Being treated differently. A good thing? Or a bad thing?

Discussion in 'Lighter Life Forum' started by Blonde Logic, 4 July 2008 Social URL.

  1. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

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    Hmmm. I have been noticing something lately, and it is a bit of a mixed bag.

    On one hand, what I am about to say is very nice, and feels nice, and has been missed. On the other hand, makes me angry, and sad.

    I have noticed, in the last few weeks, I am getting more attention from men. From all walks of life, in all different situations.

    Men in queue in stores will strike up a conversation. Men at the gas stations want to talk about my car, or my bike. And men are holding doors open more often then every before.

    Why? Because I am not morbidly obese anymore? What would have been so awful for them to have carried out those same niceties before? Am I not still driving the same cool car, or riding the same cool bike they all want to talk about now? Is it not just as chivelrous a gesture to hold the door for an obese woman as a slimmer one?

    I do enjoy it, yes. It feels nice. But it is somewhat disheartening at the same time.

    ANyone else notice this? Or feel like this?
     
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  3. Kellie=]

    Kellie=] Silver Member

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    This was one thing that I noticed. The ammount of male attention I recieve now is crazy- I wasnt even looked at before.
    I also find it quite sad, if not shallow. Dont mean to typecast men there or anything.
    Although I do wonder if its just because we are more confident now that we seem just generally more approachable?
    x
     
  4. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

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    hmm, interesting Point Kellie. That may be part of it, as I do tend to hold my head up and look at people now, rather then looking down or away, etc. So maybe it is that we are more approachable.

    Still, its weird.
     
  5. Kellie=]

    Kellie=] Silver Member

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    totally.
    I walk, talk, stand, do everything differnently now :)
    its kind of amazing what a few stones can do 2 u.... and others!
    xx
     
  6. Corey

    Corey longs to be average!

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    Hey, it isn't just men that act like that - I have had the same in female attention (like I am even interested), But have noticed women looking at me when I walk down the street, a couple have struck up conversation, but I am way too shy to say much back. I have also had some male attention - and to them I just say, keep looking baby!

    I am not bothered that I wasn't getting the same kind of attention when I was larger, but then too be honest, I wouldn't have paid me any attention either. But I like the fact that I am getting the attention today, and providing I am getting the attention tomorrow, then I will be happy.
     
  7. jules

    jules Full Member

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    The male attention I get at the moment is that thay talk to my boobs and not my face! I will not miss that!!
     
  8. Summerskye

    Summerskye Gold Member

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    This used to annoy and sadden me too BL, but I've long since got used to the fact that it's simply a case of "human nature" to react more favourably to those who appear more 'normal sized' than those who are overweight/obese. I'm not for a moment saying it's right (I don't think it is for a second!), just that it appears to be so deeply entrenched in our social psyches that I'm not sure much can be done to change that these days. At least not until the media stops promoting slimmer role models as the 'ideal' anyway.

    After I got to target, I also noticed I was getting a greater degree of male attention than I'd been used to - and also more positive reactions from females too as Corey mentioned. To begin with I used to feel really annoyed about it as I was only too well aware that I wouldn't have received the same kind of interest just 10 months previously even though I was exactly the same person I'd always been (at least that's what I thought) - just wearing smaller sized clothes.

    More recently, I've started to question whether or not that's entirely true and whether that's just a bit too simplistic. Since losing weight, I actually DO have more self-confidence than I used to have so therefore I suspect I am (even sub-consciously) projecting myself in a different way which, in turn, encourages a different reaction from others towards me.

    On balance, I do now see it as a 'good thing'. In my case, having lost weight I've met someone who I feel certain wouldn't have been attracted to me when I was over 8 stone heavier. I don't think is a case of being superficial and only looking at the 'outer shell' rather than the person inside, rather more a case of everyone having their own personal preferences about what they find attractive in another person.

    I know I have my personal preferences as to what attracts me to someone, so it just stands to reason to me that others will as well :)
     
  9. Corey

    Corey longs to be average!

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    I wonder......As we are loosing weight, our self confidence increases (as Summerskye mentioned), do other people pick up on our level of self confidence, and that is something that they are attracted too? Perhaps a contributing factor to all the attention we hotties are now getting?
     
  10. Summerskye

    Summerskye Gold Member

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    I really do believe that has a lot to do with it. I'm certainly aware that I walk with my head held higher and have more confidence as a size 12 than I used to when I was a size 24.

    Mind you, the first time I got 'hooted' by a White Van Man I still nearly jumped out of my skin! *lol*
     
  11. Delli

    Delli Talks too much

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    same here sharon! first time a van tooted at me, i thought 'whats his problem'! took me a while to catch on.
     
  12. KD

    KD Gone fishing

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    No man in a white van toots me:cry:

    Ack...I can live with that :D
     
  13. Isis

    Isis Ancient Egypt Nut!

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    I wouldn't lose any sleep over it KD;)

    White van man is usually too busy eating a burger with one hand, talking on his phone with the other hand and trying to overtake you at 80mph.....:rolleyes::mad:..no hands left to toot with!!

