Thread: Emma's restarter diary!

Hi all,
I've been reading some of these diary's recently and have decided it would be helpful to have one myself, so here goes!

My journey started in Jan 06 when i saw a tv programme which featured a VLCD so i did some research and joined LL weighing 18 st 3!
I joined with my cousin and i stayed on the plan for about 70 days- didn't comlete the 100 days due to financial reasons, and i knew by now of CD thanks to the DH site and Isabels blog! - life saver!
I found myself a CDC and switched about May 06, my lowest weight so far was 14st 1 which i was on the 26th june 06!

Unfortunatly i played around with the diet and had the summer off, which was a big lesson learnt as the food issues were still there big time!
Got back into ss'ing and got down to 15st 1 by the 17th Sep but then got ill and had to have antibiotics, so stopped!

Since then i have retryed about 4 times and given up usually by day 4!

So here we are, I started again, on Mon-30th Oct weighing 15st 7, get weighed on Wed, will have only been ssing for 3 days so not expecting anything!

Day 1 went ok really, very very determined, and positive about this! I need to know what slim feels like!

You will have learnt a lot by all the stops and starts that you have had on the way so put it down to experience. You sound like you have the taste (!) for slimness now and that is going to be a great motivator and you are a lot lighter than when you started LL, well done. Have a good week !

Thanks Melissa

I have the taste for 'normal' sized clothes like you wouldn't believe!

I showed my little girl your glitter name last night, she is also Melissa- she thinks that its a special bratz doll called Melissa-ahhhh bless!

Hi Emma,
Yes bless her ! When I look like my glittery Melissa I will be well pleased ! Still 7 stone to go though. I know what you mean about the clothes though, I am all excited about being a couple of sizes down and want to buy, buy, buy but I know it's not worth it just yet. But when I am there I think I will be a clothes addict. Something to aspire to and better than being a toast, chocolate or some other food addict
Melissa x

Hello
Day 2 was a kind of up and down day really!
I was very pleased with myself for reaching day 2, but the hunger pains started about lunch time and i started feeling sorry for myself!
The testing time for me was after i had taken my little one out trick or treating i had to take her to my future sis in laws for a halloween party!

My head was starting to pound by then, i was cold and getting stroppy! She had about 15 kids there all under 8 runnig around all excited, and then she brought in the food!

Cakes and crisps, muffins pizza slices chicken nuggets! oh my god it near on killed me!
BUT not a morsel passed my lips, i had nothing!
I left there very grumpy and felt denied but i felt good that i hadn't given in to anything!
Had a strop in front of tv when i got back and then as my mood wasnt going to improve i went to bed!

Hello
Made it past day 3!
miracle for me, my resolve did waver when i got home from weighing but i watched diet doctors and biggest losers and that sorted me out!

I stayed the same at my weigh in which pleased me as i hadnt been weighed for 3 weeks and had pigged out!

So now at 15st 7 its a new start for me! My journey will be in 3 parts, part 1 was the LL/CD beginning with lots of struggling and restarts and guilt at the end.

This new beginning is my 2nd part which will take me up until xmas/new year, i will be my lowest weight by xmas and hopefully down 2 sizes too!

The 3rd part will be after new year when i get back on SS
and finish my journey which will mean reaching my targert of 10 stone! eeeeeeeeeeeeek thats sooooooooooo scary to say and think of! Never ever ever been 10 stone in all my adult or even child life!

I know im raving on now but i guess thats what this diary is for, i have all these thoughts and dreams and no where for them to go! I can talk to a few people but i do get the feeling that they are thinking yeah yeah heard it all before, you wont get there etc etc, they prob dont think that at all-although i do have a couple of people around me that secretly hope i fail due to their own largness and inability to stay on any diet including CD! See now im beeing b***** but its true!

Anyways, gotta get ready for work now!
Back later

Hi Emma - found your diary!

I think it's significant that you usually give up bout day 4 (did i read that right?). As you are now at day 4 I think that crossing that psychological barrier and getting to day 5 should be a major achievement! How do you plan to celebrate it?!
I also know what you mean about people wanting you to fail. Tho i am guilty of a secret sense of satisfaction when i go out socially and discover I am not the biggest person there - cos so often i am, scrap that - WAS!!
I think it is that feeling of self consciousness and comfort in the status quo that makes people want others to fail.
But in the words of Monty Python 'Don't let the *******s grind you down'!

Jeanie x

Hi Shimsham
Glad you found me!

I'm afraid i join you with the scanning the room for a bigger person, feels bad to admit it but i do feel a lot better when there is someone bigger!
My future mum in law and sis in law are both quite big and have also like me struggled with diets.

My mum in law did try CD and last to her AAM week and then lost the plot!

