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Addictive eating

Lily

Gold Member
S: 16st11.0lb C: 15st10.0lb G: 13st7.0lb BMI: 37.8 Loss: 1st1lb(6.38%)
#1
I’ve been thinking a lot since reading AOGG’s post yesterday about ‘No more excuses!’ http://www.minimins.com/cambridge-diet-forum/177182-stop-making-excuses.html

And it makes sense, it really does, to come on to MiniMins, confess that you want to binge and let all the wonderful people here talk you out of it.

But it doesn’t work like that, does it?

When you’re in the mood to binge – well, it just takes over. The idea of trying to be rational goes completely out of the window. It’s like, for that ten minutes / half hour / 2 hours (however long you personally can keep going!) you just don’t want to be talked out of it. That even though you know you’ll regret it, somehow that thought gets trampled beneath this ridiculous need to cram in as much food as possible.

In my case, it isn’t even emotional eating, really. I’m more like an addict craving a fix. Often it doesn’t even matter what I eat, just so long as I’m shovelling it all in. I barely taste it – I just have this overwhelming need to swallow stuff down.

And yet… I can go for weeks without doing this. Months sometimes. Which doesn’t fit with the addiction model at all, does it?

No prizes for guessing what I've just spent the last hour doing.

Wish I could figure out how to fix myself. :(
 
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S: 16st0lb C: 14st1lb G: 11st0lb BMI: 31.8 Loss: 1st13lb(12.05%)
#2
I'm seeing a counsellor for binge eating disorder and I know EXACTLY what you mean about the not even having time to consider tactics. One thing suggested was to take it 30 seconds at a time. Sounds minute to someone with more control but I think 30 seconds is a great place to start...
 

rumbly-tums

Slowly but surely x
S: 14st3lb C: 12st7lb G: 9st7lb BMI: 32 Loss: 1st10lb(12.06%)
#3
I hear ya xx
i have found that 39 years of eating what I like and when I like a sudden trauma when I started CD. We ate out of habit and becuase it was there and it felt good when it was in our mouths.
Now I look at food, i think about how I used to love it but refuse to eat it becuase I dont want to undo all the pain (and dosh) ive been through already.
 
S: 20st0lb C: 16st7lb G: 12st12lb BMI: 36.2 Loss: 3st7lb(17.5%)
#4
Discussions on addictive behaviour is also a big part of my therapy. Part of the problem is that when we are keen to do something it releases a chemical cascade that drives the desire to complete the action... .we almost become "mindless". Once we have sated the desire there is another chemical reaction which provides a "reward" feeling albeit sometimes only lasting minutes before our conscious mind kicks in again and we feel the remorse etc.


My CDC and therapist (both with qualifications in addiction therapy) also say that when you are in the cycle it is damn near impossible to break out of it. The secret is to work back to figure out where "the ritual" really starts... the ritual that builds up to the binge... that keeps the desire going. I'm still struggling to find the start of mine; I used to think it was when I sat on sofa for the evening but now I know if I stay in bed late in the morning it can frequently lead to the desire to binge. I have to get up and get started on the chores, make my bed etc. Any moseying around and I can be lost...even though it might not manifest for another 8-10 hours. But I think my ritual goes further back and I have to figure that out. I've also been advised that engaging in a discussion/argument with the inner voice about the desire is also useless cos it always wins..that I have to firmly tell it to shut up.
 
S: 14st5lb C: 11st8lb G: 11st5lb BMI: 25.4 Loss: 2st11lb(19.4%)
#5
I have never binged on food - but I have had the voice telling me to eat but not rubbish food just protein food because I know I'm allowed it if that makes sense. I've actually shocked myself how much I don't want rubbish food. I am determined to stop letting food control me - I am the one in control of what goes in my mouth ;)

xx
 
S: 20st0lb C: 16st7lb G: 12st12lb BMI: 36.2 Loss: 3st7lb(17.5%)
#7
Also find diary writing very helpful and transformational although had to really push myself to get past HUGE resistance to doing this!

OMG!! Me too!!! It's like if I write it down I have to acknowledge the reality ... so if I avoid writing it.....
 

Lily

Gold Member
S: 16st11.0lb C: 15st10.0lb G: 13st7.0lb BMI: 37.8 Loss: 1st1lb(6.38%)
#8
I hear ya xx
i have found that 39 years of eating what I like and when I like a sudden trauma when I started CD. We ate out of habit and becuase it was there and it felt good when it was in our mouths.
Now I look at food, i think about how I used to love it but refuse to eat it becuase I dont want to undo all the pain (and dosh) ive been through already.
I have never binged on food - but I have had the voice telling me to eat but not rubbish food just protein food because I know I'm allowed it if that makes sense. I've actually shocked myself how much I don't want rubbish food. I am determined to stop letting food control me - I am the one in control of what goes in my mouth ;)

xx
But you see, that's what I don't get. Because I can do exactly that for weeks, sometimes months at a time. And then--whoosh... :devilangel:

My CDC and therapist (both with qualifications in addiction therapy) also say that when you are in the cycle it is damn near impossible to break out of it. The secret is to work back tofigure out where "the ritual" really starts... the ritual that builds up to the binge... that keeps the desire going.
Hmm. So do you think then, that for whatever reason, when I'm in the flow and doing well it's because I haven't triggered off the ritual? That there's something I do differently (or maybe don't do at all) during those weeks when all goes to plan?

