Boyfriend Sabotage?

Discussion in 'General Weight Loss Discussion' started by Toria09, 9 January 2009 Social URL.

  1. Toria09

    Toria09 Full Member

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    I started on Paul McKenna's system on Tuesday and am finding it really easy to handle and I am actaully enjoying it. The problem arising is that I have been teling my other half for months and months that I am going to shift the weight and never losing more than a stone before getting back into bad habits.

    My other half also needs to shift about 3 stone and he acknowledges this and he says he will support me in losing my weight and he is trying.

    BUT...

    On Tuesday night he came home with a chinese take away saying that he knew I had a cold and probably wouldn't be up to cooking, Wednesday night he came home with fried chicken and chips stating the same reason and last night he took me out for dinner at Nandos (which wasnt so bad as I could control what I had) and said he wanted to treat me to desert after the meal. I put my foot down and said I was full and really didnt want desert so we left.

    When we got home he then went to blockbusters and came back with 4 films, a big bag of sweet popcorn (one of my big vices) and a big bag of wotsits.

    I know he is just trying to be nice and that but I wonder if he is without realising it trying to sabotage me? If he is how do I stop him doing it? Advice please becuase he is a bit sensitive and I don't want to hurt his feelings.
     
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  3. lippy66

    lippy66 Member

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    Hello Toria:wave_cry:
    Welcome to this site, you will get plenty of support here.
    I have the same problem - my partner loves to eat out and entertain.Obviously this involves lots of food and wine! He hates diets and anything low-fat.
    He continually sabotages my efforts. I don't blame him, I have been yo-yo dieting for decades and he is probably just sick of the whole subject plus of course it interferes with his preferred lifestyle.
    I have been following Weight Watchers for 6 weeks and have lost 10lbs.This has been fairly easy because I have eaten much the same as him but had smaller portions and religeously counted my points.Above all,this time I haven't talked about it with him so he really hasn't noticed.I can't be doing with negative comments when I am in resolution mode.
    I don't know the Paul McKenna system in detail but I looked at his programme on
    Living this week and I thought it made a lot of sense and was very doable in the real world.
    If I was you I would just get on with it. Remember eat what you want and stop when you're full.Your bf has to make his own decisions and at the moment it looks as if he is not ready to embark on a diet. Just accept that is his choice for now.You should not let this sabotage your efforts. Just continue the programme without fuss.Once you lose some weight he may well decide to join you.That would be nice and make everything easier but it is not necessary for your success.
    Sorry to go on at such length but it is a subject close to my heart.
    Best of luck on your journey and be strong.
     
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  4. Toria09

    Toria09 Full Member

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    Thanks lippy!

    I lost a lot on WW a few years back when I was single but I tried it last year and he was the same - saying all the supportive things and then going and getting take away or sweets from the shop.

    I'm trying not to take too much notice of him also because I want to do this for myself and not to please him which I think he doesnt like (little bit of insecurity methinks).

    Thanks for the supporting words reiterating the mantra of Mr McKenna - it really works I can only eat one and a half slices of toast for breakfast now!

    Im glad I have got somewhere to come and let off steam and get some real support from people who understand.

    xx
     
  5. IrishMum

    IrishMum A little of everything!

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    Try talking to him in a situation that food isn't involved in (i.e. after he's landed home with a huge korma & 3 Naan breads! LOL!) Tell him that you're fed up being overweight & unhealthy, and that you need his help to make yourself feel better about yourself- it's like laying a mini guilt trip on him that he's feeding you to make you feel fat? Tell him that for a while (say a month or so) you don't want any takeaways or desserts just to see how you do. And that you need his encouragement when you falter. If you make him feel involved in it maybe he won't be so insecure and actually be helpful in your journey? Try making the same meals for you both, only lower-fat versions, and have smaller portions- then he won't feel deprived, or as if you're 'dieting' iykwim? Try keeping foods that don't take much 'effort' to make a meal so theres no 'excuse' for a takeaway of you don't feel like cooking, or cook up some food & freeze it for the same situation. You never know- if he starts dropping a few lbs he may become a competitor!
     
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  6. Jim

    Jim Big Boy

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    Hmm, I always wonder when I read post like this about the "Jealous" factor, I suspect a lot of blokes worry that they will loose their lover if they get really slim and pretty. I don't hear of it the other way round, My wife was really supportive and in fact probably understood the science of Atkins better than I did, when we did the Saturday shop she was forever looking at the labels to tell me what I could and couldn't eat.
     
  7. Toria09

    Toria09 Full Member

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    Thanks Irishmum it had completely slipped my mind to freeze food in advance - I do cook all our food from fresh ingredients any way so thats a perfect way to have an "indoors take away" sort of thing. Ill buy some freezer tubs when I go shopping tonight. The silly thing is when I lived on my own I made food for the week and froze it for lunches at work - its funny how you forget stuff isnt it?

    I think your right though Jim - if he really wanted to do it I would give him 100% of the support he needed. I try now by cooking healthy wholesome home cooked food for dinner at 6 and by 10 he is telling me he is hungry and stuffing down 3 bags of crisps. I have told him not to do this becuase again it doesnt help me because then I want the crisps too!!!

    Thanks to everyone for their suggestions I am definately going to start freezing meals in tubs so we can have those when he wants a take away!
     
  8. Jim

    Jim Big Boy

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    Toria,

    I can't remember where I posted it, but every Sunday I cook up a large pot of a legal stew, then whenever I am caught short or feeling snacky I can just nuke a bowl of it in the microwave.
     
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  9. IrishMum

    IrishMum A little of everything!

