Bethiee's Diary

[Bethiee]

Hi,
I'm Bethie and I live in Surrey with my partner Alex. Having enjoyed too much bad/good food alongside playing PC gaming and office based jobs we have gained an unholy amount of weight.

We have tried and failed at healthy meal planning and portion control so giving all the power into a set regime with little to no cooking so no takeaway excuses from being tired after work is our best option.

He has around 5 stone to lose and I have about 10. I'd give you every health issue excuse under the sun but I simply love food and it doesn't love me back!

We have our first weigh in and consultation on Wednesday evening to start our diet on Thursday morning.

I have tried to read up as much about it as I could do but still feeling nervous about relying on 4 sachets a day of products to lose weight.

I'm 23 and I'm starting to notice the little aches in my knees and back more than I was prior. I want to have a family in the future and chase my future kids about without puffing and panting! I love my partner and want to add many more good health years to our lives together.


Probably the strangest part is that I don't want to know how much I weigh. I want to stop when I feel healthy and comfortable in my own skin. I get so obsessed with numbers that i end up dooming myself to fail by my constant counting and planning for the unplannable then getting demotivated when I don't live up to my own dieting expectations. My CDC will tell me my weekly losses but not my starting weight until the very end.

Anyone else like me?

Any hints tips or tricks for utterly new Cambridge Dieters? Anything would be great!

I'm gonna keep this thread updated to keep myself busy I think. So keep a look out for me and send me all the luck in the world!

 

[Bethiee]

Spending my day researching tips to feel motivated though struggling with pre-diet nerves.

Sugar free mints, bags of ice and no sugar/0 calorie flavoured water is being stocked up on in preparation.

I don't think my partner is really aware of how hard this is going to be and is merely coming along for the ride to shift his pounds whilst supporting me. It's gonna suck and I know that but the loss is what I need more than any Chinese/Japanese/Korean food. So much meat and rice! Our second biggest issue is cheese. We just love cheese so much. All kinds. Stinky, creamy, strong, mild anything!

My family are all quite large so I never really had judgement growing up from the people around me, just words of encouragement when I felt motivation but could never stick to a diet. Iv been yo-yo dieting since I was 10 years old. I was never bullied and never made to feel bad about my size. Its all just me whose given myself that pressure.
However for my partner his parents comment on facebook pictures of him saying things like "oh son, you look fat" and "everyone gains weight in relationships" sort of shifting the blame onto me. Might be a culture thing, he brushes it off but I see it does upset him.

My stepmum lost 10 stone on Slimming World but this was when I was living at home when I was 15. It took 3 years for her to shift all she needed. She wasn't happy doing the diet and struggled every single day. Shes maintained but only with still attending SW. I tried SW before and failed pretty badly. The recipes are nice ideas but I'm awful at substitutions and portion sizes.

I'm 5ft7/8. Size 24. I want to be a size 16/14 again. I have broad shoulders and wide hips and feel my weight is distributed more evenly around this size.

Failed diets:
Weight Watchers
Slimming World
Dukan Diet
Smoothie Diet (2x smoothie + one meal a day)
General Healthy Living
GP based dietitians.

This is my last chance before the damage I have done starts to become irreparable.

Things I expect from Cambridge Diet:
Bad skin
Bad breath
Hair loss
Dodgy periods
Loose skin
Sense of agitation

I know the first month will be hard, giving up proper food for sachets. We love going out for dinner. We love trying new food together. Maybe we can do that again in the one week break every 12 weeks. Maybe plan for places to go and keep that as a shorter term goal to look forward to. Who knows!

The reason I chose the consultants I did was because they work as a couple. I thought it would be more relatable for us. She was larger than him. Fed him too much. Got too comfortable. Then needed a drastic change... Ringing a bell? Haha

I hope we can do this. I hope we lose all the weight. I hope this time with the support I can do this.

Wish me luck for tomorrow!

 

[NunuD]

Good luck Bethiee! You sound like you are in it to win this time, which is an excellent starting point. The first week can be tough but sometimes it's fine and the second week is where it gets tricky. Honestly, those sachets are so worth it when you look in the mirror one morning and think ' bloody norah that's different'. Just stick to it, use your gaming to distract yourself - get stuck into a raid if thats your thing so you can't AFK and head to the kitchen. Drink fizzy water and go for walks and generally try to enjoy it, which sounds weird to say, but after a while it's not too bad!

