Childless through choice

Discussion in 'Slimming World Off Topic' started by Geordie Annie, 18 July 2010 Social URL.

  1. Geordie Annie

    Geordie Annie Member

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    Has anyone else felt like this. I seem to be going through a lull at work and with family. Due to the fact that i'm in my late thirties, have never felt maternal, yet I'm constantly being asked if i'm ever going to have a family. Which I feel uncomfortable about.

    Yet feel as though I should have them, cos it is expected and I feel as though there will be something missing in my life if I don't
     
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  3. Toots

    Toots Gold Member

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    Not everyone wants to be a mother or is cut out for it. It's insulting when you get the sympathic head bob "not met the right man yet, Dear?"

    I think it is far more responsible to not want kids and not have them than to have them and neglet them - either physically or emotionally!!

    You may have guessed that I'm sick of the question too!! ;)

    xx
     
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  4. ronniejacobs

    ronniejacobs Gold Member

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    yep i am sick of it, Mark and i have chosen not to have children, but i am always asked why? or told oh you will change your mind if you have some.
     
  5. elizabeth

    elizabeth Silver Member

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    Personally I have a lot of respect for people who actually think about whether they want children, are suited to parenthood etc ... that's being responsible and adult, not strange. But not many people actually think about it, most just do it because 'that's what you do, isn't it'.

    Far better to be thoughtful and make a conscious choice for yourself. Sod what anyone else says. ;)
     
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  6. IanH

    IanH Silver Member

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    i'm single - have been for years - and don't want kids (one of the reasons i remain single) - i spent a few years as a "father figure" to my younger brothers after our father died. i hated it and i hated the way i acted towards them at times (often in the exact same ways that i hated our father acting towards me) - i know i wouldn't make a good father and i'm not going to bring up children in that kind of atmosphere.

    (I have to stress here that i was not abused - just never got on well on many levels)
     
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  7. dudette2001uk

    dudette2001uk I will be a Princess!

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    I can sympathise with you hun. I'm only 25, but seem to get asked a lot whether I'm planning on settling down and having kids. When I tell them I don't want children they seem quite shocked (especially as I'm a teacher!!). I made the decision when I was younger that I didn't want children, but if that changes then so be it. Only you can decide whether you want children or not - it really is no business of anybody else :) Nobody should ever try to make you feel that you should have them, as they're not the ones who'd be looking after them :)

    Sian xxx
     
  8. metrognome

    metrognome is getting better at it

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    i have never wanted children, when all around me where popping them out left right and center.
    i was always made to feel i was wrong not to want any children, then i turned the tables on those that accused me of being a bad person because i didnt want kids i told them i couldnt have any and it was then there turn to feel bad
     
  9. fillymum

    fillymum synful soul

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    WRONG !!!! No one should ever expect you to have children, we are talking living human beings here not something that can be re-homed if the whim doesn't turn out to be quite what you wanted or expected.

    Do you really feel something will be missing from your life or is that how you think you should feel ?? Do you have that maternal yearning ? Do you look at babies and think you would want one ?

    What you do with your life is your business, no one else's.

    I have been married twice. The first time I had my son. The marriage lasted 20 miserable years ( not all were miserable, it just felt like it ) I have never regretted having my son. I love him.

    The second time we have had no children and have now been married 25 years this year. Neither of us has ever felt we needed to have children. In the early days we got all the same questions, "when, why not " etc.etc. The simple answer " because we do not want to ".

    It probably sounds selfish but in our childless marriage all our time and love are devoted to each other.

    Bottom line..........it is the individuals choice

    If you are happy as you are, stay that way, stay happy.

    xxx
     
  10. Devon Dolce

    Devon Dolce 1lb at a time!

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    Don't get me wrong - I adore my nieces and nephews and friend's babies but we just don't want any of our own! OH and I have been togther for 7 years and it's been something we've agreed on from the out-set - no children. Still get the 'oh you'll change your mind', 'when that clock starts ticking' etc. and now I just smile sweetly and don't say anything, much easier that way xxx
     
  11. avisk

    avisk xx

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    I am sorry to have to tell you, from personal experience, that it won't stop until you are obviously too old to have children.

    You just have to put up with it - there is no point explaining. No-one listens.
     
  12. fillymum

    fillymum synful soul

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    You know there are several phrases that really annoy me and I think this one is top of the list.

    It is almost always a joint decision between partners not to have kids......men never have to put up with the crap that is said to women. It is always automatically assumed it is the womans choice.,

    What clock ??? The one that is exclusive to women, you never hear it said to men.

    Your biological clock, now if it was a Rolex or something like that it might be a different matter lol !!
     
  13. honey74

    honey74 The Original Honey!!!

