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2nd baby is breaking up my marriage

big bear

A bear on a mission!
S: 14st7lb
#1
I just don't what to do. I had my membrane sweep today as overdue. I went on my own as H had son. When I came home he moaned coz I was lying on the sofa as was in alot of pain.

He then said he wasn't well & went to bed leaving me with 22mth old. I'm really struggling to bend, pick up son etc but H doesn't care he just says I'm a lazy ***** & he's had son all day.

He just sits & plays his stupid computer game all day & lets son run round.

He moans coz I've got a cleaner to help out.

Everytime I speak to him he bites my head off & says its me the way I speak to him.

I've got all this plus his ***** of a mother to deal with.

I've just spent all evening crying I can't c a way out of this & don't think he wants baby 2. I think I'm gonna have to leave him with the 2 kids but don't no where to go.
 
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ilovelife

Wishing and hoping!
#2
Maybe best to talk to your husband when you both feel more calmer to speak to. You should never make rash decisions when you are feeling angry. Hugs to you and take care of yourself x
 
S: 21st7lb C: 21st7lb G: 17st12lb BMI: 42 Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
#3
Oh honey, I didn't want to read and run so am sending you a ((((cyber hug))). Hope everything goes well with the new baby.
 
#4
:( Thats not a healthy atmosphere to be bringing kids up in, but you already know that.

However, you are SO close to having this baby - that trying to up sticks right now is really not an option. Try and bite your tongue for the short term - once the baby is here then you can get yourself organised to move if thats how things end up going - but where you live is YOUR home. Do you have any friends locally that you can confide in and maybe go there if things get too bad?

Obviously things are still "in the heat of the moment" right now, but even if you just hang on a few more weeks so you can get your own head sorted then try to do so - because the last thing you need right now is more upheaval, you have enough on your plate.

Dont act on impulse, if this is going to end then you need to do what is best for you and the kids. And that is going to take some thinking about before you do anything.

**hugs**
 

snuggle69

Silver Member
S: 19st12lb C: 14st1.0lb G: 11st0lb BMI: 31.8 Loss: 5st11lb(29.14%)
#5
hey hunny you shouldnt be worrying yourself with all this right now, its not good for you, bubba or your little boy. Just try to get through the next few days until baby no 2 arrives, you may well find everything changes then. Keep your chin up and have a good old rant to all of us whenever you need to xxx
 
#7
big bear, hope you are feeling better after a sleep - i think after the emotional day you have had, and the stress of baby bear not being here its hard to think straight.

Have your baby and reflect on everything - sounds like everything is on top of you at the moment and impacters such as MIL do not help.....I am sure H is stressed too xxx

Lots of love xxx
 

clairex

Silver Member
#8
Oh hun. please talk to him, let him know how you're feeling, you might be surprised. hes probably scared - and lets admit it, men are crap with feelings and how they portray it! Good luck for baby, let us know how you get on xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
 

chris_s

Less of a man each day
S: 16st9.5lb C: 14st4.5lb G: 12st8lb BMI: 27.2 Loss: 2st5lb(14.13%)
#9
Oh hun. please talk to him, let him know how you're feeling, you might be surprised. hes probably scared - and lets admit it, men are crap with feelings and how they portray it! Good luck for baby, let us know how you get on xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ditto that sentiment!!!
 

Lynn_

On A Mission!
S: 17st9lb C: 10st9lb G: 10st7lb BMI: 23.3 Loss: 7st0lb(39.68%)
#11
I just don't what to do. I had my membrane sweep today as overdue. I went on my own as H had son. When I came home he moaned coz I was lying on the sofa as was in alot of pain.

He then said he wasn't well & went to bed leaving me with 22mth old. I'm really struggling to bend, pick up son etc but H doesn't care he just says I'm a lazy ***** & he's had son all day.

He just sits & plays his stupid computer game all day & lets son run round.

He moans coz I've got a cleaner to help out.

Everytime I speak to him he bites my head off & says its me the way I speak to him.

I've got all this plus his ***** of a mother to deal with.

I've just spent all evening crying I can't c a way out of this & don't think he wants baby 2. I think I'm gonna have to leave him with the 2 kids but don't no where to go.
You sound as if you are in a very desperate state and given that you are so close to having baby 2 you are also very vulnerable. It does sound as if your OH is not acting in a responsible or caring way which could potentially put you and the baby at risk. Its an extreme step but have you considered a womans shelter? They may be able to take you in until you have had the baby and sorted out the issues with your OH, and it could be the jolt he needs to make him understand the situation.

