the weight of silence - MiniMins.com

Silence · 17th July, 2008

So, let me introduce myself; my name’s Silence (well that's my pseudonym) and I’m a 22 year old woman. I’m from Yorkshire, but I live and work in France. I’m morbidly obese and weigh just under 20 stone.
I am deeply unhappy with what I look like. I hate my body. I wish I could say that this hatred could be used to spur me on, but to be honest it just depresses and I wind up depressed and comfort eating, it’s that vicious circle.
I’ve had a weight problem for most of my life. My whole life is fat. I’ve always been heavier than normal. My whole family are overweight, so I have “the genes”. I never have been big on the whole sport or exercise thing, preferring sedentary hobbies like reading, studying, watching films. I’ve never really been a healthy eater, it’s not that I don’t like healthy food, it’s that I LIKE unhealthy food. I’m also a big big big comfort eater and I’ve had my fair share of problems and stress, so comfort eating is a big part of my life and has been for a long long time.
I have spent my entire life making excuses my about why I am the way I am, why I’m the size I am, the biggest of which are the ones for not sorting all this mess out.
I’ve tried numerous diets over the years, but have obviously never succeeded, mainly because I’ve always done it a little half heartedly. I wake up most Monday mornings and start a “diet” or a “healthy eating plan”, it’s a miracle if I make it until Friday, in fact I’m lucky if I make it to Tuesday afternoon. I have no willpower.
I’m also a very negative person. It take a lot for me to be positive, I doubt myself and my ability and I constantly need the reassurance of other people. Which is a problem I just moved to France and I live on my own. I don’t have people there reassuring me all the time and I know it’s going to be hard. This is the main reason I’m here, I’m seeking the reassurance of you kind people and hope that we can share our experience and can support each other.
My experience with diets is obviously very negative. The ones that work the best for me are the freer diets, the GI diet and the South Beach Diet. I just came off South Beach during a stressful move to France. It was working really well for me, slow but sure and it was easy to stick to once I got into it. I have tried to get back onto it, but found it hard. But my determination has been restored this week, I’m feeling more than ever that I need this issue resolved and I’m determined to do this.
I’ve bought a proper south beach diet book and cook books, a beginner yoga DVD, some trainers and a pedometer. I’m planning to get on south beach, walk 10,000 steps and do a bit of yoga. I read that gentle exercise is better to start off with for people my size and weight.
I’m ready to do this. I want to do this. I’m ready to change my life for the better.
So here’s to positive changes and to new beginnings and the future, a thinner, healthier future.

**Mini** · 17th July, 2008

Welcome silence,

It is good to have you here and I feel your post is very positive and that you are determined and ready now to make changes.

There is no such thing as failure...it is all learning.

You know the diet that suits you and this is a great achievement.

We all know what it is to get your head in the right place to start again and you have yours there now

Take it easy on the new walking and exercise regime and work up to it slowly...the main thing is that what you are doing you enjoy it.

Now is the time to take some before photos and body measurements and to write down a list of mini goals and long term goals as these will help keep your focus.

As you tick off each mini goal make sure to reward yourself with a non food treat...could be a new magazine, book or trip to the cinema. Just something to celebrate each little victory along the road.

Wishing you all the best on your diet journey.

Love Mini xxx

clarri · 17th July, 2008

Hi Silence
I am also a proponant of south beach, but it is a little too free for me, so I am calorie counting, and trying to be beachy. You are already doing the right thing by keeping trying. That is the important thing. Something will click with you, and I cant tell you what will, but I know that it will, for me too I hope. We are all here for you, so come on here and pour your heart out. Its the best place for it. I already feel so supported here. We are all winners, and we will get to our goals. Ok its not easy, but the depression is not easy either!!!!
Best of luck, and I will be checking in with you as I hope you will in my diary.
xxx

Time Lady · 17th July, 2008

Hey Silence, Nice to meet you.

You have already taken one of the biggest steps by accepting you want to change and taking action towards achieving things that you really want and need, so good for you, you should feel very positive about that.

