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800th time lucky

Ellembas

Full Member
S: 21st1lb C: 19st10lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 40.8 Loss: 1st5lb(6.44%)
#1
Emotions

I can't believe I'm starting all over again.

I used to say to my partner that I just didn't understand how anyone could lose a large amount of weight and then put it all back on. "I'd never be that stupid. If I saw the numbers start creeping up I'd get it sorted before I hit the next stone."

And yet here I am. For a bit so brief history, I've been a yoyo dieter my whole life. I tried eating just chicken and rice at age 12, the baby food diet (grim) at age 14 and turned vegan at 16. Every time I gave up and my weight crept up and up. I started getting serious about weight loss in October 2014. I found a Cambridge consultant, joined a gym and did my first bit of actual excercise since I left school. It went so well, and by April 2015 I had gone from 21st1lb (295) to 14st7lb (203). Nearly 100lb gone and I couldn't wait to hit 'onederland' for the first time since I could remember.
Well, skip forward a few days and several pregnancy tests later and my Cambridge days were done.

Naturally having done a VLCD for 7 months I binged through pregnancy. On my delivery day in Jan 2016 I was 18st9lb. My not so little one was born 10lb10oz and by the time I left hospital with her a few days later I was 17st10lb.
I pledged to get the pregnancy weight off ASAP and got onto exante. By the time I went back to work in April 2016 I was 14st9lbs and the year set-back didn't bother me in the slightest.

Nothing has been right since. I've gone back to being a total yoyo, jumping between exante and slimming world and "just one more takeaway." "I'll start on Monday."
The last few months have been especially tough. I've had a flexible working request appeal in place for childcare that I wasn't sure would be approved which was a massive stress, my Dad was ill and passed away at the end of May and then I had surgery at the end of June to remove a tumour. Through all this everything got worse with my eating and it's had a massive impact on me and my health both physically and mentally.

I'm not quite right back to the start, but weighing in at 19st10lb as of this morning I'm getting bloody well close and I've never been so annoyed at myself. So here I am... again. I'm going to finally put an end to the cycle. I need to.
I'm going to split the diary into two parts; food and emotions. Partly because I want to log my packs daily and sometimes I'll just want to go on a ramble, but mostly because separating the two is something I need to learn to do in real life.

So... yes. I think that's me done for now. Food log for the day to follow.
 
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Ellembas

Full Member
S: 21st1lb C: 19st10lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 40.8 Loss: 1st5lb(6.44%)
#2
Food

Breakfast: with doing a VLCD I like to keep my packs for as late as possible, so my breakfast was a homemade frappe.
I basically made a 2-scoop cup of chocolate orange beanies coffee with 2 tablet sweeteners and let it cool for an hour, then stick it in the freezer for another 30 minutes. Pour into a blender with more ice (hence the coffee strength) and add half a tbsp of an exante shake to sort of act as fake milk. I'm using cookies and cream at the moment because I had it left over. You could also add exante or walden farm syrup if you have some and blend. It's delicious, and cold drinks really fill me up. You could also batch make the coffee and keep it in the fridge ready to just pour and blend in the morning.

As a side note for the 1/2tbsp of shake, I don't count making the frappe as part of my three packs per day. On average there are around 6tbsps of powder in a shake pack at an average of 201kcals per 52g serving. Split that into 12 servings making only one frappe per day and it's only 17calories I'm adding to the coffee. There could be that much difference in calorie intake in a day anyway depending on which packs you mix. Probably not for everyone but I think it's a nice little hack to have something I enjoy and keep totally keto-friendly. It also feels like a meal, without really being one.

Lunch: Cherry and almond bar.
Not much to say, an old favourite, still delicious.

Dinner: Chicken fajita.
This didn't go too well. I followed the packet instructions but I found rolling out the tortilla mix difficult even after leaving it to sit. Without any flour it stuck to the bench and my rolling pin and my finished product ended up misshapen and holey. Maybe I shouldn't have split it in two? Anyway, I added garlic and parsley to the chicken mix and despite appearances it was actually quite good.