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    I've never wanted children and when I reach my twenties was told that I shouldn't try for them because of my condition (I have cystic fibrosis and back then, pregnancy and children was discouraged...unlike now). It wasn't a big loss for me as I never wanted children and because most people around me know of my condition, I don't get the "oh you'll change your mind and want babies" conversations.

    I supported my sister through her pregnancy and enjoy being an aunty to my niece however, I'm very glad not to have to put my body through that ordeal and also glad that I can enjoy my niece's company and give her back to her mum at the end of the day.

    My only twinge (and it is a minimal twinge) at considering parenthood is when I see my husband being such a great uncle to my niece. Although he knew, with me, it was never an option and accepted that, I think deep down if there was a chance he would have liked to have been a dad.....but a great uncle is the next best thing.

    xxx
     
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  14. pammyd

    pammyd Silver Member

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    Do Not, I repeat, Do Not, have a child because you feel as though you should, or it is expected. I have never had children, yes it was expected, no I never fancied it. It is a purely personal choice. There are way too many people having babies by accident, "falling" pregnant (whats that all about? did they trip over a step and way hay they are pregnant). No one questions when you make a decision to try for a baby, you are wished good luck as you have made an adult decision, why then are you looked at as though you are some sort of freak when you make the decision not too? Oh yes, "ever going to have a family"? I assume from that comment you were hatched ;) or are significant others, parents, grandparents, siblings, cousins no longer family?

    Smile sweetly and ignore them, your decision to have or not have children is entirely between you and your other half and none of their business.
     
  15. bubbalicious

    bubbalicious Silver Member

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    Just wanted to say what a great thread!! :)

    I dont want children but people always use the phrase "you will change your mind" and "you will feel different when you have them".

    I am not going to have a child just because everyone thinks I should and then "have" to love it because its here. I think you should only have kids if you really really want them and you will love them regardless.
     
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  16. *ruby*

    *ruby* Full Member

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    We're childless by choice. When I get the 'biological clock' comments, I simply smile and say that maybe the batteries have run out or that it better tick a bit faster as I'm quickly approaching 40 and sooner rather than later I will no longer have a choice.

    But yes, I does get annoying.

    I have never wanted kids, I haven't got a maternal bone in my body. I don't really like them very much. :eek:

    On a different note though, when I recently went to the nurse for contraception she suggested sterilisation as we have no intention of ever having kids.

    I was a bit :eek:, and I don't know why.......
     
  17. evilpenguin

    evilpenguin Not evil at all

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    Geordie Annie you are definitely not alone! I'm so glad to see I'm not the only one who feels like this too. I have many reasons for not wanting kids, but usually when people say "you'll change your mind" or whatever, I just ignore them because as avisk said - they will not listen! I think people with kids are jealous of people without them, and trying to convince us that we want them is their way of feeling better about it. Well the people I know who say it definitely give me that impression!

    Don't get me wrong I know loads of parents who adore their kids but they say things like "will be glad when the holidays are over and they're back at school" all the time, like they have kids then think "right when can we get rid of them"! I don't want to have kids and then resent them.
     
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  19. Leapfrog

    Leapfrog Champion actifryer

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    I too am child free. I don't like the word "childless" as it seems to infer there's something missing - think hairless, sexless, errr.... weightless ;) - and there's nothing missing from my life. I have to confess to not really liking children that much as I don't like their selfishness - all that matters in their world is them until they are old enough and aware enough to have a social conscience.

    That said, I love my cats and they're not exactly selfless :D
     
  20. Mrs V

    Mrs V Loves Life!

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    I am shocked to read that so many of you are getting those kinds of questions thrown back at you when you have already said you dont want kids.
    If you decide not to have children, then thats your decision and not anyone elses and you should NEVER feel pressurised into conforming to "the norm"...in actual fact I know several couples that have decided not to have children and I dont see what the problem is.
    Me and Hubby discussed this before we had our first. Where my Brother and his Wife were constantly pregnant (or so it seemed) and now cannot afford anything and are struggling, we waited until we could. We are now in a position where we are talking about trying for another - I dont want anymore than 2 children, but thats our choise.
     
  21. mumtheshopper

    mumtheshopper Silver Member

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    Well, eveilpenguin, I am one woman with 2 children, who is definitely not jealous of those without, can't wait for the holidays, and dread them ending, and dread them growing up!! However, we are all different! It is rude to keep asking women this question. I was 31 when I ahd my eldest, so completely understand, and have been throught hese questions. It is so personal.

    I have to say though the interrogaion never end! The minute I had a daughter the questions started on when I was going to have another. The minute I had my 2nd daughter I got the 'oh well, the next one will be a boy, you gonna start trying again soon?'

    Do what you wantt o do, and just politely smile at those that aske their personal questions. Remember though, some people are just more open than others and won't see them as personal at all
     
  22. Geordie Annie

    Geordie Annie Member

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    Thank you all for your support. I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels like this after all.
     
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