Maybe I should keep a journal...
 

Tessieg1

Silver Member
S: 16st7lb C: 17st2lb G: 10st10lb BMI: 43.9 Loss: -0st9lb(-3.9%)
#9
Gosh, it's like you're writing about me! I definitely binge eat and am a food addict. I don't know when this started or why, but I've gotta work it out. I used to eat in secret too, which was a big part of the problem. To other people it looked like I hardly ate anything, but in secret....:eek:.
I wish I could afford to go see a councillor to try and get my head straightened out. Until then, I will rely on Gg and all the other very wise people here on the forum. :)
 
S: 20st0lb C: 16st7lb G: 12st12lb BMI: 36.2 Loss: 3st7lb(17.5%)
#10
Hmm. So do you think then, that for whatever reason, when I'm in the flow and doing well it's because I haven't triggered off the ritual? That there's something I do differently (or maybe don't do at all) during those weeks when all goes to plan?

Maybe I should keep a journal...
Yup.. that's exactly what it is. It may be that you are out for dinner somewhere and the dessert option is exactly what you want so although you enjoy it deep down the "delusion" starts...the story you start telling yourself that leads to the ritual behaviours. Or it may be triggered by an emotion you feel in certain circumstances or after exposure to a certain event.
 
S: 20st0lb C: 16st7lb G: 12st12lb BMI: 36.2 Loss: 3st7lb(17.5%)
#11

Lily

Gold Member
S: 16st11.0lb C: 15st10.0lb G: 13st7.0lb BMI: 37.8 Loss: 1st1lb(6.38%)
#12
Thanks GG, I'll give that a read x x
 

DisneyParis

An Attitude of Gratitude
#13
I've also been advised that engaging in a discussion/argument with the inner voice about the desire is also useless cos it always wins..that I have to firmly tell it to shut up.
I like that advice. :)
 

Lily

Gold Member
S: 16st11.0lb C: 15st10.0lb G: 13st7.0lb BMI: 37.8 Loss: 1st1lb(6.38%)
#14
LOL, so do I.

GG, I had a quick read. I'll have another look through it tomorrow to see if I can take more in. But what it seems to be suggesting is that you replace one ritual with another - which figures, I guess.

Found a couple of other good quotes in other articles. Particularly like:

We don't eat because we're hungry. We're looking for mouth entertainment. We ask "What am I hungry for?" and nibble a little here and a little there, saying "No, this isn't it…no that's not it." We eat something sweet and follow it with something salty, looking for that one thing that satisfies us.

Food is fuel. It's not entertainment. We don't need entertainment every time we eat.​

from Eating Healthy - Overcoming Food Addiction and Eating Healthy

And the advice I read somewhere else this evening - can't quite remember where - is that the best time to stop a binge is before you take the first bite. Which admittedly can be easier said than done. But I understand the concept. Just before you enter that binge spiral, you can kid yourself that you're 'only' going to have a couple of squares of chocolate. And then of course before you know it - before you even tasted it - you're looking at the empty wrapper and thinking, "Oh, crap..."

So yes, maybe acknowledging that that 'only' word is a lie before you get stuck in might just stop things before they start.

Honestly? I don't know. It feels like I've tried everything over the years. I'll be 41 in December and I've been on and off a diet since I was 12. And the truly ironic thing is that I wasn't really all that overweight to start with - just a bit chubby. In fact, by today's standards, I'd be about average.

That's my problem - I was born in the wrong decade. Ahead of my time. :D
 
S: 20st0lb C: 16st7lb G: 12st12lb BMI: 36.2 Loss: 3st7lb(17.5%)
#15
So yes, maybe acknowledging that that 'only' word is a lie before you get stuck in might just stop things before they start.

Honestly? I don't know. It feels like I've tried everything over the years. I'll be 41 in December and I've been on and off a diet since I was 12. And the truly ironic thing is that I wasn't really all that overweight to start with - just a bit chubby. In fact, by today's standards, I'd be about average.

That's my problem - I was born in the wrong decade. Ahead of my time. :D
I'm with you! Am 37 and looking back on photos when i was in teens I think i look like I had a really nice figure with curves in all the right places but not too much of them. However all the other girls in my class were lean athletic types so I always felt "bigger" - talk about distorted beliefs! That "bigger" feeling has always stayed with me irrespective of my size and is something I will have to change.

As for the "only" word. One of the phrases in my daily affirmations is "for the addict there is no such thing as "only one" or "just one last time". Where food is concerned and the desire for food I have to treat every thought with suspicion at the moment. But we will get there!!
 

