agoraphobia

[miss-r]

I am at my wits end today, I usually get by and try and be cheerful etc but I feel so fed up today.

I kind of suffer with agoraphobia, though I don't even like to call it that as I can go out with my boyfriend but I really really struggle to go out on my own.

I've been like this ever since I moved here, 2 years ago, but I also tended to stay in when I lived in other places too.

I feel trapped in our flat when he isn't here.
I know that is no way to carry on.
I get him to put the bin out usually. Or if I go I feel very nervy until I get back in.

He works and we get by, I am not claiming benefits, incase anyone thinks anything bad of me.

I would like to work but as I am right now I wouldn't be able to get there.

I don't even know the neighbours really and I avoid them as don't know what to say.

Some of you might remember me mentioning when I got shouted at in the street, well that is the last time I went out alone.

I feel a little bit more confident now since losing some weight, but I still don't go out.
I have social phobia, and I always think people don't like me, and worry what people think of me (even on minimins).
I know I shouldn't care but I do.

I have no friends, I used to meet a couple of ladies every month or so but I dreaded it, they invited me out and I kept turning them down, so I don't hear from them now, not that I blame them.
I think they thought it was something against them but I really struggle with seeing people.

I guess it is linked to my weight problem, and the more i've stayed in the more i've gained and its got worse.
I am guessing i'm not the only one on here to be facing this problem so thought i'd post.
I know the way to solve this is to face my fears.
I am 28 and I know I should have got this sorted by now.
I hope someone has some ideas of what I could do, thanks for reading xx

 

[Goreygirl]

Hi

Agrophobia as you know is a panic disorder where your "fight or flight" response (a normal physiological function) becomes over sensitive and distressing and then your mind starts "fearing the fear/distress" so it becomes an ever increasing cycle. What your mind is thinking, in vary basic terms, is that outside your house there is a sabre tooth tiger ready to rip you apart if you step outside so to save your life your mind tells you to stay in. It's increased that to include your OH as another part of the "safe feeling" hence it believes your OH will keep you safe outside and it's beginning to escalate so that it believes your OH is needed more and more to keep you safe inside too.

The worst thing you can do with anxiety is let it "win" as that re-enforces the wrong message your mind already has. Anxiety management is all about desinsitising yourself and prooving to your mind that there is no danger in these situations.

Easier said than done though I know.

You need to ask your GP for a referral for Congnitive Behavioural Therapy as this is the one talking therapy that has been identified as being very effective in resolving anxiety disorders. Waiting lists can be in excess of 3 months though so in the meantime there is some self help stuff you can do to get the ball rolling. You may want to discuss a short term course of anti-anxiety medication too with your GP as it is often useful in helping dampen the physical symptoms allowing to focus your energy on the self help techniques; this will then give you increasing confidence in your ability to manage and ultimately resolve your anxiety issues.

The self help techniques take practice and won't have an immediate effect so don't get disheartened if they don't work immediately. But like CD .. if you trust them and work the plan they will work for you.

Here's some excellent links to help you on your way:
Anxiety Disorders | Health | Patient UK
Controlled Breathing (Pursed Lips Breathing) | Health | Patient UK (this is excellent)
Anxiety - A Self Help Guide | Health | Patient UK
http://www.patient.co.uk/health/Relaxation-Exercises.htm

www.livinglifetothefull.com - an NHS validated online modular CBT self help course that is particularly helpful for anxiety.

http://www.gettinbetter.com/anxiety.html might help you work out some of the background (as anxiety does not come from no-where).

Hope you find this reading useful and you WILL beat this.

 

[Felix]

I know the exact feeling. I recently moved in with my boyfriend and moved to Leeds. I don't have any friends here, and didn't really have any when I lived with my parents. I have a few friends from when I was at college but after I left college I stopped seeing anyone and it just got worse and worse.
I also think this is linked to my weight, but I'm not sure if its linked to the fact I suffer from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
I have a full-time job but I am very awkward when talking to people and usually just get my job done and go home afterwards.
I really realise how bad it is when my boyfriend isn't here and I am very lonely and have no where to go and no one to talk to.
I always avoid going out because I think nobody likes me and I think everyone judges me because of my weight.
I'm really hoping that when I get to goal, it will help. I know it wont solve all my problems but maybe some confidence will come back.

Like you, I don't know what to do about it. My mum always tells me I need to go out and make some friends but I don't even know how.

 

[miss-r]

Hi

Agrophobia as you know is a panic disorder where your "fight or flight" response (a normal physiological function) becomes over sensitive and distressing and then your mind starts "fearing the fear/distress" so it becomes an ever increasing cycle. What your mind is thinking, in vary basic terms, is that outside your house there is a sabre tooth tiger ready to rip you apart if you step outside..

Thanks so much Goreygirl your post has been really helpful. Alot of it really is familiar. Especially about the sabre tooth tiger.
I have had a look at the links and I will look at them again and take more action tomorrow.
I feel alot better now than I did earlier, a problem shared and all that.

I went out tonight (not alone though) and it was good to get out.
We went to the the pub, I had a water, and then we went to the Supermarket.
I have decided I am going to go out on my own on Monday.
I'm going to get the bus somewhere.
I am determined.
Thanks again xx

I know the exact feeling. I recently moved in with my boyfriend and moved to Leeds. I don't have any friends here, and didn't really have any when I lived with my parents. I have a few friends from when I was at college but after I left college I stopped seeing anyone and it just got worse and worse.
I also think this is linked to my weight, but I'm not sure if its linked to the fact I suffer from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
I have a full-time job but I am very awkward when talking to people and usually just get my job done and go home afterwards.
I really realise how bad it is when my boyfriend isn't here and I am very lonely and have no where to go and no one to talk to.
I always avoid going out because I think nobody likes me and I think everyone judges me because of my weight.
I'm really hoping that when I get to goal, it will help. I know it wont solve all my problems but maybe some confidence will come back.

