So, i'm 5ft6.5, size 22 and weighed in at 20 stone on day 1 - the heaviest I have ever been. The worst my weight has been is 19 stone. I am now on day 4. Everyone tells me I carry the weight well and only look about 15 stone. I feel terrible, I wont go out or do anything because I lack so much in confidence and feel so bad. I am supposed to start college in September but I know i wont unless I stick to this and feel better. I feel so awful I only go out except when I really, really have to. I don't even want to be in a relationship or meet anyone right now.
I want to write this, in the hope that it will help me get to my goals, and that it will help even just one person get to where they want to be. I have tried slimming world, weightwatchers, slim fast, tesco light choices and VLCD's before, but always on my own. Although Exante tasted good and was cheaper, personally, for some reason I can't stick to any weight loss thing on my own, I don't know what it is about someone else weighing me and it being recorded that helps me but it just does. My sister did Cambridge in 2009-2010 so I know about it.
I feel like this is my last chance to do this, that if I don't stick to it this time, then I never will. I also feel that if I don't do something now then I could end up like one of those people, stuck in a bed, unable to move, wash or take care of my personal needs. I am 30 years old. Where do we draw that line? I never thought I would get to 20 stone, but I did. The problem is, we don't eat one 'bad' meal and wake up a stone heavier, it just creeps up on us, and suddenly we are somewhere we never thought we would be, and we wish we had done something sooner.
Perhaps I have it easier than most, as I live alone and I don't really have any family or friends so at least I don't have children, boyfriend, friends or people eating around me, or those dreaded special occasions. My plan is to chuck all my food from the cupboards, fridge and freezer, further removing temptation. One of my old bad habits however is ordering through Just Eat website and paying 50p extra to pay by card and I am not sure how I am going to resist that temptation. If I had a really good friend/neighbour I would give my card to them.
Despite only being 30, I really love Fleetwood Mac and as I couldn't get tickets to see them in the UK this year, I managed to get tickets to see them in Paris, in October. I guess that means I probably wont be eating in Paris, will just be taking my shakes etc with me, which will feel terrible but hopefully worth it.
I don't intend to cheat, i'm not saying that anyone else does, my plan being that if I get really hungry/tempted one day I would rather have an extra shake etc than I would rather do that than eat. I may have the odd Coke Zero, but again if that stops me falling off the wagon then I would rather do that. I do smoke at the moment, I want to give up but at the moment losing weight is more important to me.
When I saw my consultant for the first time, she said something that I have never heard before but really struck a chord with me and is one of those things I think will always stay with me. She said, "Think of it like a medicine, you have to take it until you get better." I keep thinking of that and it helps me not to crave those foods I would normally crave.
Day 4: feeling a bit hungry at times and fed up of going to the toilet every 5 minutes, but "the more you drink, the more you shrink". So far I have found that I really don't like chocolate orange or butterscotch flavour shakes. I am having a porridge in the morning, and 2 shakes. My consultant recommended sole source plus, or at least 4 packs a day but so far I have stuck to 3. I want to jump on those scales at my first weigh-in and see a good result. I have faithfully been glugging at least 2.5 litres a day so there is no reason why I shouldn't.
I feel like I have a very long way to go, and wonder if I can get there. I feel like it is going to take forever!!!:cry:
ABOUT ME; DON'T FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE TO READ THIS BIT!
My weight issues have been there since I was a child, not really terrible, just bigger than the other children. I have had far too much personal trauma in my life. My mum (the best mum in the world) died when she was 44 and I was just 22. My father I haven't spoken to since I was 19. He was a violent, abusive alcoholic. My mums' parents died 7 months after my mum when I was 23, within 9 days of each other. My grandad was like the dad I never had. My sister and I aren't close and my brother and I don't talk. So at age 22/23 my whole family was suddenly wiped out.
Maybe this is too long and too much but I feel like I want people to know about me, not just read some meaningless diary, and if I do this, and can do this then other people can really relate on a personal level, and see that even if they have had it really hard they can do it too.
My goals for the future are to maybe become a Cambridge Consultant and a Personal Trainer/Fitness Instructor. I don't gym at the moment, I never can do the gym when I smoke, but a couple of years ago I was hitting the gym for 30 minutes, 6 times a week and I want to get back to that. I feel that if i achieve those goals then I could really inspire and help someone else.
