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35 Rules of the Universe

suepat10

I am one of the 63336
#1
[FONT=&quot]> *THE 35 RULES OF THE UNIVERSE ***
>
>
> 1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a
> laxative on the same night.
>
> 2. Don't worry about what people think; they don't do it very often.
>
> 3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than
> standing in a garage makes you a car.
>
> 4.. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
>
> 5. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
>
> 6. A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter, is not a
> nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention! It never fails.)
>
> 7. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government
> program.
>
> 8. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need
> the holiday.
>
> 9. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.
>
> 10. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel
> so good.
>
> 11. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
>
> 12. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
> Embrace your differences. Love each other.
>
> 13. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
>
> 14. A balanced diet is a pie in each hand.
>
> 15. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the
> waist change places.
>
> 16. Opportunities always look bigger after they have passed.
>
> 17. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three
> weeks before you need it.
>
> 18. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
>
> 19. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a
> mistake when you make it again.
>
> 20. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
>
> 21. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
>
> 22. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the
> real world.
>
> 23. It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.
>
> 24. There is a very fine line between 'hobby' and 'mental illness.'
>
> 25. People who want to share either their religious or political
> views with you never want you to share yours with them.
>
> 26. You should not confuse your career with your life.
>
> 27. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
>
> 28.. Never lick a steak knife.
>
> 29. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
>
> 30. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and
> compelling reason why we observe daylight saving time.
>
> 31.. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely
> suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an
> actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
>
> 32. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age,
> gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is
> that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average
> drivers.
>
> 33. Your friends love you anyway.
>
> 34. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone
> amateur built the ARK. A large group of professionals built the
> Titanic.
>
> 35. How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?
> [/FONT]
 
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Toots

Gold Member
#9
Genius - I love it!!

xxxx
 


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