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Lucy:- You are sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo fit.

Always, always, always way yourself completely naked and at the same time of the morning. Never do it during other times of the day. Ever. Ever. Even if the scales suddenly spring to life one evening and offer you a crisp £10 note to climb on board. The end.

Anadian Extras. About £1.50 a packet. Swallow a couple. Headache goes. Trust me, I'm a Doctor.

The Tomato & Basil soups aren't that bad, actually. I have decided to review my opinion of what I have always regarded as being the black sheep of the Exante family. I drank one this morning directly from the blender - nice - and, upon finishing it, I placed the utensil back upon the kitchen...

Well, they sort of become an irrelevance, actually. Just trust me on this. They really do. Is it a box or a bag, by the way? Is it one of those red boxes, about the size of a VHS Video cassette and has it been opened yet? Hmmmm. But please stop referring to Exante as a 'journey' in your...

Lucy is still clearly thinking about it, I can tell. Come on Lucy, you know it makes sense my little salt and vinegar flavoured Quaver. Yeah, to be honest Blossom, I can personally promise you that the longer you stay on Exante, the easier it gets. The first three days are hard. Don't be...

Lucy: I was certain you were a family girl with children too. Look, forget what I said. Come on. The first date would be AMAZING. As would the second and third etc....

Lucy. Date. ASAP. When you free?

The vegetable and mushroom soups are nice. They actually have a pretty decent, creamy undertaste. Mrs Baxer's job isn't in any danger or anything like that, but they don't 'taste' like you might expect diet-shakes-designed-for-obese-people to taste. The tomato and basil is a bit harsher. It...

Are you single Lucy?

Just went down to the kebab van. Had an extra-large donner with fries but told the Turk behind the counter to hold back on the mayo as it's full of cals. It's Ok because after I finished it, I had an Exante cereal bar for dessert. How can I tell if my 'slip up' has put me out of ketosis? Not...

Yeah, don't bother with the ketostix or whatever they're called - No point really. As someone said, if you're drinking/eating 3 of the Exante products a day, the weight will come off. It's simple maths innit bruv. Forget all the weird stuff about glucose etc. Look. Your bod needs over 2000 cals...

Hmmmm.... You can drink 4 and, if you're really, really, really morbidly obese, it's probably best to start with 4 as this is still a major cut in calories from what you're probably used to knocking down. If you consult the booklet that comes with the batch, I think you'll find it states that 4...

Oh no! Bloody hell. They've moved my posts to the diary section. How annoying. I'll upload a pic etc if someone explains to me how I do it....

Day 1/Post 3 I've never given anyone a 'hard time' on here. I do recall the girl who was clearly having massive, massive problems on the diet, and I suggested she looked at less hardcore alternatives to lose weight. Is she still about, by the way? Would I say the diet is 'easy'? I would...

(Day 1/Post 2) Well look at her. She's goooorgeous. I do recall, however, her telling a story on here once, some months ago, about some of the Exante 'side effects' she was enduring. They were the kinds of descriptions best left alone, I felt. Her revelations put me off her a little, I have...

Exante: New Year's Eve... (Day 1/Post 1) Ok. Woke up an hour or so ago with a hangover. Predictably. Got out of bed, made a Strawberry flavoured Exante shake, drank it, didn't-enjoy-it-that-much and then got back into bed which is where I am now. Here's an amazing fact I learnt yesterday. I...

Lucy. It is actually you. Seriously. Upon closer inspection... Is it navy you're wearing? Either way.... O.M.G.

Yes, it's CalgonTablet and he's back with a brand new username. New username, new year, new attempt at Exante. I decided to 'start over' as I'm pretty sure my old account was closed-down after my "I f--k on the first date" comment appeared to have caused a little controversy earlier in the week...