Bog Willow's very slow, and mostly unsteady weight loss diary

bog willow

bog willow

Full Member
I started a thread in WeMitts, but it has disappeared. Oh well, no matter, I'll start again here, if that's okay.

Hi, I'm Mel and I'm new to this site. I gained a lot of weight due to a very long depression and years of the most horrible insomnia. I'm on a med now that's helping me sleep so I'd like to shift some of this weight before I turn 50 next year.

I've been exercising (Lucy Wyndam-Read videos) but the food is hard. I've made some small changes to my diet, but they are very small. I find that if I get too restrictive too early, I just end up binge eating in response. So, it's slow and steady for me...but probably not that steady. I am trying my best, but there will be slips, I just need to keep getting back on wagon each time, and eventually *fingers crossed* the ratio of better eating to not so great eating will improve.
 
I bought some bananas with last week's grocery shop thinking that if they're there, I'll choose to eat a banana rather than sweets. I ate 2, and the rest went to making banana bread, which I've had 3 slices of already. Well, they were smaller slices than I normally have, and I didn't spread butter on them..so that's an improvement. And I did eat 2 bananas, so I'll call this a small victory.

I'm taking two days off my exercise routine - yesterday and today. I think I may have overdid it the past two weeks, I'm really out of shape and want to back to my previous fitness level a lot quicker than is possible. My body is thanking me for the two days off, I'm really sore, but my mind misses the routine and the exercise lifts my mood a bit. Back at it tomorrow - it's fine.
 
Hi Mel. Glad to have found you here.

I've been ( am still) depressed. So I'm impressed you are taking action.

What's your plan for the changes to what you are choosing to eat?
 
Hi Ali, I'm sorry your'e still depressed - I am too, unfortunately.

I've no plan at the moment, just taking it a day at a time, and just doing my best. It's my time of the month, and I feel lethargic and had four biscuits with my lunch, when I could have had fruit. Ah well, I'll not eat anymore of those today...felt a bit sick and stuffed. I have a decent supper planned and I'll remember to have fruit with lunch tomorrow. Sometimes it's just old habits, with me, and I need to get back in the habit, one meal, one snack at a time of choosing the healthier, less fattening option available...it difficult, but not complicated.
 
The black dog is receding a bit for me. I've found protein instead of fruit and carbs has helped.

Keep on posting!
 
Thanks, Ali. I'm glad the higher protein less carbs an fruit is working out for you. I know eating protein with every meal is important for mental health, and for sure, we need to choose our carbs wisely, no disagreement from me.

I watched an episode of secret eaters last night - it came up in my YouTube recommendations. There was really nothing new to learn, but a lot of stuff I had forgotten. So, I do have a lot to re-learn. It was humbling. I'll not fall down that rabbit hole of shaming myself for "letting myself go" ...it doesn't help. Self-compassion has better results. I was very ill, and I was grieving, no point in beating myself up (but I do) - gaining weight was an unfortunate result of a really, really rough few years with a lack of support.

So, I think I'm going to start a food journal - as recommended on the show, see where I'm going wrong first, so I know what to change. I thought I knew what I was doing wrong, but I now think I have more bad habits with food than I'm aware of. I think there's more mindless and emotional going on than I thought.

Gosh, I am so tired of being this big.
 
So, I wrote down everything I ate yesterday- and I was honest. It came to 2205 calories. That's not a huge amount, but I'm very short and I'm middle aged and unfit, so it doesn't take a lot to keep the weight on. Also, it wasn't my worst eating day by far...so it certainly made me aware of how much I'm going over my caloric needs on a daily basis.

I made small changes,on paper, to yesterdays menu - one sugar instead of two in my tea (I had 4 cups), no margarine on my bread, an apple instead of 4 cookies with lunch and those changes alone saved 520 calories. And late last night I had a glass of soymilk with a slice of banana bread - if I just had the glass of milk, which was all I needed I would have saved another 300.