Shelter England - Women's refuges
 
S: 107kg C: 85kg G: 79kg BMI: 33.2 Loss: 22kg(20.56%)
#12
Goodness, a shelter. That seems a bit extreme.

I agree with the wait until after you have had baby bear theory. Your hormones are all over the place at the moment and hubby is in all probability as stressed out as you.

That he speaks to you harshly at a time like this is very unfair but could just be his inept way of handling his own feelings.

The advice about not leaving your home is sound and right advice.

It must be so hard for you with your own family being so far away from you, especially your mum. Is it possible for her to come over and stay with you for awhile after baby bear makes his appearance.? That could keep MIL away for awhile and give you a breathing space.
 

Fulltum

Silver Member
S: 17st12lb C: 15st12lb G: 11st0lb BMI: 36.9 Loss: 2st0lb(11.2%)
#13
I would wait and see how things pan out, I know when you are heavily pregnant its very tiring and stressful but its easy to be snappy without realising (not having a go but know that I could be quite unreasonable at times when pregnant due to tiredness and hormones)

Men in general are crap with understanding how hard being pregnant is as its something they havent and cant do and he will be getting anxious too about the new addition.

I dont think this is the right time to be making rash decisions about leaving but obviously if that behaviour carried on after baby is here then it may be time to consider your options but from reading your post it sounds like two tired and stressed adults snapping at each other (doesnt excuse his behaviour but it happens to us all)

Hope Baby arrives soon and things get better x
 
S: 20st11lb C: 15st10.5lb G: 12st0lb BMI: 37.8 Loss: 5st0.5lb(24.23%)
#14
when you've had a baby midwifes an heath visitors place a lot of focus on post natal depression but no one seems to do any pre natal depression talks info etc. I know all the "impending excitement" "new joy" etc, but (not detracting any of the love we feel for out lil "delights") sleepless nights don't start with 3 am feeds! its not shameful to think, Fook me I'm shattered and its not even here yet, my legs, ankles, back, bum, foofoo, boobs, brain and heart hurt! before you've even had a labor pain!

i know not all me are completely bereft of sensitivity but I'm all for inserting a beach ball in their middles and slowly filling it with a jiggly moving solution then after months of inspections the delights of stirrups and 15 student drs/midwives and prolly the odd cleaner or 2 geting up close and personal with they intimate bits, pulling said beach ball out slowly and unceremoniously!!:D

I'm not dismissing how you feel as a "hormone thigh" at all tho!!! i hate when ppl do that but it might be a factor.
try talking or explaining (i find speaking slowly and using small but VERY graphic words usually has best effect).

if all else fails stick him in a nice-ish shed with my OH and their computers a see how long it takes 4 them to realize hard drives don't make cups of tea or cook dinner, modems are not warm an nice to cuddle up with and god help any injuries incurred with the usb ports!!! :D


huge whopping big hugs 4 u huni xxxxxx
 
S: 107kg C: 85kg G: 79kg BMI: 33.2 Loss: 22kg(20.56%)
#15
Excellent posting Jigglymum !!!

Very well said and with a beautiful sense of hunour running through it.

I bet you are a good friend to have.
 

alwyn

Silver Member
S: 80.29kg C: 80.29kg G: 60.33kg BMI: 29.5 Loss: 0kg(0%)
#17
Yeah, we don't have nay kids but can I send mine as well?? :D
 

aliben

Full Member
S: 14st12.5lb C: 14st0lb G: 9st13.5lb BMI: 32.6 Loss: 0st12.5lb(6%)
#18
Feel emotional just thinking what you're going through - think all these posts sum it up - but totally agree about taking any action, and talking it through in a calm moment. These aren't normal times, and everyone reacts differently. I am sure men go through cycles of their own. I have long since given up trying to figure them out. Concentrate on your own health, your kids need you strong, and in time the rest will become clear. Sending you a big hug, and think you are brave for sharing.....thats a huge step forward to helping you figure things out.
 
S: 12st6lb C: 12st4lb G: 10st7lb BMI: 29.5 Loss: 0st2lb(1.15%)
#20
I think it means her leaving with the kids. Not leaving him with the kids. I had to read it a few times. Really hope you work it out. Singleparenthood is possible, I've done it sinc mine were lttle. It's been great in so many ways, but to be honest, not what I would ahve chosen. Good luck whatever, and good luck with the new nipper. Really hope he comes through for you. If he can't come through at a time like that, you're doing it on your own anyway, be easier without carrying anyone.
 


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