Evening Pack: I'm yet to have my 3rdpack of the day, but I'll probably go for a salted gooey caramel pudding. I think it's always best to stick to what you know you like for the first few days, before you get used to the synthetic undertone taste every meal has.

Successful day one.
I'm also waiting on their squeezable water enhancers to be delivered. I hope they're nice. I struggle to keep up with water intake every day.
 

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Freefall

Full Member
S: 14st7.0lb C: 9st5lb G: 9st7.0lb BMI: 25.6 Loss: 5st2lb(35.47%)
#3
Good luck, you have had a very stressful time, it is so hard when an emotional eater.
I like iced black coffee so I am ok on that front, I add coffee to many of my shakes just not fruit based ones. The water enhancers are lovely.
 

Ellembas

Full Member
S: 21st1lb C: 19st10lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 40.8 Loss: 1st5lb(6.44%)
#4
Emotions

Last night I had the worst headache of my life. It started up at around 8pm and I figured it was just the usual sugar withdrawal kicking in so I had a glass of water and went to bed at 9. Gone midnight and I'm still lying awake in total agony. I thought I was going to be sick it was so painful and I was so dizzy. I ended up coming downstairs to let my partner get to bed.
I took some iboprofen and spent the next hour or so going back between the sofa and the loo thinking I needed to hurl. I couldn't lie down or be in total darkness as that somehow made it worse but any light was awful too.
I've never had anything like it any time I've started a diet or a VLCD. I had definitely had enough water, about 3 litres through the day. Awful.

Today hasn't been an awful lot better. I did get my newest Exante delivery. Nothing big, the water flavours which are proving to be a godsend and a few extra shakes, plus a flapjack I'm going to try later. Fingers crossed.
It's not so much that I'm hungry, I'm just craving food... already. I'm off work at the moment recovering from the aforementioned surgery so I'm at home with our 18 month old full time for the next couple of weeks. Buttering toast, cutting strawberries and cooking pasta without being allowed any of it is proving to be so difficult. Ugh.
It also doesn't help that she refused to nap today and got so upset about it that she was sick all over us both. So much so that the only solution was us both getting in the shower fully clothed. I'll spare you of any details more grim than that.

I don't have the energy to rant much more than that. I'm just praying I don't have a repeat of last night because I don't think I'll be able to handle it. There's a lot of side effects and consequences I can moan through and deal with but that level of pain is not one of them.
 

Ellembas

Full Member
S: 21st1lb C: 19st10lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 40.8 Loss: 1st5lb(6.44%)
#5
Food

Not a lot to report thus far.
As I said, I bought the water enhancer 3-pack and I've had a glass of the cranberry so far, it was lovely. I've had keto friendly water flavours before in powder form and they always seem to taste quite sherbet-y but this surprisingly was just like squash. Looking forward to the other two.
I have a 500ml glass of water with each pack and try to get another three 500ml glasses in through the day, which gets me to 3 litres. That should give me 10 days out of the water flavours if I only drink them at non-meal times, which for £7 something seems fair enough!

Lunch: Golden Syrup Porridge
This was delicious. Definitely my new favourite of the porridge selection, although I did have to microwave it in 10 to 15 second segments to prevent it blowing up in my microwave.

I'm yet to have my other two packs. I'd like to hold off on dinner until my partner gets home from work at about 6 so I can eat with him, but I'm planning on having the sweet and sour noodles, again, it's a tried and tested passable meal. I just throw in some cayenne pepper and it's good to go. For the last pack I've got the flapjack that came today lined up. This is new to the range so I don't know how it'll be but I've never had an issue with any of the other bars/cookies so I imagine it'll be grand.


 

enlightenme2

Life is golden
S: 123kg C: 91kg G: 80kg BMI: 27.2 Loss: 32kg(26.03%)
#6
Good luck on your journey Ellembas! With your determination it seems you'll get to goal in no time!
 


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