I think I am suffering from a case of body dysmorphia in that eventhough I can fit into 'normal' size jeans and tops I still feel as though I am far larger than the size on the label.
I know that some people may scoff at my "problem" but it is really affecting my ability to stay on track (maintenance). Eventhough my jeans are size 10 I think I have a big a*** and tum and look generally fat. My daughter is a size 12 and I try to gain perspective by looking at her. She isn't big by any means (little bit of 'puppy fat' given her age) and she looks lovely but I can't believe that I am smaller than she is eventhough she can't wear my jeans and her jeans hang off me!!!
The effect of this is that I tend to self sabotage - I look and I think "fat - the size 10 jeans have obviously stretched over time and that is why they fit"!! The other day I was feeling a real bloater (having had a biscuit-fest at work the previous day) and so when my daugher was out I got a pair of her school uniform trousers and tried them on - they were really big on me. But my mind got around that by telling me that she "must have a different body shape".
At this stage I feel as though I am hanging on by the skin of my teeth - I tend to think "**** it"!! I may as well eat what I like because it makes no difference"!! My husband (who is not the greatest for encouragment) has even told me categorically that I am no longer fat but I get around that by rationalising that he has just become used to looking at me!!!!!!!
I have put on a few pounds over the past 6 weeks - that is true. I am a 'stress-eater' and I have been seriouly stressed of late due to a new job. I had been off work for about 3 months prior to that having been the victim bullying in the workplace and that made me very ill. But work is okay now and I dare to say that I am even enjoying it but this constant nagging thought that I am still fat gets in the way of enjoying what I have achieved. Even with the few extra pounds on (I don't know how many as I don't own a scales) I can still wear my size 10 jeans but I am afraid that I am going to spoil it all over Christmas and end up making a "fat start" to 2008.
Has anyone managed to overcome "fat brain syndrome" - I really need help!