I want to write this, in the hope that it will help me get to my goals, and that it will help even just one person get to where they want to be. I have tried slimming world, weightwatchers, slim fast, tesco light choices and VLCD's before, but always on my own. Although Exante tasted good and was cheaper, personally, for some reason I can't stick to any weight loss thing on my own, I don't know what it is about someone else weighing me and it being recorded that helps me but it just does. My sister did Cambridge in 2009-2010 so I know about it.
I feel like this is my last chance to do this, that if I don't stick to it this time, then I never will. I also feel that if I don't do something now then I could end up like one of those people, stuck in a bed, unable to move, wash or take care of my personal needs. I am 30 years old. Where do we draw that line? I never thought I would get to 20 stone, but I did. The problem is, we don't eat one 'bad' meal and wake up a stone heavier, it just creeps up on us, and suddenly we are somewhere we never thought we would be, and we wish we had done something sooner.
Perhaps I have it easier than most, as I live alone and I don't really have any family or friends so at least I don't have children, boyfriend, friends or people eating around me, or those dreaded special occasions. My plan is to chuck all my food from the cupboards, fridge and freezer, further removing temptation. One of my old bad habits however is ordering through Just Eat website and paying 50p extra to pay by card and I am not sure how I am going to resist that temptation. If I had a really good friend/neighbour I would give my card to them.
Despite only being 30, I really love Fleetwood Mac and as I couldn't get tickets to see them in the UK this year, I managed to get tickets to see them in Paris, in October. I guess that means I probably wont be eating in Paris, will just be taking my shakes etc with me, which will feel terrible but hopefully worth it.
I don't intend to cheat, i'm not saying that anyone else does, my plan being that if I get really hungry/tempted one day I would rather have an extra shake etc than I would rather do that than eat. I may have the odd Coke Zero, but again if that stops me falling off the wagon then I would rather do that. I do smoke at the moment, I want to give up but at the moment losing weight is more important to me.
When I saw my consultant for the first time, she said something that I have never heard before but really struck a chord with me and is one of those things I think will always stay with me. She said, "Think of it like a medicine, you have to take it until you get better." I keep thinking of that and it helps me not to crave those foods I would normally crave.
Day 4: feeling a bit hungry at times and fed up of going to the toilet every 5 minutes, but "the more you drink, the more you shrink". So far I have found that I really don't like chocolate orange or butterscotch flavour shakes. I am having a porridge in the morning, and 2 shakes. My consultant recommended sole source plus, or at least 4 packs a day but so far I have stuck to 3. I want to jump on those scales at my first weigh-in and see a good result. I have faithfully been glugging at least 2.5 litres a day so there is no reason why I shouldn't.
I feel like I have a very long way to go, and wonder if I can get there. I feel like it is going to take forever!!!:cry:
ABOUT ME; DON'T FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE TO READ THIS BIT!
My weight issues have been there since I was a child, not really terrible, just bigger than the other children. I have had far too much personal trauma in my life. My mum (the best mum in the world) died when she was 44 and I was just 22. My father I haven't spoken to since I was 19. He was a violent, abusive alcoholic. My mums' parents died 7 months after my mum when I was 23, within 9 days of each other. My grandad was like the dad I never had. My sister and I aren't close and my brother and I don't talk. So at age 22/23 my whole family was suddenly wiped out.
Maybe this is too long and too much but I feel like I want people to know about me, not just read some meaningless diary, and if I do this, and can do this then other people can really relate on a personal level, and see that even if they have had it really hard they can do it too.
My goals for the future are to maybe become a Cambridge Consultant and a Personal Trainer/Fitness Instructor. I don't gym at the moment, I never can do the gym when I smoke, but a couple of years ago I was hitting the gym for 30 minutes, 6 times a week and I want to get back to that. I feel that if i achieve those goals then I could really inspire and help someone else.
but as my grandmother always said "nothing worth doing is easy". I should be in ketosis but feeling hungry, so not sure. Just trying to push on through and hoping the scales will reflect the fact I have stuck to this 100%. I'm sure when I hit the scales on Thursday evening my motivation will be there!!!
