u r ready to get back to the "size 12 Beverley" and i know u r going to get there.

just remember we r always here to support u and i will hold your hand along your journey and support you.
You r a lucky woman to have a partner who cares about u and u look very very happy together.

So today is our day one and we r going to do this and change our lives for the better.
Are you ssing or doing another plan.
Looking forward 2 chatting 2 u, have a good day xx

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IreneH

I am sorry you have so much going on at the moment. My mam is also very ill and I know how upsetting it is. I am really enjoying your diary and know you will succeed again
Irene xx

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Mich

Hi Bev!

Thanks for posting on my thread - funny how we think we are alone and then find we are not

Sorry to hear that life has been so tough on you just lately - hope your mum is on the mend and your brother will be OK when he comes home. Lots of love and support will help them - but don't forget to be kind to yourself too....

Hope your fresh start is going OK - I've had a large peppermint tea and 1/2 litre water so far - trying to hang on as long as poss before first pack.

Have a good day.

Love

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Mich xxxx

flirty40greeneyes

Thanks Roch - I felt so much better just posting and have been glugging my water steadily all morning. 1st shake soonish - yes planning to do SS as really it's the only plan that works for me (when I do it correctly of course!!!)

Thanks for the support - this really is a fantastic site - and i'm addicted!!! Still not likely to put on weight if I'm typing!!!

Good luck to you too ... and will keep checking on your progress too.

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Beverley xxx

-3lb

flirty40greeneyes

Thanks Irene
It is so difficult when our parents who have been there for us become ill and you have to face the possibility that they may not get better. I have always had a difficult relationship with my mum (especially as a child)... and so now I'm trying to make up for this, as I don't want any regrets and I want her to realise how important a person she is in my life.

I hope that things with your mam improve.

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Beverley xxx

-3lb

flirty40greeneyes

That's what's so good about this site Mich .... you post and along comes someone who understands how you feel ... says the right thing or just says "hi". It is great for keeping up morale and stopping me slip into the eating mode ... and great to just connect with other people.

So far I've only had water - like you I'm hoping to stretch out my first pack ... and may even half them and have 6 meals today. Keep going - and look forward to hearing from you all again soon!

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Beverley xxx

-3lb

happygal

hi ya beverly, sorry to hear that ur mum isnt well. its a real hard and stressful time when someone that close to u is ill. u have proved u can do this already though and u can lean on us whenever things get hard on. ((hugs))

Karen1972

Oh honey, what a tough ole time you're having right now - sending you a million ((hugs))....

You come across as such a strong woman Bev, you can get though this and there is light at the end of the tunnel so keep focussed on that!

Keep your chin up sweetie.

Luv,

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Karen xxx

flirty40greeneyes

Might just be doing that Claire! - so far so good with the diet.

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Beverley xxx

-3lb

flirty40greeneyes

Thanks Karen .... it's so nice to have these total strangers on your side offering support etc.

Just had a phone call from my brother - totally devastated because him and my sister-in-law splitting up. He was inconsolable and I felt awful, but have promised I'll be there for him when he comes out. I jsut spoke to my S-I-L and said to her that it feels like being in a soap opera as there is almost a daily drama. I know he can get through this, as can she, and myself and my partner in our little soap can do so too!

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Beverley xxx

-3lb

Karen1972

Oh your poor brother! Maybe when he gets out he can sort out things with his wife - it's gotta be difficult to communicate at the moment and i'm sure she is feeling very bitter!!

Stay positive x

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Karen xxx

Mich

Hi Bev!

How's your day going? OK I hope.

I'm doing OK drinking the water and staying well away from the kitchen - this time of day after I've picked the kids up from school is real danger time so keeping well away - just thrown a pack of jaffa cakes at them and got eldest to dole them out - wouldn't mind but before LL/CD I didn't even like jaffa cakes but in my weaker moments I've been known to scoff them cos they were there!

Anyway, hope your day is going well. Keep glugging

Love

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Mich xxxx