Let us know how you get on

Nadia x

 

[Bethiee]

Haha we play League of Legends mostly, so for about 45 minutes we can't leave our PC for team fights.
It's fun and a bonding experience that we both share before we met each other so only divulged more when we did move in together!

The most iv noticed is my tummy is bigger and i'm just bulkier around my shoulders and arms which I have never had before regardless of any size.
I'm just feeling uncomfortable with my size now is all.

I'm no longer chubby, curvy or any other variation i'm just fat now.

I hope we can do this! Having a farewell steak tonight. Goodbye meat I'l miss you! I think my partner will struggle with no meat. He loves it so much.

Water, ice, shakes and mints. Iv got this!

 

[Elsa]

Congrats on the decision, remember it's hard for a few days but if you can get through it it's a lot easier. It's what keeps me on the straight and narrow because if you cheat and are kicked out of ketosis you have to go through all the pain again. I'm sure you'll do great.

 

[Minerva]

In all honesty, I could have written your first post myself when I was 22/23. I'm 30 now and have gone through the VLCD (Lighter Life) and subsequent diets after. I also had 10st to shift at the beginning of my journey and stayed sat for far too long (also PC gaming!) - but my vice was World of Warcraft (still is to some extent along with other games...).

I remember going into LL with the same apprehension and fear, not really knowing much about it and feeling like it just won't work. My partner and I did it together and that actually helped. He was 25st and I was 18st7, and 9-10 months later we actually lost 18st between us! We did stick to it 100% (with one small holiday in the middle). I do remember, even as I was losing weight, I felt like it wasn't coming off and it wasn't going to work.... but it did. Have faith. There will be really hard days, there will be hungry days and the mind is going to play tricks on you. My family is also on the larger scale of things, so I know this will be a lifetime effort of maintaining and doing a small diet every now and then. But that's fine. So long as it never goes all the way back up to those high numbers means I'm winning. I found at the beginning those counselling sessions really seemed dull and pointless, but, with time they really sank in, lightbulbs went off in my head and I realised why I overate and why I turned to food for comfort. I still use those techniques now, but it did take years of practice.

Set small targets, half a stone at a time, concentrate on those Before you know it, you'll feel healthier and better in yourself, I promise. x

 

[Bethiee]

Small set back today!

Finding my CDC very hard to talk to already. She doesn't really respond to my questions. She didn't even specify if I am on SS or SS+. A person I know who was having this lady as her CDC found her quite rude, she has too many clients and can't settle into being relatable because she simply has too many and is in this for the cash only.

Decided to message another local CDC last night who has been a wonderful source of information for the past 24 hours. For my height and BMI I should be on SS+ having 4 sachets and 200ml of skim milk a day. Which is the first time I have heard this. I will be seeing her as of Tuesday and starting Cambridge Diet then instead of tomorrow. The new CDC also does home visits which is much preferable to me as I'm actually quite shy off of the computer haha!

I have also seen my GP this morning who offered to put me on Orlistat if I fail this diet but it's redundant to have me on Cambridge Diet + Orlistat as the CD has little to no fat in it and the drug won't be able to bind.

Not going to lie, feeling a little disheartened. But I don't want someone who can't even specify what diet I should be on nor answers my questions. I feel this would be setting myself up to fail. I simply can't fail this time. It isn't really an option to not do this properly or give it the best go I can.

I'm tired of this body and it's tired of me. It doesn't represent who I am and people must assume I just lay on the sofa constantly eating fried food to be this size. Truth is failed diets made me this size. Starvation mode, break, eat bad food, rinse and repeat for 13 years.

I wish I was as fat as I was when I first thought I was fat haha. I was a size 14.. jesus... haha

To be continued next Tuesday....
The more I speak to this new CDC the more hopeful I feel.
I can do this!



Elsa - How long did it take for you to hit Ketosis?

Minerva - I love my MMORPG's too. I played EverQuest since I was 10 years old until I was 18. Played some WoW, TERA Uprising, Wildstar, Archeage and Elder Scrolls Online too but not as much as EverQuest. Next I'd like to try Black Desert as the character customization just looks fantastic! I'm seeing Deftones in June at Wembley, are you going? I'M SO EXCITED (presuming by your name you like them too? I'm currently listening to Gore as I type! haha)

 

[NunuD]

Minerva, I'm a WoW player myself - there's a few of us lurking! Normally v casual now as I'm normally teaching, but unemployed at the moment . Bethiee I started out on EverQuest yeeaarrss ago, I remember it being the thing - then Guild Wars for a bit, found WoW back when it was vanilla and I was in. Tried the ESO Beta but it didn't do it for me at all. Hurrah for the gamers!