Calorie counting can be a bit crazy making, but so can spinning my wheels, overeating unconsciously and be unhappy I'm still overweight. I obviously need to be at least calorie aware of everything I shove into my mouth. "Pay attention" is the lesson for the day.

Still doing my Lucy videos 5 days a week. If I do it first thing - after a cup of tea, but before breakfast, it helps clear away some of the seroquel fog - sort of. I really need to ask for a lower dose, but ah, I hate going to the doctor. Time to put on my big girl pants and make that phone call.
 
Oh and I forgot to add that I usually stuff a handful of my husband's crisps in my mouth when I'm transferring from the big bag to a ziploc bag for his lunch. Who know's how many calories that is?! But, I did stop myself from doing that today...so far so good. Eating considerably less today than yesterday. I really believe I can do this.

I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow - I hope he doesn't weigh me, I'm sure I've not lost an ounce since last time. Bigger concern is stopping myself from stress eating once I'm home. I usually reward myself with food once I'm home from the doctor. This time I plan on a cup of tea (one sugar only) and just waiting until supper.
 
Good morning! I had to ask my STBX to keep his crisps, biscuits, chocolate etc somewhere else! If they were in the kitchen, I'd eat them.
 
bog willow said:
Oh and I forgot to add that I usually stuff a handful of my husband's crisps in my mouth when I'm transferring from the big bag to a ziploc bag for his lunch. Who know's how many calories that is?! But, I did stop myself from doing that today...so far so good. Eating considerably less today than yesterday. I really believe I can do this.

I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow - I hope he doesn't weigh me, I'm sure I've not lost an ounce since last time. Bigger concern is stopping myself from stress eating once I'm home. I usually reward myself with food once I'm home from the doctor. This time I plan on a cup of tea (one sugar only) and just waiting until supper.
Click to expand...
You will find a way that suits you, it is trial and error sometimes. I chose of Slimming Club because that suits me best, no need to worry about counting calories etc, I just follow the plan and adapt and adjust to my needs, my triggers. I have had some very bad weeks and then some very good weeks, I could have so easily stopped a long time ago when I maintained or gained but plodded along. Have not achieved what I had intended when I started but recognise that I have overcome many hurdles and have succeeded on a personal level.

I would keep going no matter how difficult it can get because you will find a way that suits you and the feeling of achieving no matter how small will give you such a boost. Good luck and stick with it. :):):)
 
AliGal and MistyAngel, thank you both so much for your support and encouragement :) It really helps.

Yesterday my calorie count was 1604 - I think that's pretty good, and it wasn't all that difficult. So far I'm doing okay today - still only late afternoon here. I think I'd like to set a goal of losing 20lbs by xmas, that seems doable.

It was wishful thinking to imagine I could lose weight with some vague notion of "eating healthier" but feckin' hell, overeating is my default setting - I need stricter boundaries than that, I'm afraid. Ah well, better to know that now, than to keep faffin' about, wondering why the weight's not coming off.

The doctor's appointment went fine - he had no problem lowering my dose of seroquel. I didn't have the patience to wait around for the script to be filled, (it had been quite a long wait at the doctor's) so I'll pick it up tomorrow. I walked over to my appointment, quite a warm day, and this little fatty is not enjoying hot weather at all. Another reason to just have a cup of tea(one sugar only) once I came home, instead of my usual post doctor's self-indulgent chocolate bar..ha ha...well done, me!

Oh, and the doctor didn't weigh me *phew!* To be honest, I was a bit curious, but I can wait until next visit.
 
Well done on getting to the docs and choosing tea not choc!

Have you measured yourself? I keep meaning to find my tape measure as I know I lose inches when scales don't shift.
 
Thanks, AliGal! Good idea - I do have my measurements, but I've gained weight since then; so it's time to whip out that measuring tape again.

