Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh I lost....but feel so sad!

Discussion in 'Slimming World' started by Fatty_no_more, 1 October 2008 Social URL.

  1. Fatty_no_more

    Fatty_no_more Slimming for my children

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    5lbs!!! yipeeeee!!!
    I didnt even stick to it on the weekend!

    Feeling poo tonight tho as some of you know had a row with my dad back in june and not spoken to him as all my life he has put me down calling me ugly and fat etc and he called h2b fat one time and it really annoyed me and the last time i spoke to him he told me that i looked disgusting just before i was going to a friends christening! So i had a row with him and said i wasnt putting up with it.
    That was back in june and he didnt contact me and it was in august and I contacted him to try and make peace for my cousins wedding but he wouldnt have it and I said what about my wedding day will you tell me i look disgusting? and he said well you dont want to walk down the isle looking like a frog do you?
    So i put the phone down and that was it and we avoided one another!

    Last week i got this email from him
    Hi Loz,
    It appears that you have got the hump with me, which has
    been going on for quite a while.
    You are planning to get married next year and its going to be
    your big day. I don't want to spoil that and you have made your
    fears quite clear.
    There is a solution however, and that is if I don't go at all.
    There is also someone there I don't want to meet either, so it would
    kill two-birds-with-one-throw. You had better let me know of your
    intentions. My thoughts will still be with you anyway.

    Love

    Dad

    I bumped into him in the chemist today and he tried to argue with me there and so i said this isnt the time or place so I walked out and i emailed him this when i got home.

    Dad.

    I didn't think arguing in the chemist was appropriate and I do not see that we can come to an agreement or a truce unless you accept that I will not have you putting me down anymore. You plead that you do not know what I mean but I am not having it. I am a grown woman and I don't want to be ridiculed when you think I don't look "nice" in a dress by you or commenting that me and mike have put on weight.

    All I have asked for all along is for you to not do it again as in not put me down or comment when you know something will hurt someone. You do it without realising and I think this is the reason why your friends don't come to see you. So you need to think before you speak as you wouldn't like it if it was done the other way round.

    Lorraine

    So he replied to this

    Hi Loz,
    It seems that the situation is unconsolable, so for your
    sake I think it is best that we have no more to do with one another.
    I don't consider I had any genuine friends anyway, so whom are
    you referring to, and did you hear the conversation to decide who
    said what and who do you agree with. Its conveniant that you agree
    with them when it suit you.
    If not as I suspect, then it is obvious that you would prefer there
    company anyway.
    So I will make the decision for you and not go to your wedding. It
    will kill two-birds-in-one-stone, and stop any hassle.
    I've gotten use to the situation, so good bye.


    So feel like crap

    sorry for the long post just need to get off my chest!
    xx:cry:
     
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  3. PinkToaster

    PinkToaster Silver Member

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    I think you did the right thing. I know he's your Dad but honestly, there's no talking to some people. My Dad and my sister have made fat jokes for half of my life, and while it's not as bad as what is happening/happened to you, I still sympathize. You gave him the oppertunity to realise his mistakes, it's his problem.

    It hurts a lot though when a member of your family, someone who is supposed to love you unconditionally hurts you in this way. All I can say is, your fiance loves you exactly how you are. Just remember that.

    And congrats on the 5lbs! That's great!
     
  4. IreneH

    IreneH Gold Member

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    You know you have not done anything wrong but I can understand why you feel so sad.

    You just concentrate on you and do whatever you want to make yourself happy. If that includes losing weight then that's good.
    And well done on the weight
    Irene xx
     
  5. sm1ler

    sm1ler Full Member

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    Sorry to hear the probs your having with your dad, i hope that you can come to some sort of agreement that will cheer you up a bit, HUGS to you hun. keep us informed with what happens. x x x
     
  6. Claire1981

    Claire1981 Is so very nearly there!

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    Oh huni...wd on loss...
    as for your dad i dunno wot to say :(

    ((((((((((((((((((((((((()))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))hug


    xxx
     
  7. Beki

    Beki Gold Member

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    Oh god hun!!! That would make me feel like crap too! You poor thing. It's not much to ask, that your own father doesn't insult you, surely??

    I'm so sorry he seems to be putting you down at every turn - you deserve so much more than that!!! :(

    ((((((((((((((big hugs)))))))))))))) and HUGE congrats for losing an AMAZING 5lb!!!! That's fab!!! :D xxxx
     
  8. minime

    minime Gold Member

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    Hey there

    Fantastic loss, well done.

    As for your dad, not sure what to say as your wedding is a big thing for him not to be there, but the decision has been made by him and not you. Going by his reply, he doesn't seem as though he is in a good place by saying he doesn't have friends etc... Sorry not been any help but weddings tend to bring out the worst in some people. Sending you loads of hugs hun.
     
  9. flipflop

    flipflop Just follow the plan

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    Aww poor you, your Dad sounds quite a cold person. Lets hope things turn around somehow, but really well done on your weight loss hun x
     
  10. Surfhunny

    Surfhunny Laugh in the face of food

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    Oh god hun, how sad! I'd hate to fall out with my dad, but then I can't imagine my dad ever making nasty comments about my weight. I hope you feel better soon.
     
