A very honest thread. Whats your story?

[wannabslim]

I would like to share the story of my bad relationship with food, as I have been addressing my demons recently and think I have finally understood why I ended up overweight this is a big breakthrough for me and I think it may actually end up in me getting some counselling to help me move on from this point.

So, deep breath, here goes... (its a long story)!!!

At the age of 8, my mum started cutting my portions and telling me I couldn't have the same treats as my brothers. Despite being as active as them I just couldn't eat the same amount without putting on weight. I have always put it down to our genes as they are tall and slim where I am short and curvy!

So my mum decided to take action before it was too late and cut down my intake. I noticed. Oh boy did I notice. I didn't feel hungry mind, no, I hardly noticed any hunger at all. But it affected me in a way my mum could never have anticipated and she probably will never really know as I am afraid to upset her by telling her.

So what was my reaction? I internalised what she was doing and developed a complex. I believed my portions were being cut because I was fat, and I was not. I looked at myself in the mirror, aged 8 and hated myself, even though looking at photos now I was a perfectly normal, healthy child. I don't blame my mum for this 'dysmorphia' but her decision to cut my portions down also led to my brothers calling me 'fatty' which obviously didn't help.

I began to eat in private for fear that my family would comment on the odd chocolate bar or bag of crisps I would eat from time to time as most kids do. I would hide the wrappers down the side of my bed so no-one would find out, and I remember the panic I felt when my mum would announce she was going to give my room "a top to toe clean", as I was so afraid she would find them.

Aged 10 I HAD started to put on weight, due to the rise in pocket money I could afford more chocolate to eat in private. My mum put me on a diet she was doing. The rest of the family ate as normal. I felt disgusted by my body, and throughout my teens,although I was a size 12 with curves in all the right places, I felt I was fat, and different to everyone else. Not just a bit fat, I felt really fat. But I wasn't. As I got older I felt that no matter what I did I would always be fat, as all I saw in the mirror was a 'fatty'. So I didnt worry about how much/what I ate, as I thought it made no difference, no matter how big I ACTUALLY was, I still felt huge.

And so it came about that I DID become huge. And now, aged 23 I am still a stone and a half overweight having been dieting for nearly 2 years. I was 4 stone overweight at my heaviest, it was disgusting. I am only now starting to understand the deep reasons for the way I feel about myself, and sometimes find myself wishing I could see myself from a stranger's perspective so I could have a true picture of how I really look, instead of this distorted image I see in the mirror. Or is it distorted? I don't know anymore.

So why am I telling you all this?? Its because I think theres a lesson to be learned from my past... which is, that children are VERY sensitive and the slightest hint that there is something not quite right with them can affect the rest of their lives in ways which to other people might seem crazy, but to those who it affects it can lead to depression, anxiety, dysmorphia and eating disorders.

I should know.


Just wanted to share. Feel a bit stupid now but this post is too long to delete!

[charliegirl]

Hi thanks for your very honest post, I agree that children pick up on things more than we realise. I remember a comment my mum made about me when she thought I could not hear, basically she said I freaked her out because I appeared to intelligent. I was only about 8 years of age then. To think I freaked anyone out made me feel like an alien. My mother used to say kids never remember things but I can remember sitting in my pram outside the front door at a very early age. I mentioned it to her when I was an adult but she said she could not remember and I must of made it up! My kids say things to me now that makes me realise they too picked up on things more than I realised. I dont think one single person who has a weight issue has it because they are greedy there will always be a hidden issue somewhere....xx

[Tazzi]

Hi Honey,

I must say almost every word in your post rings true with me. My mum would never let me eat sweets. All of my grandparents would cook different food for me and i thought i was just disgusting. Looking back at photos now i was really quite thin. My mum started me on her current diet and i was dragged along to weight watchers every week.

I started making myself sick and eating only in private and am now a huge, gigantic size!!!!! I was diagnosed with depression at the age of 10 and am still on some huge amount of prozac. I cant take a higher dose i am told. I am working through with a councillor as well but it is hard to understand the past and move away from it.

Glad to hear you are moving through things and i look forward to joining you.

Lots of love
Taz x

[charliegirl]

Hi Taz good luck with slaying your demons hun, I learnt to forgive my mum because she did not know any better due to things in her childhood. It took a long time and she had been dead for a good few years before I could let go....stay strong you will get there in the end...xx

[Tazzi]

Thanks Charliegirl......my task this week was to write a letter to my mum that she would never read. Its such a hard thing to do. I am trying to let go of the past but at the same time i feel i need a family.......x

[wannabslim]

Thanks for sharing Taz! I have never really dealt with my demons but I think now I am in a relationship where I feel truly secure and content, I am finally able to start addressing the areas of my life where before I felt could not due to lack of support. I would normally go to my mum for anything that I needed support with, but obviously this issue is something I find impossible to talk to her about. But now I am settled with Mike, he tells me everyday, honestly, how I look. And I trust him to tell me the truth. I have to as I cant judge for myself. Am so messed uP!

