Best Friend Turns Bad

Discussion in 'Lighter Life Forum' started by melarnz, 30 September 2009 Social URL.

  1. melarnz

    melarnz Silver Member

    Posts:
    1,208
    Likes Received:
    23
    Start Weight:
    17st12lb
    Current Weight:
    17st12lb
    Goal Weight:
    9st13lb
    Lost(%):
    0st0lb(0%)
    Diet:
    cambridge
    I went out with my best friend on saturday night and I have lost weight and she has put it on.

    Due to my weight loss it has inspired her to loose weight. I have always been about 3 stone heavier than her, but now there is only about 7lbs in it.

    She told me that she could never be my fat friend because it would change the dynamics of our friendship. She said whenever we went out, she knew that she wouldnt be the biggest cos i was going and that I was her buffer. She said in my photos I look gaunt now, and look like all the fat has just dropped downwards (i have actually lost it all over). These are just a few comments she made!!

    I know I should have been upset, but I felt really smug and just smiled! My losing weight has made her feel insecure and she cant bear it. We have been best friends for 10 years, who would have thought it was because I was fat lol.

    Has anyone else had this sort of reaction?
     
    Mini likes this.
  2. Avatar

    MiniMins.com Matched Content

  3. kenshin112

    kenshin112 Gotta Make A Change

    Posts:
    2,125
    Likes Received:
    18
    Diet:
    Total Solution
    All I can say is your mate is harsh and envious of what you've achieved
    times like these you find out who a true mate is
     
  4. Strawberri

    Strawberri Mad As A Hatter

    Posts:
    851
    Likes Received:
    6
    Start Weight:
    29st0lb
    Current Weight:
    25st13lb
    Goal Weight:
    12st7lb
    Lost(%):
    3st1lb(10.59%)
    Diet:
    Xenical / Low-cal Diet
    omg and you didnt slap her!!!

    damm i would wear the sexiest thing i could when you went out again and just part all night turn her greener then a june conker


    berri xx
     
  5. thin_inside

    thin_inside I Can Do This!

    Posts:
    1,334
    Likes Received:
    25
    Start Weight:
    18st12lb
    Current Weight:
    12st9lb
    Goal Weight:
    9st6lb
    Lost(%):
    6st3lb(32.95%)
    Diet:
    LighterLife
    Be proud of yourself. Her problem - and if it means she needs time to come to terms with your being slimmer than her, then allow her the time. This is a test as to whether there is a real friendship or you were just being used as a 'feel-good' prop for her own ego.

    I have had a few similar experiences - even my sister is struggling with the thinner me. Not that she isn't delighted for me, it's just she has always been a lot slimmer and now I am actually lighter than her - and she has to get her head around it. We don't see each other often so it was a bit of a big change last time we met. She worries about putting weight on when she has kids. Ahh, poor chickie :D. We are best pals though - I know she is really pleased for me.

    True colours start to show when someone changes the balance of a relationship :flirt2:.
     
    Mini likes this.
  6. Looby Lew

    Looby Lew Full Member

    Posts:
    246
    Likes Received:
    0
    Start Weight:
    15st6lb
    Current Weight:
    12st1lb
    Goal Weight:
    11st6lb
    Lost(%):
    3st5lb(21.76%)
    Diet:
    LL
    wow I'm sure you can do without that kind of friend ... mind you it may feel good to know how uncomfortable the new slim sexy you is making her when you are out :Na_Na_Na_Na:
     
  7. peony

    peony Silver Member

    Posts:
    679
    Likes Received:
    15
    Start Weight:
    20st10lb
    Current Weight:
    17st2lb
    Goal Weight:
    11st0lb
    Lost(%):
    3st8lb(17.24%)
    Diet:
    Lost 10 stones on LL/Exante a couple of years ago, have regained several stone so giving WW a go.
    wow Mel, what a cowbag!
    The fact that she is putting on has probably made matters even worse in her eyes, to the extent of saying what she has - well I suppose she had better get used to the idea cos there is only one way YOUR weight is going and that is down. It'll only be a few weeks before you are lighter than her (shorter if she carries on gaining). You have the right attititude to it, I know you will manage this relationship with her just fine, but she hasn't made things easy!
    x
     
  8. Lisamac30

    Lisamac30 Full Member

    Posts:
    312
    Likes Received:
    12
    Start Weight:
    15st7lb
    Current Weight:
    13st5lb
    Goal Weight:
    11st0lb
    Lost(%):
    2st2lb(13.82%)
    Diet:
    Healthy Eating/Low Gi
    Some people are just something else!
    Be proud of your achievement, and gain confidence from it. It is true at times like these you really do know who your true friends are, and if I were you I wouldn't be classing her as one anymore...
    Good friendship is about acceptance and support, not envy and jealousy!
    All the best,
     
