5 Stone and a Helluvalotta History to Lose

[Katy_the_kelt]

Hi there, name's Katy and I'm a 20-year-old student.

I've always been big, so like most big girls I was really badly bullied (still taking anti-depressants for stuff that happened years ago) and basically being fat is ruining my life: I am too insecure to go out shopping with friends, I push myself so hard to over-compensate that I've been in hospital 2 weeks this year with depression and exhaustion, I have really strong paranoia that people are talking about/laughing at me, been in abusive relationships because I had no self-worth and, the list goes on.

Ironically, apart from being fat I have a really good life - loads of friends, nice university, lots of hobbies etc. But I have a really silly problem, hoping some people can relate:

I am really nervous about both losing weight and failing to. If I fail to lose weight then I'm in this horrible rut forever and if I do, then I'll be under a lot of pressure to sustain it, and I get panicky at the thought of people saying things like "You look so much better" because it'll affirm my fears that they've been saying/thinking I was fat and unattractive all this time.

I'm a little under 16st, so I really do want to lose 5 stones all in all, though I'm prepared for it to take awhile. I'm also worried because I've had eating disorders in my early teens and I never ever want to be like that again.

Sorry to ramble, can anyone relate or offer advice?

Take care, and good luck to everyone! Katy x

 

[AliGal]

Welcome to the boards, Katy. It's great you are thinking about this at your age. I wish I had!

I practiced (out loud and in private!) saying thank you (and nothing else...) so when people say 'you've lost weight'. It helped me feel Ok about it.

Be kind to yourself and look after yourself - there are lots of wise people here and on the board for whatever programme you are following - so I also recommend posting lots and making some Minimins friends by commenting on threads that chime with you. You may also find the book called the Beck Solution helpful as it addresses lots of issues in a really practical way. If you get it, do it, don't just read it!

Good luck, lovely Katy, and enjoy the journey.

Ali

 

[Caz]

The thing is, they're your friends and they love you regardless of what size you were so though they will comment and say how great you're looking, they won't have specifically thought anything bad about you before. Don't let that be a reason to stop you, use the compliments that you'll get as motivation to keep going instead. Like Ali said, just say thank you, nothing else if need be. I had to learn to do that, before I'd always deflect a compliment because it made me feel uncomfortable but that just made it last longer!

My biggest piece of advice for you is to go and see your GP. If you've had eating disorders in the past then it's really important that you don't do this alone but have it with medical help. Ask if you can weigh in every week/fortnight with your nurse. They benefit from you losing weight too so they will probably happily do that. That way you've got someone to be accountable to, it'll help you keep on track but also keep on the right track. Just make sure that you're completely open and honest with your nurse about how it's going and how you're feeling. And just remember, slow and steady wins the race.

Good luck hun.

 

[Fat2ThinGirl]

Hi Katy,
I can really relate, having been bullied inthe past and I also have experinced feeling really self conscious and a bit paranoid in public. Have you tried Cognitive Behavioural Therapy? It might really help to change the negative way you view yourself. It's available for free just ask your GP to refer you or they may accept self-referrals in your area.

 

[Katy_the_kelt]

Hi Katy,
Have you tried Cognitive Behavioural Therapy? It might really help to change the negative way you view yourself. It's available for free just ask your GP to refer you or they may accept self-referrals in your area.

Thanks hun - yeah, I am being referred, glad to hear someone say it might be effective x

 

[AliGal]

Hiya Katy. How are you doing?

Thinking of you,

 

[140Aimee]

Hi Katy, i dont have much advice as i'm currently in the same boat but i just wanted to let you know you're not alone. I can relate SO much to your story and im 20 too! I have about 50 posts to reach to message friends i think but please feel free to add me on here if you'd like. Im looking for friends who feel the same way too and we can support eachother. x

 

[Katy_the_kelt]

Hi Aimee, nice to meet you. I'll add you now, then we can talk when you get to 50 posts x

 

[Katy_the_kelt]

Hi Ali,
Aww, that's really lifted my spirits, thank you Unfortunately I'm finding Lipotrim really difficult to follow at home, because my family are all really angry aout me "starving myself just to get fatter in the long run", but I have lost 8lbs and really want to go back to uni and get into the swing of it again. The new me beckons
x

 

[AliGal]

I can see you beckonning yourself, Katy. I'm sure your family love you - however you know that you can be successful at being the Katy you choose and they'll be happy and pleased for you. It will take on-going attention and some good strategies - and you'll do really well.

I hope the rest of Easter is more restful!

 

[Caz]

I'm sure your family are just concerned and to be honest, I can understand why. It's a pretty drastic diet and so unless you've done it yourself and done all the research, it's hard to see how it could possibly be healthy. Personally, I think it should be a last resort when all other 'diets' have failed but if that's the case, as long as the person sticks to it rather than cuts out extra packs to lose faster, like I've seen, then I think that it is a healthy diet and can be good for you. I did something similar but just to kick start myself and it really did help. So good luck!

 

[xMariex]

Hi Katy, I know how you feel. I was bullied for years because of my weight, sounds to me like your on the right track. I know about the paranoia too, if someone asks me out the first thing I think is they are laughing at me so always say no. When I came out of my serious relationship it was so hard to move on. I have been on one type of an antidepressant or another since I was in my late teens. I had CBT was not really my thing but the vast majority I have heard from say it does them wonders so its good you have been referred good luck we are all in this together x