i started lighterlife in october last year and it really was the best thing i ever did in my life, helped me overcome so many issues that i was dealing with and for the first time since i was 17 i was able to enjoy being young (im turning 22 soon!) and go out with my friends and feel attractive and not the ugly fat one i always felt like, it always makes me so sad when i think of myself like this and also angry that i never changed it sooner, i wasted five years of my life feeling sorry for myself and continued eating myself into a bmi of 39! i know that i would never ever want to go there again but why now that ive technically finished lighterlife can i not stop eating rubbish?! i got to a point when i finished LL and carried on doing rtm that i reached a weight of 7.5 stone and was told i needed to put on weight (never thought i would hear that one!!) its almost like that was a trigger to allow me to eat whatever the hell i wanted but now ive reached a place where im not comfortable with how i look, the feeling of being just a bit podgier in places and more roundness to my face, i have put on weight but i feel its too much and i cant stop eating which i hate, i made the decision last week to buy some exante foodpacks and to go back into abstinence when i come back from a weekend break next tuesday. i find restraining from eating real food so much easier then actually having to make decisions about what to eat how much to eat and the thought of having this decision taken away from me and the routine of my foodpacks and loosing weight again actually fills me with relief! it is so true what my counsellor said, abstinence is easy, its what to eat after thats hard! im such an all or nothing person and i know that eating healthily can be such an easy thing to do but im such a greedy person with food its unbelievable! i really do hate that im like this but i cant find an easy middle ground for me to settle into without going on some uncontrollable binge! any advice from someone wiser then me would be really appreciated, i cant afford to go back to LL cause im starting a post grad course in sept and trying to save all ive got!