A bit uncomfortable...

Discussion in 'Lighter Life Forum' started by SweetySuperstar, 11 February 2009 Social URL.

  1. SweetySuperstar

    SweetySuperstar Full Member

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    Hello everyone,

    Just wanted to mention something to you all, as I don't know if it is the norm?

    Our LLC is very busy, we have big foundation and developers groups, and sometimes almost all of the session is taken up by doing the weigh in's and packs, and on these occasions she does not get to do much counselling with us.

    To avoid this, she gets a locum to help out with the group, they do the w.i.'s and packs and the LLC spends time with us... but for the past month or so, she has had her partner helping out!!!! He doesn't do the w.i.'s just the packs but is right there hovering about when she is doing the w.i. or asking if it was your totm or whatever.... to tell the truth I feel quite uncomfortable discussing anything in front of him!!

    I think he has actually done the LL programme himself and was one of the LLC's former clients, so he always tries to talk to the clients about the packs / the programme in general etc which again, I don't really want to discuss with him?!!

    Has anyone else had a male LLC / locum / helper in a ladies group... and if so, how did you feel about it?

    Is it normal LL practice??!!

    Thanks for reading and replying x
     
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  3. futureyummymummy

    futureyummymummy Silver Member

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    My llc's partner helps out all the time and I don't have a problem with it tbh he's done the diet and is a really nice bloke, I don't mind chatting to him about it at all but I'm sure if you brought it up with her (llc) then she'd maybe try and find some sort of solution?

    Emma xXx
     
  4. Mini_Me

    Mini_Me LighterLife Returner

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    I think if you are uncomfortable with it then you should let her know - maybe she can arrange to weigh you and give you the packs before or after the session herself...

    Don't be embarresed to tell her how you feel...
     
  5. MandyLupton

    MandyLupton Gold Member

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    My LLC has her friend come in to help distribute pack orders but she's really nice and she never intrudes with questions about how we've done or how we're getting on. She's as much a part of the group as we are!
    The only advice I can give is maybe to discuss it with your LLC, as delicate a situation as it is, your paying for this weightloss journey and have a right to express your feelings.
     
  6. futureyummymummy

    futureyummymummy Silver Member

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    No I have to add llc's partner doesn't ask questions he only starts if we do x
     
  7. pete10141748

    pete10141748 Postaholic

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    My LLC is a bloke and does all of the ladies' classes for Luton every week. I don't think the sex of the counsellor is a factor in LL's practices, it's just that there are far less male LLC's than females so it seems to less commonplace practice.
     
  8. Huseyin

    Huseyin Silver Member

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    Its perfectly normal, i have the same situation, if you are uncomfortable then you can switch, there is an LLC in Ilford called Heather Williams, she is quiet good. But that will be the case if you cant resolve the issues, its normal though just talk to her about it and explain the situation
     
  9. Ro Laren

    Ro Laren 7st 11lbs down ...

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    It reminds me of the 'Ladies Only' session at my swimming pool. It's a very good session to attend as it's usually very quiet. But there are often male lifeguards! It doesn't bother me but if the point of the session is to encourage orthodox Muslim women to swim, how would they feel?
     
  10. Foxtrot

    Foxtrot Is back in the saddle!

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    If you're not happy, say something. Is it because he's male or not an official LLC? Either way you have to be happy with this whole thing.
     
  11. westiegirl

    westiegirl Gold Member

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    My old LLC had her Mum do the WI and distribute packs, whilst she finished with another class and we watched the DVD. She was a lovely lady and she was like part of the "team", but I agree if you're not comfortable the only thing you can do is have a word. Although I think I might find that quite awkward. Not sure I can offer any other practical advice :(
     
  12. EmVeg

    EmVeg Do a little dance!

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    Agreed - not comfortable then say something - even if its just requestig you get WI without him there.

    We don't have anyone helping out - but our LLCs partner normally wanders in half way through CBT with a cup of coffee for her which always makes the group silent!
     
  13. Huseyin

    Huseyin Silver Member

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    No wonder When I walked in with 12 Large pepperoni Pizza's everyone looked at me funny.. duhhh!!
     
  14. SerenityValley

    SerenityValley Surgically happy.

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    Most men on the program have to deal with having the "opposite" sex around all the time - and it's all fine. I suppose I wonder why you're uncomfortable? Is it him or is it any man?
     
  15. Huseyin

    Huseyin Silver Member

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    Different up bringing, different culture, Asian ladies, Turkish Women or any Ethnicity in that region will not feel comfortable around Men, its the way it is.
     
  16. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

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    Hi Sweety

    Personally it wouldn't bother me - but I am pretty free with my information, lol, as clearly demonstrated on my Diary thread.... ;)....
    but - you shoud mention it to your LLC, politely and discreetly that it makes you uncomfortable, and that it is nothing personal against her OH, or her - its just your comfort level, etc. She should accomodate you and he should step aside.

    I can;t imagine her not being understanding about that.

    If she refuses or is awkward I would register it with HO, as you are already dealing with changes that are not what is on offer: the mixed group, locum, etc.

    Thats my 2p worth.

    :)

    Good luck and let us know what happens!! :)
    xx
     
  17. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

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    Em!! You look GREAT!!! :D :D :D

    Well done!!!! :)
    xx
     
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  19. Ameythist

    Ameythist Full Member

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    Hey Sweets, Are you friendly with the other girls in your group? can you ask them or confide in them your concerns, you never know this may trouble a few and none have the nerve to question. You know the united we stand an all that!! You really must pluck up the courage and speak to her, as this is a very long journey and you need to be focused and happy. I would not like it. Take care xxx
     
  20. SerenityValley

    SerenityValley Surgically happy.

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    I'm asking sweety - and it's not a loaded question, It's just that advice could well be different depending on the reason for being uncomfortable in the first place.
     
  21. SweetySuperstar

    SweetySuperstar Full Member

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    Hello all,

    Thanks for all your replies...

    Huseyin, Heather Williams IS my counsellor lol, and it's her partner I'm talking about. No offence, but being asian / upbringing / culture etc has nothing to do with it - I'm a married woman so it's not as if I lead some sheltered life where I've never spoken to a man before, and don't know about you but that's not the norm in my culture anyway!!

    I've had a think about exactly why I feel a bit funny about this and I think actually, it's not just that he's a bloke, it's the fact that he's quite intrusive and often wanders over to the bit where all the ladies are sitting and it kinda goes a bit silent... and he often makes comments like 'oh you've done well' etc when we are being weighed!

    I've decided that I'm just going to deal with it coz although I'd be happier without him there, it's not major enough to make me leave LL or anything drastic like that.

    I don't really want to change groups as I really like my LLC, she is brilliant, and my group is literally 5 mins drive away which is v.convenient and I don't want to spend ages travelling to and from when I have a better option!

    I completely understand my LLC asking her partner to help out, coz as I mentioned we have a very busy group and when LLC has been on her own, she often hasn't been able to spend any time with us counselling as all her time is taken up with W.I.'s and doing the packs. Basically she is doing something that is in our best interests in the long run so the least I can do is 'get over it' to put it bluntly!! At the end of the day, I'm doing LL for myself, my health, my happiness... gotta look at the bigger picture!!

    Thanks again for all the replies guys, really helped me to put it into perspective xxx
     
  22. Foxtrot

    Foxtrot Is back in the saddle!

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    Great attitude Sweety. Perhaps you should still just mention it though, even if it's to find out if any of the other ladies are uncomfortable with it. I'm sure he means well but this is your journey. Good luck!!!
     
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