Bethiee I'm so sorry you had a rough start! But good on you for walking away and asking a second person to find someone better for you. This won't work if the biggest roadbloack is the person meant to be your biggest help. I am sure that next Tuesday you will be excited and ready to get stuck in and be proud of yourself. Why not take this week to get used to drinking loads of water and get some leafy greens into yourself? View it as a kind of speed ramp week. You're accelerating now, and next week the gears will kick up and you'll be flying .

I know what you mean about thinking you were fat when you weren't - I used to be a size 14 in jeans and thought I was horrifically overweight. I look back now and think I looked good! Doors of perception are everything.

Good luck and keep talking to us!

Nadia xx

 

[Minerva]

Having a helpful counsellor is really important! I'm sorry your first experience wasn't great, I really hope the second CDC can answer your questions and give you the support you need! But if not - do the plan and you have us on this forum who have gone through/are going through the same things to ask questions to as well! This forum was a lifelime for me when I was doing these things, often people's experiences have been the most helpful.

Deftones! Maaan... When I was 16-18 I was the biggest Deftones fan, I went to see them at Wembley in 2004 or so, they were supported by A Perfect Circle! I was thinking of seeing them this time around but the tickets were just so expensive and I'm not actually a huge fan of their new stuff since the self-titled album came out with Minerva on it. I'm way more into the old-school - White Pony, Around the Fur etc. I did see Cult of Luna last month (if you know them?) and that was absolutely amazing. I'm glad to 'meet' someone else into the same stuff as me! I always feel like the odd one out among most people as I'm into gaming and metal.
Where abouts in Surrey are you from? I live in Surrey too, but it's quite vast!

Yay for fellow WoW players NunuD! I also started in Vanilla and was in the hardcore raiding scene in BC/Cataclysm. Now I'm more casual and waiting for Legion to hit so our guild can continue with our casual-core raiding. I never played EQ, but have played Wildstar, Rift, Warhammer Online, Guild Wars, FFXIV and more recently Blade&Soul which is actually quite enjoyable.

 

[Bethiee]

I'm actually thinking of Exante diet instead...
If I'm not gonna get the support I need from a consultant might as well save half the money and do it at home whilst sticking to forums and blogs and posting whingey statuses about being hungry on Facebook haha

Big worry is what if I am never happy with my body? I mean I wasn't happy then being a size 14. I'm not happy now, when will I like it?

I love Deftones... its probably my only band left that I fan girl over a little every time. It used to be over Maynard from Tool/APC etc but I kinda grew out of them. Still enjoy them immensely but his work doesn't bring me the little squeee it used to.
Deftones at Wembley will be my boyfriends first gig ever too. He's into Sam Smith and Justin Beiber haha

Been listening to a fair amount of Brand New lately. Mostly Deja Entendu Album!

ESO was a disappointment.... I love Bethesda I really do. But they tried to branch into a world they aren't adapted for and it was a shambles.

Wildstar had so much promise, I was so excited about playing it but yet again huge disappointment. Archeage is pretty good actually but I'm not cut out for the constant grind. I never feel the reward of playing just constant goddamn farming to level. I feel I served my MMORPG sentence investing so much into EverQuest that I can't make that sort of commitment to another game again. Though Iv sunk a stupid amount of hours into League of Legends... even went to Sweden to play it at DreamHack. I go to LANS, either of you been to any or is that too much? Cos i love them!

I live in Horley! You? Haven't lived here long. Came for the boyfriend and his work. He's doing his chartership in civil engineering here so we are looking to buy a house around here eventually. Though the cost of houses here makes me cry... 350k min for a 3 bed house? :'(

 

[Minerva]

A lot of people do tend to go for Exante as it's cheaper and from what I've read - the meals a lot more palatable. When I did LL I survived on Vanilla/Chocolate shakes alone, but food packs have come such a long way since then. Once you find the flavours you like, it's a lot easier to stick to. I hear Exante pancakes are all the rage!

Haha houses are indeed expensive AF. I live in Kingston and I don't even want to say how much we paid for ours!

And how did you end up with a guy into ... *shudder* Justin Beiber? ... I kid I'm sure he's lovely since you can put his music tastes aside! I haven't heard of Brand New, I'll give them a listen, but I have a feeling they might be a bit too tame for me. They have a mild At the Drive-In sort of vibe to them from first impression. It's a shame Tool aren't active anymore, I was a huge fan and like you kind of grew out of them. Lately I'm not into any particular band, it's single songs from countless bands all over the spectrum that I add to my extensive playlist on Spotify. Still, I hope you enjoy Deftones and your boyfriend won't run out the door in horror Who are they supported by?

