Bad bad bad fat! Leave my hips & tummy alone!

Discussion in 'Weight Loss Diaries' started by Cee, 20 February 2011 Social URL.

  1. Cee

    Cee Silver Member

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    Diet:
    Cambridge
    RIGHT!! I'm ready!! ('Rocky' theme music playing in my head) Restarting CD tomorrow. Appointment with CD counsellor booked for 3pm but I will have started already by then by using the packs I have left over from my last failed attempt.
    I, like many other women, am a yoyo dieter. There are so many of us around. We eat stuff we know we shouldn't and then try hard to repair the damage. When we succeed we reward ourselves with ....FOOD! Well, I do anyway. I want to break that cycle. I have to break the cycle now because it's unhealthy for the whole family, not just for me.
    When I start CD tomorrow, I will automatically develop a second personality....it always happens. The other personality is the one who tries to undermine my efforts. I call her Miss Sabotage! Telling me that I can't really expect to succeed, that this is unhealthy if you can't even have fruit... how can fruit be bad for you? She says. She tells me I'll only put all the weight back on anyway so why bother, she tells me my breath stinks and I might as well stop talking to people as well as stop eating! She even tells me that if I stop this crazy diet, I'll be happier and I can start something else that will be slower but healthier.
    I'm prepared for Miss Sabotage! "SHUT UP" ...SHUT UP!!
    1. This IS healthy, I get ALL my vitamins and nutrients....which I wouldn't normally get as I don't normally EAT that much fruit and veg!! 2. It is healthy because I'll be less prone to diabetes and heart disease by the end of it than I am now. 3. I WILL succeed..if you just SHUT UP and give me a chance! 4. If my breath stinks it reminds me to drink more water, and reassures me that there are ketones somewhere causing the offending odour, which means I'm getting rid of that dangerous bad fat all around my tummy and other unfavourable areas. Finally, I cannot BELIEVE you'd bring up the 'Happier when you stop this diet' tactic again! You cow...you know I'm not 'HAPPIER' when I'm FAT.....and getting FATTER!! How will stopping the process of getting slimmer and healthier make me happier? We both know I'll start bingeing again the moment I give in to all your crap and end up feeling depressed, a failure, bloated, ugly...
    Go away miss Sabotage! I know you'll be back, but you've failed this time so just go choke on a deep fried Mars bar!
    Roll on day 1:)
     
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  3. *Shanny*

    *Shanny* Gold Member

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    Ello ello u made chuckle , yep cd is healthy and you will do it this time around.

    I am also on CD too I'm really close to goal now and can't wait!
    Good luck , stay strong and remember why u want to loose weight x
     
  4. MaisieMoodle

    MaisieMoodle Full Member

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    Diet:
    Healthy Eating.
    Hi Cee,

    I think many of us can sympathise with you and your naughty alter ego :rolleyes: You just keep telling that cow to "shut UP" and before you know it the weight will be gone and hopefully so will she!

    Good luck to you, you sound really determined :D
     
  5. Katierose

    Katierose Gold Member

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    Hi x
    I can really understand Miss Sabotage ... lol and like you Im on a VLCD so good luck x am looking forward to seeing how you get on :):)
     
  6. emma237

    emma237 Gold Member

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    Hi, I just wanted to say good luck with your weight loss. You seem very determined and motivated, Good luck with your first weigh in. x
     
