coffee time :) alot to catch up on lol

Discussion in 'Cambridge Weight Plan' started by amethyst, 12 June 2008 Social URL.

  1. amethyst

    amethyst Banned

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    :DEFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY:

    Company Policy: Effective from June, 2008

    Dress Code

    It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. if you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

    Sick Days

    We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

    Personal Days

    Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.

    Bereavement Leave

    This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

    Toilet Use

    Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.

    Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

    Lunch Break

    Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink their shakes. (runs)
     
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  3. donnamarie2uk

    donnamarie2uk Full Member

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    lol these are brill
     
  4. karenO

    karenO Step away from the chips!

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    lol lol :D
     
  5. Emma_2008

    Emma_2008 Gold Member

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    Thanks for these, they are brilliant lol. Forwarded them onto my mates at work who could probably relate to those ;)
     
  6. Nat

    Nat Full Member

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    i reckon they are my company's rules!!!!
     
  7. slaterslady

    slaterslady Silver Member

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    lol very funny xx
     
  8. amethyst

    amethyst Banned

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    print them out stick it on the board or the front door!! see how many people actually believe it!! :D
     
  9. misscheeky

    misscheeky Gold Member

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    brill!! love them
     
  10. elle2585

    elle2585 8 t whole wheel of cheese

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    the eating less and eating healthier one!
    hehe...funny
     
  11. silvercb67

    silvercb67 Full Member

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    2FuNnY!
     
  12. Sez

    Sez has started again!!

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    oh I HAVE missed these gems!!!!!

    love it!!!
    xx
     
  13. Delli

    Delli Talks too much

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    brillant!!
     
  14. getting there!

    getting there! Full Member

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    Dukan... let's see!!
    Welcome to the nhs!!! my boss would think they were too soft!!!
     
  15. Yuna

    Yuna Let’s do this!! d(*.*)b

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    Love it :D:D:D
     
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