Like you, I don't know what to do about it. My mum always tells me I need to go out and make some friends but I don't even know how.

Hi felix i'm very sorry to hear you are in a similar situation.
I am lost for words really as its sounds alot like me.
Its good you have a job though, I think if I had one it'd help me.
I am going to do something about my situation.
Maybe we can help each other? I will send you any ideas that I think of.
Thanks for replying to my post xx

 

[Tessieg1]

Hi Miss-R, I know it's pretty tough to be out there without close friends. When I first came over to the UK, it took me ages to make new friends. I don't have that many, and to be honest I don't see many of them what with my weird working hours and then manic home life (with little one). One thing I can say is, though, that I've made some really lovely friends on this forum. You included. Sending hugs. x

 

[Goreygirl]

I'm the same friend's wise. I moved back from Ireland but wanted to be close to my sister so ended up living at least an hours drive away from the couple of friends I still had here. That coupled with increasing depression resulted in me not really making the effort I should have done to just get out there! An hours drive after work up to the city just seemed to much effort (particularly as I work from home). And the the more isolated I became the more I ate to fill the loneliness... what a merry go round eh?

Anyway I am joining a bookclub (first night on Thursday) which meets monthly (I'm just hoping the age mix is right). The local drama group (which has their own theatre here) have an ad in the local paper this week looking for people who want to get involved. I can't act for toffee but they also need people behind the scenes so I'm going to ring them this week to make enquiries. Once the weight comes off a bit more too I am determined to join a local triathalon club as my physio has done that and she says it is a great way to meet people and make sport part of your day to day and social life (which is what i'd love to do).

I'm hoping that by this time 6 months from now I'll be busy busy busy.

 

[miss-r]

Hi Miss-R, I know it's pretty tough to be out there without close friends. When I first came over to the UK, it took me ages to make new friends. I don't have that many, and to be honest I don't see many of them what with my weird working hours and then manic home life (with little one). One thing I can say is, though, that I've made some really lovely friends on this forum. You included. Sending hugs. x

Ah you too, your message made me feel better when I was very down, thanks alot chick xxx

I'm the same friend's wise. I moved back from Ireland but wanted to be close to my sister so ended up living at least an hours drive away from the couple of friends I still had here. That coupled with increasing depression resulted in me not really making the effort I should have done to just get out there! An hours drive after work up to the city just seemed to much effort (particularly as I work from home). And the the more isolated I became the more I ate to fill the loneliness... what a merry go round eh?

Anyway I am joining a bookclub (first night on Thursday) which meets monthly (I'm just hoping the age mix is right). The local drama group (which has their own theatre here) have an ad in the local paper this week looking for people who want to get involved. I can't act for toffee but they also need people behind the scenes so I'm going to ring them this week to make enquiries. Once the weight comes off a bit more too I am determined to join a local triathalon club as my physio has done that and she says it is a great way to meet people and make sport part of your day to day and social life (which is what i'd love to do).

I'm hoping that by this time 6 months from now I'll be busy busy busy.

I was starting to feel like it was just me that has this problem, which is daft. I'm feeling alot better about it now.
You have some good ideas, I like the idea of a Bookclub. I can't act too I would get stage fright but helping behind the scenes is a good idea! Triathlon I wouldn't want to run/jog at the moment, but is something I might think about in the future. Hope you find something you can get involved in xx

Thanks for all your support everyone xx

 

[LovelyLauren]

Hello beautiful lady

I relocated 230 miles to be with hubby away from all family and my friends...

Although I am beginning to make new friends
I am self conscious aroun other wives and soldiers because of my size...

I am home while hubby is in afghan and hope to have 8 stone gone by the time I return to my little house... Like you, hoping loosing weight will give me confidence in myself and hopefully people will like me once I like myself!

Keep smiling sweetheart wish I lived close inwould pop in every day until you were that sick of me outside became more appealing than having to endure a day of me hehe xxx

 

[miss-r]

Hello beautiful lady

I relocated 230 miles to be with hubby away from all family and my friends...

Although I am beginning to make new friends
I am self conscious aroun other wives and soldiers because of my size...

I am home while hubby is in afghan and hope to have 8 stone gone by the time I return to my little house... Like you, hoping loosing weight will give me confidence in myself and hopefully people will like me once I like myself!

Keep smiling sweetheart wish I lived close inwould pop in every day until you were that sick of me outside became more appealing than having to endure a day of me hehe xxx

lol

ah thanks lauren, you are most welcome to come for a cup of tea or a shake, I will even get my doilys/doileys out for you!

I really admire your positive attitude, your hubby is away and you are just getting on with it. You are an inspiration to me!!
And that 8 stone will soon be gone!!

I feel abit bad for feeling so sorry for myself at the weekend, I was full of self pity. (though I feel much better today.)

Thanks alot chick xx

 

[LovelyLauren]

Give yourself a break hunni your allowed to have shitty days - theyre what make
The good days better!!

Ooh I love a good doiley haha

Keep smiling hunni there's an awful lot of people who care about u!

Xxxx