Charliegirl, its weird that your experience with your mum stems from your grandma. Strangely enough, I saw my gran (mums mum) earlier this year, having lost 3 stone since I had last seen her. And you know the first thing she said. "Goodness me, you've lost a lot of that weight. Dont stop now though, you're not quite there yet!" I later heard my step-grandpa (they've been married since before I was born so he's a grandpa to me) say to my mum "well she was never a skinny girl but she had got too fat. i'm just glad shes realised it needs to be dealt with."

I felt so sick and just wanted to walk out on my grans birthday in tears. But I stayed. And made a point of eating very little in protest.

[charliegirl]

I always try to speak from the heart and I always think of my actions, I would hate to unintentionally hurt anyone (not counting the usual scroates of the world)...my mum was even kind enough to say they could not afford a third child when she was pregnant with me and my dad wanted her to get an abortion but she refused as she wanted a boy (I have two sisters) and then she got me not the best start in the world but s**t happens I try not to let it happen to me any more. And my dad loved me to bits when I was born unfortunately he died when I was 13 and whilst he was dying my mum told me if he lived she would divorce him not what any child of that age wants to her about a person she loves very much, but I have forgiven her she did not know any better just remember we never know who is listening to what we say and they may take it the wrong way and spend years feeling hurt....I am glad you have someone that is helping you mine all came to a head when a beloved cat died and it rocked my world and everything came out at once but its very liberating to let it go....good luck to everyone that is going through any sort of ordeal...xx

[charliegirl]

Originally Posted by tazzi_mctaztaz

Thanks Charliegirl......my task this week was to write a letter to my mum that she would never read. Its such a hard thing to do. I am trying to let go of the past but at the same time i feel i need a family.......x

Taz I am from Preston same as you! xx

[Less Rotund One]

Hi there - thank you so much for your post.

I have an 8yr old daughter and because of my issues with weight am terrified that she might get fat and be as miserable as me....

She is a very active little girl - does loads of sport and has an appetite to match and always seems to be hungry! I do notice that when she is not at school (like during the summer) that she tends to get chunkier.

I must admit that I have made her aware and not am terrified that I am doing her real damage.

What is the best thing to do? I think she has my genetics (poor kid), and won't be able to eat much without putting on weight. I don't want her to have a complex about treats and therefore eat secretly (like I did) nor do I want her to be overweight and battle with it as I have for most of my life.....dilemma dilemma

I will now be more conscious of exactly what I do say to her. I try to help her make healthy choices and dont ever stop her eating - just only allow one "treat" item per day - and as much fruit, veg and yogurt as she likes.

LRO x

[omnomnom]

Aww, that's so sad. Lots of older people come out with rude things like that without meaning any harm.. different generation. They're probably just concerned with your health rather than think you look bad. It hurts though! My boyfriend's dad once told me I'd put on weight and I cried, lol. I was only 16 or so and had probably gone from a size 10 to 12! It's ok though, my bf's nan hit him with a shoe

I had the opposite childhood. I was very skinny and could eat and eat and eat without putting on weight. When I was 10/11 people in school used to call me anorexic. They probably didn't even know what it meant, I never.. it just meant really skinny to me. As hurtful as being called fat.

I don't think I became overweight because of that though. There are probably numerous of things that affected it. When I was young my parents would buy lots of things like coke, crisps, chocolate in their weekly shop but my brother would eat them really quickly so I'd have to eat them really quickly too or I wouldn't get any. This put me into the habit of binging.

Also, my dad is an alcoholic and my mum has always had crappy jobs with long hours so when I got home from school I'd always cook so that she didn't have to come home from a long day to a drunk husband and have to cook and clean. She never asked me, I just liked doing it for her. Anyway, I probably did that from the age of 13 and 13 years olds can't cook much! I used to just do things like pizza and chips a lot as it was easy. I didn't really put on weight at this stage, it just got me into bad habits. I was a size 8 when I met my boyfriend at the end of year 10. I started to put on weight (he was overweight when I met him and I started eating more like him and stopped walking into town). I was only a size 10 in year 11 but I thought I was fat and started dieting. I used to skip breakfast and would eat ham sandwiches, a yoghurt and a banana for lunch. I used to eat WW ready meals in the evenings. By the time I was at college me and my boyfriend used to pig out on weekends. We'd eat loads of packets of crisps and chocolate bars. I didn't go past size 12 until I went to uni though. I put on a lot of weight even though I used to eat properly cooked meals with vegetables, I think I just ate huge portions. I also snacked a lot. Snacking is definately my downfall.

My problem has never been emotional eating. I don't eat because I'm sad. I just eat for the sake of it. I eat things that I probably don't even want. I think I want to sit and scoff my face with junk because of habit. I think that comes from when I had to eat things quickly before my brother did when I was young. I want hypnotherapy. I hate the idea of counselling, I hate talking about my feelings with people.

[lea8198]

Wow, this is a really touching thread. I think it seems a lot of our issues have come from somewhere. Thanks for sharing your stories. In a way it helps us address where the problem stems from. Here is my story in brief ....