  7. Cee

    Cee Silver Member

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    Start Weight:
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    Current Weight:
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    Goal Weight:
    9st12lb
    Lost(%):
    1st0.5lb(6.52%)
    Diet:
    Cambridge
    Thanks to everyone for stopping by and giving me the much needed encouragement. I hope I can do likewise for someone else at some point.
    Today was so busy, I had no time to even think about food. I saw my CD counsellor and when she was about to weigh me I said "Don't tell me what I weigh!! I DON'T want to know". I planned to just do the diet..oops sorry...the nutritional approach ;-) and find out my weight after the first two weeks. I have an obsession with the scales, one I'm trying to get rid of. I have refused to weigh myself for the past 3 weeks because after exercising daily for 4-5 weeks and eating healthy, I weighed myself and I'd lost 8lbs! Fine, I'm building muscle. Muscle weighs more than fat yada yada! 3 days later, I'm geared up in my exercise kit, psyched up for another workout and I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. "YOU Look FAT!!!!" Guess who? "GO weigh yourself" she said, so I did. I'd gained 3lbs!! In 3 days!! THREE lbs?? "It shows in your face, and your belly still looks fat...you're wasting your time and energy!"
    You can probably guess what happened next. I ripped off the workout clothes and sat down at the dining table looking annoyed...much to the confusion of my 4 and 2 year old daughters! Now I have decided not to weigh myself ever again, and just use the tape measure. Forget the scales, the dreaded numbers on that little tiny screen that can change the whole course of my life! I DON'T WANT TO KNOW!! The CD counsellor said I would know and I decided I just wouldn't look so I closed my eyes as i stepped on the CDC's scale...
    "You weigh 13 stones 8 pounds" It's only a flipping TALKING scale isn't it? THAT'S what she meant when she said I would know. It just blurted it out to the whole world! OK! To the CD counsellor...but her daughter was upstairs! In this day of data protection and all? Hmph! LOL!! Drama!!
    Anyhoo, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I can deal with that.
    So the journey begins and I've set a my weight loss goal for this week at 8.5lbs. Yes, that half a lb will get me into my 12's.
    Despite my many attempts, I have been unable to make it past day one since my first time of doing CD a couple of years back. I'm hoping there's something different this time. I'm hoping that I can use some of that discipline, that I'm able to apply in every other area of my life, to CD this time around. I know tomorrow will be tough. I've got to cancel a pre-arranged dinner appointment for thursday, and I've got to get some excuses ready for questions at work. I've got a good one. "I'm detoxing!" That should work for the first week and give me time to come up with some more...
     
  8. ImLosingWeight

    ImLosingWeight Full Member

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    Diet:
    Exante TS
    No way if anyone asks what your eating just say you fancied a change or tell them ur on a vlcd! both answers would be true! :) they'll notice in a cpl of weeks anyway when you start getting complimented left right and centre! :)

    well done for restarting - here's to the new you!
     
  9. Cee

    Cee Silver Member

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    Current Weight:
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    Goal Weight:
    9st12lb
    Lost(%):
    1st0.5lb(6.52%)
    Diet:
    Cambridge
    I'mLosingweight, thanks for that. I think I will just say I'm on a VCLD, I just don't want the attention until the weight has started coming off.
    Day 1 went pretty OK, except I added a dash of Lee and Perrins to my lunch and THEN read that it contains all sorts of stuff that will prevent me from going into ketosis. :rolleyes:Learnt one lesson there then! I know from previous trials of CD that I cannot immediately up my water intake from 250mls a day to 21/4L a day overnight or I get bad headaches. I've probably had 1.5L today and my head feels OK-ish. Tomorrow I'll aim for more.
    Mentally I'm starting to feel as I usually do on day 1. Bad mood, snapping at everyone, feeling sorry for myself phase. I usually have to keep reminding myself that I'm not allowed to eat and I begin question the ethics behind throwing the kids leftovers in the bin. What do I think is happening when I clear the kid's plates with my mouth? I'm preventing food wastage by eating leftover lunch and dinner so as to get fatter on behalf of the starving people around the world? Now, I tell myself, the food is either going in the bin or on your hips, either way it's not going to :vibes: Africa!
    I'm now in bed, safely far away from the kitchen and will be going to sleep with one day down. I did it!
    I'm thinking of doing sole source plus, or the 810 phase as I like to eat something normal and I think I can control myself to stick to the recommended foods. I'll see how I feel after the first week or two.
    I hope everyone has had a good day today. Here's hoping for an even better day tomorrow.
     
  10. MaisieMoodle

    MaisieMoodle Full Member

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    Goal Weight:
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    Lost(%):
    1st4lb(9.68%)
    Diet:
    Healthy Eating.
    Pmsl @ the talking scales (how rude!) and "data protection" :D

    Yay for you, day 1 (the hardest) out of the way....... keep at it, the results will make it ALL worthwhile :)
     
  11. Cee

    Cee Silver Member

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    Current Weight:
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    Goal Weight:
    9st12lb
    Lost(%):
    1st0.5lb(6.52%)
    Diet:
    Cambridge
    Thanks MaisieMoodle! I'm trying to keep the thought of how I'll look in just two weeks in my head! It's keeping me going.
    I'm still at work right now and lunchtime didn't go as I'd planned. I had decided to just say I was detoxing for the next week ( because this IS a detox when you're avoiding all the bad food and drinking so much water.)
    Well, I caved in the moment someone just glanced at my tetra, and I blurted out 'I'm doing Cambridge again!' Like I felt guilty of something! lol! Such a weakling! I got the stick again, as I expected, but I know in a few weeks they'll all be looking at it, and me, differently. I also have a bad reputation for being in a terrible mood every time I start a diet. So today they begged me to stop the diet and have a pizza! Not even tempted.
    There was free for all fruit cake in the staff room too. Not even tempted! Haha! Maybe I CAN do this!
    One other positive thing about CD is the amount of extra time you have to do stuff because you're not spending so much time eating. I can spend A LOT of time eating! Now I can go for a walk at lunchtime and look in shop windows or get a little emergency shopping done... Or whatever!
    The bad breath has kicked in. Gotta get me some breath freshner spray later. No headaches, thank goodness, not feeling cold, hallelujah! Just a few more hours to go today and day 2 will be done!
     