Bethesda do have some really good games, I only heavily played Skyrim, and have been meaning to try Fallout, hopefully when I'm done with my University in June I'll play *all* the games that I've put aside! I'll have a look at Archeage, but your mention of constant grinding kind of puts me off slightly Plus playing alone kinda sucks.
It's pretty amazing that you went to DreamHack You must be pretty good at LoL! I played it for a bit, but found it quite repetitive, but I appreciate there's a lot of skill at higher levels, something I don't have patience for. As for stupid amount of hours spent in games... erm.. *looks at the total of 488 days of pure game-time in WoW alone* ... yeaaahh... erm. *regrets decision to look*
And LANS are not too much! I used to go to a LAN cafe a few years ago in the Brentford/Ealing area, but it closed so there's not been any I could find since then.

 

[Bethiee]

We have decided Exante for a week until we can see the new CDC is the best bet, if we like the products we will just continue this one. Order is coming tomorrow!

I personally wanna buy a house in Brighton. If i'm gonna pay ridiculous amounts I might as well be by the beach We couldn't be further away and in the same county if we had tried! Hows Kingston to live in? Horley is boring but i'm next to Gatwick and I went away 5x within the last year so made proper use of the convenience.

He's an adorable Chinese guy, he's super cute and super shy and just as geeky as I am. He loves coming to comic cons with me, watching all the Marvel/DC stuff, plays the same games, wants to come to LAN with me etc. I look past his flaws of his music tastes haha. He's an amazing rock whose motivating me on helping me better myself for the future we have together.

Yeah Brand New are kinda tame but that album is kinda iconic for the "scene" at the time, it filled a void and is referenced a fair amount by other bands whose members are around my age to 35 ish.

Deftones are being supported by Refused (the Swedish band). Was Architects but thats changed cos of the stuff that happened in Paris and why the tour got rescheduled. They aren't amazing but hey ho I'm not there to see them.


I got a ps4 for my birthday as a few releases like Horizon Dawn, No mans sky, Uncharted 4, The Last Guardian etc

 

[Minerva]

Good luck with starting Exante tomorrow. You'll do well. The first week is always the toughest by far, but when you make it through - it gets easier after that. Have lots of water handy and if push comes to shove, have a bit of diet coke (though most of these plans advise against it as it can kick some people out of ketosis due to the citric acid.) Ketosis takes about 3-5 days to kick in, depending on you as a person. For the first 3 days you will feel more hungry than usual and may feel lightheaded, this is your body "de-carbing" as it were. It will go away though and ketosis will give you lots of energy! (it never did for me though, I was unlucky...).
Be prepared for your boyfriend to lose faster as men generally do! Don't let that discourage you though, the body goes at its own pace and it will come off. Have you thought of some mini-goals and some motivations?

Brighton does sound wonderful, I've been there a couple of times, it's a nice town. Maybe that can be the long-term plan for the future! I really should go visit there again in the summer. Kingston is a really bustling, lively town, I love it! You should come to the town centre one day and see it, it's always got some buskers on the main shopping street and has shopping nooks everywhere and a gorgeous riverside to walk along all the way to Hampton Court Palace! You can also rent a boat to sail on the Thames if you wish.

Your boyfriend sounds really sweet and supportive, and to be fair so long as you share interests that's all that matters! My bf doesn't like the music I'm into, doesn't like all the growling and screaming as he puts it How long have you two been together?

I actually do know the Refused, but would have preferred the Architects, they were the main reason I actually wanted to go to that gig originally!

 

[NunuD]

How did your first day on Exante go Bethiee? Wanted to check in and wish you luck and say hope it's gone well!

Nadia x

 

[Bethiee]

Hi guys package came today so starting in the morning!
4 packets a day for both of us. Two shakes, one bar and a hot food item just for some variety.
I want more shakes/bars and boyfriend wants more hot meals/bars but we are gonna trial it this way then change things up to whatever suits us best.
All cupboard food has been donated to the local homeless shelter/food bank just so I'm not tempted to cheat.
Really positive about starting in the morning!
Last week I had a full "mot" by my doctor in preparation for this.
Liver function, kidney function, thyroid, blood sugar, blood pressure, lungs, neurological and an ecg/heart mapping tests all perfect so I'm good to go without worry!