You have found an amazing place for support, the people here are so very friendly and have made me feel so welcome and comfortable and after a few days you will feel the same way too.

I would like to wish you all the best for your weight-loss journey, it probably won't be easy at least to begin with and it will take time and patience, but you will get to where you want to be. Give yourself time and go easy on the exercise at first, you will do great.

I will keep coming back and reading your diary and as clarri said feel free to pour your heart out because we are here to help.

Have a wonderful day tomorrow, and a little saying my mum always says to me, to keep me positive: "Don't worry, Be happy"

See you tomorrow
Love Gemma
xx

daisyinthedust · 18th July, 2008

Hi Silence nice to meet you

I'm sorry things have been a bit rubbish for you what with the stress and coming off your diet etc
But it sound like you're in a more positive place right now and this lovely site will def keep you motivated!
Just ask for a kick up the bum and you'll get one lol!
Daisy x

**Isis** · 18th July, 2008

Welcome to Minimins Silence

I look forward to getting to know you better

Silence · 19th July, 2008

Thank you for all your support you guys, seriously, it means so much to feel that I have people there to support me. I need it so much. I'll keep posting on here, and I've also started a blog. I'll start checking out other peoples' too, for inspiration for myself and to reciprocate all the support.
thanks again!!!

Silence · 19th July, 2008

Whilst I was sat eating dinner this evening I was contemplating my relationship with food. What it means to me. Why I eat so much. My whole experience with food.
So I thought I’d start from the beginning…

I grew up in a household where food is an important part of the family routine, we used to eat together every night, and I wasn’t allowed to leave the table until I’d eaten everything on my plate, even if I didn’t like it, or I was full. My parents were strict about the amount of sweets and biscuits I ate and so when I did get the opportunity to eat sweets I used to eat as much as I could.

During my teenage years I had more freedom over my choice of food and I started making bad choices. I also had a lot of problems at home and was quite depressed and so I started to comfort eat. This is a habit which has continued. I don’t know why I find food so comforting, in fact I don’t. But my first instinct whenever something is wrong, or whenever I feel like crap is to eat. I have a bad day and all I want to do is crawl up in bed with a great big pile of food and eat until I feel physically sick. Although I never am.
Food is also my friend. I eat to celebrate. If I have a good day I think I’ll treat myself to something nice. And then I can’t stop. I also eat when I’m bored.
In a way food is how I express myself, how I entertain myself, food IS my friend.

Food is a big part of my life. I enjoy eating. I enjoy cooking. I enjoy eating out. It’s built into the core routine of my life, breakfast, lunch, dinner, supper. It’s set and I’ll eat just because it’s lunch time or dinner time, not because I’m hungry!

If I have something nice in the fridge, some chocolate or cake I’ll eat it just because it’s there. It’s just temptation. And I cannot resist! In a lot of ways food controls my life.

To succeed in losing weight I need to change the way I think about food.

Silence · 20th July, 2008

i officially start my new attempt at south beach tomorrow. i'm nervous... it's gonna be a hard hard week!!!

**Isis** · 20th July, 2008

Quote:

Originally Posted by Silence

i officially start my new attempt at south beach tomorrow. i'm nervous... it's gonna be a hard hard week!!!

Lots of love and positive vibes for tommorow

You CAN do this..xx

tazzi_mctaztaz · 20th July, 2008

Good luck for this week. X

Charisma · 20th July, 2008

good luck. looks like ya in the right frame ofmind for starting again. this site is amazing for inspiration or when you feel like caving. just remember your doing it for yourself and how amazing you will feel when you succeed!!

Silence · 21st July, 2008

Day 1 ... is going ok. I got up early and walked to the supermarket for "supplies". Breakfast, lunch, dinner all ok. (they usually are to be honest). My MAIN problem is the evening munchies, when the boredom sets in. like now. i just made myself a nice cup of tea and maybe a little later i'll brush my teeth and get in bed to read. I'm trying to avoid the sofa which is my habitual evening munchies place. i'm holding off so far, but its haaaaard.