But i can see it in them, they are just waiting for me to trip up and fail coz they dont want me to be slim, they like the fact that we all have to shop in Evans and if i ever get anything new they say, yeah we saw that in evans!

Anyways, enough moaning from me, im off to cook sausage and mash for kids and partner, dont worry i hate it!
Back later im sure!

Hi Emma,

Your story sounds so familiar - I too am starting again for the umpteenth time, I started Monday as well. My lowest in a good few years was about 14 stone and whenever I get anywhere near it, I start messing about and sabotaging myself.

I can psycho analyse myself and I'm even conscious when I'm doing it, but sometimes I just cant seem to get past that point. However, I to am determined this time. I'm stopping myself doing things and living my life by remaining bigger.

Anyway, you've inspired me to start my own diary - I'm very slowly finding my way around this site!

Good luck and I look forward to seeing your progress and future success!

Oh Emma! (hi again Lottie!)

It's all so frighteningly familiar!!! right down to feeding the family with food I don't like!
My friends and family are comfortable with me bieng 'the biggest' as it makes them feel better - but not any more! We were not put on this earth to make them feel good at the expense of our own self-esteem!
When we get to goal we will shop for clothes together - and stick 2 slim fingers up at Evans as we slink past! heehee!!

Keep going Hun-Day 4 tomorrow!

Hi Lottie

Blimey i dont think ive inspired any one before!

Have you started your diary? Ive had a quick look and havnt found it!

Im glad that your determined too, it does get to a point where enough is enough!

Keep at it!

Hi Shimsham,

Im up for sticking my not so slim yet fingers up at Evans for definate!



Day 5 has gone ok really, def in ketosis, i dont use the pee stick things but i know when my tongue goes manky and i feel a bit better, oh and im freezing to death!

I tried the mix a mousse again today, and it went better than my last attempt, not so many lumps this time!

i weighed myself on my scales on Mon my first day and this morning i weighed 15st 2- thats 8lbs lost since mon!!!!

I know that my CDC's scales are about 4lbs different to mine so i wont get too excited, but i cant wait to be under 15st again, it will make such a difference to my attitude towards ss'img im sure!
I got down to 14st 1 previously this year and just managed to get into size 18's, but it wasn't for long as i went away for the summer and ruined it.

I'm pining for that feeling back, not only could others see id lost weight but i could feel it too. I do wonder if i panicked a bit coz it was def unknown territory for me to be that 'small' and looking back i was getting a lot of comments/attention. and thats not me at all!

Anyways enough of that for now, i have to cook chicken and chips for my crew!
Catch yu later!

I know what you mean. I got down to a size 12/14 and 'disappeared' in so many ways - caused something of an identity crisis for me and those around me. We were all used to me being 'the big, bubblyy blonde' and all that was left was the blonde! People I had known for 10 years or more would walk straight past and not recognise me.
Hoping to use this site/my diary to deal with all the psychological aspect of weight loss/body image this time!

Jeanie x

Hi Emma

Just found ur diary... sounds like u have a plan, hope it works for u and u get to under 14st in ur first week - hopefully that will give u motivation.

I found my second week the hardest, i was hungry permanently but I treated it like giving up smoking and just thought "Nope I don't do food anymore"!!! Reading peoples blogs and diaries really helped me too, still does, saved a few on my favourites so I can read them whenever I'm thinking "what the f***" lol!

Kx

Hi Emma

Glad you have found Minimins and started a diary thread here. I too started LL in January 06 and am just starting week 3 of my part 2. My starting weight was 16stone 5lbs and I started management at 10stone 5lbs back in July. However I started management before I was ready and spent the whole of August and September and half of October failing miserably at SSing. There was a lot of other stuff going on at the time (it's in my thread which I won't bore you with) and I would reach day 3 and then fall spectacularly off the wagon with a huge binge. I got fed up writing Day 1 (again) on my thread as it made me feel like a complete failure. But the issues I was dealing with were just too much for me and I reverted to food for my sanctuary. Luckily I hope I will never have so much going on at once ever again! I've been back on foodpacks since 18th October so today is day 17. I did have a blip yesterday but today is still day 17. Your attitude sounds like you have it
sorted. You are very positive and I'm really pleased that you've reached day 5. I know that the motivation the second time around isn't as great as the first time is it? The excitement of the first time just carries you through!

When I was struggling I found a lot of my new clothes were a bit tight and I found that very demoralising, but it did also give me a bit of a kick up the bum. As you have mentioned in your posts, shopping gives you such a buzz. It's such a novelty to walk into a shop and just pick up a pair of size 12 jeans and know that when you get home that they will fit you without trying them on.

Good luck with part 2 of your journey. We can travel the road together and I look forward to reading your posts with your progress.