    (apologies to any white van men who don't behave like this!!:))
     
  14. Summerskye

    Summerskye Gold Member

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    That's what worried me!! :eek::eek::eek:
     
  15. Jellybabie

    Jellybabie Full Member

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    Its true that the larger we become, the more sexually invisable we seem to others.
    I think in some senarios though its what we perceive of others. For instance..........overweight, i may walk into a shop and a man may look at me, i will think " he is looking at how fat and repulsive i am!!"
    I may walk into a shop slim and get the same look and understand it as "Wow, she looks hot!"
    It can sometimes be what we oursleves believe to be true and may not truly reflect that persons thinking at all. I hope this makes sense!

    Diane xx
     
  16. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

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    Let me move my fingers Diane while you hit the nail firmly on the head!

    That makes a lot of sense ya know. I often times would look away from someone, and not really even see their face, but I would tell myself what his or her expression was, I probably invented it mroe often then not, it was always horrible in my mind. :( I was really horrible to myself - my inner chatterbox was an evil lil thing.

    So that is a very good point - my perception has changed. And I am no longer afraid to see a gaze play out, and see what the other persons expression is.

    Its not revulsion as I once imagined. And it probably wasn't then, but thats what I saw when I saw myself so assumed others would too.

    Thank you. :)
     
  17. angie-bum

    angie-bum Gold Member

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    I am glad I found this thread as I am trying to lose the last bit of weight, but realising I have got stuck as I am already getting as much male attention as I can handle at present. I am in a loving and stable relationship but I put on 5 stone in our first few months together, and went from guys pounding on the door to zilch....which was just fine as I had found the man of my dreams. I still have the man and he has loved me size 14 through to 22. I am size 14 again and will be knocking on size 12 soon. I know from experience that I get even more male attention at that weight. I want to be that size again for me. But I feel terribly exposed. I am warring with my head as to why I want to be that size again when I am happy with my man. I want to do it for me, but part of me is scared. I think I will have to wear layers of clothes as the last layers of fat come off
     
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  19. PurpleButterfly

    PurpleButterfly 16lb to go!

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    Angie I have similar worries actually! I met my boyfriend when I was 16stone/size 16-18, it has never been a problem between us in the slightest. But I'm so aware that at 12stone ish and size 10 ish, I'll be getting a lot more male attention. I will never have had that before and I sort of want lessons in how to deal with it!! I also don't want BF to become insecure because suddenly I'm much more attractive to other guys, especially as it's long distance at the moment... So whilst I am doing this for me, I am worried it'll affect my relationship with OH!

    Oops sorry BL I just realised it's off topic. I think there's truth in both statements; i.e. it is part of human nature to respond more to those of a normal weight. It is also probably a change in perception and confidence in yourself. Probably 6 to one half dozen to the other.
     
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  20. angie-bum

    angie-bum Gold Member

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    Hello Ellie

    I don't think it is off topic....I hope bumping up BLs first post will help others see that it's just one of the things you have to deal with once you have lost the weight. Frankly all the attention is a bit surprising, from men & women! But it is also kinda addictive. I find I can get into my old wardrobe and new clothes and strut my funky stuff, but sometimes I just want to put on a baggy jumper and my glasses and dress down. I suppose we have the choice now. When I was a size 22 I had no choice but to dress down...(I don't carry weight well like dawn french)...but now if I chose to look as good as I can I do, but I am giving myself permission to have a non-glam day too. I am scared that my decreasing size will up end my relationship (see blog for details) but I am having to feel the fear and do it anyway and trust that the love for my man can keep my head straight
     
  21. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

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    Hi girls :)

    It is a big adjustment - all the extra attention we get. I have gotten over being annoyed, and have chalked it up to my attitude about ME has changed, therefore, so has everyone elses....but it does take some getting used to the attention.

    I find men are much more chivalrous now then when I was fat - and I have gotten over being annoyed and now enjoy it.

    It takes a long time for our head to catch up with our bodies in many more ways then justhow we see ourselves in the mirror. At leas it has for me.

    You are doing this for you - and your partners need to trust that. There has to be trust in a relationship. If they get nervous - remember - that is theri problem, and don;t take it on board except to reassure them that they still have your heart.

    I think my OH likes the attention I get - makes him feel proud. I'm sure your men will adjust too.

    It all comes together - but the main thing is as you say Angie - doing this for the right reason: you.

    Hope that makes sense - kind of groggy this morning, and have not had my coffee yet! DOH!

    :)
     
  22. roundrachel

    roundrachel Silver Member

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    I love the extra attention of course. It's not just people clearly 'interested' in me. But people treat me differently.

    I work in sport and get so much more respect now I'm no longer morbidly obses. But why would they respect a woman who wa preaching about healthy living an exercise when clearly I wasn't living that life myself.

    When i was a size 28 I loathed my body. Every part of it. It wan't attractive. there's no point dressing it up as being a 'big, curvy girl'. I was fat, unhealthy and everything that goes along with it. So why would any man find me attractive? I certainly wouldn't.

    My OH says that now I'm back to the size I was he fancies more of me. He's always fancied me, but for a long time, he's had to see past the fat to the girl inside who he's always thought was wonderful. If he'd met me when I was at my biggest he'd never have considered a sexual relationship with me. Why would he, there was nothing sexy about me!

    It is indeed human nature that we pay more attention to those who are good looking and healthy looking. I've never looked at a man with a big beer belly who can't climb a few stairs without getting out of breath and thought 'fwwwargh'. Why would any man have ever thought the same about me?

    For years I kidded myself I was just curvy. I wasn't!! I was morbidly obese. Unfit. and with it, not exactly attractive either!
     
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