I think fate is on my side... I got back from the UK yesterday to find that the neighbourhood-chocolate-crisp-cake-bread-selling-grocer and the ever-so-friendly-kebab-shop are both closed for "annual leave" for a month (a lot of small shops in France do). So my nearest none diet food supply is further away. Further away=less temptation.

17th July, 2008	#1 (permalink)
Silence one day at a time Silence's Profile Albums Silence's Photo Gallery Join Date: 15th July, 2008 Location: Alsace, France Posts: 923 My Mood: Blog Entries: 6 Rep Power: 21 Diet: South Beach / Beck diet solution Height: 5' 5" Start Date: 10/11/2008 Start Weight: 269lb Current Weight: 263lb Goal Weight: 140lb Goal Date: When it happens BMI Information: Current BMI: 43.8 Start BMI: 44.8 Goal BMI: 23.3 Statistics: Total Weight Loss: 6lb Weight to Lose: 123lb % Lost 2.23%	the weight of silence So, let me introduce myself; my name’s Silence (well that's my pseudonym) and I’m a 22 year old woman. I’m from Yorkshire, but I live and work in France. I’m morbidly obese and weigh just under 20 stone. I am deeply unhappy with what I look like. I hate my body. I wish I could say that this hatred could be used to spur me on, but to be honest it just depresses and I wind up depressed and comfort eating, it’s that vicious circle. I’ve had a weight problem for most of my life. My whole life is fat. I’ve always been heavier than normal. My whole family are overweight, so I have “the genes”. I never have been big on the whole sport or exercise thing, preferring sedentary hobbies like reading, studying, watching films. I’ve never really been a healthy eater, it’s not that I don’t like healthy food, it’s that I LIKE unhealthy food. I’m also a big big big comfort eater and I’ve had my fair share of problems and stress, so comfort eating is a big part of my life and has been for a long long time. I have spent my entire life making excuses my about why I am the way I am, why I’m the size I am, the biggest of which are the ones for not sorting all this mess out. I’ve tried numerous diets over the years, but have obviously never succeeded, mainly because I’ve always done it a little half heartedly. I wake up most Monday mornings and start a “diet” or a “healthy eating plan”, it’s a miracle if I make it until Friday, in fact I’m lucky if I make it to Tuesday afternoon. I have no willpower. I’m also a very negative person. It take a lot for me to be positive, I doubt myself and my ability and I constantly need the reassurance of other people. Which is a problem I just moved to France and I live on my own. I don’t have people there reassuring me all the time and I know it’s going to be hard. This is the main reason I’m here, I’m seeking the reassurance of you kind people and hope that we can share our experience and can support each other. My experience with diets is obviously very negative. The ones that work the best for me are the freer diets, the GI diet and the South Beach Diet. I just came off South Beach during a stressful move to France. It was working really well for me, slow but sure and it was easy to stick to once I got into it. I have tried to get back onto it, but found it hard. But my determination has been restored this week, I’m feeling more than ever that I need this issue resolved and I’m determined to do this. I’ve bought a proper south beach diet book and cook books, a beginner yoga DVD, some trainers and a pedometer. I’m planning to get on south beach, walk 10,000 steps and do a bit of yoga. I read that gentle exercise is better to start off with for people my size and weight. I’m ready to do this. I want to do this. I’m ready to change my life for the better. So here’s to positive changes and to new beginnings and the future, a thinner, healthier future. __________________ ~SHORT TERM GOAL~ Get into the 17s!!! [url=http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wmK1AHg/] ~LONG TERM GOALS~ Weight loss [url=http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/waQAWsJ/] Waist loss [url=http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wryJTCv/]

17th July, 2008	#2 (permalink)
Mini MiniMins Admin Mini's Profile Albums Mini's Photo Gallery Join Date: 30th April, 2006 Posts: 18,178 Blog Entries: 5 Rep Power: 100	Welcome silence, It is good to have you here and I feel your post is very positive and that you are determined and ready now to make changes. There is no such thing as failure...it is all learning. You know the diet that suits you and this is a great achievement. We all know what it is to get your head in the right place to start again and you have yours there now Take it easy on the new walking and exercise regime and work up to it slowly...the main thing is that what you are doing you enjoy it. Now is the time to take some before photos and body measurements and to write down a list of mini goals and long term goals as these will help keep your focus. As you tick off each mini goal make sure to reward yourself with a non food treat...could be a new magazine, book or trip to the cinema. Just something to celebrate each little victory along the road. Wishing you all the best on your diet journey. Love Mini xxx __________________ "If hunger is not the problem, then eating is not the solution".