I was always a chubby kid. I was not fat just a little chubby. However, I was always ridiculed for being fat. I was called Porky Pig by my own aunty on a daily basis. As i got older I just seemed to gain more weight. I think more as a point of 'oh well, they think I am fat anyway!'. When I first met my DH i was on the biggish side and soon gained more as I felt comfortable with him. I was never huge really but a little overweight. I was around 12 stone when I decided enough was enough.

I started dieting and exercising ALL the time. I was losing so much weight. 3lbs a week roughly. It got really addictive though. It got to the point where I would eat very little but had to go to the pool for an hour everyday just to feel 'ok'. It was then things started going really bad. My nan was diagnosed with a brain tumour and had 3 months to live. It was then that things went wrong. I would eat nothing (to the point of buying a plain baguette for dinner whilst everyone ate sandwiches etc) and swam constantly. My weight plummetted. The odd occasion i ate something that was not low in fat (bag of crisps) I was in the loo trying to throw it back up. I hit 9st 3lbs and for anyone that knows my bone structure I was tiny. This all happened in a few months really. I think everyone knew I had a problem. I was diagnosed with bulimia shortly after and got a little help. The day I was diagnosed my nan passed away From that point on I felt a huge weight lift. I had been watching her die for 3 months and I think food was my way of dealing with it. Once she had died I just started eating again! It was strange. I look at it like her passing present to me. I gained some weight and stayed around 10st which was fine by me.

I then I had 2 kids and found myself up at 12st 4 again in August this year. I then decided it was time to shift it again. I am now on WW and exercising but am terrified of going down the same route.

I am pleased with my progress so far but hope to god I can be sensible this time. I want to lose the weight safely and without any help!

So that is off my chest at last. I will come and comment on posts later. Just off for my bath x

[wannabslim]

thanks everyone for sharing with us it is a difficult thing to do!

"Little-rotund-one", to be honest I can't answer your question. What I do know is that she really doesnt need to know that any action you are taking is meant to affect her specifically. Maybe you could change the way your whole family eat and never mention to her that its anything to do with her. Or maybe change the lunchbox she takes to school so that there is no 'treat' food in there... you can always blame Jamie Oliver as the reason- tell her he inspired you!!

All I can say really is that whatever you do, dont do anything that she will internalise, and most of all encourage her in her activities, as if she stops them she may well gain weight and then you will have more difficulty helping her to stay healthy.

When she gets older she will probably mention diets to you anyway, as her friends will be talking about it and she will inevitably feel some pressure to conform to the 'slim pressure' that all of us feel. At that point I would say it is acceptable to start introducing a more 'healthy eating plan' (note NOT the word diet!!!) to her, and maybe do it with her as encouragement.

Ultimately she is 8 years old and as her mum you only want the best for her. A happy, healthy child. So that means encouraging her to do things that help her stay slim, allowing her treats so she doesnt feel she is being deprived, making gradual changes to the food you put on the table, and personally one idea I have heard of which I love, and which works for adults as well as kids, is to use OTHER things as treats instead of food (so instead of doing what my mum and dad did "its saturday so you can have your bar of chocolate today", take her to the zoo and spend the day together walking around and looking at the animals. Or take her to a jungle gym type place where she can burn off some calories....) She will love it and the whole time will be exercising and not consuming any food at all

xxx

[abba1772]

i was a skinny kid to but very active joined all the sports clubs in school if i wasn't there i was running round like a looney, my mum fed me massive portion never commented on my weight as i was eating loads.

However a stupid teacher at my school decided to write my mum a letter saying i was anorexic and that i need specialist help. My mum was furious how dare she as she attened the same badminton training sessions as me so she could se how active and fit i was.

i think thats when i became aware of my body properly and slowed down my training til it came to a halt i was a size 6 then with no body fat but now that i slowed things down i was a healthy size 10 until i got married lol.

then i was happy and contented and only really ntioced my weight gain when my clothes didn't fit me properly but Rob loved me the way i was so i wasn't bothered to be honest. Then i had a my wee girl and struggled to lose weight. got down to 12st after having her but that lasted a few weeks and all the nice clothes i bought remained in the wardrobe.

then i had my wee boy 4 years later and finally had enougth. i was eating more after i had him than i was when i was pregnant. when we moved to suffolk from elgin this year enough was enough i got weighed and was 14st 1lb and i was mortified and decided to take action. i couldn't afford to attend weekly wi sessions at WW so bought some info from ebay and i haven't look back, i lost 4 lbs this weeks after stalling for a month so i have lost 27lbs so far since april and my aim is to get to 11st 7 lb by xmas. So only 9 lbs to go

the worrying this is that when i get to my target weight will i be able to maintain it

[Tazzi]

Originally Posted by charliegirl

Taz I am from Preston same as you! xx

Oh Cool. Finally someone from my neck of the woods. x

[Tazzi]

This thread is lovely. I feel less alone in all this rubbish. I thought i was just a complete little freak, screwed up by her childhood. Now i just have to work as hard at the rest of you to overcome all this rubbish and move on.......Its incredibly hard but i hope i get there one day. x