Advice needed not food related !!

[roannegreenway]

Okay so in 30 days I'm 40 , had plans to go out race horsing and a hotel for the night with hubby's family ( we don't get on ) plus it's his cousins 30 th and they ate all theming it around him ( bit pissed off bout that lol ) but all the people that were going that I get along with have all dropped out so I'm left with people that like to make comments bout me and my weight . I know my hubby misses some of his cousins who are going but I just don't want to go ( it's not paid for yet ) ..... I rang my sister this morning and she said come up her end and have a good night out like the old days ( I moved away from all my family when I got married 4 years ago ) .... I don't want to upset my hubby but I want a 40 th that I enjoy ( have a babysitter for the one night ) .......neutral comments appreciated xxx

 

[roannegreenway]

Ty , he knows I don't want to go , I was ok with it 4 months ago as alot of people I liked we're going but now there isn't , he thinks going out with my sister and all my nieces is a selfish way to celebrate my 40th but I think that celebrating his cousins 30 th ( hotel is being themed for his night ) isn't very nice either as they also know its my birthday .... It's so hard cos I don't want him to miss out on his family x

 

[*Emsie*]

Or go to the planned event but arrange another celebration with your sister etc?...that way you get to celebrate more

 

[kingleds]

Hang on. I think I must be getting this all wrong because it sounds like your husband wants you to spend your birthday celebrating someone elses birthday, surrounded by people you don't actually like. I must have got it all wrong because no partner in their right mind would suggest this as a course of action, or suggest that doing something you actually want to do on your birthday with people you actually like, is being selfish.

Of course if I have not got it all wrong your husband is a complete arse and you can tell him that from me.

 

[roannegreenway]

Yep that was about right , tried a compromise as in the weekend before I go to my sisters for the night and go out then the following weekend with them , that went down like a lead balloon ... As I'm out twice !!!!! Seriously in a very pissed off mood at the moment as I feel
My birthday is being high jacked ..... Can't do anything on my own !!!!!!

 

[kingleds]

Yep that was about right , tried a compromise as in the weekend before I go to my sisters for the night and go out then the following weekend with them , that went down like a lead balloon ... As I'm out twice !!!!! Seriously in a very pissed off mood at the moment as I feel
My birthday is being high jacked ..... Can't do anything on my own !!!!!!

Do NOT under ANY circumstance Compromise on this one. Do what YOU want to & if he doesn't like it then tough bloody luck on him!

Pissed off wouldn't even begin to describe my state of mind if my OH had the effrontery to suggest this situation to me.

 

[peacelily]

Just a thought but are you sure that there isn't some other surprise planned for you that you don't know about? Just thinking it would be worth checking out before you get the big guns out and refuse to go. Might not be the case but was also thinking that it seems a bit selfish to expect you to celebrate your 40th like this when he knows you wouldn't want to so maybe there's another agenda. I hope so.

 

[pixie-gem]

Here is what i would do...

You go to your sister's, have a fabulous birthday, and let him go to his family and have his cousins birthday.

It's YOUR birthday!! How would he feel if you made him go somewhere he didn't want to go, with people he didn't like on his birthday?
Sometimes men just need to be told straight, that you are not going to accept something that they wouldn't accept themselves. (not all men obviously, but your's sounds like one of them unfortunately)

I know alot of people will say "but he's my husband i have to spend the day with him"...umm...WHY?

You deserve to enjoy your birthday, please don't let others spoilt it for you.

Just my tuppence worth, feel free to ignore Hope you come up with a plan that works for both of you x

 

[*Emsie*]

Yep that was about right , tried a compromise as in the weekend before I go to my sisters for the night and go out then the following weekend with them , that went down like a lead balloon ... As I'm out twice !!!!! Seriously in a very pissed off mood at the moment as I feel
My birthday is being high jacked ..... Can't do anything on my own !!!!!!

Any further developments on what you want/are going to do?x

 

[roannegreenway]

Right so I read all the comments ( and thank you so much ) it gave me the courage to plan a whole night of fun at my sisters ( 40 th themed ) and between us we organised a great night out with lots of girlies , hubby was really miffed when he said we need to get another sitter for that night when I said err no I'm going on a girls night , you can have the kids !!!, have said that I will go horse racing as I now feel I am compromising and will wish his cousin a happy 30th on the next weekend and he can celebrate my birthday then and spoil me ( birthday midweek of th both. )
Sorry this is long ,
Four years ago I was slimminsh after years of battling and I lost over 11 stone , My hubby has only really known me slimmer ( 4 years tog 2nd marriage ) and after my daughter (2 ) was born it went back on .
My weight has seriously dented my vibrant personality and I took a back seat on speaking my mind , you lot along with S/W are giving me that back so a huge TY and if you fancy add me as a mate xxxx

 

[pixie-gem]

Fab news
hope that you have a really lovely time, and he'll get over it, especially as you are compromising.
and also, massive congrats on losing 11stone, that is truly amazing and an inspiration xx

 

[kingleds]

Right so I read all the comments ( and thank you so much ) it gave me the courage to plan a whole night of fun at my sisters ( 40 th themed ) and between us we organised a great night out with lots of girlies , hubby was really miffed when he said we need to get another sitter for that night when I said err no I'm going on a girls night , you can have the kids !!!, have said that I will go horse racing as I now feel I am compromising and will wish his cousin a happy 30th on the next weekend and he can celebrate my birthday then and spoil me ( birthday midweek of th both. )
Sorry this is long ,
Four years ago I was slimminsh after years of battling and I lost over 11 stone , My hubby has only really known me slimmer ( 4 years tog 2nd marriage ) and after my daughter (2 ) was born it went back on .
My weight has seriously dented my vibrant personality and I took a back seat on speaking my mind , you lot along with S/W are giving me that back so a huge TY and if you fancy add me as a mate xxxx

TRIPLE LIKE button required please!!!!!!! Am so pleased you found the cofnidemce to speak your mind x

 

[roannegreenway]

Hi Pixie Gem , unfortunately my hubby new me being 11 stone lighter ( previous husband couldn't get to grips with it after 15 years tog ) I've put on 5 stone since meeting new hubby and and fighting to get me back , but am now counting down the days to celebrating a great birthday and weigh in today I lost 4 lb so I'm a happy girl x

 

[roannegreenway]

And Kingsled..... TY x

 

[roannegreenway]

Spelling errrr Kingleds TY x

 

[pixie-gem]

Hi Pixie Gem , unfortunately my hubby new me being 11 stone lighter ( previous husband couldn't get to grips with it after 15 years tog ) I've put on 5 stone since meeting new hubby and and fighting to get me back , but am now counting down the days to celebrating a great birthday and weigh in today I lost 4 lb so I'm a happy girl x

4lbs is wondeful, go you x

 

[WiiFitAddict]

So chuffed at what you have decided. The two posters above me gave brilliant advice. Well done roannegreenway. I know EXACTLY where you are coming from re the weight/confidence issue. X

 

[peacelily]

Fab and like others have said glad you're doing what you want.