17th July, 2008	#3 (permalink)
clarri clarri clarri's Profile Albums clarri's Photo Gallery Join Date: 1st October, 2006 Location: Wexford, Ireland Posts: 891 My Mood: Rep Power: 28 Diet: Healthy eating and counting ww points Start Date: re-start 6/11/08 Start Weight: 206lb Current Weight: 205lb Goal Weight: 150lb Goal Date: Aug 09 Statistics: Total Weight Loss: 1lb Weight to Lose: 55lb % Lost 0.49%	Hi Silence I am also a proponant of south beach, but it is a little too free for me, so I am calorie counting, and trying to be beachy. You are already doing the right thing by keeping trying. That is the important thing. Something will click with you, and I cant tell you what will, but I know that it will, for me too I hope. We are all here for you, so come on here and pour your heart out. Its the best place for it. I already feel so supported here. We are all winners, and we will get to our goals. Ok its not easy, but the depression is not easy either!!!! Best of luck, and I will be checking in with you as I hope you will in my diary. xxx __________________ [IMG]file:///C:/Users/CLARRI/AppData/Local/Temp/moz-screenshot.jpg[/IMG] You won't fail if you're not perfect, you'll fail if you're not committed to improving yourself slightly each day. WEEKLY EXERCISE- 20th-27th Nov GOAL mini goal - 4/7/08 - 14st10lbs 11/7/08 - 14st07lbs 18/7/08 - 14st07lbs 25/7/08 - 14st10lbs :-( 12/9/08 - 14st1.2lbs 19/9/08 - 14.0lbs 6/11/08 - 14.10lbs 14/11/08 - 14.8.lbs 21/11/08 - 14.9.lbs

17th July, 2008	#4 (permalink)
Time Lady Likes to post Time Lady's Profile Albums Time Lady's Photo Gallery Join Date: 4th July, 2008 Posts: 314 My Mood: Rep Power: 0	Hey Silence, Nice to meet you. You have already taken one of the biggest steps by accepting you want to change and taking action towards achieving things that you really want and need, so good for you, you should feel very positive about that. You have found an amazing place for support, the people here are so very friendly and have made me feel so welcome and comfortable and after a few days you will feel the same way too. I would like to wish you all the best for your weight-loss journey, it probably won't be easy at least to begin with and it will take time and patience, but you will get to where you want to be. Give yourself time and go easy on the exercise at first, you will do great. I will keep coming back and reading your diary and as clarri said feel free to pour your heart out because we are here to help. Have a wonderful day tomorrow, and a little saying my mum always says to me, to keep me positive: "Don't worry, Be happy" See you tomorrow Love Gemma xx Last edited by Time Lady : 18th July, 2008 at 06:43 AM.

18th July, 2008	#5 (permalink)
daisyinthedust Byebye bingo wings daisyinthedust's Profile Albums daisyinthedust's Photo Gallery Join Date: 6th April, 2008 Location: London, England Posts: 132 My Mood: Rep Power: 3 Diet: Hypnotherapy - sort of. Marisa Peer	Hi Silence nice to meet you I'm sorry things have been a bit rubbish for you what with the stress and coming off your diet etc But it sound like you're in a more positive place right now and this lovely site will def keep you motivated! Just ask for a kick up the bum and you'll get one lol! Daisy x __________________ I AM ENOUGH. I DON'T NEED TO COMPENSATE FOR MY BROTHER. I DON'T NEED TO EAT TO PLEASE ANYBODY.

