Are you in denial about your weight gain?...

Discussion in 'Strugglers and Restarters' started by AmandaJayne, 7 April 2008 Social URL.

  1. AmandaJayne

    AmandaJayne Trainee Maintainer

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    …Because I am. I know this because…

    … I can’t bear to look in a mirror any more.

    … I bought the latest LL magazine (March 08) and have spent a week with it sitting in my bag because I can’t bear to read about someone else’s success. It reminds me of my failure.

    … I am afraid to find out what I weigh, and keep ‘forgetting’ to replace the batteries on my scales.

    … I cannot bear to watch the M&S ad (the beach one), and switch it off, because I remember this time last year seeing their ad campaign and being able to go out and buy one of the lovely frocks in a size 12.

    …I have good expectations every morning (when I am not actually hungry anyway) but easily give in by the afternoon, and somehow persuade myself that it won’t matter.

    …I know that I could read all my past posts from last year and probably get inspired again – yet I can’t bring myself to do it. Why?

    Because I have not taken responsibility for my actions and expect ‘someone else’ to force the change. Because I am on a self-destruct mode and expect ‘someone else’ to stop me. I am still waiting. No one has stopped me.

    … still waiting…fed up waiting…when is ‘someone’ going to stop me?...No-one is going to stop me, are they…

    Maybe I am afraid of failing again...

    Am I ready to start taking responsibility now? Watch this space…

    …it’s not too late…here goes...

    AJ
     
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  3. Hedgemag

    Hedgemag Cambridge Diet Counsellor

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    Oh AJ, You have written everything about me! I am exactly the same. Every Monday is a restart and I get up really positive but by the evening I have fallen again.

    It is so hard to get back on this bl**dy wagon once you fall..but we can do it , we have to do it. Summer is round the corner.

    Come on Amanda we will conquer these food demons...join us on the daily thread too it helps.

    Good luck hunni X
     
  4. HCM

    HCM Full Member

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    AJ - Hello and like you said it's not too late and here goes. You can do it. Take one day at a time.
    As you know we are all here to help you along your journey or a thinner you! Good luck! x
     
  5. Barb

    Barb Gold Member

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    Wow AJ - that struck a chord. Not a very comfortable one either. I have been completely off the rails lately and I admit that when I got on the scales this morning, saw another 2lbs on, I thought ENOUGH! i have to take responsibility for this.

    I am not in a diet mood so can't face the riguors of a harsh regime. However i can stop stuffing biscuits, chocolate etc.. in at every opportunity. i have come to work armed only with a banana and I am not going to give into temptation. I may not be likely to be 3 stone lighter in the next 3 months but I could quite easily drop a stone and that would make me feel so much better.

    Love and hugs
     
  6. AmandaJayne

    AmandaJayne Trainee Maintainer

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    OK Girls,

    Thanks for your posts Hedge, Barb and HCM.:wave_cry:

    First little job of the day - buy batteries to replace in scales. Be brave and stand on them. Face the music. You'll probably be able to hear my howl :eek: for miles.

    Started well this morning - chopped a couple of apples and had them with a yoghurt. Two cups of tea.

    Met with the lovely Sarah on Saturday (Westiegirl) and couldn't help remembering the last time we met at the Newcastle meet:party0016:. I wore trousers (a large 14) which I couldn't have got into this time:cry:. I felt disappointed in my failure and wondered when I was going to take back control.:rolleyes:

    Another task is to take my own advice.

    Look at my past posts and replies... Easier said than done when in 'denial mode'. I am afraid to look. What's the worst that can happen? Can it be any worse than what already has happened by not looking?

    No, of course it can't. If I could reach I'd kick myself up the bum!:D

    What COULD I have for lunch today? Not what should I have. The next step in taking responsibility...

    Watch this space... (but don't forget the ironing)...
    AJ
     
    Last edited: 7 April 2008
  7. chunkychicken

    chunkychicken Full Member

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    Dear lord AmandaJayne

    (Sorry I am stalking you on the boards today) - you had me welling up there with that post...
    You have such a way of hitting the nail on the head with the way you describe things.

    Responsibility - that one word is the crux of it all for me.... Need to do some work on why I find it so difficult.

    Thanks again Amanda

    Laura
     
  8. Barb

    Barb Gold Member

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    You and me both CC!
     
  9. Summerskye

    Summerskye Gold Member

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    Hiya AJ

    I think the worst thing that anyone can do is NOT to get on the scales and find out what they say. Just by ignoring them doesn't change the fact - it's just 'the number' you're unaware of, not the fact that you've gained weight.

    Once you know what 'the number' is, you can start to deal with it - and often it acts as a spur to get you back into dieting mode again. The best encouragement of all is seeing that number go down .. and if you don't know what it is to begin with you won't know how well you're doing when you're back on track again :)

    Take it just one day at a time. One HOUR at a time if necessary. Sometimes if you look at the 'big picture' it just seems too scary. And don't dwell on "if onlys" either as you can't turn the clock back and change anything in the past .. no matter how hard we try :rolleyes:

    Good luck! Get your head back into 'I can do this' mode - and you'll be just fine :D
     
  10. westiegirl

    westiegirl Gold Member

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    AJ, so much of this has struck a chord with me.

    So much I want to say to you (the lovely AJ who looked just as fab as Newcastle when I saw you on Saturday) but with only 2 minutes of my lunch left I will have to come back to you later.
     