Lily

Gold Member
S: 16st11.0lb C: 15st10.0lb G: 13st7.0lb BMI: 37.8 Loss: 1st1lb(6.38%)
#16
I'm with you! Am 37 and looking back on photos when i was in teens I think i look like I had a really nice figure with curves in all the right places but not too much of them. However all the other girls in my class were lean athletic types so I always felt "bigger" - talk about distorted beliefs! That "bigger" feeling has always stayed with me irrespective of my size and is something I will have to change.
Yep. :) Although actually, everybody really was much smaller than me when I was a teenager. The photos prove it. But everyone's eating more these days. The chances are, I'd still have been bigger than my peers even if I'd been a teenager today - cos that's how it goes. It's all relative, I guess.

But yes - that 'bigger' feeling. I'm constantly looking around to see how I shape up compared to other people in the room and always feel better when I don't think I'm the biggest. How screwed up is that? Doesn't say much about me as a person, does it - that I judge people by their size?

As for the "only" word. One of the phrases in my daily affirmations is "for the addict there is no such thing as "only one" or "just one last time". Where food is concerned and the desire for food I have to treat every thought with suspicion at the moment. But we will get there!!
I really want to get there. I feel as though I need to reach a point where that 'want' transcends every other 'want' though. Which is probably why I did so well the first time I did Cambridge. I was nearly eighteen stone and hated myself. The 'want' to lose weight was bigger than my 'want' to do well at my job (which had interesting consequences cos I was on a 4 year training course at the time and ended up failing 3 exams in a row. For me, being in ketosis makes my brain really fuzzy - other people feel razor sharp. But the need to lose weight overruled my need to pass those exams - and I got there in the end anyway, though the stress of all the retakes was pretty fierce).

But do I need to do that - put that want first - or am I putting obstacles in my path all over again? Yep - there I go - making excuses. :rolleyes:

I think I identified the trigger anyway. It was going out with my Dad and sister for a meal last Thursday that set me off. My Dad has always judged me by my weight. He can't stop himself from commenting on it. And I chose something other than chicken (which is what I'd usually do). And the fact that I 'cheated', that I had chilli with rice, set off a whole chain reaction that I've only just recognised. :sigh:

Hmm. I think I really ought to start a diary here on MiniMins again. I did that before, but then felt awful when I fell off the wagon and stopped posting. But you see, I always feel that you have a sort of obligation to only post positive things when writing posts here so that other people aren't put off. Which is probably really silly - and me just making yet another excuse not to do something that would really benefit me.

Grrr. The words 'own worst enemy' were made for me. :eek:
 
S: 20st0lb C: 16st7lb G: 12st12lb BMI: 36.2 Loss: 3st7lb(17.5%)
#17
that's great that you've recognised what set you off. That's half the battle :) Did you see my other post on 'emotional eating'? I got it off my CDC and it's got some points in it. As for a diary...why not do a private written one? That way you can be as honest as you want and you can carry it with you in your bag etc and jot down words, feelings etc as the day goes by.
 
S: 16st0lb C: 14st1lb G: 11st0lb BMI: 31.8 Loss: 1st13lb(12.05%)
#18
Gosh yes....a diary for your eyes only. I think with online diaries/blogs you do run the risk of stopping posting when things go wrong...

I found the same with the paper version until I started forcing myself to write 'anyway' and not self edit as I wrote. Found this incredibly hard to do (possibly due to shame, hiding from truths) but once I started...it became very therapeutic. Best of luck xxx
 
S: 20st0lb C: 16st7lb G: 12st12lb BMI: 36.2 Loss: 3st7lb(17.5%)
#19
Gosh yes....a diary for your eyes only. I think with online diaries/blogs you do run the risk of stopping posting when things go wrong...

I found the same with the paper version until I started forcing myself to write 'anyway' and not self edit as I wrote. Found this incredibly hard to do (possibly due to shame, hiding from truths) but once I started...it became very therapeutic. Best of luck xxx
I really admire how you have gotten on with your diary; I still really struggle with this despite knowing it would be good for me. My notebook sits and "glares" at me from the kitchen table. How did you get past the reluctance to write?
 
S: 16st0lb C: 14st1lb G: 11st0lb BMI: 31.8 Loss: 1st13lb(12.05%)
#20
Hmmm that's a good question. I think it was getting to the point in my therapy when I realised I have very, very few resources to cope with all the emotions I feel... and a heightened awareness that I react very strongly to the sort of frustrations that lots of people manage day to day without thinking about. Particularly injustice! I understood that in order to move forward this needed addressing, and it was this, not the food that was the problem (well, one of!).

I used to think having a bath was a non food way of relaxing etc...but recently realised that, although I enjoy a bath, it doesn't actually change anything... I suddenly understood that to really deal with my feelings I'd have to find something that does change something and do it regardless. So far...diary writing, tai chi and walking. Oh and sorting sock drawers.

I initially found myself glaring at the diary, and feeling a bit tantrummy about it. Then cajoled myself by saying, open it and write one sentence only. After a while of doing that I started enjoying my one sentence...and found three pages later I was feeling better, kind of satisfied. This all sounds very silly...but there you go :)

Incidentally I'm still working on the resistance to tai chi and walking. The resistance is interesting in itself...:eek:
 


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