18th July, 2008	#6 (permalink)
Isis Moderator Isis's Profile Albums Isis's Photo Gallery Super Miner Champion!Tournaments Won: 5 Join Date: 21st July, 2006 Location: York, UK Posts: 8,419 My Mood: Rep Power: 213 Diet: CD SS+ again soon, maybe, possibly! Goal Date: before I croak!	Welcome to Minimins Silence I look forward to getting to know you better __________________ "Say what you mean. Mean what you say, but don't be mean when you say it" Power Phrases Merry Xmas Elv !!.lol..xxx

19th July, 2008	#7 (permalink)
Silence one day at a time Silence's Profile Albums Silence's Photo Gallery Join Date: 15th July, 2008 Location: Alsace, France Posts: 923 My Mood: Blog Entries: 6 Rep Power: 21 Diet: South Beach / Beck diet solution Height: 5' 5" Start Date: 10/11/2008 Start Weight: 269lb Current Weight: 263lb Goal Weight: 140lb Goal Date: When it happens BMI Information: Current BMI: 43.8 Start BMI: 44.8 Goal BMI: 23.3 Statistics: Total Weight Loss: 6lb Weight to Lose: 123lb % Lost 2.23%	Thank you for all your support you guys, seriously, it means so much to feel that I have people there to support me. I need it so much. I'll keep posting on here, and I've also started a blog. I'll start checking out other peoples' too, for inspiration for myself and to reciprocate all the support. thanks again!!! __________________ ~SHORT TERM GOAL~ Get into the 17s!!! [url=http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wmK1AHg/] ~LONG TERM GOALS~ Weight loss [url=http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/waQAWsJ/] Waist loss [url=http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wryJTCv/]

19th July, 2008	#8 (permalink)
Silence one day at a time Silence's Profile Albums Silence's Photo Gallery Join Date: 15th July, 2008 Location: Alsace, France Posts: 923 My Mood: Blog Entries: 6 Rep Power: 21 Diet: South Beach / Beck diet solution Height: 5' 5" Start Date: 10/11/2008 Start Weight: 269lb Current Weight: 263lb Goal Weight: 140lb Goal Date: When it happens BMI Information: Current BMI: 43.8 Start BMI: 44.8 Goal BMI: 23.3 Statistics: Total Weight Loss: 6lb Weight to Lose: 123lb % Lost 2.23%	Whilst I was sat eating dinner this evening I was contemplating my relationship with food. What it means to me. Why I eat so much. My whole experience with food. So I thought I’d start from the beginning… I grew up in a household where food is an important part of the family routine, we used to eat together every night, and I wasn’t allowed to leave the table until I’d eaten everything on my plate, even if I didn’t like it, or I was full. My parents were strict about the amount of sweets and biscuits I ate and so when I did get the opportunity to eat sweets I used to eat as much as I could. During my teenage years I had more freedom over my choice of food and I started making bad choices. I also had a lot of problems at home and was quite depressed and so I started to comfort eat. This is a habit which has continued. I don’t know why I find food so comforting, in fact I don’t. But my first instinct whenever something is wrong, or whenever I feel like crap is to eat. I have a bad day and all I want to do is crawl up in bed with a great big pile of food and eat until I feel physically sick. Although I never am. Food is also my friend. I eat to celebrate. If I have a good day I think I’ll treat myself to something nice. And then I can’t stop. I also eat when I’m bored. In a way food is how I express myself, how I entertain myself, food IS my friend. Food is a big part of my life. I enjoy eating. I enjoy cooking. I enjoy eating out. It’s built into the core routine of my life, breakfast, lunch, dinner, supper. It’s set and I’ll eat just because it’s lunch time or dinner time, not because I’m hungry! If I have something nice in the fridge, some chocolate or cake I’ll eat it just because it’s there. It’s just temptation. And I cannot resist! In a lot of ways food controls my life. To succeed in losing weight I need to change the way I think about food. __________________ ~SHORT TERM GOAL~ Get into the 17s!!! [url=http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wmK1AHg/] ~LONG TERM GOALS~ Weight loss [url=http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/waQAWsJ/] Waist loss [url=http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wryJTCv/]