Calories yesterday were 1614....I had a protein -y snack an hour before bed, but I could not get to sleep! My seroquel always knocks me out, but I felt so anxious and my stomach was just growling away with hunger. I thought, it was just a phantom stomach thing...but by 12:30 it was clear I needed to eat.
So, calorie count is 1834 for yesterday...which is fine, that's still fewer calories than it would take to maintain my current weight. Bodies are complex, and some days my caloric needs are going to be higher some days lower...real hunger will let me know. I still need to calorie count though, because ..well, I'm always prone to underestimating how much I eat. I have this belief that I need to challenge - I tend to think if I'm super hungry, then, I must need to eat a huge amount of food. Last night I felt so hungry, that after eating 220 calories worth, there was this momentary temptation to just eat all the things, but I went back to bed and was asleep withing 15 minutes...so there you go.

Walked over the pharmacy this morning to pick up my newly lowered dose of seroquel, so I got a bit of exercise in there. Probably still do a Lucy video later on - it's not quite noon here...but gosh, it's warm out -very grateful for the air conditioning.
 
Hey, I'm 9lbs lighter than I thought I was! I wasn't weighed at the doctor's yesterday and curiosity got the better of me and I weighed myself this afternoon, and I'm 13 stone exactly. I put a weight on the scale to check accuracy and it's fine. I looked back in my journal and I learned that it was the end of April when doc last weighed me, so it wasn't as recent as I thought. Now I need to change my starting weight in my profile, I'm quite pleased with this bit of news.
 
That's lovely news. Well done.
 
Oh dear, this calorie counting is not working at all. I could not sleep last night, it was 2 am before I got to sleep. I upped my calories to 1800, ate a bit over (1900) and still I couldn't sleep for hunger. I had to get up and eat at 1:30 am in order to sleep. It's as if my body is trying to compensate for the calorie deficit over the past few days. I cannot do this, sleep has to come first.

I'm thinking I should go back to what I was doing and be more patient. After all, I lost 9lbs since April, and all I did was cut out over night eating -because of seroquel I was sleeping at night after years of insomnia. And we stopped getting takeaways completely. My exercise was sporadic, it's only been steady for the past 3 weeks, and since April I had at least 6 weeks straight of not giving a toss what I ate. Our kitty was very sick, and I was completely focused on getting her well, and I bounced between being too stressed to eat and comfort binge eating.

So I think, if I continue to not eat out (not difficult, we're skint ) and eat reasonably well, and carry on with the regular exercise (which was of course, my original plan) than I might just do okay after all.

I wonder though, why I was able to stick to calorie counting and just ride out the hunger when I was younger. I did lose a huge amount of weight twice with calorie counting...and lower calorie counts than I've been trying lately. I may have been mostly hypomanic back then, or just so driven and a wee bit crazy...both times it was at the end of a relationship and I wanted to get slim and attractive so I could meet someone new...a powerful motivator. This time around I'm older and a tiny bit wiser (but not much, lol) and I just want to lose weight for me, for my health and I'm more interested in feeling better and having more energy than anything else. Vanity is there, but it's low on the list of motivators. In hindsight, the way I lost weight before, probably fell close to the eating disorders category...that's not good.
 
Interesting insights. It's good you are thinking this through. Have you thought about a different approach - like lower carb? Dietdoctor.com has some useful info if you are interested.
 
I could never do full on calorie counting I have always needed a more structured plan that I can follow. I have found there are some days I just feel hungry all day long and eat and eat but stay within my plan, other days do not feel that hungry at all. When you were having lower calories before, was you weight higher or lower than now? You might need to adjust a little bit here and there until your body is satisfied with its intake. I would try and up the exercise a little and burn a few extra calories that way and keep to the higher intake for the time being, your body always responds to what it needs or what it is missing. I wish you the best of luck and keep going!!!!
 
Hello xxx

Yes it is so much easier when you are younger. You do something that is supposed to help weight loss and it actually WORKS

As you get older...omg... it’s like bodies gain minds of their own and there’s no rhyme or reason to anything 😟

Looking forward to following your progress

Sam x
 
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