  9. melarnz

    melarnz Silver Member

    Posts:
    1,208
    Likes Received:
    23
    Start Weight:
    17st12lb
    Current Weight:
    17st12lb
    Goal Weight:
    9st13lb
    Lost(%):
    0st0lb(0%)
    Diet:
    cambridge
    OMG!!! She has just rang me from work (she took over my job whilst i was on maternity leave) and told me that she has told them that I cant wait to come back for all the praise cos I have lost loads of weight, and she told them it would be funny if no one said anything, or suggested i was carrying some extra baby weight! (all said in a jokey way- of course)

    She knows its one of the things I was really looking forward to, i think she is sub-consciously trying to sabotage my strokes!!

    It just makes me even more determined!
     
  10. badllamaone

    badllamaone Full Member

    Posts:
    52
    Likes Received:
    0
    Start Weight:
    20st5lb
    Current Weight:
    17st3lb
    Goal Weight:
    9st7lb
    Lost(%):
    3st2lb(15.44%)
    Diet:
    S&S
    that is just malicious!! I'm sure noone that knows you will really believe that is the case sweetie. It's not a nice thing when people you thought you knew turn round and suprise you like that. She does sound a very insecure person i must say. And you're right - it's funny how losing weight can make people react differently to you.
     
  11. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

    Posts:
    9,908
    Likes Received:
    344
    Start Weight:
    258lb
    Current Weight:
    228lb
    Goal Weight:
    168lb
    Lost(%):
    30lb(11.63%)
    Diet:
    cambridge
    The green eyed monster rises again. It is obviously her problem, not yours - but shame there are 10 years invested in a shallow person. :(

    Hope she didn't mean it.

    It does happen, all the time Melz. I was lucky - had nothing but support, encouragement and praise from my friends. :)

    GOod luck.

    xx
     
    Mini likes this.
  12. Mini

    Mini Administrator Staff Member

    Posts:
    31,899
    Likes Received:
    1,013
    Start Weight:
    18st0lb
    Current Weight:
    16st7lb
    Goal Weight:
    10st0lb
    Lost(%):
    1st7lb(8.33%)
    I think thin_inside summed it up very well!!!

    I think she is just suffering from a bit of jealousy now that you have lost so much weight which is very common and wanted to hurt you to make herself feel better...as you must be looking really great for her to say this and obviously she feels threatened by the new you.

    Ten years is a long time to be friends and I am sure there must of been more to the relationship than just your weight.

    Everyone has the potential to say the wrong thing or be mean at times. Tell her how you feel about her cutting remarks otherwise she will wear you down over time.

    Think carefully before you allow her jealousy over your weight loss to destroy what probably was a very good friendship.

    Love Mini xxx
     
  13. peony

    peony Silver Member

    Posts:
    679
    Likes Received:
    15
    Start Weight:
    20st10lb
    Current Weight:
    17st2lb
    Goal Weight:
    11st0lb
    Lost(%):
    3st8lb(17.24%)
    Diet:
    Lost 10 stones on LL/Exante a couple of years ago, have regained several stone so giving WW a go.
    Can you believe what I said to you in my last post on the July starters thread before you started this thread. The sad thing is I am not psychic, I just have some understanding of human nature and know there are so many people that canb react this way. I am really sad it is someone you have counted as a close friend. It would still hurt if it were someone more removed, but this is hard.

    It's such a shame she told everyone about your weightloss, I know how you were looking forward to just going in and the reactions. Still, being told someone has lost weight and seeing it with your eyes are 2 different things, there will be positive strokes agogo honey.

    Good luck dealing with your friend, as someone said above, it might be good to openly discuss how this feels with her, rather than let resentment and anger build up and explode in the future.

    xxx
     
  14. melarnz

    melarnz Silver Member

    Posts:
    1,208
    Likes Received:
    23
    Start Weight:
    17st12lb
    Current Weight:
    17st12lb
    Goal Weight:
    9st13lb
    Lost(%):
    0st0lb(0%)
    Diet:
    cambridge
    Good advice as usual girlies!! Thanks. It spurs me on even more and Im sure get over it.
     