20th July, 2008	#9 (permalink)
Silence one day at a time Silence's Profile Albums Silence's Photo Gallery Join Date: 15th July, 2008 Location: Alsace, France Posts: 923 My Mood: Blog Entries: 6 Rep Power: 21 Diet: South Beach / Beck diet solution Height: 5' 5" Start Date: 10/11/2008 Start Weight: 269lb Current Weight: 263lb Goal Weight: 140lb Goal Date: When it happens BMI Information: Current BMI: 43.8 Start BMI: 44.8 Goal BMI: 23.3 Statistics: Total Weight Loss: 6lb Weight to Lose: 123lb % Lost 2.23%	i officially start my new attempt at south beach tomorrow. i'm nervous... it's gonna be a hard hard week!!! __________________ ~SHORT TERM GOAL~ Get into the 17s!!! [url=http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wmK1AHg/] ~LONG TERM GOALS~ Weight loss [url=http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/waQAWsJ/] Waist loss [url=http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wryJTCv/]

20th July, 2008	#11 (permalink)
tazzi_mctaztaz Needs a life tazzi_mctaztaz's Profile Albums tazzi_mctaztaz's Photo Gallery Join Date: 28th August, 2007 Location: Preston, UK - originally from Australia Posts: 1,706 My Mood: Rep Power: 55 Diet: N/A	Good luck for this week. X __________________ Aiming to: eat healthy Mini-Goals Get to the end of Week 2 100% Get into a Size 18 again! Get into a Size 16 again! Get into all my old Size 14 clothes Wear a BIKINI (my first ever) on my first cruise in July 2009

20th July, 2008	#12 (permalink)
Charisma Likes to post Charisma's Profile Albums Charisma's Photo Gallery Join Date: 17th June, 2008 Location: hertfordshire, UK Posts: 986 My Mood: Rep Power: 19	good luck. looks like ya in the right frame ofmind for starting again. this site is amazing for inspiration or when you feel like caving. just remember your doing it for yourself and how amazing you will feel when you succeed!! __________________ [url=http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wS7ydf8/]

21st July, 2008	#13 (permalink)
Silence one day at a time Silence's Profile Albums Silence's Photo Gallery Join Date: 15th July, 2008 Location: Alsace, France Posts: 923 My Mood: Blog Entries: 6 Rep Power: 21 Diet: South Beach / Beck diet solution Height: 5' 5" Start Date: 10/11/2008 Start Weight: 269lb Current Weight: 263lb Goal Weight: 140lb Goal Date: When it happens BMI Information: Current BMI: 43.8 Start BMI: 44.8 Goal BMI: 23.3 Statistics: Total Weight Loss: 6lb Weight to Lose: 123lb % Lost 2.23%	Day 1 ... is going ok. I got up early and walked to the supermarket for "supplies". Breakfast, lunch, dinner all ok. (they usually are to be honest). My MAIN problem is the evening munchies, when the boredom sets in. like now. i just made myself a nice cup of tea and maybe a little later i'll brush my teeth and get in bed to read. I'm trying to avoid the sofa which is my habitual evening munchies place. i'm holding off so far, but its haaaaard. I think fate is on my side... I got back from the UK yesterday to find that the neighbourhood-chocolate-crisp-cake-bread-selling-grocer and the ever-so-friendly-kebab-shop are both closed for "annual leave" for a month (a lot of small shops in France do). So my nearest none diet food supply is further away. Further away=less temptation. __________________ ~SHORT TERM GOAL~ Get into the 17s!!! [url=http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wmK1AHg/] ~LONG TERM GOALS~ Weight loss [url=http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/waQAWsJ/] Waist loss [url=http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wryJTCv/] Last edited by Silence : 21st July, 2008 at 08:15 PM.

21st July, 2008	#14 (permalink)
Time Lady Likes to post Time Lady