  11. Kira

    Kira Gold Member

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    AJ your post said everthing I have felt until I took the step to start the CD and join this forum. I have been a bit of lurker on the forum (because I am a technophobe and couldn't quite figure out how to use it and follow threads!). I am on day 13 after spending year trying to do various diets on and off. I would start on a Monday and by lunchtime or if I was really good by the evening thrown in the towel. Usually because I was stressed about something. The people on the forum seem very supportive and I keep logging in now and again, epecially when I am wavering with the willpower. It is the head stuff we all need to deal with and I am sure we can do it together.
     
  12. AmandaJayne

    AmandaJayne Trainee Maintainer

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    Hello there Kira,

    I just wrote 'Hell there, Kira' by mistake and corrected it, but it seems from your post that it has been a bit hellish for you this past year. I am glad you have found Minis. It is ok to lurk - heaven knows we all do it from time to time!

    If we keep in touch we can egg each other on (sorry to bring food into it) and help each other to bite the bullet (not edible) and work through the crooked thoughts.

    I'm just off to buy the batteries for the scales. I will need to buy a couple of each type because I can't remember what size they are!

    AJ

     
  13. Dancing

    Dancing Gold Member

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    Amanda Jayne. I wish you every success and give you a big hug.

    xxx
     
  14. AmandaJayne

    AmandaJayne Trainee Maintainer

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    Laura!

    "Sorry I am stalking you on the boards today"

    Stalk away, Laura! Thanks for your lovely comments.

    Summerskye!

    Thanks so much for your words of wisdom. I had intended to buy batteries for the scales but, got distracted and forgot. I am now hunting round the house for any spares. Will probably have to raid the remotes!

    Sarah, I look forward to hearing from you. Hope the wee dug is continuing to recover.

    Dancing! Thanks for your comments and the rep point!

    AJ
     
  15. HCM

    HCM Full Member

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    :p
    Wish you the very best!
     
  16. ChazandGeraldnie

    ChazandGeraldnie New Member

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    AJ, I felt the same way for ages...since I first stared putting on weight when I was 13st, right up until a few weeks ago when I stepped on the scales to discover I was a whopping 16st 6lbs. The thing that truly turned it around for me was the realisation that not only was I more overweight than my mum (15st), but also less than 4st away from being as large as dad (20st).

    Weightloss so far seems to be going well. Have already lost 3lbs or so in the past week. :D

    ~ Chaz xxo
     
  17. Dottiedoolittle

    Dottiedoolittle Member

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    Hi everyone
    I too have fallen into the bracket of regaining 3 and a bit stones back after loosing over 6 stone just over a year ago on LT .... I never managed to get to my target .. started at 17.9 (size 20/22:sigh:)and went down to 11.7 (size 10/12:D) But unfortunatley for me my doctors stopped my perscription telling me they thought i'd lost enough! and not willing to listen or hear my side of wanting to get to my target weight! they had never offered any councilling etc I would just ask for a repeat percription!.. I really wanted to get to my target of 11 stone I know it was only half a stone difference but for me it was a real head thing... I needed to achieve my goal. I felt amazing but really fustrated that I didn't manage to get there and once off LT did the refeed for a week or so and that went ok only gained a couple of pounds then started eating properly and had a major purge tried to sort it out only to get into the whole thing of starve then purge etc very quickly I'd gainned a stone most of my mates didn't notice but I felt massive and things started getting tighter in the clothes section so in my mind I just felt as big and lardy as I was at 17.9 stone I know that this sound crazy but that's how it was so it has just triggered since then . being good and loosing a couple of stone on the Atkins diet then as soon as I stop just going for it wiv the food I just wish that I could be normal :( ....... I really don't know why I do this to myself it's almost like selfharming I hate it when I feel out of control wiv food most of my friends have lovely figures and have never stuggled wiv there weight .. my husband loves the fuller figure and started telling me not to loose too much but he didn't need to worry about that did he!!! I hate the control that food has over my life and emotions and long to be able to maintain my losses
    Sorry to go on guys but just needed to get all that out!!
     
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  19. fatbunny

    fatbunny Silver Member

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    i think alot of us tell ourselves that we look ok, and it is only when you start talking to people about weight that you realise how big you are, i at one time weighed more that Mike Tyson,that really shocked me in to losing weight.
     
  20. Jelly belly

    Jelly belly Member

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    Hi all,

    AJ I know how you feel, I've put on loads of weight too since Newcastle and think thats one of the reasons why i'm not going to Brum this weekend even tho i'm only down the road.

    I've been keeping off the scales and know that my clothes are snug and that i can actually get into very little of my wardrobe again.

    I need to get my head in the right place and need to sort this out as i don't like me very much at the moment

    Take care

    Jo xxxx
     
  21. AmandaJayne

    AmandaJayne Trainee Maintainer

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    "......i don't like me very much at the moment....."

    Aw Jo, I really do understand how you feel. It is such a pity that we give ourselves such a hard time because we keep getting it wrong with one aspect of our lives.

    I feel that the worst part of it is that it is such a VISIBLE failure. Everyone can see. And we can see that everyone can see. And we have to live with that 'shame' 24/7. It's truly distressing at times. I wish I could hibernate and never see anyone. Alas, life goes on and try to catch that elusive thread of self-control again.

    "....and think thats one of the reasons why i'm not going to Brum this weekend...."

    It's still not too late for you to go along for a drink tonight? Can you come to the Glasgow meet in May, I'd love to see you again.

    AJ
     
  22. westiegirl

    westiegirl Gold Member

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    Jo, I'm so sorry that you weren't up to coming to Brum. I missed you, we had such a laugh in Newcastle :(. Hope you feel better soon and I'll see you at another meet soon :)
     
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