  15. daisydoll

    daisydoll Gold Member

    Posts:
    2,609
    Likes Received:
    60
    Start Weight:
    12st6lb
    Current Weight:
    10st8lb
    Goal Weight:
    9st7lb
    Lost(%):
    1st12lb(14.94%)
    Diet:
    was LL now diet chef
    she sounds lovely!

    i don't want to stick up for her, but i wonder how many of our friends are feeling like that....maybe she is just being more open with how she feels than most people would!

    i must admit i have a friend who has always been a lot larger than me. a couple of years ago she started to lose weight. whilst being happy for her and i was supportive and lovely to her on the outside, it did actually make me 'panic' a bit as i didn't want to be 'the fat one' - and if we did go out/swimming etc it did make me feel better that i wasn't the biggest one there

    gosh! i am a horrible person- no wonder i found it difficult to reply to the 'are you beautiful' thread the other day - i am 'evil' inside lol!

    daisy x
     
  16. Sean(JSF)

    Sean(JSF) Making it all add up

    Posts:
    812
    Likes Received:
    33
    Start Weight:
    20st6lb
    Current Weight:
    13st0lb
    Goal Weight:
    13st0lb
    Lost(%):
    7st6lb(36.36%)
    Diet:
    Finished - Lighter Life
    LOL - not an unusual situation I'm afraid, and much more obvious for you ladies as you talk about weight & looks much more than us chaps!

    Forget it, her problem, for every 1 snide comment you get you'll receive 9-10 positive strokes.

    And Daisy, I think secretly everyone harbours the same feelings but only a very few are mean enough to verbalise, and I'm sure that's not you :)
     
  17. Foxtrot

    Foxtrot Is back in the saddle!

    Posts:
    1,385
    Likes Received:
    35
    Start Weight:
    15st5.6lb
    Current Weight:
    14st5.8lb
    Goal Weight:
    12st7.0lb
    Lost(%):
    0st13.8lb(6.4%)
    Diet:
    5:2 Fasting
    Good Grief Melz!! You are a spit from losing 5 stone in a matter of weeks!

    That makes you a high flying, arse kicking champion with attitude, determination and real staying power and you should certainly float above her feeling good about that achievement!

    I don't know her but I can tell you, I'm laughing at how shallow she is from here!
     
  18. pete10141748

    pete10141748 Postaholic

    Posts:
    1,957
    Likes Received:
    164
    Diet:
    LighterLife for Men (VLCD)
    One thng this diet seems to do almost *universally* is make other's really take note of their own insecurities. I think it's becuase the weight comes off so quick, and it's impossible not to notice just how different we can look one week to the next.

    People tend to have a very "set" way of thiinking about others, and when someone bucks that it can be disturbing for many reasons. Some get jealous of our newfound confidence, others get jealous that we are now slimmer/fitter/look healthier than they do, some get nervous that you might change into a different person to the one they know, and others just can't handle the fact that you are doing something amazing that they just couldn't cope with doing and so have to rip on you for it.

    I'm sorry that your friend reacted that way, but you seem like you have handled it in just the right way - turning it on it's head and making her give you more determination. Bravo on that one! :)
     
  19. yoyo-ohno

    yoyo-ohno Full Member

    Posts:
    332
    Likes Received:
    10
    Start Weight:
    13st2lb
    Current Weight:
    11st12lb
    Goal Weight:
    8st12lb
    Lost(%):
    1st4lb(9.78%)
    Diet:
    CD SS
    Hi,
    I'm just gob-smacked that someone who claims to be your friend can be so mean.
    Well done you on laughing it off and using it to spur you on.
    You'll knock 'em dead when you get into work and they see how fab you're looking :D

    yoyo
    xx
     
  20. LaydeeBug

    LaydeeBug Full Member

    Posts:
    360
    Likes Received:
    8
    Diet:
    Exante TS
    I hope I never have that problem...

    I know others have said don't rush in and ruin the friendship, but by the sounds of your 'friend', my guess is she will be the one to make excuses not to see you as much if she can't handle being the larger one.

    Most of my friends are slim and gorgeous...I put on weight in the last 3 years, but none of them have treated me differently whilst bigger, and I sincerely hope they don't dislike me when I get back to my old self.

    I wouldn't put up with someone talking to me like that, or going into my job and ruining what was my surprise to colleagues.

    You must be a better person than I am.:eek:
     
  21. Snorks

    Snorks Full Member

    Posts:
    272
    Likes Received:
    5
    Start Weight:
    22st1lb
    Current Weight:
    13st0lb
    Lost(%):
    9st1lb(41.1%)
    What an utter cow! LOL Good for you for shruggingi t off and being determined. I'm totally stunned that she thought it was acceptable to verbalise those thoughts. If she thought them - fair enough, she can think what she likes, but to say them out loud?! I wonder what she expected you to do - say 'erm, you're right, I can't possibly let you be the fat one, pass the doughnuts!'

    I think that your colleagues will also have seen straight through her and I think you'll get lots of fab reactions.

    I feel sorry for her. But not that much.
     
Popular Forums
  1. MiniMins.com is a weight loss support community helping each other on their weight loss journey. We have a multitude of forums, from Slimming World and Exante, to Success Stories. Click the logo at the top right to return to the forum home page at any time.
Loading...