  11. mod-karen79

    mod-karen79 rainbows holiday buddy :)

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    sorry to hear you're feeling crap. my relationship with my father is very similar to yours. i love him and we get on ok, but he has a knack of putting me and my mum down and because my mum refuses to argue he waits for me to come home! you name it he'll argue about it.

    i had counselling for panic attacks and anxiety a few years ago and part of that was letting go of childhood guilt in order to take control of my adult life. i worked out that as my dad was a policeman he had a position of power and my mum is very submissive. this has meant all through dads adult life he has controlled and been dominant in everything and is a control freak. i was daddy's little princess and thought he was amazing and hung on his every word. unfortunately for dad i have taken after him - i'm lovely but fiesty and i won't take any s**t from anyone. obviously as i've grown into an adult dad has lost control of his kids and me and my brother have our own opinions on things, which generally conflict with dad's and this leads to lots of arguments, put downs, etc. it's normal in our house to call each other a f******* idiot during a normal conversation.

    i don't know what to say to help you out but maybe it's best that he doesn't attend your wedding as you shouldn't be worrying about if your day will be ruined by his big mouth.
     
    Last edited: 1 October 2008
  12. Doughnut

    Doughnut Full Member

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    Sorry to hear about the problems with your Dad. I didn't have a great relationship with mine (although different probs to yours) and my heart goes out to you. Is it worth trying to meet up with him to talk and sort things out once and for all?
     
  13. munkypooh

    munkypooh Warning-Contains Nuts

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    He does seem to be acting like a kid who thinks the world revolves around him! Is he over-reacting for attention? I'd enjoy life without his rude comments for a while, I'm sure he'll realise what a ridiculous mistake he's made and be back before long.....then the ball will be in your court..
     
  14. Fatty_no_more

    Fatty_no_more Slimming for my children

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    aw thank you you lot I am in tears here.
    Hes put me down all my life hit me and just been nasty! When i was younger i couldnt bear to be in the same room as him but he had a brain heomorrage and became a nicer person but has slowly got back to his old ways. Hes an evil evil man and even punched his sister in the stomach when she was pregnant.
    And his friends have disowned him as he keeps putting them down and he had blazing rows with them when they tried to reason with him when he asked for them to agree with him that he was in the tright in putting me down.
    I feel so lonely.
    I am putting on a brave face as i dont want people ot know how much this is hurting. its not that hes not coming to my wedding as to be honest thats a weight off my shoulders but to say i dontr exsist for literally sticking up for myself has just completely knocked my confidence.
    Me and hubby have "rows!" as i say sorry for everything say like hes stubbed his foot i actually find myself saying sorry even tho its not my fault.
    :( thanks you guys. H2b is watching footie at pub and doesnt realise how much this hurts as i always put on the bravado that i dont care.

    My dads loss not mine!
     
  15. Big an Bouncy

    Big an Bouncy Full Member

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    Lorraines dad

    Hi Lorraine please dont be down,you really cheer us all up you are usually upbeat and funny.I always read your blogs!Great weight loss this week,dont turn to food over your dad,punch a pillow or go for a brisk walk,write a letter to him,go into the garden,burn it and watch the smoke take your anger away.Its his loss not having you in his life,sounds like he likes his own company so leave him to it.Love and hugs Maz ;)
     
  16. Fatty_no_more

    Fatty_no_more Slimming for my children

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    To be honest even tho i am sad. Its liuke a weight has been lifted off my shoulder. Whenever he spoke to me he wanted me to do something for him. Always complained I never did anything for him but h2b and me always took him out at least once a week and went round there once a week! but yet told my family that i hadnt seen him for over 3 months???

    Hes chucked my sister out of the house now and shes on her way. He said he wants nothing to do with either of us even tho she has done nothing wrong either!
     
  17. munkypooh

    munkypooh Warning-Contains Nuts

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    It's not easy to say with family, but he doesn't sound like a good part of your life....
     
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  19. Fatty_no_more

    Fatty_no_more Slimming for my children

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    Aw bless you :eek:
     
  20. mod-karen79

    mod-karen79 rainbows holiday buddy :)

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    i think you've won this 'battle!' he's the one that contacted you and it was to try and get a reaction. then when you saw him at the chemist and didn't argue and e-mailed him he couldn't stand it. talk it through with H2B just to let him know how much it does affect you and it will be a weight off your shoulders to share the burden.
     
  21. Claire1981

    Claire1981 Is so very nearly there!

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    ditto this...

    h2b will be a great help to you hun
    x
     
  22. kjs1628

    kjs1628 Surely....

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    You know that thing with ex bfs, where you dream that next time you see them you'll be so drop dead gorgeous that he'll repent of all his sins and throw diamonds at your feet.....yeah? Well, same to your dad! If he's too self-involved to get this sorted, and will avoid your wedding, send him a photo of you looking as divine as you will look, and a massive metaphorical "Up yours" to him. Blo*dy men!
     
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