  12. MaisieMoodle

    MaisieMoodle Full Member

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    1st4lb(9.68%)
    Diet:
    Healthy Eating.
    Hurrah @ resisting temptation, go you! Makes you feel all like this: :D
     
  13. Cee

    Cee Silver Member

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    1st0.5lb(6.52%)
    Diet:
    Cambridge
    Thanks Maisie! I'm holding on! How're you doing with yours? I see you're doing a workout DVD? What diet are you following?

    Today hasn't been too bad, I'm more tired and irritable and weak but hoping I'll be better by the weekend. I've been considering eating stuff, and telling myself I'm not allowed it is making me feel low and almost depressed. I've thought of giving up and cheering myself up with some comfort food. I haven't given in but I keep asking myself if I can stick to this until I reach my goal weight. That would be about 3 months, or less if I stay on SS. I've never been able to do more than 2 WEEKS at a stretch without cheating. Can I really do it properly this time? Do I really WANT to do it for 12 weeks? Without cheating? I'm not sure I can but I'll take each day as it comes and try not to let my alter-ego win this battle again.
    I'm looking forward to my next weigh in. I hope I don't do what I did last time. After a loss of 10lbs I was so pleased I decided to treat myself to a Chinese meal to celebrate! :rolleyes: I told myself I would get straight back on it the next day and the CDC would be none the wiser. Needless to say I wasn't able to get back on the wagon after that! Here's hoping I can stop feeling sorry for myself and be much more positive tomorrow!
     
  14. ImLosingWeight

    ImLosingWeight Full Member

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    Diet:
    Exante TS
    Good for you. I would try not to think too much about the bigger picture day in day out. I was speaking to my uncle last week. So far i've stuck 100% to plan and only drank water - but it is hard, and last week was week 3 - I said to him, god the thought of dong this for another 8 months (roughly what i estimate needing) is just putting me in such a bad mood. He gave me some good advice, he said all people that are addicted to things starting their life back on track are told to take 1day at a time. Just wake up and say to yourself, today i'm going to stay to the plan 100% and whatever happens tomorrow will happen. And say that every day. The days add up but it's the thought of them all rolled out in front of you that does the mental head damage i think!

    A cpl of days into this, I was thinking oh... god, how can i do this for another month to lose 1 stone... now i'm approaching end of month i'm thinking how can i do this for another 4,5,6 etc... yet somehow those few days turned into weeks and a month, so i know the months will turn into 3,4,5,6 months if i just get on with it. Thats what we got to do on this diet Cee just get on with it, and put every thing we have into staying true to it and we will get our rewards. Good luck!
     
  15. MaisieMoodle

    MaisieMoodle Full Member

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    Goal Weight:
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    Lost(%):
    1st4lb(9.68%)
    Diet:
    Healthy Eating.
    Hey Cee :)

    I'm not following any particular plan, just healthy eating, better food, more fruit and veg and lots and LOTS of water! I'm doing Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred DVD - currently on day 7 - and it is amazing, I can really recommend it :D I'm seeing results already, my thighs are firmer, my hips are less wobbly, my stomach is less jelly-like (urgh!) and that's only after 1 week! :D

    Right, come on now missus <stern face>. Do you really want to jack this in? Do you want to stay with your present weight? Will that make you happy? Or will losing weight make you happy? Will a big binge put you in a better mood?

    Answer those questions and look deep inside yourself (woah, bit deep there)........ to quote someone's sig. on here (sorry, don't know who):

    Being fat is hard. Being on a diet is hard. Chose your hard.

    Read back on your first post, remember how positive and determined you were. You can do this, everyone on here will help and support you :)

    <big squeezy hugs>

    M xx
     
  16. Cee

    Cee Silver Member

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    1st0.5lb(6.52%)
    Diet:
    Cambridge
    I'mLosingweight and Maisiemoodle, thank you sooooo much for your words of encouragement. You have no idea how helpful you've both been.