Gonna have strawberry and banana shakes, "pizza" and a "hot cross bun" bar is on the menu tomorrow.

Seems an okay amount of food judging by it all. Will update tomorrow night with how it went!

 

[Minerva]

It might take a little while to find the ideal combination of meals for the day and the flavours you like, but once you get settled in, it'll be easy! I think they might have a limit of one bar per day (I know LL/Slim&Save did), but there's pancakes you can make and keep around for a choice of 'solid' food as well. I always found warmer food items filled me up more, like soups and the hot meals, but everyone's different.. It's good that you are both doing it together as you can get rid of all the food in the cupboards, I remember doing the same thing when my bf and I started it too!

Good luck with your start today
x

 

[Bethiee]

Just had my first shake...

Says to make up with 200ml of water. Seemed too thick so made it with 300ml and still quite thick and coated my mouth in a strange fake milk tasting film. It's not so horrific. I think Strawberry would always be hit or miss. In the future il make it with less water and just down it. Not dented my optimism about the diet at all though.

Hot cross bun bar for lunch so looking forward to that as it seems interesting!

I'm having a low mood day and just want to be curled up in bed in my duvet listening to the rain, maybe reading a book too. Anyone else's best friend their bed?

Last night booked a trip with 3 friends to Malaga/Marbella area of Spain for early July which would let me be on Exante 7 weeks before I meet up with them. Sigh... Isn't their fault I'm large and they are tiny but they are so little. My female friend im going with is 5ft2 and size 10 and I'm like 5ft8 and size 22-24 I feel like Godzilla sometimes I really do!

In an ideal world I'd like what I'd guess is 2 stone/4 inches off my waist by then. I'm gonna start tracking my loss by waist as neither me nor my partner actually care about our weight at all just purchased size if that makes any sense haha

Wish me luck!

 

[Minerva]

Well... taste is something to get used to with packs... Some people like to think of them as 'medicine' that they have to take rather than enjoy as such. What was the hot cross bun bar like?

I love my bed, but I can't imagine being in it for anything other than sleeping .. or.. the other activity one does there *shifty look* I'd rather sit at my computer or get a duvet, a book and sit on my sofa with my cats

2 stone is totally doable in 7 weeks! With the first week's big loss it's pretty certain - that is a very realistic goal. I envy your tallness, I'm only 5'4. I do think you are doing it right though, concentrating on the inches rather than the scale, some people get obsessed with the numbers there - which do go up and down on a daily basis due to natural body fluctuations and then they get discouraged for no good reason.

Hope your day is going well!

 

[Bethiee]

The hot cross bun bar tastes like buttered toast with raisins in it. It's nice, kinda like a fruit loaf stick, very sweet + buttery though. Was a little hard to eat consistency wise but its relatively tasty

My cats currently have fleas as advantage spot on has failed! Trying frontline after a bite soothing/cleaning bath today so that should be fun.... I'm gonna need a suit of armor to wash my big kitty Zelda. Dex-Starr is more bitey than his big sis though. Not like its their fault but I'm not wanting to really cuddle them until we have gotten rid of the problem haha

Gonna measure us both when my partner gets in from work then measure us every Friday.

Started a new medication today thats kinda scary as it's an immune system suppressant but biggest side effect is loss of appetite so hopefully might work in my favor here.

Just having our hot meal right now, the spag bol isn't bad. Added black pepper to it and drinking water with every bite. It tastes fine, probably the highlight of the day so far. One more shake for the evening in about 3 hours then first day completed

What are you currently doing, is it LL or just on your own?

 

[Minerva]

My stepmother is part of the RSPCA and when my old cat had fleas over a year ago she said that a lot of the treatments are no longer any good for fleas - they've become resistant. Our house was full of them O_O and I tried everything on the market, but the vet gave something more powerful and that seemed to work. I don't remember what it was now unfortunately. My new cats don't go outside as they're indoor cats (due to being almost blind) so I hope they won't catch them from our garden. ._. here's to hoping. Do you have any pictures of Zelda and Dex-Starr?

I'm glad you're finding some meals you enjoy, that does make it easier. I did LL in 2008-2009 and lost 8 stone and then a further 3st on my own later, but some of that has (obviously) come back on so I'm getting rid of it now, just through calorie counting and intermittent fasting. It's going ok, I've learned to battle a lot of my eating demons along the way, so hopefully now I'll be able to maintain the loss once (if...) I get there.