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    I try to have 'portion' size packets of egg noodles and plenty of veg (baby corn, sugar snaps, onion, cabbage, carrots etc. but frozen will work!) so I can throw together a quick stir-fry if my Hubby is having a chinese. Or a pack of tortillas so I can throw together a fajita with some chicken & a little chili/salsa. If you really can't resist the crisps when he has them, maybe try a low-fat option (you can get rice-type ones like mini snackajacks for 75cals here in Ireland!) so you don't feel you're missing out, but can still have without blowing your day? I always factor in a pack for either my mid-morning/afternoon snack! I also always have a big pot of home-made broccoli/cauliflower soup made or frozen so I can have a cup or bowl whenever I have a snack attack- very filling & one of my 5-a-day! And its great in this cold weather!
     
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  10. Mini

    Mini Administrator Staff Member

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    Sounds like your boyfriend is not yet fully ready to commit to losing weight and buying all these goodies is his way of sharing the guilt with you.:)

    Misery loves company...

    Have done it myself:eek:

    If you feel you are ready and up for losing weight then it is up to you to be strong and forge ahead and if he brings home goodies don't eat them...he will soon get the message.

    Weight loss is a personal thing and while it would be great to have his company and support you have to remember this is your journey and you are the one who has to do it for you.


    Your example of moving forward and not letting him distract you from your goals will show him you mean it and your determination could be the inspiration he needs to get started.

    ps

    Not saying that this applies to you but some men are afraid if their OH gets slim that they might leave them...

    Love Mini xxx
     
  11. Purpleangel

    Purpleangel Silver Member

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    hey there,

    my hubby has stopped doing that cos he can see i am really into my diet and being very very strong.

    However he used to cave me in easily because i was always saying i started a diet but never stuck to it. My hubby knows me so well i think he knew i would break it before i did....lol

    But he has seen me work hard and told me tonight that he refused loads of free cakes from work because he didn't want to tempt me :eek:

    maybe your boyfriend thought you weren't serious and has just assumed wrongly that you would want a takeaway? I think you need a heart to heart. Don't make it a criticism of him - just say you really love takeaways and find them impossible to refuse and if he wants takeaway then he should get a meal for one?

     
  12. little*red

    little*red Don't worry, be happy :)

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    This is exactly what I was going to say in my reply but mini beat me to it :D.
     
  13. Melanie

    Melanie Over half way to target

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    And the cynic in me says that if he was really concerned that you wouldn't feel like cooking as you were ill, he could have done the cooking for you himself.....
     
  14. totty

    totty Personal Trainer

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    Hi Toria :)

    I know EXACTLY how you feel....my other half does exactly the same... :copon:...and he knows all the foods that are my weakness:giveup:

    sometimes i feel like seriously kickin his ass :whoopass:

    he even stoops as low as hiding ruffle bars in the coffe jar :grumble:..he knows it will break me!

    I can see where people are coming from when they say about the jealousy, he had no problem with me when i was larger...and had short red hair :ashamed0005:..but now i am slimmer with long blonde hair...he keeps trying to feed me :whip:

    I dont know what to tell you to do...because most time i give in :rant2:....make a note of the rough calories...then make sure i work them off extra in the gym :character00115:.....all i can say is that your not on your own :flowers:
     
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  15. lippy66

    lippy66 Member

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    Hi Toria
    Just popping in to see how you are doing.You are getting lots of good advice and support here. So keep strong and do this for your own sake. I'm sure your b/f will stop the sabotage once he sees it's just not going to work this time.
    Good luck.
     
  16. Toria09

    Toria09 Full Member

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    Thanks for everybody's support, he did stop trying to feed me take aways for a week or so but then started up with all sorts of other naughty things but my resolve is holding strong. Im starting Pilates next week as well as swiming and Aquafit (which he thinks is pointless!).

    I'm determined to lose weight this time and it's nice to know I have the support of all you lovely people.
     
  17. lippy66

    lippy66 Member

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    Hi Toria:wave_cry:
    Just popping in to say hello and congratulate you for sticking to your guns.
    Keep strong
     
  18. Toria09

    Toria09 Full Member

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    Thanks Lippy! I'll keep you posted xx
     
  19. Huseyin

    Huseyin Silver Member

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    Do a joint diet and you will both have fun, i do it with my wife, ifact she does not need to do it all luckily but just does it to motivate me and not make me feel alone. So join a program together like LL or CD.

    If you carry on with Mckenna do try to eat more healthy too its very bad what you listed above, i realised that i was that way too until i started LL. But yeah go on a diet together and join a gym together even it will be fun and you can both loose weight without having to address the issue directly if you see what i mean. you can loose through fun
    My other half also needs to shift about 3 stone and he acknowledges this and he says he will support me in losing my weight and he is trying.
     
  20. Jim

    Jim Big Boy

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    Definite "FEAR" factor there Toria, good for sticking with it.
     
  21. Toria09

    Toria09 Full Member

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    We are members of the gym together but he works shifts so I tend to go alone which is fine for me. As far as our eating goes I cook very healthy nutritious meals protien and carbs and veg is a typical dinner in our house - I don't fry anything at all becuase mainly I have a mild case of IBS and anything fried is likely to leave me writhing in pain within 20 minutes.

    The problem is that I really don't think he wants to lose his weight, he says he does but then does nothing to actually lose the weight and so therefore I don't think he thinks I really want to lose weight. As much as I would like it to be a fun joint venture I am bored of trying to get him to try and lose weight with me, unfortunately he just disregards what I say about him not being hungry just being thirsty as me treating him like a child so I just don't try to help him any more but it is hard for me to keep my resolve when he is eating the "wrong" foods around me even when I have asked him not to do so.

    Also I would LOVE to give Celebrity Slim a go but at £40 per week we just can't afford it but thanks for the suggestion
     
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