    I'm sorry I haven't posted in a couple of days but I've been so busy and so so tired and weak, and down too. I'm not giving up though, I'm gonna keep going, and it's partly because I don't want to let you guys down.
    I'mlosingWeight, you're so right about taking it a day at a time, I do get daunted thinking I could be on the diet for so long, it's such a depressing thought for me. Then again, some people do this for so long like you, and I never understood how it was possible. I'm going to try to just finish the day I'm doing and look forward to bedtime and sleep, the only time I'm free from the voices in my head telling me to eat something I haven't even fancied in months.
    Maisie, I think I might try that DVD after I'm done with CD. I need to get rid of my bingo BACK! I seem to carry most of my fat on my back. I must be the missing link between humans and camels. I bet I could survive for months on nothing but the fat on my back.
    Well I'm on day 5 now and it feels like its been 5 weeks. I feel like a child being punished for being naughty long after the 'crime' committed has been forgotten, so I'm not only upset, I'm also confused! I keep asking why I should be putting myself through this.
    I'm looking forward to being weighed on Tuesday, I hope I can stay on track and then be spurred on further by my weight loss.
    I'm so tired as I type this, I'm half asleep, so I better go hit the sack now!
    Onward and Upwards blah blah blah
    Night!
     
  17. DisneyParis

    DisneyParis An Attitude of Gratitude

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    Great thread. Good luck with your weight loss.
     
  18. Cee

    Cee Silver Member

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    1st0.5lb(6.52%)
    Diet:
    Cambridge
    Thanks DisneyParis :)

    So, I'm getting ready to go to bed and thought I better post something before anyone paying attention to my ramblings starts to wonder where I am. I've just been busy and tired. I haven't given up on CD despite how I sounded in my previous post. Today has been a good day, generally.

    Today, I tasted the Maple and pecan porridge and my first reaction was Eeuughhh! Then i quickly reminded myself that I had 6 more of them to eat before Tuesday and the sooner I make less of a fuss about the taste, the better. Why on earth did I think it would taste like the Maple and pecan pastry thing? So I've convinced myself that it's actually not bad at all, and might actually be enjoyable if I tell myself so as I eat it. It kinda worked.:)

    Today I tried on a black dress I bought from Matalan MONTHS ago. It was 2 sizes too small. :rolleyes: So? I fully intended it would fit within a few weeks. I have a wardrobe and loft full of black bags containing clothes that I bought 2-3 sizes smaller than I was, fully intending to fit into them within a few weeks. It took 6 years of never actually managing to fit into them for me to stop!
    So, back to the Matalan dress, since it was bought I've tried it on 3 times. (Everytime I find that I've lost like 1/2 a lb I think it might fit?):rolleyes: Each time it's taken two people to force it on to me and then when it was obvious that all the pulling and breath-holding and zip manipulating would not make it fit, it took two people to get it off again. I tried it on again today and whaddaya know? It got it on. All by myself! I did have to pull on the little satiny ribbon thing with my teeth as I pulled up the zip but that doesn't matter. What matters is that I got it on, on my own, and got it to zip up. It was still tight, but that doesn't matter either. Neither does it matter that half the inside lining ripped as soon I sat down, nope, doesn't matter, or that the ripping, complete with rude noise, happened in CHURCH!!... where I could not explain the source of the noise to those around me without it looking like an episode of Mr Bean! Nope! All that matters not. I-GOT-IT-ON! End of story. :D

    Today someone asked me if I'd lost weight. Yaay!! Someone else said 'Hello skinny' (I'm hardly skinny but hey ;) )
    So, it's been a good day. I'm recharged with motivation, with help from those of you here, as well as those little things that tell me it's working, already, and all the suffering is worth it.
    I won't give up now. Not today. Not tomorrow, I hope. One day at a time!
    I'm looking forward to weigh day on Tuesday. I hope I won't feel so elated by my loss that I'll want to go celebrate with a Chinese or that I'll be so disappointed, if i don't reach my goal, that I'll want to go console myself with a Chinese. :confused:
     
  19. ImLosingWeight

    ImLosingWeight Full Member

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    Diet:
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    Great work getting into that dress, must have felt amazing for you :) very funny post as well, I was moving along nicely with the story until it ripped in the church and I couldn't help but laugh with you!

    It's nice when people start telling you you're looking slimmer isn't it :) I'm also taking the one day at a time approach and it's definately the way forward I think. GL for the start of a brand new week!
     
  20. DisneyParis

    DisneyParis An Attitude of Gratitude

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    Cee, great news about the dress, the bit about church/Mr Bean made me laugh.

    Hope you have a great day. :)
     
  21. MaisieMoodle

    MaisieMoodle Full Member

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    Diet:
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    Cee, your posts do make me howl! "Back fat" :8855:

    Have a great day, good luck for tomorrow :D
     
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