Becoming More Than The Happy Fat Girl

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The photos above are the first time in 6 years I've ever seen photographic evidence of the impact continuing to eat like a very, very active person had on my increasingly sedentary lifestyle. While I can never be accused of lacking confidence in myself, I dislike being the fat friend, or being the person anyone could possibly describe as "the fat one". Since I spend most of my sleepless nights on the internet anyway, I'm using this diary to reflect on the day and remember that weight loss is meaningless unless I exchange my lazy ways for active ones! I know myself well enough that using any plan designed to lose a lot of weight relatively quickly, particularly if it involves drastic changes to my lifestyle, is not going to work. I gained the weight steadily over several years with my habits changing accordingly, it's going to take several years to lose it and change my ways for the long term.

Hopefully I'll stick to copying my entries from Word here, it's always good to have something to look back on!
 
I've neglected my public diary, because ... well, because I have.

A colleague started their weight loss journey at the same time as myself, and while they have been the most miserable person around for the past few weeks and I know full well that they have a history of crash dieting and doubling their weight I'm still starting to wonder if I'm going about this the wrong way. I know that if I did things the way she's doing them I wouldn't get long-term results, I'd get down to my ultimate goal weight relatively quickly but I'd be unable to maintain the way of life which led me there. Yet the fact she's lost 5kgs compared to my 2 makes me a little ... well, annoyed. Even with all the justifications about how she started from a higher weight, or how she led a much more sedentary lifestyle filled with calorie laden food so simple cut backs will see a bigger result on a weekly basis, I'm still sitting there feeling a bit miffed that my aim for long-term, lifestyle changes is never going to be seen as positively as her quick loss crash diet.

Actually, it's only when she tells me "when I've lost weight, you can have my old clothes" that I feel my face screwing up quizzically, or when she's giving me tips on how to be healthy, or she's preaching about how being grumpy is worth getting down to her wedding weight for summer. Which sort of, kind of makes me want to give up my slowly-slowly approach, not so much because I'm competitive but because it really gets to me to have someone telling me how to live a healthier life, when they're following a VLCD and an unsustainable exercise regime.

Plus, this recent photo tells me that I look a bit like a fat kidney bean from the side. Which, when comparing it to photos from before the 2kg loss makes me think those kilos have come straight from my breasts... Maybe I should up the stakes a little though, I don't like looking like this, and it doesn't help my confidence in interviews. Who'd hire a fatty eh? I know lots of people would, but irrational thoughts are irrational thoughts!

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As a side note, this weekend has been full of over eating. Which isn't that bad, a few days of gluttony are to be expected in life, but this week I need to stop being so lax.
 
just want to say your weightloss is good, dont be too hard on yourself.... slow and stedy wins the race and the slower you lose the weight the longer you keep it off. It's about changing your lifestyle for good not a quick fix so your colleague isnt a good role model from the sounds of it. I too have to put up daily with a colleague who has lost weight a lot quicker than me and loves to tell me all about it and has also offered me her old clothes! I sit and cringe she has no idea!
 
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